SIX

Chanwoo never understood why his grandfather always insisted on having family meals. Like when he had arrived back in Korea, the first thing his grandfather had ordered was to come and have dinner with the family. Last night, after he had returned to his home from spending an unexpected, enjoyable evening with Yunhyeong and Ju-ne –

Ju-ne. Chanwoo smiled at the thought of the person. When he had first met Ju-ne, he had thought that he would be a hard person to be friendly with so when he saw Ju-ne standing, who was clearly having a hard time, on the street, he had approached with small and caution steps and was surprised at how easily it was to talk to him. Ju-ne was a warm, friendly, and easy-going person…and he was also quite good-looking. In the short hours that they had spent together, Chanwoo found that being with him was comfortable and fun.

-his grandfather had called him to tell him to come over early in the morning and have breakfast with his family. So, that’s exactly where he was right now. At his grandfather’s mansion, having breakfast with his family.

Chanwoo, honestly, never liked it – he was even bold enough to use the word “hate” – being in the same room as his family. Being family. It was pretentious. An illusion. They were not a happy family – they were family at war or rather they were at war with him. For the throne that they don’t want him to seat on. But that’s the purposed of it, Chanwoo supposed, to keep up the illusion of a great, loyal and happy family like Grandfather wanted; and what he wants, he gets.

“I’ve heard good things about your first week at the company, Chanwoo,” his grandfather spoke although his eyes are still fixed upon his meal. “They are impressed with you and your work abilities.”

In front of Chanwoo, across the large dining table, he saw his father flinched, and Taeho, who was sitting, as expected next to his father, froze. Chanwoo blinked the scene away and turned to his grandfather. “Thank you,” he said, bowing his head lightly. “I’m glad I was able to make a good first impression and I’ll make sure to maintain it.”

“I know you will,” his grandfather uttered, his tone laced with obvious pride. He had always been confident in Chanwoo’s work skills and ethics. He glanced at Chanwoo with his strict-eyes and a small, curled, upturn of his lips was seen before he returned his gaze back to his food. The small smile now vanished. “Although, I wish you would’ve listened to me and took the Vice President position like I wanted, instead of being the Chief Financial Officer.” He added curtly, “No matter how suitable and good you are at that job.”

“I think it’s a good thing Chanwoo isn’t the Vice President,” Chanwoo’s father interjected. He laid down his chopsticks neatly on the clothed table and faced his father with a tight smile, pointedly ignoring Chanwoo. “Chanwoo has been away all these time – away from the company. Compare to Taeho,” his father tight smile evolved into an affectionate smile at Taeho, who returned the smile with equality, “who practically grew up at the company. He had learned first-hand about the company and how to handle it. He knows the company inside out. Chanwoo, on the other hand, knows nothing. He has zero acknowledgement.”

Chanwoo’s head dropped. It was not the first time he had heard hostile words from his father but somehow every time his father does, it stung and burned his heart more painful than before. What Chanwoo hated the most about it was that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t numb it.

Suddenly, he heard a loud cling and looked up to see his grandfather slamming his chopsticks down and staring at his father with a cold, stern and angry eyes. Chanwoo’s father and Taeho, both, cowered at it.

“I think you’ve forgotten, son, that Chanwoo was the President of our company in China,” his grandfather spatted out with a heavy tone of vexation. “When we first established that company, there was hardly anything. But Chanwoo, even with little resources, managed to successful extend it by himself. Now we have four branches in China, many loyal stockholders and continuously increasing number of clients. So compare to Taeho, Chanwoo has much more and better experience and acknowledgement. And as for Chanwoo never being here is because you sent him away.”

Chanwoo’s father’s jaw tightened as one of his hand gripped the spoon on the table. A staring match between his grandfather and father ensued. The tension between them grew so thick that not even a knife could sliced through it. Taeho’s eyes darted nervously but Chanwoo remained quiet and stoic. His father despised whenever his grandfather defended him and took his side.

Sitting next to him, Chanwoo’s aunt, Taeho’s mother, cleared loudly. His father blinked and looked away, and soon after so did his grandfather. His Grandfather was never the one to back down first. 

“Chanwoo,” his aunt spoke, purposely in a loud and cheerful voice. “The last time you were here, you said that you were staying at a hotel. Are you still staying at a hotel? I was thinking that, instead, why don’t you move back in here? Your bedroom is still here, untouched. A little bit of cleaning and renovating will make it homely.” His aunt smiled widely, her white, perfect teeth shined brightly at him. Chanwoo knew it was not a genuine smile; she was being polite because she wanted to keep the appearance of a good daughter-in-law and aunt in front of his grandfather. He had also received many vile words from her time-to-time when alone, for she was a champion for her son. Another pretentious.

Chanwoo decided to return the polite smile and said, “Thank you for the…kind thoughts. But I’ve already found a place for myself – infact, I’ve already moved in and my boxes from China are arriving by next week. So, you don’t have to worry…Aunt.” He intentionally emphasised the last word with palpable sarcasm. His aunt smile wavered a little.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” his grandfather exclaimed with his usual gruff. “Move back in here. This is also your home.”

“I appreciate that, Grandfather,” Chanwoo said. “But moving back in here would be…” He glanced at his father and Taeho. “…uncomfortable.”

******

“Chanwoo.”

Chanwoo turned his head towards the source of the voice and saw Taeho walking towards him. He pulled his leg out that was already in his car, took a step back and shut the car door with a soft thud. Chanwoo folded his arms against his chest and leaned back on his car. A mocking expression of amusement engraved his face. “Have you come to see me off?” he teased.

Breakfast had ended with a quiet, chaotic disaster – as it always were whenever they’re together. And so as soon as the table was cleared everybody had stormed out immediately including Chanwoo who justified it with more reasons for not a longer stay.

Taeho scoffed as he halted and stood a few centimeters in front of Chanwoo. He never liked standing in close contact with him because he always felt uncomfortable. Or is it because he’s scared? Or threatened? Or simply felt inferior? Chanwoo had always wondered.

“I heard you met with Kang Hyunmo yesterday,” Taeho stated.

Chanwoo cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows playfully. “Are you spying on me, Taeho?”

Taeho’s face flashed annoyance. “Why did you meet with him?” he asked impatiently. Why does Chanwoo always liked to ? He hated it.

“He called me,” Chanwoo answered casually as he shrugged his shoulders.

“What did you talk about?” Taeho demanded.

Chanwoo smirked, “I’m afraid that’s confidential. But we didn’t talk about you…if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Taeho scowled furiously at him.

Chanwoo felt himself inevitably grinning slightly. “Are you done interrogating me? Can I go now? I’ve got a lot of things to do today.”

Taeho’s scowl deepened and this time Chanwoo can’t stop but to let his grin revealed itself openly. He pushed himself of from his leaning position and turned to open his car door.

“I’m surprised that you came to breakfast this morning,” Taeho stated with a hint of effort mocking laced in his words.

“Of course I came,” Chanwoo remarked with his grin still shining. “After all, family is important.”

Satisfied at how his last words had affected Taeho, he slipped into the driver’s seat and shut the door, driving away.

******

His phone beep indicating that he had just received a message. Eyes still glued to his TV, Ju-ne blindly reached for his phone next to him on his couch and then grasped it in his hand. He pressed the message open and glanced down at it. It was from Minhyuk. Ju-ne, suddenly, felt his heart beat a little faster.

From: Minhyuk

Message: Ju-ne – can we talk? I feel like last night there was a lot of

unsaid things and misunderstanding between us. So let’s meet up and talk. Yeah?

Ju-ne stared at the message. And read it again. He remembered last night. He remembered the twisting, turmoil emotions of anger, hurt and confusion he felt at seeing Minhyuk again; at the mercilessly dull ache that was hammering and burning in his chest. But, he also remembered at how Minhyuk was leaning into him, their faces so closed together and their eyes locked into each other; the disappointment that had momentarily flashed so quickly in Minhyuk’s eyes… What was that? Was there something Minhyuk had wanted to say?

Ju-ne glanced back at the message and read it again. This time, his eyes lingered and he observed at each words as if it was written in codes and he had to decipher it. Should he meet up with Minhyuk? Because Minhyuk was right – they didn’t actually talked last night…?

Ju-ne groaned in frustration and let his phone slide out from his hand as he threw his head back and closed his eyes. His mind immediately began to replay the events of last night in his head like a movie set to play on a loop.

Then Chanwoo appeared.

The mind loop-movie paused.

Tall, handsome, dimple smile Chanwoo stood in front of him. His big, brown, sparkly doe eyes softly staring at him. He heard laughter and felt warm and contentment gathering in his chest. He smiled unconsciously. His eyes fluttered open as a sudden thought came to him and grabbed his phone to scroll through his contact list.

“Ah…!” Ju-ne’s thumb froze in mid-air as he realised that he doesn’t have Chanwoo’s number. They didn’t exchanged it last night. He bit his lips in contemplation. Then, he scrolled through his contact list again before pressing the green call button on the intended person.

“Yeoboseyo?”

Ju-ne sat up and perked, “Yunhyeong hyung.”

“Eo.”

“Are you busy right now?”

“Just the usual. Wae?”

Ju-ne struggled with his words. “I was just wondering…if you knew where…Chanwoo is…now..?”

“Chanwoo?”

“I…uh…want to meet him…,” Ju-ne stumbled. “But…I don’t have his phone number…”

There was a short (very short but still detectable) momentarily prelude silence before Yunhyeong answered. “Chanwoo just started coaching Little League Baseball on the weekends, recently. So, he should be at Mangwon Han River Park right now. There’s a baseball field there and that’s where he coaches.”

Ju-ne nodded his head. “Okay, thanks hyung.”

And before Yunhyeong could ask any further questions to satisfy his curiosity that now have clawed him, Ju-ne hung up. He turned off his TV and then quickly grabbed his phone, keys, wallet and jacket as he made his way to the front door to leave.

******

It wasn’t that hard to find – Ju-ne knew where Mangwon Han River Park were and he heard the sound of baseball as soon as he stepped out of his car; he also easily noticed Chanwoo’s silver Audi A4 parked nearby. He shut his car door and locked the car, and followed the sound that straightforwardly led him to the baseball field.

The baseball field was busily and loudly decorated with young kids that Ju-ne guessed was around the ages of ten, branded in their full custom-made, dark navy-coloured baseball uniform. A sound of cheering and a bat hitting a flying ball and running indicated that there was a game on. A small group of parents stood diligently on the sideline as some cheered and took photos or videos with their phone held high; and some chatted amongst themselves.

Ju-ne quietly made his way to the field and stood a little far in the back from the main spectators as to not cause any intrusion and being made known; and his eyes caught a sight of Chanwoo.

Chanwoo stood in the centre and front of the field, strikingly and proud like a king watching his kingdom. Just like the kids, Chanwoo was in a full baseball attire: a navy blue shirt that is emblazoned with his name and the number 1 at the back, which is tucked neatly into a white coloured trousers that hug his long, slim legs perfectly, and a cap to match his attire on top of his head. With one foot stuck out in front of the other and arms tightly folded against his broad, thick chest, Chanwoo watched, critically at the field with a serious, poker face and narrowed, eagle-like eyes that followed each of the kids’ move like a cunning predator.

He looked hot.

Ju-ne’s cheeks flushed in light red as he felt embarrassment rushed inside of him at that sudden thought of Chanwoo. He cleared his throat and glanced away from (staring) Chanwoo deciding instead to focus on the baseball game. Not that he understood baseball – he was never into sports – but he needed a distraction. Fast.

A young boy stepped onto the home plate as it was his turn to bat and clumsily swung his bat at the flying, oncoming ball before swiftly flung the bat on the ground behind him and sprinted to the first base. But as he ran, his foot somehow tangled with each other and he stumbled onto the ground. Ju-ne watched Chanwoo signaled the game to pause and then jogged towards the fallen boy. He helped the boy jumped to his feet and dusted off brown sands of the boy’s trousers that were now marked with noticeable stains, before smiling widely at him and patting his batting helmet. The boy continued running to the first base and Chanwoo signaled for the game to continue. Ju-ne smiled lightly and felt his heart fluttered at the scene.

The baseball game continued for another couple of minutes before it ended with a gleeful winning team and a disappointed losing team; and Chanwoo announced the end of the session. He high-fived each of them enthusiastically as they left and were collected by their parents.

Chanwoo still haven’t noticed his presence yet so Ju-ne walked towards him. “Chanwoo,” he called. By now the field was empty except for them.

Chanwoo swung around and his face turned into a surprise. “Ju-ne,” Chanwoo said, startled.

“You coach baseball?” Ju-ne said with a light humour.

“Only on the weekends,” Chanwoo replied with a small nod.

“I didn’t know you played baseball.”

“It’s my favourite sport,” Chanwoo admitted.

“Oh.”

“Anyway, how did you know I was here?” Chanwoo inquired.

“Oh…” Ju-ne suddenly felt himself embarrassed and shifted his weight from the other foot to the other and fidgeted. “I asked Yunhyeong hyung and he told me,” he muttered.

“Yunhyeong hyung did?”

“Yeah…” And he quickly added, “I don’t have your number and I wanted to see you…so…”

Chanwoo’s eyebrows knitted together in a light frown. “Why did you wanted to see me?”

Ju-ne fiddled with his fingers and shyly answered, “I wanted to thank you for last night.”

Chanwoo tilted his head in questioned.

“Last night was a really crappy night for me and you made me feel better,” Ju-ne explained. Chanwoo smiled, his tiny dimple poking as usual at the corner but his other dimple on his right cheek didn’t appear. A small part of Ju-ne felt disappointed at that.

“I’m glad I made you feel better,” Chanwoo said and then admitted, “Honestly, I did noticed that you were upset last night.”

“And I’m also thankful that you didn’t asked me about it,” Ju-ne said. “So…that’s why I’m here.”

Chanwoo looked at him with a glint in his eyes. “Ju-ne, have you eaten yet?”

“Huh?” Ju-ne was startled, his eyes darting. “Erm…no…”

“Then how about you thank me instead by eating with me? Coaching baseball makes me hungry and there’s this food truck that sell fantastic skewer, grilling meat nearby,” Chanwoo remarked with a grin.

“Oh…erm…okay…” Ju-ne stammered. He really was taken aback at the sudden change of event and have yet to figure out how to react to it.

“Great!” Chanwoo exclaimed, excitedly. “Let me just quickly put these stuffs away and then we can go.”

“Okay.”

Once, Chanwoo had gathered all the baseball equipment – Ju-ne offered his help but Chanwoo pointedly refused saying he could carry it all and Ju-ne didn’t doubt it as his eyes roamed and noticed at how thick and muscular Chanwoo’s arms were – they walked to Chanwoo’s car in which Chanwoo dumped the equipment into before he led them down the park to the location of the food truck. The place where the food truck parked wasn’t far and they reached it in little time. When they got there, Chanwoo gleefully and excitedly stood in front of it, bouncing lightly on his feet. Ju-ne can’t help but grinned at him.

“Annyeonghaseyo!” Chanwoo greeted happily to which Ju-ne copied but in a calmer tone.

The owner of the food truck greeted back and welcomed them and gestured to the displayed food. The skewered grill meat was attractively exhibited in a stack line across the table with their golden, brown skin glowing and colouring of red and green pepper hugging in between the meat, and the meat sweat from the rightly-timed grilling, dripped juicily onto the foil paper underneath it. It was a mouth-watering display.

Chanwoo grabbed one and held it in front of Ju-ne. He grinned at him. “Meogoba – try it.”

Carefully, Ju-ne took a bite of the meat from the skewer and chewed. Chanwoo watched at how Ju-ne’s eyes widen and his chewed mouth turn into the shape of O in amazement.

“Oh! This is so good!” Ju-ne exclaimed, nodding his head animatedly. The sensation of wonder delicacy he felt exploding in his mouth was indescribable.

“It’s delicious, right?!” Chanwoo smile widely.

They look at each other and laughed.

******

Their late afternoon meal ended up extending to dinner for as they ate together at the food truck and dissolved into their now natural and chatty conversations, time flew by them and turned the bright blue sky into streams of light orange and eventually into a dark black. Now, they were sitting on the grass with a can of beer, that Chanwoo had gotten from a nearby convenience store, in their hands and watching the Han River reflecting serene and beautiful bright city lights with an occasional cruise gliding across it. It was stunningly aesthetic.

It was a Saturday night so the park around them was buzzing alive with soft sounds of personal activities of those who were there. Next to him, Ju-ne heard Chanwoo took a swig of his beer and then exhaled loudly in pleasure. He scoffed out a smile at that and tilted his head back as his eyes are captured by the stars in the sky.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen the stars shine brightly like this,” Ju-ne remarked as they mesmerized his eyes. “From my apartment they always looks so dull and far.”

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Chanwoo stretched his arms back, palms pressing onto the grass as leaned on it and looked up. “It’s a clear night,” he stated.

“Does the stars shine brightly like this in China?” Ju-ne asked.

“Hong Kong.”

Ju-ne glanced at Chanwoo. “Hong Kong,” he repeated.

“I don’t know,” Chanwoo uttered, quietly. “I don’t really like looking at the stars when I was over there.”

“Wae?”

Sombre ghosted over Chanwoo’s face and Ju-ne cocked his head to side in curiosity. “It always reminded me of home and how far it was from me.”

A wave of sympathy flooded Ju-ne and he wondered how much longing and loneliness Chanwoo endured at being so far away from his home, family and his brother. He only lived around forty minutes’ drive from his parents but there are many moments when he had missed them badly – he can’t imagined what it must’ve been like for Chanwoo living alone in a foreign country.

“How old were you when you went to China?” Ju-ne asked, quietly.

“Twelve.”

Chanwoo smiled bitterly as he grabbed his beer and drank from it. Ju-ne sensed a termination on the small touched subject at his one word and reaction to it, and decided to swerve away.

“Yunhyeong hyung told me about your mother,” Ju-ne carefully treaded. He was not sure how Chanwoo would received it but Chanwoo just softly nodded, looking down. “I’m sorry,” he added.

Chanwoo looked up at him and smiled in gratitude at his empathy. “Don’t be,” he said gently. Again, the sense of termination radiated towards Ju-ne and he knew that it was better to drop it and accept the short words as it was. He remembered Donghyuk’s words from yesterday, “Chanwoo is quieter…and private.” And he saw that now – so far Chanwoo tended to quickly end his questions with a short answer. He concluded that Chanwoo was the type of person who was guarded and personal emotions were something that he doesn’t like to express openly. But still, a part of Ju-ne felt that Chanwoo had bravely open up to him a little and decided to return it.

“Last night,” Ju-ne spoke, hesitantly, his fingers dancing on his can nervously. “I met my ex-boyfriend. That’s why I was so upset and emotional.”

Chanwoo teared his eyes from the ground and stared at him. I’m listening.

Ju-ne took to the silent encouragement and let it out. “We were together for twelve years and we broke up a couple of months ago,” he continued. “Last night, at the party, was the first time seeing him…after the break up. It’s been really hard…moving on. And seeing him again somehow made it even worse.” He choked at his last word as the feeling of heartache and frustration resurfaced causing tears to pool at the corner of his eyes.

“Twelve years is really long time,” he heard Chanwoo said softly. “You can’t get rid of twelve years just like that and expect to be fine. You get rid of twelve years little by little.” Chanwoo smiled, tenderly and warmly at him. “That way it will hurt a little less.”

A feeling of calm rain on Ju-ne by Chanwoo’s words and he felt his tears slowly evaporating and his chest cleared like the sun shining brightly after a rainy day. Ju-ne let out a small chuckle. “I don’t usually blurt out my feelings to people who I’ve known for a short time,” he said. “But I just felt like I wanted to tell you.”

“Well, thank you for telling me,” Chanwoo said, smiling. “It makes me feel very special now.”

Ju-ne laughed.

And Chanwoo laughed watching Ju-ne laughed, a warm, fuzzy feeling settled in his stomach. He lifted his beer can up, indicating Ju-ne to follow suit and then clunk their cans together. They drank their beer and let out a content sigh together.

Ju-ne gazed at Chanwoo and thought at how he felt happy with Chanwoo and the fact that he liked that thought.

Chanwoo glanced at Ju-ne and thought how being with him made him smiled and happy in a really long time and how he could get used to this feeling.