FIVE

It was Saturday afternoon and Ju-ne along with Jinhwan, Donghyuk and Hanbin were over at his apartment, helping him solve the problem of what-to-wear to a birthday party. Usually, there was no problem – he was quite confident in his own fashion sense – of course it was nothing compared to Donghyuk – but tonight will not just be a regular attendance; at this party, he will be seeing his ex-boyfriend, Minhyuk, for the first time since their break-up. He had to dress well, he thought. For what, he doesn’t know really.

Ju-ne sighed as he stepped out from his bedroom and model his choice of attire to his small audience in the living room. “What do you think?”

His friends surveyed him with hawk-eyes.

“You’re dressing up too much,” Donghyuk commented after a beat. As usual his fashion sense skill was used. “It’s like you’re trying to show off.”

“Donghyuk’s right,” Jinhwan added. “You look like you’re going to a formal event rather than a casual party.”

Ju-ne sighe and disappeared into his room again as he shed his clothes off.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay going to this party? You’re gonna see Minhyuk again,” Jinhwan said.

Inside (unseen) in his room, Ju-ne bit his lips and paused momentarily as he scanned through his wardrobe. He shifted through his mind and tried to sort his turmoil emotions for an answer to the question he himself have been asking many times.

“I don’t know…” he hesitantly answered. “…I don’t know if I’m gonna be okay or not. I don’t know what I'll say to him when we see each other again…”

Outside in the living room, the occupants glanced at each other solemnly; neither of them knew the right words to comfort Ju-ne’s jumbled thoughts.

“Eurgh…breaking up is so complicated,” Hanbin said and scrunched his nose as if breaking up was smelly.

Jinhwan looked at him amusingly. “And how would you know that? Your longest relationship is like two weeks.”

Hanbin scowled in return but a very small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Shut up!”

Donghyuk giggled as Jinhwan smirked before dropping it as he returned his gaze back to the closed bedroom door.

“I think it’s better to get it over and done with,” Jinhwan adviced as he remembered his own experience of post break-up. “You and Minhyuk have the same group of friends so it’s inevitable. After tonight, you’ll at least get over the awkward-after-the-break-up phase, and finally move on.” He paused as a thought came into his head. “That’s what you want, right? To move on? Or are you actually thinking of getting back together?”

Ju-ne laughed at the multiple questions but the laugh was weak, and he sobered quickly. “I told you, I don’t even know how I feel about seeing him again.”

“That’s not a no,” Hanbin pointed out.

The bedroom door suddenly swung open and Ju-ne leaned against the door frame. His face strained. "Look – can we drop this subject?” he said pleadingly. “My mind is twisting like a tornado already.”

“Okay,” Jinhwan smiled softly at him.

Ju-ne smiled thankfully and then darted his eyes to Donghyuk. “Donghyuk-ah, I really don’t know what to wear,” he whined.

“Alright, alright!” Donghyuk laughed as he bounced to his feet and followed Ju-ne into his room. “I’ll help you.”

“Anyway, what do you guys think about Chanwoo? After meeting him a couple of days ago?” Donghyuk said. He stood in front of Ju-ne’s wardrobe and began to scanned his eyes through the clothes.

A tall, black-haired, big eyes with dimpled, cheeky smile character suddenly flashed in Ju-ne’s mind.

“He’s quite handsome,” Ju-ne immediately said. His eyes widened slightly, surprised at his own sudden words and he backtracked himself. “What I mean is,” he stuttered, “Their family got good genes.” He mentally face-palmed himself. Good genes?

Donghyuk glanced at Ju-ne and then returned his gaze back to the wardrobe. Clearly, oblivious to Ju-ne’s actions. “Chanwoo is handsome,” he agreed.

Ju-ne silently sighed in relief. Wait, what? Why am I flustered?

“I kinda like him,” they heard Jinhwan said from the living room. “He’s very nice and polite.”

Donghyuk laughed as he picked out a shirt and laid it on the bed. “He’s only like that at first but once you get to know him better, you’ll find he’s not as nice as you think. He’s very cheeky. You saw how he kept teasing Yunhyeong hyung throughout the night.”

“Yeah, he does seem quite cheeky,” Jinhwan replied. “And funny. But I suppose that’s how little brothers are.”

“So funny,” Donghyuk grinned. “He’s got a great sense of humour.”

“He’s quite mysterious,” Hanbin commented his own opinion. “Chanwoo.”

“Well, we did just met him,” Jinhwan reasoned. “Of course he seemed that way. People don’t usually open up to other people they just met instantly.”

“I guess,” Hanbin trailed off. His eyebrows knitted together. “But despite being brothers and looking alike, Yunhyeong hyung and Chanwoo have very different personalities.”

“They are very different,” Donghyuk agreed as he completed an outfit for Ju-ne. “Chanwoo is quieter and…private. You don't really know what he's thinking most of the time.”

“But don’t get me wrong,” Hanbin said. “I think Chanwoo is really nice and cute. But I feel like that there’s more to him than he lets on.”

“I’m sure Chanwoo will open up more once he gets comfortable with us,” Jinhwan replied.

“Seriously, Donghyuk, I don’t know why you’re school teacher and not a designer,” Ju-ne said, impressed by Donghyuk’s choiced of his attire.

“You’re welcome,” Donghyuk giggled and turned to leave the bedroom. “Put it on.”

Ju-ne shut his bedroom door close and began to change into the clothes picked by Donghyuk. “How did you meet Chanwoo, anyway?” he asked. He agreed with Hanbin, Chanwoo does seem mysterious but at the same it’s his mysteriousness that intrigued Ju-ne. Like he wants to know more.

Donghyuk sat down next to Hanbin. “The first time I met Chanwoo was during my freshman year in uni – around the end of our first semester. I was hanging out with Yunhyeong hyung at his place and suddenly Chanwoo came and surprised him. Because he was living in China, he only came back for visits during the holidays.”

“How old was Chanwoo when he went to China?” Ju-ne asked. Casually. He was just casually curious about his friend’s brother like any other person would.

Donghyuk a breath between his teeth as he tilted his head in contemplation. “…since he was really young, I think. I don’t know…neither Yunhyeong hyung or Chanwoo had ever really said.”

“Yunhyeong would always talk about Chanwoo but would often leave the personal topic behind,” Jinhwan carefully said.

“Maybe because it’s none of our business,” Donghyuk said, shrugging his shoulders. “I never felt the need to ask either.”

Hanbin sat up and leaned slightly forward, resting his elbows on his knee, his eyebrows raised. “Maybe…Chanwoo is a chaebol’s son or something.”

Donghyuk giggled at Hanbin and a small smirk made its way on Jinhwan’s lips.

Ju-ne’s fingers froze as it was buttoning up his shirt. He blinked at the closed door. “Chaebol?” 

“Yah – think about it!”Hanbin exclaimed, his hand clutching onto Donghyuk’s arm as he suddenly got excited at his own theory. “Sending a child to study overseas is quite expensive – and Chanwoo studied in China nearly all his life and! Now, he’s the Head of Finance Department – at his age! He’s younger than any of us! That is a huge jump! He’s gotta be a chaebol’s son or someone who’s related to a chaebol or…” Hanbin’s eyes widened. “…maybe he is the son of a mafia!”

Donghyuk threw his head back and let out a loud laugh. Jinhwan and Ju-ne laughed as well.

“Mafia!” Ju-ne chortled. “Ha!”

Hanbin looked at his friends in disbelief. “What…?”

“Ok, that chaebol idea is plausible but mafia?” Jinhwan scoffed, “I think you’re getting ahead on yourself on that one.”

Hanbin sulk and folded his arms. “It’s possible…” he mumbled.

Donghyuk had to force himself to stop laughing as he used one hand wiped a tear that was leaking from the corner of his eyes, and the other clasped around his stomach. He have to stop laughing before it physically hurts him. “Ok maybe Chanwoo’s dad is well-off…so what?” he said, after he eventually managed to calm himself down.

“Maybe Chanwoo is just really damn good at his job,” Jinhwan suggested. “He wouldn’t be the first person to be so young and achieved something great.”

Ju-ne slipped his arms through his black leather jacket and pulled at the lapels to adjust it on his body. “Besides, if Yunhyeong hyung’s brother is a chaebol…” Ju-ne titled his head a little and touch his sideburns, “…we would’ve known that by now, don’t you think?” 

He sighed heavily as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. The dull ache was returning. In full force. And suddenly he just wants to throw the clothes off and hid beneath his bed covers. Hidden from him. Never facing him again. But at the same time, he knew Jinhwan was right – better now than later.

Ju-ne sighed again this time with a slight determination. Let’s just get this over and done with. He tried to swallow the dull ache away but it stubbornly refused.

He opened the bedroom door and stood in the doorframe.

“So, what do you think?”

******

The birthday party was that one of Ju-ne’s high school friends; after graduation they seldom met and it got even lesser once they entered the world of careers. Birthday parties or reunion dinners were the only opportunity for them to meet up so they hardly cancel on each other. And that was why Ju-ne was here despite feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

The party was held at a club and usually Ju-ne would’ve instantly immersed himself in its world of loud music, swaying bodies and flashy lights but tonight he felt his mood being dampened drastically; and despite Jinhwan’s advice of “don’t think too much – just enjoy yourself”, he couldn’t motivated himself to tune to the celebration mood. Tonight, the music was too loud and deafening, the lights were so blindingly bright and the crowds of people were stifling. He doesn’t want to be here.

The honouree birthday man stood in front of him and gave a disapproving look. “Are you really gonna sit in the corner and just drink the whole night?” he asked, raising his voice so that he could be heard against the played music that’s thundering the entire venue.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Ju-ne answered with a shrug.

“Ju-ne –”

Ju-ne waved his hand, “Don’t worry about me – I’m just not up to it, tonight. But it’s your birthday so go out there and have fun.”

His friend sighed and took a seat next to him. “I invited you tonight so that you could loosen up,” he said as he laid a comforting hand on Ju-ne’s shoulder and squeezed it. Ju-ne gave a small smile at him.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have invited Minhyuk,” his friend sighed. Ju-ne looked at his friend and noticed that he was looking at something opposite of them, across the venue; and so he followed his eyesight and it landed on Minhyuk.

Minhyuk, the person that was the cause of his turmoil, was standing at the edge of the dance floor near the bar. Minhyuk who was laughing and happily chatting with another man. A man who Minhyuk was leaning closely towards and had an arm wrapped around his waist.

Ju-ne immediately looked away, trying his best to swallow the stabbing feeling in his heart everytime he looked over. He swirled the glass in his hand, clinking the ice cubes against it sharply. “Minhyuk is also your friend,” he managed to say. He was surprised at his steady voice. “How could you’ve not invited him?”

“Yeah but I didn’t expect him to bring someone else.”

“It doesn’t matter since we’ve already broken up,” he said and then took a swig of his drink. The alcohol tasted bitter against his tongue and it burned his throat. The cruel sensation accurately reflecting his heart.

“I was hoping that you two would get back together,” his friend remarked.

Ju-ne smiled bitterly. “Don’t think it’s gonna be possible.”

******

After much persuasion, Ju-ne managed to convince his friend to return to his own party and onto the dance floor; and his friend obeyed him, leaving him alone at the lounge area. But he wasn’t left alone too long; after almost pointedly ignoring him the moment he stepped in the club, his friend’s empty seat was soon re-occupied by Minhyuk. His presence startled Ju-ne, his heart beating fast and loud, but he tried his best not to show it.

“Ju-ne.”

Ju-ne melted at the calling of his name. The low and deep voice that he had missed so much. He remembered how he had spent days crying while holding his phone as he battled the longing of hearing his voice that had ambushed him mercilessly. He could feel it even more now and he gripped his glass tighter as he tried to calm his pounding heart. He let out breath and forced himself to look at Minhyuk.

“Minhyuk.”

Minhyuk looked back at him. “How are you?” he said.

Ju-ne nearly let out a mocking laugh.

How are you?

He decided then that he hated those four words.

“I’m good,” he said dryly. He turned his head back to the dance floor and drank from his glass. From the corner of his eyes, he saw that Minhyuk kept staring at him.

“Aren’t you gonna ask me how I am?” Minhyuk said.

Ju-ne craned his neck around. The dull ache had now manifested itself into anguish and hurt. “You seem to be doing great,” he remarked. Sarcasm was purposely strong in his tone.

“Ju-ne, he’s just a friend,” Minhyuk said. There was no need to pretend – he knew exactly what Ju-ne was implying in his words.

“A very close friend,” Ju-ne said with a scoff as he tried his best to ignore the sudden increase of pain that’s stabbing his heart. Minhyuk didn’t contradict but continued to look at Ju-ne and Ju-ne knew immediately what it meant. "I know that we’ve broken up,” he quickly said. “You have the right to hang out with whoever you want but -”

Minhyuk leaned forward. “But what?”

Startled at Minhyuk’s sudden action, Ju-ne found himself physically very close to Minhyuk with their faces only a few inches away; unable to look away, their eyes locked into each other. Ju-ne could hear his blood pumping in his ears. But for the very first time neither are able to decipher the emotions that were held in it.

“I don’t know,” Ju-ne breathed out.

Disappointment flashed in Minhyuk’s eyes and Ju-ne frowned slightly, confused at what he saw. But that emotion quickly disappeared and Minhyuk’s eyes returned to its indifference. Minhyuk leaned back, creating a distance between them again.

Ju-ne shook his head and put his drink on the table in front of him. His chest was feeling very tight and he knew that he needed to escape from him before it constricted his flow of oxygen. “You know what, I’m actually really tired,” he uttered. “So, I’m just gonna go.”

He didn’t wait for any response nor did he wanted to hear any, and stood up and hurriedly walked towards the exit.

He threw the entrance door opened and ran out into the pavement. The cold night air that instantly greeted him was a welcoming sensation into his lungs, and it loosened the tightness that suffocating his chest. He breathed in deeply and felt immensed relief that his breathing was back to normal. However, the dull ache remained painfully throbbing in his chest. He exhaled frustratingly and thumped his chest hoping the action would be productive but it failed miserably. He closed his eyes and tried to suppress the sob that was threateningly wanting to escape his lips.

“Ju-ne-shi?”

Ju-ne’s eyes flew open and he turned to the source of the somewhat familiar voice.

“Ju-ne-shi?”

It was Chanwoo.

Handsome, tall and dimple-smile Chanwoo.

Infact, he’s smiling his dimple-smile at him right now.

And for some reason, at the dimple-smile, he found the throbbing pain…lessens.

“Chanwoo,” Ju-ne exhaled as he slipped his hand that was holding to his chest down.

Chanwoo took a few steps towards him, closing the distance between them. He gauged Ju-ne, noticing his heavy breathing and paled face. "Gwaenchanh-a-yo?” he asked with a hint of genuine concern in his voice.

“Ye-yeah,” Ju-ne stammered, embarrassed at being caught in a vulnerable state especially to someone who he had only met once. “I was just getting some fresh air. I was at a party in the club and it was getting kinda stuffy.”

Chanwoo nodded. “Oh.”

“Erm…” Ju-ne cleared his throat. “What about you? What are you doing here?”

“Oh!” Chanwoo said and pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “I was meeting an acquaintance at a bar nearby.”

“Oh…okay.”

Awkwardness stepped in between them and they both looked away, their eyes suddenly fascinated in the busyness of the night street, as they swayed lightly on their foot.

Ju-ne rubbed his hands against his jeans.

Chanwoo tucked his left hand in his trousers’ pocket.

Eventually, Chanwoo (who had a better social skills than Ju-ne) broke the awkward atmosphere and spoke, “You know, I was about to head to Yunhyeong hyung’s restaurant. Do…you want to come with me? You don’t have to!” he quickly interjected when Ju-ne opened his mouth but no words were said. “Your party…”

“No! I would like to come,” Ju-ne replied. “I was just leaving the party anyway.”

“Okay,” Chanwoo said. “Did you drive…?”

“No, I took a cab earlier,” Ju-ne said.

Chanwoo smiled, “Okay. Why don’t you wait here and I’ll go and get my car?”

Ju-ne shook his head, “It’s fine – let’s walk together.”

“Okay,” Chanwoo readily agreed and turned his body to the right direction. Ju-ne followed him and they began walking together down the street.

Behind them, the club’s door swung opened and Minhyuk stepped out, his head chaotically spinning around. He stopped himself when he saw Ju-ne walking down the street with a tall man beside him. His head hung low, dejectedly, and he re-entered the club.

“You know, you don’t have to talk formally with me,” Chanwoo said as he began a conversation. “You’re the same age as Donghyuk so that means you’re a year older. So, please talk informal with me.”

“Ah, really?” Ju-ne said and then frowned slightly. “But why do you call Donghyuk “Donghyuk-ah”?”

“I’m an early born,” Chanwoo said. “And Donghyuk said it was fine to drop the honorifics.”

“Oh, that’s why,” Ju-ne nodded. “Then, you can drop the honorifics with me as well. I’m fine with it.”

Chanwoo turned them to a corner and to a car park.  “Okay.” He smiled and casually said, “Ju-ne.”

Ju-ne laughed a little, slightly surprised at Chanwoo; he didn’t expect Chanwoo to adjust to the change quickly. Donghyuk was right, he was cheeky.

“Here we are,” Chanwoo announced as they reached his car.

Ju-ne’s feet halted itself and his eyes widened a little. Chanwoo’s car was (from his limited knowledge of cars) a silver-coloured Audi A4. Limited Edition. Audi – one the most expensive car in the world.

Ju-ne blinked. Maybe Hanbin hyung was right, maybe Chanwoo is a chaebol’s son or a mafia’s son?

The car’s lights flashed, pushing Ju-ne’s thoughts away.

“Get in,” Chanwoo said, nodding at his car.

“Eo,” Ju-ne stumbled. He walked towards the other side of the car and carefully opened the door and climbed in.

“Yunhyeong hyung’s restaurant is only around twenty minutes’ drive from here,” Chanwoo said as he turned the engine on and the car roared to life. “It’s not that far.”

“Oh.”

Chanwoo shifted his gear into Drive and exited the car from the car park, and into the street.

“How did you and Yunhyeong hyung became friends?” Chanwoo asked as he drove them on the street.

Memory of the fateful moment flashed in Ju-ne’s mind and he smiled wistfully at the remembrance. “Yunhyeong hyung saved my life.”

Chanwoo glanced at him in question before returning his gaze forward on the road. “Really? How?”

“It was during my first year orientation party in uni,” Ju-ne explained. “It was a pool party and somehow – I can’t really remember how – fell into the pool. I couldn’t swim and I happen to fall in the deep part of the pool. Next thing I know, I was being pulled out by Yunhyeong hyung. Ever since then, we’ve become friends.”

“Ah!” Chanwoo exclaimed, tilting his head a little and drummed his index finger rapidly on the steering wheel. “I remember Yunhyeong hyung telling me about this!”

“Really?” Ju-ne asked, surprised.

“Yeah! He called me once and told me that he and his friends decided to crash a first year’s party, and he ended up saving a freshman from nearly drowning in the pool,” Chanwoo said. He grinned at Ju-ne. “I guess that must’ve been you.”

Ju-ne nodded amusingly. “Yep – that was me.”

They laughed together.

“I guess you tell each other everything, huh?” Ju-ne said, looking at Chanwoo.

“Well…not everything,” Chanwoo laughed. “But…mostly everything.”

"That sounds about right."

“By the way, what is it like being friends with my brother?” Chanwoo asked curiously. “Isn’t he a bit…boring and old-fashioned?”

Ju-ne bursted into a loud laugh causing Chanwoo to laughed as well.

“He is a bit boring and old-fashioned,” Ju-ne agreed, heartily.

“And his jokes…” Chanwoo said.

Ju-ne cringed. “Oh my god! His jokes are so lame! But he thinks it’s funny though!”

“He’s the only one who thinks that,” Chanwoo remarked mercilessly.

“Once, Hanbin hyung asked him what his favourite song was and he said “Song Yunhyeong”,” Ju-ne said.

Chanwoo laughed.

“But still – he is kindest person in the world,” Chanwoo said with a smile.

Ju-ne nodded his head with the same smile. “Yeah, he is. The others and I are very lucky to have him in our lives.”

Chanwoo glanced at Ju-ne with a thankful smile. “Thank you for thinking about my brother like that.”

“There’s no need to thank me – I honestly meant it,” Ju-ne remarked and Chanwoo immediately felt a surged of warmth and gratefulness invading his chest.

“Speaking of the devil – here we are,” Chanwoo said. He turned the left signal on and expertly side-parked the car in front of Yunhyeong’s restaurant. “Let’s go.”

They jumped out of the car, with Chanwoo locking it swiftly, and entered the restaurant together. They were immediately greeted by a confused, smiling Yunhyeong.

“Hey…” Yunhyeong said as he stood in front of them. His eyes darted between them. “Did you two came together?”

They glanced at each other. “Yeah, we came together,” Ju-ne said.

“We coincidentally met and I told Ju-ne I was coming here, and wondered if he wanted to come along,” Chanwoo further added-in. “He did and so I drove us here.”

The confusion did not cleared up for Yunhyeong despite the simple explanation. “O-kay…”

“Hyung, there’s still some food left, right? I’m hungry,” Chanwoo pouted.

Ju-ne smile amusingly at how quickly Chanwoo’s behaviour changed; in the car, he was mature and calm but in front of his brother, he turned into whiny, cute, spoiled child.

“There would always be food for you,” Yunhyeong reassured. “Go and sit.”

Chanwoo grinned. “Yay!”

Ju-ne was about to follow Chanwoo to the table when his phone suddenly rang. He took his ringing phone out of his pocket and saw that it was Jinhwan that was calling him. He pointed to his phone as Chanwoo looked back at him, and Chanwoo nodded.

“Hey, Jinhwan hyung,” Ju-ne answered.

“Hey – are you still at the party?”

“No…I left.”

“Are you okay?”

Ju-ne looked up and saw Chanwoo sitting at the table, laughingly teasing Yunhyeong. He unconsciously smiled and he realised that for the first time in a while, there was no feeling of dull ache.

“Yeah…I’m okay,” Ju-ne said. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, hyung.”

He ended the call and happily walked to Chanwoo.