Yesterday, he spent all day on a visit back home. Cheolie was definitely growing older and some parts of its hair, coat, and tail started turning dull grey. Its eyes still shone vigorously although you could tell they had lost some sparkles. Instead of exploring the woods, it now preferred to just trot around the yard and nowhere farther.

Mother Ryu, on the other hand, was doing fine. Being her old self, she made him sit with her for hours listening to her telling one after another of their childhood stories that never got old, really. Some were embarrassing, some absolutely brought tears to his eyes, some were just…there as memories. No matter what it might be, they were all precious and worth remembered.

And to be honest, he missed it too; he missed her warmth that was unlike other; he missed this laidback, homey feeling he couldn’t find anywhere else; he missed their good old days. Good old days...huh? Did that mean these days were not as good? Not really, it was just that lately everyone had been engaged with their own lives, had their own ways to go, their own dreams to pursuit. Yes, they were unquestioningly orphans, but that fact neither embarrassed them nor stopped them from doing so – at the very most, it used to. He himself becoming a doctor was a straight proof of that. Most importantly, why would they be self-conscious when it wasn’t – and would never be – their faults that they called a church, a hospital, or wherever as their home? The adults were the ones who should be ashamed, humiliated even.

He then asked her if she ever felt deserted or lonely because they were gone one by one. Pointing into the green backyard, she smiled and said she was never alone. Just then, almost half a hundred of sisters and brothers, nuns and priests – some of which he had heard about – appeared before his eyes. That night’s sleep was the most undisturbed he had ever had. He was able to leave with his mind at peace the next morning too.

His next destination was unplanned yet really familiar. Even so, he needed a few moments to make out why he was there, all the while he took a brief tour around the place. It was a considerably huge mansion in Seoul – that of a loaded family or high social class. So shouldn’t it raise a question why in the world he happened to be familiar with a place like this? But if you were born a son of the household’s servant, that was another story.

Though hidden in the deepest part of his head, they were able to find way out to present themselves again: him laughing at another boy while wiping the excessive ice-cream from a side of his mouth, them together trying to untangle the bright orange kite’s rope but ending up entangling it even more, them splashing water fearlessly in a tub in one scorching afternoon of August, them lying side by side under the shade of the same tree from out bicycling all day. Then there was the flip side of it: him being scolded because he had drew stuff on the other’s face, him being hit because the other boy got a fever from being out too long, him being grounded because that other boy fell from his bike and injured his knee, him being given a cold look just because that other boy chose him over his mother; all was done by the same woman, the very same one.

Was he happy the day he got to get out of that nightmare? Well, should he? It was like jumping out of a frying pan into the fire. Getting away from two thick guys, who were way taller than you, one carrying a gun, another carrying a dagger, from black market, was far from easy. If he hadn’t been lucky that God pitied him and sent Father Jang out to save his poor soul, he would’ve been long dead.

Okay, that was enough for the dark stuff. He then wondered where to go next and something sparked a brilliant answer to him – someone’s voice to be exact. So he followed the voice he found too familiar and ended up at some hospital building in a massive campus – had to admit he almost got on the wrong floor, but he got there nonetheless. Although he was listening from across the hall, he could hear what the voice was saying – or rather arguing – pretty clearly.

……

If his kidney doesn’t start over again, soon he’ll have to have…

Transplant. Like I did.

Then why didn’t you say anything?

Were you trying to hide it?

Because even if he..dies,

It won’t bother you one bit.

You’ll still get all the fame and honor from saving her anyway.

People’s lives are nothing to you if their money isn’t to your liking?

What type of doctors are you…all of you?

But they are trying to save him.

…Are they though?

…

It’s not my fault.

It’s not his fault.

It’s not even their fault.

Then whose fault is this?

Maybe no one’s fault?

It just…happened.

Is this really how it’s gonna end?

Save one to lose another.

No,

It’s not even certain the saved one will live.

You know better than anyone that I can’t give what’s yours back,

Even if I do want to.

So why are you doing this?

Is this really what you want,

Having me living in guilt I can’t help but bear for the rest of my life?

…If not,

Come back to me like I did to you.

I beg you.

Please,

Come..back..

T..o…

……

…..

…

..

A steady beeping sound was becoming audible in his ears. There was also rustling noises and other different tones talking. He could feel the numbness like when you sat still in a pose for too long and really, really needed to shift. Feeling his warm breath perfectly, he was more than curious to know what was going on, but lifting his eyelids up even just a millimeter felt like lifting a 100kg dumbbell. He then switched lane to rely on his fingers, but that didn’t quite work either. Before he could try out his voice, fortunately, someone took a notice on his awkward moves – or at least he thought so.

“O..pp.”

Huh? His lazy eyelids decided to cooperate at this time. And the first thing he saw was…the brightest light he had ever seen in a while he started blinking rapidly.

“Cheol oppa, you’re awake?”

Who’s that? “Hm..m, w..h?”

Before he knew it, a glass of water was before him from which he gulped down quickly to find out that his throat was too dry to project. Most of his senses came back to their normal tasks by the time he made out the room was rather dark and who the person before him was.

“Jin..nahyah?”

“Thank God.” Jinah mumbled to herself, bringing the glass back at its original place before sitting back down beside the bed again. “How are you feeling? Any pain?”

Seungcheol shook his head lightly as an answer, staring out the window. “It’s dark already?”

“Hmm… They wanted to watch you until you’re up. Not until I lied they’d be sent home if they were gonna troublesome that they gave in and went to bed.” She gestured to four knocked out souls, two on a couch, the others on the extra bed. “Sooyoung must be tired. She watched you alone for two solid days since she never really goes to school anyway, so I told her to rest too.”

Seungcheol looked around the room. Him tugged in a bed in some patient ward didn’t surprise him as much as why he was put on breathing mask – the reason he could unpleasantly feel his breath – did. Seungcheol spoke with his still slightly cracked voice, “Wh–at happened? Why are you all here?”

“Our big bro is in this awful state, of course, we’re supposed to be here.”

“What do you mean by awful?”

She tilted her head a little. “You were put on dialysis because your kidney stopped working during-”

“What?! I was in shock?” He became nothing but more confused.

Jinah looked as if she were about to scold him for being loud but stopped herself for the fact that he was a patient that just woke up. “…You had a heart attack too. Everyone went crazy hearing that.”

“Are you sure the doctors did say all these or you’re making it up?”

Offended, the girl immediately frowned, her voice one octave higher, ten tempos faster. “Excuse me? If you didn’t remember what happened, that’s one thing and that’s really fine. But accusing the one that was telling your clueless self the truth of lying?”

“Okay, I’m sorry – geez. I just thought it was too impossible to have happened to me, so I was being a jerk.”

“At least you know it.”

A proud smile blossomed again on his lips. “Of course, a person like me-”

“That you were being a jerk.”

The smile was gone as fast as it came. “Shut up.”

“Jerk.” It was the younger’s turn to put on that vicious, victorious smirk.

“…” Why did he feel like having a headache all of a sudden?

“Oh, I’ll go let the nurse know. Be right back.”

His rapid, immediate head shake held her in position. “Look at the time. It’s okay, they’ll come tomorrow anyway.”

“But-”

“Listen to a doctor.”

He just wanted to assure her, not to sound cocky. But it seemed the girl took it that way, to annoy him or for whatever stupid reason she came up with, as she grumbled “Who is also a bedridden patient. How ironic.”

“Just go to sleep, you’re giving me headache.” Seungcheol raised his hand in defeat and flipped his back to her.

“Fine.” She didn’t have to be told twice. “‘Night.”

“‘Night.” The older sighed as the room fell still and cold, his mind running around.

I sure have such weird dreams lately if all that was real.

It was Han, no doubt. But why and how-

“Oppa.” Jinah called softly from the floor.

“What?” Seungcheol responded too quickly and too annoyingly he felt bad because the girl’s voice went even quieter.

“What would you say if I said there were guards outside?”

The older needed some time to make any sense out of the question, “…I’d say you should find a more appropriate time to work on your jokes – which I never knew you were interested in – and go to sleep.” The older even exaggerated a chuckle afterward, earning a ‘pfft’ from Jinah who was the one turning her back this time.

-

“Hyunggggg!” Seungkwan half-shout-half-cried while trying to get on the bed – being dragged down later by Sooyoung because he was no longer a four-year-old boy anymore. Of course, it wouldn’t be Seungkwan if he gave up so easily though, “You’re aliveeeee!”

“Yeah, yeah, hyung’s still alive,” hearing that first thing in the morning had the patient put his finger in his ear due to excessive decibel. “You guys shouldn’t have come. It’s not a big-”

“Seriously, is that all you could come up with for our effort of getting here?” Seokmin was becoming fourteen this year but could still sound like a baby.

He felt bad for saying so but didn’t want to be less than honest. “…I’m worried because of scho-”

“No, we came right after school yesterday!” Sofia, being an underweighted ten years old, was the only one allowed on the bed, “although we pleaded to come since Wednesday, but Jisoo hyung said no.”

“Wh-”

Seokmin announced happily before Seungcheol could even begin his sentence. “And not today! Because today’s Saturday!”

“It’s Saturday already?” At least he succeeded on the second try.

Seungkwan huffed. “Hmmf! Do you know how worried you made us by sleeping for four days?!”

“It’s actually three, I woke up last night.” Seungcheol corrected. His head was now spinning, having to turn back and forth just to have one conversation. “How much did the bus tickets cost? – Can you find my wallet? I think I’ve got some-”

“Oppa, this is not time to care about others. Look at yourself.” Sooyoung was slowly losing her sanity over her brother(s) but still said patiently.

“It’s okay not to be the perfect caring brother all the time,” Jinah, who stood a little away from the rest, nodded without any enthusiasm, adding with a shrug, “Myungho oppa drove us here, though now he’s nowhere to be found again.”

“I didn’t know he had a car?” That was news to Seungcheol, who raised his brow.

“Well, what do you have a rich boyfriend for?” Seokmin cut in with a sharp remark. He then turned to giggle goofily with Seungkwan.

“Yeah, yesterday he drove this huge car. It was so great and comfortable!” Sofia who didn’t look like she understood the brothers’ laugh even agreed with them, demonstrating how big the car was with her arms open wide.

“Oh, really? This big?” Seungcheol imitated the open arms, scooping the girl in and tickling her. That earned him laughs not only from Sofia but everybody in the room. “You said Jisoo wouldn’t let you come until yesterday. Where is he now?”

“It wasn’t easy for him to get out. Even so, he got to stay only few hours before having to go back again. Seminary rules, you know.” Sooyoung wasn’t too happy explaining.

“Just him doing well is enough.” Seungcheol nodded. Jisoo was preparing to be ordained next year. It had been his dream to become a priest like Father Jang and help unfortunate children since he was maybe eighteen. If he kept it up, anything could hardly go wrong.

Everyone unplannedly decided to fall silent at the same time. It chanced Seungcheol to notice something colorful on the table at one corner of the room. He pointed straight at the fancy-looking vases, “See? You guys even brought flowers. Though am