A/N I SWEAR THERE'S AN INCREASE IN PEOPLE COMMENTING AND I LOVE IT. It gives me insight into what you're thinking about what I'm writing and if I'm communicating the ideas in my head well enough. MOREOVER, because of the comments, I've been inspired to give you insight now into someone else's head who I know deserves a little bit of a personal spotlight. SO THANK YOU AND HERE IS A XMAS EVE PRESENT FROM ME! -r 

Kai's POV

"You know," I drawled, my head spinning a little as I leaned back, "I fcking hate his blonde hair."

Chanyeol groaned beside me, his eyebags setting in as the night slowly transcended into day but I kept drinking, unwilling to let the glass stay empty. 

"I loved his black hair."
"I know. You've told me a ton of times."
"No no, I love his black hair."

I thought back to the first time we met, the first time I was captivated by him.
It was during the freshmen party.

I was in the toilets, puking my lungs out by 1 am, my head over the bowl and knees hitting the dirty floors. Chanyeol was passed out in the hallway and everyone else was too busy making good first impressions to pay attention to a new kid feeling sick from his first heavy drinking experience.

Well. Everyone except  him. 

Maybe it was the lack of sobriety but when he patted my back and handed me a new packet of tissues, I felt my knees weaken at his beautiful face.

He wasn't smiling or even talking. He just waited till I finished embarrassing myself, helped me wash my face and even called a taxi for Chanyeol and I to go home in.

He probably doesn't remember, but that encounter left me curious in the morning after.

Then we met again in one of our electives. He was sitting in the front, walked past me without glancing back as he followed that brown-haired midget around. I tried getting his attention by laughing or talking too loud, but all he did was plug in his earphones. 

We met again after that. Actually, I made the meeting happen. I heard that Baekhyun was going to Jongdae's party (and I told Jongdae to invite Baekhyun), which meant that there was a chance he would come. 

And there, in a room full of people with dyed hair or spiked hair, an expressionless, black-haired boy walked in a little earlier than most people. Before him, I was never attracted to the same-, and I didn't have to work hard to get anyone's attention; but there I was, fidgeting beside him as we both waited for our drinks. 

He ordered a lemonade. I ordered a beer. 

"What, you don't drink?" Fck. Months after waiting to talk to him, I open my big mouth with this bull. 
"I do," he smirked a little, his bangs moved slightly as he tilted his head closer, " there's vodka in this."

Then he pushed the straw in his drink towards me, clueless to how this small act of friendliness was going to start a chain of regretful reactions. 

"Kai, why are you trying so hard to hate him?" Chanyeol rubbed his face, his eyes glossy with fatigue. I knew he was tired, both with his schoolwork and my constant need of friendship.

I didn't respond to him, only filled my glass with a shaky hand and texted Eubin to ask if she was awake. 

"You either let him go or you manage your better."
"I am managing."
"Really? That's not how it looks to me." He pulled my phone from my hand, a text from Eubin sitting on top of my screensaver of him, a picture I took in secret when he was sleeping in my arms. 

I didn't even fight it, Chanyeol found out about us long ago.

Wait.

There never was an us. That's what he said.

I laughed out loud, cackling as I remembered his back walking away from me and the fact that he was the one to say it. 

"What the f- why are you laughing?"

I couldn't stop the sounds coming from my mouth. He was the one who wanted something more when I wasn't ready. He was the one who said yes when I asked to kiss him. To fck him. To make love to him. He was the one who said 'yes' and now he says there never was an us.

"Kai, are you alright? You're crying."

What? I was crying? Me? 
The guy who kept leaving him alone in our room despite knowing well that he was probably crying in there himself? 

"Chanyeol," I mumbled, saliva leaving unintentionally, "I miss him so much."
"I know."
"I miss him so fcking much!"

He didn't respond, instead, he poured himself a drink before pouring my own.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I saw him in my dreams, and told him everything I wanted to tell him in real life.

What do you guys think? While it doesn't really reveal why Kai is the way he is, I wanted to show you a different side of him.

Also. Thingsmightonlygodownhillfromheresopleasestaywithmeandnothateme