What a dream… Seungri had always thought. What had he done in his past life for heaven to be this loving to him? Seungri wondered as he had a hard time suppressing his smile. The night must have been so dark for the stars were there inside Seungri’s eyes. The TV and the drama it played turned pale compared to the man sitting beside him. Seungri couldn’t take his eyes off of him. His heart was in his eyes.

“Wh—what?” Jiyong asked. His eyes were shyly gazing up to meet Seungri’s. They were sitting next to each other; literally. There was no something inches between them; none.

Seungri only watched in silent, “Nothing.” He smiled as he whipped up. He soon came back with two flutes of red wine. He handed one to Jiyong. “You’ve worked hard holding onto your promise, haven’t you?” He asked, taking his seat.

He closed his eyes and savored the taste of the wine. It was new yet it already tasted so sweet. Seunghyun would have liked it.

“Y--yeah…” the leader answered in a faint manner. He also chugged down the red liquid; let it washed down his throat a little bit too fast to even have time savoring it. He had always hated staying near Seungri whenever the latter drank. He thought, he noticed too much and it tortured him to ignore that very thought. But, he had to manage! He distracted himself with the drama.

“I can’t believe it’s been two weeks since that night you cried.” Seungri chuckled. “And tomorrow, we’ll see the doctor again.” He sighed, stretching his arms and trying to flex his stiff muscles. They’d been watching and lazing around the whole night. “I thought, time will pass so slow here, comes out it doesn’t.” His eyes were on the clock across their seat.

Jiyong didn’t comment at the younger’s words. The words made him wonder how two weeks had passed by so quickly. He didn’t even realize it; he was too focused on battling himself to face Seungri. The weeks passed by so dynamically he felt like he was being rocked in a small boat on the raging sea. Storm, typhoon, cyclone, be it. He had been baring himself and walking down the thin thread. A though battle it was as he kept on taking a sneak here and a peek there.

Every day he was hit by abundant series of emotion it drove him almost crazy if it was only not for Seungri staying beside him. Yet he also couldn’t deny that the latter was more often than not turned into the initiator that stirred his emotion. The younger himself was the rain that gave him hope and the rain that stirred him into a storm. Seungri messed him up and at the same time saved h—

“Hyung? What are thinking?” Seungri’s face suddenly popped in front of Jiyong’s. His nose was so close to his they almost touched. His gaze was so deep and intense. Jiyong instantly jerked up. His eyes bulged out threatening to fall off its sockets. His face red like a tomato as he felt heat rushing up into his cheeks; Seungri’s scent filled his respiration.

He started stuttering, “W-wha-s-Seungri?” His body went paralyzed. He’d been thinking about Seungri.

“You’re lost.” The younger giggled. “I think it’s time for bed already,” he remarked. “I’m going first.” He announced as he proceeded toward his room. Jiyong didn’t give him any response but escorted him with his gaze.

The elder had his heart drumming. It was; so fast.  It caught him lost his breath. The loud TV’s voices seemed to be robbed from the house and be replaced by the sound of his drumming beats. Jiyong hated it when the thought started to roll in. Why did it beat?! It was Seungri!

Oh God… His system was in error mode again. Oh my god, dear heart; it was his brother… Just, stop! He inwardly screamed his prayer. His heart shouldn’t and wouldn’t be beating for his brother, would it? Please, no… he clenched his own chest. He couldn’t love Seungri! It tortured him so much. He fell onto the floor. ‘This was just a thought’ he tried cursing the chant to himself. ‘It was just a thought!’ He pleaded for the words to trick his mind, yet he couldn’t.

H—he needed assurance; RIGHT NOW IN THIS SECOND!!

the promise! He unclenched his hands; his fingers trembled like crazy. He reached for his collar. Jiyong; didn’t want this. He wanted to get well, yet his mind didn’t want to cooperate. He winced.

Jiyong’s head was about to explode. Thousands of thought seemed as if they were dumped right inside it, haunted him like nothing else. BIGBANG’s future, his parents, Seungri, fans, his future, his promise, Seungri, everything lied in front of his eyes. He felt like screaming. He snatched his necklace, opening the locket and got his breath hitched.

The moment he saw what’s inside, he exhaled a huge roll of air. His breath slowly steadied as he held the locket close to his heart. Nothing was to be worried; he truly was straight. His respiratory instantly slowed down and fell to its regular pace, so did his heart. His every cells and veins were unclogged as he slowly fell in comfort. He rested his back on to the couch, his legs on the carpet as he sat on the floor. His locket was clutched tightly on top of his chest as he imprinted what he saw in his mind; tensing it down. Jiyong’s finally breathed properly. There’s nothing to worry…

He got himself assured.

Seungri dare not moved. His throat was clogged without him noticing. He had only thought of going out; grab a glass of water when he witnessed all Jiyong’s doing. Even his breath dare not made a sound. His brain instantly geared up. Looking at his locket was it? His brows creased.

What was in there? Seungri questioned. What was inside that the leader could calm down just by seeing it? He really wanted to know, but his feet declined to move. Jiyong still had his brows furrowed; as if he was still in a phase of debating. So, Seungri was afraid he would be pushed back again.

Thus, he stood on his spot; observing the leader from afar like he did months back. Jiyong still seemed so small and powerless. It made him ached to hold the leader in his arms. So, his feet just naturally escoreted him, stopping a merely an arm away before he crouched down to the now sleeping Jiyong.

He leant forward. He didn’t know what had possessed him, but when Seungri’s hands were perching on Jiyong’s neck.  The latter was still deep in slumber…

Or, maybe not…

Jiyong groaned and Seungri was suddenly slammed into reality. He tumbled backward, gasping in disbelief. What had he thought? W—was he just about to invade Jiyong’s personal space?! No, he couldn’t.

---

He woke up the next day to Jiyong who was having toast for breakfast. The latter was sitting in front of the TV while laughing his heart out to whatever joke the cartoon served him. Seungri went to the dining room and found Jiyong had prepared his part. He took his to Jiyong’s side watched the cartoon together.

“This is good, you didn’t burn it,” he broke the silence. Jiyong only gave him a glance, not bothering to give him any response. Seungri didn’t take it harsh. A single glance had already meant a lot to him. “Do you have any plan before the consultation?”

Jiyong shook his head.

Seungri nodded at the given answer. “Should we, stroll around the market? People said there’s fresh market on the main street.”

It took sometimes before the elder nodded.

“Great.” Seungri smiled as he stood up and tidied all the emptied plates and mugs. He brought them to the kitchen and washed them before walking to his room again. “I’ll take shower first. You should too, Hyung!” he suggested.

Jiyong only stared at the closed door. When Seungri came back out; hopping cheerfully toward the bathroom, Jiyong let their gaze met.  The younger chuckled and it was contagious; the promise he’d broken last night vaporized just like that. He chuckled as his eyes caught the sky outside their window; it was clear and beautiful. He bounced to his room.

Once Jiyong entered the shower, Seungri grew restless in Jiyong’s room. His hands sweated a bucket and he wouldn’t stop pacing around. He was about to invade Jiyong’s personal space.  After thinking about it the whole night, Seungri decided he couldn’t kill his curiosity. His head used the doctor’s request to justify his action and his curiosity rang like a siren in his ears. At last, he abandoned his conscience and reached for the locket. He opened it…

The world came crashing down on him.

It’s a photo of Jiyong and Kiko.

WHY DID IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE HER AGAIN?!!

Seungri slammed the locket down to the floor. Why was it always Kiko who Jiyong searched?! What had he been here for?! The blood in his vein boiled in rage. Did everything he’d fought for mean nothing to Jiyong against Kiko who did nothing? Why couldn’t he ever beat her?! Was it just because he wasn’t a girl?! Seungri really couldn’t believe it.

He turned around, and how amusing it was for the very first thing he saw just had to be Jiyong! A very bewildered Jiyong. But, Seungri was just too angered to arrange his mind. He brushed through the elder, ignoring his calls and ‘why’s. He was literally fuming and it left Jiyong clueless.

The latter could only stare at his scattered locket. His lungs shriveled as he tidied his scattered locket; what was happening? They had just been great…

 He picked up his photo. 

---

Jiyong might have regretted his request of Seungri’s presence. The younger was so intimidating his legs couldn’t stop shaking. His eyes couldn’t stop blinking and hands sweated too much to his liking. The room’s atmosphere was weird and its silence made it felt like a dead room instead of a consultation room. No one said a word until the doctor distributed a cup of tea for each three of them. Jiyong didn’t know how to react to that. He only took the cup into his hands.

 “Seems like there’s something thrilling,” The doctor commented, sipping his tea as he did. “Mr. Lee, I’m sorry for being rude, but could you enjoy your tea outside? I think I’d like to talk four-eye with Mr. Kwon just for this session.” He narrated.

It surprised Jiyong a little of how fast the younger reacted and closed the door.He then exhaled the breath he never knew he was holding. His eyes hadn’t landed on the doctor’s.

“Okay, let’s start, Mr. Kwon.” The doctor quickly whipped Jiyong’s attention to him. “First of all, let’s check how good you’ve implement my recommendation throughout the last weeks. Tell me; how often had you had your thought and how good had you been dealing with them?”

Jiyong thought for a moment, “Qu—quite a lot and pretty good, I guess.”

“Well, be more precise on that, Mr. Kwon.”

“I—I never validated. The thoughts; they came when S—seungri did the unexpected. But, I’ve tried not to think too much.” He gulped at the last confession.

The doctor didn’t pushed further. “That’s great to hear, Mr. Kwon. Next on, I would like you to continue doing it. You’ve done great,” He complimented.

Jiyong nodded. He was preparing to stand up when the doctor stopped him.

 “I’m not done yet, Mr. Kwon. Have your tea, please.” He gestured. “Let’s talk on something lighter.”

Jiyong was too nervous he chugged down the whole mug.

“I’m glad you like the tea.” Okay, here came the smile Jiyong hated. “Now, Mr. Kwon, I want us to exchange our view regarding things I’ll ask. I hope u can be honest in this talk. Will you do it for me, Mr. Kwon?”

Jiyong nodded.

“Wonderful. I’m pretty aware you come from Korea and just came here. My question is; how often have you strolled around here? Have you may be; seen some same couples here?”

Jiyong shook his head.

“Hmm, okay. Then, what do you think about them if you see one?”

The question choked Jiyong. “wh—what I think? I—“he paused. “I don’t know.” He played with his fingers, shoulders a little bit drooping.

The doctor only nodded, clicking his fingers as he did, “Let me change my question, then. Why are you so afraid if you’re gay, Mr. Kwon?”

“I don’t want to tarnish my group’s name and all the other people who’ll be disappointed if I am. I don’t want to lose anything,” He confessed. At this, Jiyong suddenly felt small; hearing that reason rolled out his tongue sounded so selfish. He’d never once considered it. Now, the doctor would find him selfish. He hung his head low.

“So, I guess the problem doesn’t lie on the relationship but it is on the response from outsider. Correct?”

Jiyong pondered on it for a moment before nodded his agreement. This time, his fingers stopped fidgeting and his chin was raised up. The light in his eyes came back as he leant a little bit forward. His curiosity started to tickle after the doctor’s positive response; something out of what he’d always expected.

“Now, set that aside, have you ever thought of exploring what is within yourself, Mr. Kwon? We’re here today, totally aware that you’ve doubted yourself of being gay. Now, what part of yourself that make you raise that doubt? Is that your reaction? Your comfort or what?” the doctor paused, giving Jiyong space to digest his words. The latter did.

The doctor smile again, “I believe you’ve never indulged in these emotions or responses your body made. You must have thought of other first before yourself, right, Mr. Kwon? Well, in this I’ll give you the credit; you’re a good man, Mr. Kwon. But, what we have to underline in here is that the fact you doubt yourself because of them; which mean you’re pretty aware of them being the indicators of love. Now, what do you think of love, Mr. Kwon?”

“Accepting, caring, hugs and kisses, butterflies, and home.”

“Good. Notice something’s missing?” At this question, the edge of the doctor’s lips curled up. It curled just like Seungri’s whenever the younger finished writing lyrics faster than him; a really arrogant, satisfied, and mischievous smirk.

Jiyong quickly shook his head, “No.”

“I’ll tell you; there’s no gender in your answer.” Shoot; he could see him in the doctor. Jiyong shouldn’t think of him.

“D—do I have to say one?”

“No, of course not, Mr. Kwon, because that’s what love is; it’s genderless. Got it now? As long as it is love, it is love and it’s a fact; if you want to hear the good news.”

“But—“

The doctor cut him off.

“Here, Mr. Kwon, your homework for our next consultation; I want you to go out more and watch how other couples interact. Preferably, the same couple. Next, I want you to explore your feeling. Now, I believe you got the most reactions whenever you’re with Mr. Lee. I need you to explore that feeling while setting aside your thoughts of how other will view you. Also; from my point of view, I think you have enough faith in him, thus I’m confident you can do it as long as you’re with him. Are they too much?”

Jiyong was statued.

“Good, they’re not. And, lastly; continue on practicing labeling thoughts as mere thoughts. I’ll be looking forward to seeing you in our next session, Mr. Kwon.” The doctor stood up and Jiyong followed suit. Before he said anything, the doctor had cut him. “I’ll talk to Mr. Lee next time when his emotion has cooled down.” With that, Jiyong was sent outside. The latter had no much chance to speak.

“Good luck, Mr Kwon.”

Jiyong left the room though for the first time he didn’t feel like leaving

---

Hey, Guys, I'm sorry for taking soooo long :'(( And I'm sorry that I'm notifying you that I'll update slower from this chapter onward. School is a little bit hectic, but I promise to slip in as much time as I can to write this story. Writer's block was also not helping now that the chapter has reached the 23rd :'(( 

Anyway, please do comment if you feel something is wrong about the plot; your comments will help me a lot and I'd love to hear them! XD Also, thanks for sparing some of your time to read my story. Feel free to point out my mistakes or leave some requests. I love y'alll <33