My eyes are focused on the wood in front of me as i take a deep breathe. This is it.

Knock knock

I hear nothing from the inside, maybe she's not home…

Wait, where else would she be?

Knock knock

"Dahyun, it's me" I say pathetically.

Still nothing

I knock again and again, ever so often adding in a few pitiful words. After every silence I have to remind myself to be resilient.

Resilience.

My eyes don't leave the spot on the wall in front of me as I hear footsteps approaching. My knocks have turned into feeble taps and my words have become weak calls of her name.

The footsteps stop directly in front of me.

"What are you doing?"

I look up and see an emotionless girl standing there, "SinB" I say getting up from my position on the floor.

She takes a step back, "Sana"

"uh so how have you been? Haven't spoken to you in a while" I begin, ready to engage in small talk but apparently she's having none of that.

"You didn't answer my question. What are you doing?" she asks clenching her books to her chest.

I sigh, "I'm trying to talk to Dahyun."

She looks down at the spot where I was sitting and then back up to my dishevelled appearance, "How long have you been sitting there?"

I tilt my head, "Whats the time now?"

She looks down at her expensive watch, "8:30"

My eyes widen in surprise, ", really?" I do the maths in my head before calculating "Uh I guess about 2 hours or something."

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, "All for the white girl. I don't see what the big deal is."

I sigh, tired, "You know just tell me if the girls and I come around too much. I don't want to distract or annoy you with our constant harassment."

She shakes her head as she rolls her eyes, "I'm rarely ever here but yes it can be irritating."

I go to apologise but she holds her hand up halting me, "BUT.. I respect it."

I give a slow nod and an appreciative smile, "Thanks SB, I'll see you around" I go to turn and walk away but I'm stopped by a not so subtle cough.

I turn around to see her gesture her head towards the door. She locates the right key and puts it in the key hole, "Call me SB one more time and this is the last thing I do for you" she whispers as the lock clicks.

I give her a tiny nod, trying to contain my thankful smile breaking through.

She rolls her eyes as she turns the door handle and silently opens the door. I follow her in but I remain close to the entrance.

She puts her books down before returning back to me, she whispers, "Sort this out. I cant deal with any more white girl crying at 3 in the morning" before I can reply she's closing the door behind her.

I look around the barely lit room the only light emanating from her laptop. I cant see Dahyun anywhere. I think she might be under the lump of blankets and pillows… I take a step closer and croak, "Dahyun?"

Suddenly there's movement from the bed, I see her familiar face peek over the edge of the blankets, "Sana? How the fu-?" she rasps, sleep evident in her voice.

I take another step towards her, "SinB let me in but that's not important.. we should talk."

Her face disappears underneath the covers, "I'm busy."

I take another step closer, "You do realise you cant just hide away Dahyun?" I question quietly.

I hear a small sarcastic chuckle, "I beg to differ, It was working fine but I guess that got ed up when you came along."

I flinch at her words, "I know" I whimper.

"You should go" I hear her say. Muffled by the layers of covers she's hiding under.

I nod without hesitation, sighing as I go to turn towards the door, as I take a step I remember the repeated word these last few days… resilience

I stop immediately, "Y'know what? No. I think I'll stay" I turn on my heel with finality.

She looks over her covers again, "Sana" a tone of warning radiating from her tone and glare.

I grab her computer chair and slide it close to the bed. I plunk into the chair and fold my arms, "I am staying and we're gonna talk."

She drops her head back onto the pillow, "You do realise that you cant make me talk to you."

I shake off the hurt, "I can try" She doesn't reply "I guess you can just listen to me then."

No reply

"Dahyun?"

Nope

"Do you wanna know what happened? My side of the story?" I ask not expecting a reply.

"You're side is irrelevant." I hear her state and although I believe what she's saying, I can hear the hesitation in her voice.

I nod to myself, "I know, I know"

There's a shift in under the pile of material "But tell it anyway" she utters reluctantly.

I take a deep breath.

"You know I love you, right? I wouldn't have accepted your ring or said it back if I didn't mean it" my opening statement, not my best.

There's a small mirthless chuckle, "You have a funny way of showing it."

I ignore her comment, trying to remain on point.

"But Momo and I did have a complicated history. She was the only person who was there for me after mum and Ryan passed . My family tried but they were grieving as well and I couldn't deal with the way they looked at me… Momo looked at me with love, there was no wounded puppy routine. It was just love and she was always there. I loved Momo, I was in love with her and yeah I'll always have a special place in my heart for her" I pause.

Dahyun sits ups and faces me. Now I can clearly see her face. Her eyes are red and the bags underneath are dark. Her hair is in a barely recognisable ponytail, "You're not very good at this" she laughs, hurt present.

"I'm not done" I reply.

She rolls her eyes and looks away, "well" she says signalling for me to continue.

"and what you saw Dahyun, what you saw happen. It wasn't a moment of passion or desire or love. It was a moment of recollection. I don't feel that way now, I haven't felt that way about her in years. It was just that all the reminiscing led me to believe I did for that one second."

She shakes her head, "I actually thought you would be different" she scoffs, "I thought wrong."

"Dahyun, stop with the little one liners, just talk to me! You know that I am sorry. I cant explain how sorry I am but we cant change the past. if you want nothing to do with me because I made a mistake then fine but I'm not letting you go without us having a proper conversation."

She turns her head, her face painted with disbelief, "You aren't kidding me right now, are you?"

I shake my head, "Clearly"

She scoots to the edge of the bed, frustration raging in her eyes. Her hands in in fornt of her prepared to gesticulate, "You have no right to be mad, none at all, Sana. You are the one who ed up. You're the one who kissed Momo, not me. if I want to respond with one liners then yeah I will. You want to have a conversation? Fine, lets have a conversation" she exhales loudly, her hands dropping into her lap lazily.

I nod before sighing, "What do you want to know?"

"I want to know why" she states simply, her expression remaining frustrated.

My brow furrows, "I already told you. I was caught up in the past, we were talking about when we were younger and in that moment I felt 15 again."

She rolls her eyes, "What happens if you decide to go feel 15 again?"

My head drops back in a frustrated manner, "I wont!"

She shrugs, "I bet you didn't think it was going to happen that time… but it did."

I scoot closer, my hands reaching out for the girl that I love, "Dahyun, I can't – I can't put in words how much of a up I am. I hurt you and that was the one thing I never thought I could do... and now I have-" my head drops in true shame, my mind going completely off topic, "I thought I knew what loss was, I really did. Mum and Ryan died and I was broken but that wasn't my fault, I didn't kill them" I close my eyes trying to keep the unwanted tears at bay, "But you? I lost you and it was my fault, i did it. That is why I can't just walk away from this-" I gesture between us, "I need to know that I am doing everything in my power to remind you that I am completely in love with you and the loss I feel when I am not with you is breaking me" my voice cracks with the last few words, I look up at her to see her hunched over with her face in her hands.

I hear her exhale as my words ring out and fade into the darkness. We sit there in silence both just absorbing the presence of the other.

Until she breaks it with a hushed, small voice.

"You don't understand what it was like, Sana. What was it? like 4 hours before and we were on that rooftop claiming our love for each other. Maybe we just rushed it… maybe I rushed it" she voices, looking down at her hands in thought.

I immediately slide the chair closer to her, I take her hands in mine, "I have never felt so strongly about someone. It was a long time coming, it was bound to happen. We both know that."

She slowly looks up, "just seeing her look at you like that… it hurt me in ways I cant even explain."

The pain in her voice and eyes pierced my heart.

I can feel my frustration and guilt burning my stomach.

"Dahyun" I whimper, I look her directly in her gorgeous brown eyes.

I feel all the usual feelings as I fall deeper into her gaze, deeper in love.

"That's the look" she states, her eyes slightly confused, "But it's different"

I move my hand to her face, gently caressing her cheek. I lean in closer, allowing our lips to feel the others warmth. Our eyes are still connected, "it is different" I whisper, barely audible. She slowly closes her eyes, as our lips are ghosting each other "and It's different because….."

I breathe, "You're crazy" I murmur before I close the gap

I can feel her smile into my lips, immediately my mouth follows her upwards stance. One of us let out a small chuckle.

Her hands find their way to the back of my neck as mine find her hips. I sit up out of my chair as I let the over