EIGHT

A/N: EXO's Oh Sehun appears as one of Chanwoo's closests friends.

“Ju-ne…I miss you.”

Ju-ne let out a heavy sigh as the words echoed in him, feeling his heart twisting and turning with every word of that one sentence.

“How do you feel about it?” Jinhwan asked gently. Ju-ne glanced at him with turbulence eyes. He hadn’t meant to but as soon as he had arrived at Jinhwan’s apartment with the takeaways hanging lifelessly in his hand, Jinhwan had immediately noticed the troubled expression he wore on his face and coaxed him to talk. Unable to hide things, especially to Jinhwan, Ju-ne spilled every ounce of his emotions as soon as he sat down. The takeaway food he had brought earlier was still in its package sat on the kitchen counter, forgotten and cold.

“I don’t know,” Ju-ne exhaled painfully. Thinking about those words and the effect it had on him is making him tired. Physically and mentally. He doesn’t want this. But he can’t denied the faint flutter he felt earlier. A flutter he thought was gone. “But…a part of me – when I heard those words…felt something…”

“Felt what?” Jinhwan implored softly.

“I felt my heart pulled at those words. Like for a second, I had almost wanted to say yes.” Ju-ne sighed heavily again and closed his eyes, the lines on his forehead creased visibly as a reflection of inner turmoil.

Jinhwan chewed the inside of his lips as a question he knew he shouldn’t ask surfaced on his tongue. He hesitated for a while not wanting to add more confusion to Ju-ne but told himself that it was a fair question. Ju-ne’s mind was already in disarrayed which was why he needed to help him to see things clearly; and that he had an option.

“What about Chanwoo?”

Ju-ne’s eyes snapped open. “Chanwoo?”

“Chanwoo,” Jinhwan repeated the name carefully. He knew that as a hyung and a confidante to Ju-ne he shouldn’t be expressing his personal thoughts and simply listen and offer good advices as he possibly could but he can’t help but saw at how happy and light-hearted Ju-ne has been since meeting Chanwoo. He saw how Chanwoo became a positive influence on him, helping him heal his broken heart and moving on. And he knew from the way that Ju-ne talked about Chanwoo that there was something more than just friendship that was happening between them. He'd seen them together and saw the smile and look they gave each other. Ju-ne was opening his heart to someone else again and he was happy for him, he wanted happiness for him. And with Chanwoo he was. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Chanwoo. And I’ve seen how happy you’ve been lately. Are you two just good friends…or is there something more…?”

Ju-ne leaned back against the couch, his eyes becomes distant as he stared absentmindedly at the black screen TV in front of him. Jinhwan could see the wheels in his head, slowly, turning. He waited patiently for Ju-ne to gather his mind.

“Being with Chanwoo,” Ju-ne started, slowly. “does make me happy. When things were hard for me, he helped me smile. I forget about Minhyuk and my heart doesn't hurt. I do think about him and I do feel something…” Ju-ne shook his head lightly. “But I don’t – I’m not sure what it is…” He exhaled deeply, “Why is it so suddenly complicated?”

Jinhwan slipped his hand into Ju-ne’s and warmly squeezed it. “I, honestly, don’t know what to say to you,” he said as he tenderly looked into Ju-ne’s eyes. Ju-ne was like a little brother whom he doted on and cared for so much; and seeing him in this state mixture of confusion, lost and heartbreak makes his heart ache too. “I don’t know what's the right thing to say to you or what the right thing to do. All I can say to you is: you need to figure it out. You need to know how you really feel about each of them. Then you decide which one of them your heart wants. This is something you’ll need to figure it on your own.”

Ju-ne looked at Jinhwan, his eyes filled with a desperate plea. “But hyung,” he said with an emotional voice. “How do I do that?”

******

As soon as Chanwoo stepped out from his car, his phone rang. He nodded to the parking valet, wordlessly, giving the young man his permission to enter his car and park it, and pulled his phone out from the inside of his pocket of his blazer. He smiled at the caller ID and slid his thumb across the screen to the right.

“Yunhyeong hyung,” He answered happily.

“Where are you?” Yunhyeong’s tone was curt.

“Disneyland.”

“Be serious.”

“I am! Infact, I’m dancing with Cinderella right now.”

Yunhyeong sighed exasperatedly and Chanwoo could hear him shaking his head. “I can’t even talk to you properly.”

Chanwoo grinned. “Wae, hyung?”

“Come to my restaurant – have dinner. I’ll cook your favourite.”

“As tempting as that sounds, I’m sorry but I can’t – I promised to meet a friend.”

“You know when you came back, I thought I’ll get to see you all the time but the only time I got to see you everyday was during your first week back.”

Chanwoo smiled at hearing the tone his older brother was using over the phone. “Hyung…are you whining?” he teased.

“Yeah, I am!” Yunhyeong snapped, not bothering to hide his annoyance which caused Chanwoo to laugh. “You say you’ll come and see me! But you never do! You’re always making excuses! Busy with meetings, busy meeting with acquaintances, busy with work! How is it that you have the time to meet with acquaintances after work but not the time to meet your own brother!”

“Hyung, don’t shout.”

“I’m not shouting!” Yunhyeong shouted. “And stop laughing!”

“I’m not laughing,” Chanwoo chuckled. He sobered, “Okay, okay – I’m sorry, hyung. It’s been a really busy couple of weeks for me. Grandfather recently emerged an architecture company with ours – there was a lot of paperwork and other things that my department needed to do and handle.”

There was a momentarily silence before Yunhyeong replied quietly, “Really?” A tinge of guilt was laced in his voice.

Chanwoo smiled and his heart melted. “Really. Look – as soon as everything settles, I’ll make it up to you, okay, hyung?” He said gently. He’ll admit that he felt guilty for not being able to have time to see his brother despite being in close distance with each other but work had occupied him so much; he would almost spend every night working late and when he would come home, he would always be completely exhausted. The only time he had to himself was when he was coaching Little Leagues on the weekends.

“You can make it up by coming to my restaurant next week.”

“What’s next week?”

“I’m making a small dinner at the restaurant with the boys. It’s a dinner thing that we do once in a while.”

“I’m not going.”

“Why not?”

“They’re your friends,” Chanwoo pointed.

“You’ve met them! They also said that they want you to come especially Donghyuk and…er…I’m sure Ju-ne wants you there as well.”

Chanwoo narrowed his eyes at Yunhyeong's tone when he said Ju-ne. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m just saying that you’ve been spending some time with Ju-ne…”

Chanwoo felt his stomach fluttered but quickly dismissed it, not wanting to dwell on it. “Only a couple of times,” he defended. Maybe, it was more than a couple of times and maybe he liked those times but there was nothing wrong with that. “I haven’t seen him for about two weeks now.”

There was a small pause. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Chanwoo murmured distractedly as he glanced at the watch on his wrist. He was running late. , he’s going to be annoyed at me. “Listen, hyung – I gotta go.”

“The dinner –”

“Fine, I’ll come.”

“Yah –”

Without waiting for his brother to finish his sentence, Chanwoo hurriedly ended the call. He slipped his phone back into his pocket and pulled at the bottom hem of his blazer to straighten it before entering the building. He strided inside lobby towards the private membership bar. Being a member of the bar, the receptionist that was positioned at the entrance simply bowed at him as an acknowledgement. Chanwoo replied the bow briefly and entered the bar room. His eyes immediately roamed to search his friend before they eventually landed at the corner of the room. Sharp, handsome face with narrowed eyes and black, raven hair dressed in a smart, dark navy suit, Oh Sehun was a person that could caught eyes easily.

A small smile tugged at the corner of Chanwoo’s lips as he made his way towards his friend.

“You’re late,” Sehun muttered without looking up from pouring his drink into his glass.

“You’re early,” Chanwoo teased. He settled into the leather seat opposite of him and Sehun lifted his head and glared at him.

Chanwoo grinned. “I’m sorry, hyung, had some last minute work to take care of,” he said.

Sehun pointed his glass drink to Chanwoo and quirked his eyebrows. “Just this once – I’ll forgive you,” he muttered and then drank his drink in one shot, gulping the alcohol in one take.

Chanwoo observed him. “Bad day, hyung?”

Sehun slammed his glass down on the table between them and instantly began to fill it again. “Isn’t everyday a bad day for us?” He drank his drink in a gulp.

Chanwoo leaned back against the tall, leather seat as his eyes studied the appearance of the man in front of him. His black, raven hair usually styled neatly had loosened, a few strands was hanging above his forehead like he had ran his hand over it a thousand times; and the lines on his face are evident despite his young age. His top shirt button was ed, his tie hung loosely on his collar and his broad shoulders was hunched down like it had the weight of the world on it. It was clear to Chanwoo that Sehun was exhausted and stressed. For a moment of flash, he saw himself in the form of Sehun in the future.

His eyes softened as sympathy ran through him. He had always thought his life was suffocating but compared it to Sehun, he’ll admit that it was far less dark and grey. Sehun had the life of a stereotypical, chaebol that TV shows often potrayed. He had a cold father who only believed in the importance of power, money and the success of his company; a mother who neglected him and was, shamelessly, having a public affair with a man who was only a couple years older than himself; and a half-brother who his father had with his mistress, and together, mother and son, are doing everything they can to claim his position; and a woman whom he loves very much but cannot be with because she wasn't his parents' standard. 

“How’s the cousin?” Sehun asked.

“How’s the brother?” Chanwoo retorted back. When Sehun moved to pour another drink, he grabbed his wrist, halting his movement. “Stop, hyung.”

Sehun gave an irritated look but nevertheless obeyed his words. “Half-brother,” he corrected and began to attack the snack platter as a substitute to the alcohol. “Trying everything to bring me down,” he laughed bitterly, “He’s literally finding every little small thing. That bastard.”

“Same with the cousin,” Chanwoo remarked, hoping that the similar situation that they’re both were similarly in was some sort of comfort to Sehun.

Sehun snorted, “Why is our life like this?”

Chanwoo decided that he can’t enter this topic of conversation sober and leaned forward and grabbed the alcohol crystal bottle, pouring himself a drink. He dropped a couple of ice cubes into the glass and then swirled it with his hand causing the dark liquid to slither between the cracks. “Because we have everything in the world,” he muttered before downing the liquid down his throat in single gulp. The strong alcohol of whiskey burned pleasantly in his throat and its components already seeping into his blood, relaxing his body and emptying emotions out of his mind. He was especially glad of the latter effect as emotions are dangerous when talking about their fated lives mixed with alcohol.

“Everything,” Sehun mocked with a dry chuckle. Seeing how the younger man in front of him was surrendering to alcohol, he decided that to interpret that it was a silent permission from him to resumed his drinking. He knew he was right because when he drank, Chanwoo didn’t stopped him.

“You know, Chanwoo-yah, I make twenty million Won an hour –”

“Actually, I make thirty million Won,” Chanwoo cuts in.

“ off,” Sehun growled.

Chanwoo laughed.

“All that money – is it everything? Why does everyone thinks that we have everything when we have money?”

“Because money is everything,” Chanwoo said, bluntly.

“Do we have everything?” Sehun asked, looking straight into Chanwoo’s eyes.

Chanwoo was immediately taken aback by the emotions that he saw reflecting in Sehun’s eyes. Sehun, just like him, always concealed their emotions and is careful to never give a hint of it in front of people. “People can easily manipulate and use it against you” they often tell themselves. Even when they are close friends and often confided in each other, they’ve never openly shown their deepest emotions to each other. It was safer that way.

Chanwoo swallowed and broke eye contact, looking down at his drink that he had been twirling absentmindedly. For the first time in the years he had known Sehun, he felt awkward and did not know how to react. “I guess to people,” he muttered.

There was a silence for a moment and then Sehun let out a scoff.

“Yeah, I guess because we have everything that everyone including our own family want to fight us to have our everything,” Sehun retorted. He clinged the ice cubes in his glass loudly and then grinned at Chanwoo although his eyes are dull and not amused. “You’ll see once you’ve sat on that throne, Chanwoo.” Sehun had recently become the CEO, taking over his father’s position when he had suffered a and became bedridden.

It was Chanwoo's turn to scoff.

“You know, in my next life I would like to be a rock – or a tree,” Sehun said, tilting his head in a mocked deep-thinking. “Something other than being a human.”

“I don’t want a next life,” Chanwoo said. “Living this life once is more than enough.”

“Damn it – why didn’t I thought of that?”

Chanwoo laughed.

"But, man, thirty million Won an hour?"

"I told you I'm richer than you."

******

“You’re very good at baseball.”

Chanwoo swivelled around, his eyes widen in soft surprised at seeing Ju-ne in front of him at the baseball field. Ju-ne smiled at him sheepishly with his hands awkwardly by his side.

“Well, of course, I am,” Chanwoo said with a tilt of his head and a teasing smile.

“Hi,” Ju-ne said shyly with an awkward small wave.

Chanwoo carefully gazed Ju-ne for a moment before picking up the abandoned helmet on the ground. “Haven’t seen you for a while,” he said. “Not that I’m not happy to see you – it’s really good to see you but…what are you doing here?”

Ju-ne shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “I…wanted to see you.”

He wanted to tell the truth that he had been avoiding Chanwoo because he took Jinhwan’s advice. He was or had been trying to figure out his emotions – what he wanted – by staying away from both Minhyuk and Chanwoo but found out quickly that it was better in theory than in practice. The more he tried to avoid Chanwoo, the more he thought about him. But when he thought about Chanwoo, Minhyuk also entered his mind, making his mind twisted again. So, he stayed away but the endless cycles repeated. He couldn’t take it anymore so here he was. He said, “I wanted to see you” but what he really meant was “I missed you”, “I couldn’t stop thinking about you” and “Chanwoo, do you think about me?”

Chanwoo dropped the equipment he had been collecting into a pile. “I thought I haven’t seen you because you got bored of baseball,” he teased, his eyes sparkling.

Ju-ne chuckled lightly. “I’ll admit I don’t have any interest in sports but I like…watching you…coach baseball…” He bit his lips. “…and spending time with you.”

Chanwoo stilled as he felt his heart fluttered at those last words. He replayed those words in his head and his heart fluttered again. He was not stupid. He knew what the fluttering meant. It was not good for him. He regained himself and simply smiled at Ju-ne. He ignored the momentarily flash of disappointment on Ju-ne’s face at seeing his reaction.

“I actually…I’ve been occupied,” Ju-ne continued. “Or rather my mind had been occupied.”

Chanwoo quirked an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“I’ve been trying to find the right answer to a question.”

“Well, did you?” Chanwoo asked.

“No.” Ju-ne cocked his head to the side, looking at Chanwoo softly. “That’s why I’m here.”

“To help me find the answer,” Ju-ne said when Chanwoo looked at him in confusion.

Chanwoo walked away to pick up a bat and then walked back with it swinging naturally in his hand. “What’s the question?” he said, dropping the bat into a box.

Ju-ne chewed the inside of his lips for a moment, trying to carefully phrase his words. He can’t just straightforwardly say out loud, “How do I choose my feelings between you and Minhyuk?” He watched Chanwoo patiently waiting for him by sorting out the equipment in order. “How do I separate my past and present?” he eventually asked.

Chanwoo stood up straight and leaned on his heels as he laid his hands on his waist. His small lips pointed out in a pout and his eyes narrowed as he thinks. Ju-ne stifled a smile. Cute.

“It depends on which one you want,” Chanwoo remarked.

Ju-ne shifted slightly. “If…I want the present?”

“Then you’ve got to let go of your past.”

“What if I can’t let go of the past?”

“Then maybe your past is your present.”

Ju-ne stared at Chanwoo.