Kai didn't stop me and I was grateful for that, at least I knew that a part of him, big or small, didn't want to hurt me.

Baekhyun and I were clearing the tables while Xiumin made orders. The smell of coffee beans and hot milk didn't match Baekhyun's fuming self.

"So he decides that right when you're about to walk out, he wants to tell you something? What the fck? What was all that time before for? Sleeping around!?"

He hadn't stopped talking since we left my old room, finally asking me to fill him in on the blanks of the relationship between Kai and I. I thought that when I'd tell him, it would take hours and I would be crying or he would be crying or we'd be crying together. Instead, it only took a few sentences and screenshots.

Nevertheless, I didn't expect my best friend to be shaking with anger, yelling profanities and tearing up as I admitted lying about colouring my hair. 

"Sehun," he said as he put his apron away, taking a seat in the break room: "How did you actually meet?" 

"What, you don't drink?"

Those were the first words I heard from him, dressed in a loose dress shirt and black ripped jeans, I could see a soft peaking of his collarbones underneath his rough way of speaking. 

"I do," I remember humming back, already tipsy from the other drinks I had, "there's vodka in this."

Maybe it was the alcohol or my sudden attraction to him, I pushed the straw of my drink towards his lips, unsure of whether he'd accept it.

He did. 

He sipped it then cringed, something about it being 'too sweet' before he rinsed his mouth with beer. But then he leaned closer, wrapping his mouth around the straw again and sipping it, then rinsing his mouth once more. And again and again. Until my glass was empty. 

With his last sip of my drink, he grinned, "So can I buy you a drink now?"
"That was unnecessarily cheesy."

He shrugged but I laughed, telling him that I already had too many drinks. So he asked me if I wanted to sit with him, while he continues to drink.

I didn't mind.

And we did just that, small talk on the corner of the room, away from the crowds. He made me laugh enough times to know that he already had me around his little finger, slowly falling for his charms and pretending to not notice how he shifted closer to me and how his hand was now holding mine. 

Two guys, hand in hand, giggling as we exchanged stories but also exchanged numbers. It was a sight to see, this boy with a Hollywood presence and looks, locking fingers with a simple boy like me. He looked red-carpet ready while I was wearing clothes my mother bought me for Christmas.  

"Are you always this friendly, Kai?"
"Only with the ones I like."

I should have taken that as a red flag because I soon learned that Kai liked everyone and everyone liked Kai. 

Since we went to the same school, we met up for lunch or coffees. 
We moved in together in his dorm since I needed a new room and he 'wanted' a new roommate.
And soon enough, we joined our two single beds and he asked if he could kiss me. Oddly romantic for two nineteen-year-olds, but I loved every moment. 

We started kissing a lot, but then he taught me other things we could do in bed and casually we became addicted to each other. Always craving each other's skin and affection, crashing onto the beds after classes or having breakfast in bed before classes; always in each other's arms.

It was a bliss, like ignorance, it was too good to be good for long. 

I remember asking him why I couldn't meet him on campus anymore, or why he didn't introduce his friends when we met in the hallway or why he pretended not to see me when I walked past him. Why was he always around girls who obviously liked him and why did he let them hold him like I did, but outside our room. Why did he let her hug him and then tell her friends that they 'did it'. Did what? Did what we did? Do what we do?

Slowly, our little castle was crumbling and I felt suffocated by how I couldn't embrace him outside of our shared room. 

So I tried to push him to tell me what he thought of us; a couple of lovers or a couple of idiots just fcking around. 

"Jongin, you know that if I can't satisfy you, then you can do it with someone else."

I wetted my lips, nervous to his quietness. He stared at me blankly and I somewhat wished he hadn't heard me but he did, I could tell by the way looked at me. 

Hurt and confused. Or maybe that's what I wanted to see because he only shrugged and told me 'okay'. 

"So you'd do it with other people?"
"Sure."
"Jongin," my voice was weak, like a broken record that hadn't stopped playing, "am I also just 'other people' to you?"

He rolled his eyes, getting up from the bed to get a glass of water. 

A few days later, I saw him making out with someone. Then another day, another girl. A different day, a different partner. 

I stopped asking him where he went the night before, and he never answered my question. 

So my brother restored my laptop and my storylines went shwoop. 
I'll upload a short chapter to wrap up and a few more lingerings on the past of sekai.
How were your xmas and new years? Did you treat yourselves to some gifts and fireworks? x