NINE

Chanwoo let out a heavy sigh as he unbuckled his seatbelt and sank into his seat. He leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes, feeling his body sagged at the weight of his tiredness from the whole day of working at the office. He was parked outside Yunhyeong’s restaurant for the dinner that Yunhyeong had bugged him to go to, but decided to stay in the car for a while to gather himself before going in.

Chanwoo rolled his head to the side and saw the bright lights filtering through the restaurant’s windows displaying the view inside. The restaurant was empty, clearly Yunhyeong had closed earlier than usual, except for the few people that have been privately invited. Inside, the six friends can be seen surrounding the round table, their mouths animated and their eyes crinkling from laughing. Even if he was outside in his car and they were inside, Chanwoo could hear the loud laughs and felt the warmth of their happiness. Unconsciously, he found himself smiling.

He caught a glimpse of Ju-ne and his heart fluttered. His smile faded and the fluttering turned into a pang. In a blink of his eyes, his feeling for Ju-ne had simply turned into something more and he wanted to get closer but he can’t. Ju-ne was a like an oasis in his dark world, beautiful and mesmerizing but once he reached it, it disappeared. It was always like that for him. What he wanted was always far and out of reach. He doesn’t want to hurt Ju-ne…and himself. He already knew what that pain felt like and he doesn't want to go through it again. This time, he was not sure he could survive it. So, he ignored the heart fluttering. Holding Ju-ne at a safe distance from him. He was an expert at that.

He looked away momentarily and when he flickered his eyes back to the restaurant, his eyes caught Donghyuk. He pursed his lips into a thin line as he remembered an earlier memory from the afternoon that was attached to Donghyuk.

Chanwoo rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, trying to ease the tension he received from sitting down and staring at the computer screen for a long period of time, as he waited for his Iced Americano order to complete. He hardly come down to this café that was situated in the lobby of the company’s building. His personal assistant was usually the one that bought his coffee but today, he decided to get it himself, using it as an excuse to stretch his long legs and cleared his head. An audit report of the company’s finances was due soon and his head was spinning from the amount of numbers and reports he had to go through. Chanwoo sighed heavily when he realised that he’s only been at it for a couple of days and there was still so much to complete.

“Your Iced Americano, Mr Jung.”

Chanwoo bop his head and muttered his thanks to the barista as he grabbed his drink. He turned around, his heart dropped a little at the image of the thick, folders that were stack on in his desk, ready to head up back to his office when a hunched figure sitting in a corner near the floor-to-ceiling windows caught his attention. He halted in his steps and titled his head in confusion as he stared at the familiar man. He tapped his foot and pushed the sleeve of his blazer back with his fingers to glance at his watch. I still have time. Chanwoo nodded to himself and stride to the man.

The man, occupied by his own thoughts, did not notice Chanwoo’s presence so Chanwoo bend down a little and cleared his throat.

“Ahjussi,” he called.

Startled, the man jumped a little as he gazed up to Chanwoo, his eyes widened. Chanwoo smiled at him. The man immediately relaxed, his shoulders slumped down and sheepishly smiled, embarrassed.

“Ah…Chanwoo,” he exhaled.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

The older man chuckled at the teasing and then pointed his hand at the empty seat in front of him. “Please, sit.”

“Thank you,” Chanwoo said as he slid into the chair.

“I’m an old man, Chanwoo-yah,” the man said, wistfully. “I have a lot of thoughts.”

“I’m young and I have a lot of thoughts too.”

Chanwoo grinned when the older man in front of him laughed, the corner of his eyes crinkling.

“You’re still very cheeky,” the older man remarked with a smile.

Chanwoo shrugged his shoulders playfully. “You always did say that you like my cheekiness the best.”

“Yes, I did. I still do. Never loose that, Chanwoo-yah.”

He gave Chanwoo a soft, tender smile, his eyes sparkling with affection. Chanwoo felt his heart blanketed into warmth that spread throughout his entire body. It’s been a long time since an elder person looked at him with so much affection that he had forgotten what it felt like. It reminded him of his mum. She used to look at him with so much love like he had been the most precious gift Heaven had given to her. He missed it. He missed her.

Chanwoo returned the smile and grabbed his drink, sipping the bitter coffee to forcefully swallow the longingness he felt raising in his throat. “Anyway, what are you doing here, Ahjussi?” he asked.

The older man in front of him shifted in his chair, fingers knotting together, eyes cast downwards and smiled tightly. Chanwoo tilted his head at the observation. He was nervous.

“I’m here to see your father. For some old business.”

Chanwoo can’t help but detect the tensed tone in his voice.

“But your father is in a meeting right now. So, I’m just waiting here for a while.”

“Yeah, it’s been a really chaotic couple of weeks around here,” Chanwoo said. “With the emergence of a company and with the audit coming up.”

“I see.”

“Ahjussi, would you like to come up and wait in my office?” Chanwoo asked.

The older man immediately shook his head. “Oh, no, no. I don’t want to get in your way. Besides, I’m perfectly comfortable waiting down here.” He patted Chanwoo’s hand, the soft smile back on his lips.

“Well, if you say so,” Chanwoo said.

“Really,” the man reassured. He pulled his hand back and gripped his coffee cup. “By the way, Chanwoo-yah, the last time we met…”

“At the Columbarium.”

“Yes…you were with a friend.”

Chanwoo nodded his head. “Donghyuk.”

“Donghyuk. How long have you known him?”

Chanwoo pursed lips. “Erm…a couple of years.”

“How did you meet him?”

“Through my brother. He is his friend, actually.”

“Ah, I see. Are you close with him?”

“There haven’t been many chances where we get to hang out and talk together but I consider him as one of my close friends.”

“And what does he do?”

“He’s a music teacher.”

“Really?” the older man said softly, almost to a whisper like he was talking to himself.

Chanwoo furrowed his eyebrows at hearing it, curiosity was gnawing its claws into his mind. The questions the older man asked were all basic questions of wanting to get to know someone, and he was simply going to shrug it as it was but the way it was asked was making it strange. Odd.

“What is he like? Donghyuk?”

“He’s sweet, kind and very warm-hearted…” Chanwoo frowned, the gnawing have now, mercilessly, sunk its claws into him. “Ahjussi…why are you asking many questions about Donghyuk?”

The older man’s eyes widened, startled, but he quickly regained his soft smile. Chanwoo frowned goes deeper.

“I’ve never seen him around you before – not that I remembered. So, I was just curious. That’s all.”

“Ah…” Chanwoo gave a small smile and nodded his head. The older man’s answer were reasonable but the gnawing of curiosity and now with added suspicion, still gripped on him tightly.

Chanwoo, distractedly, watched Donghyuk threw his head back, laughing hard and clapping his hands, gleefully, he swayed his body to the side, playfully hitting Jiwon’s arm. He bit his lips and frowned. Why did Ahjussi wanted to know so much about Donghyuk? What’s with the questions?

Then he remembered Donghyuk’s words after meeting the older man at the Columbarium.

“I think…I’ve seen him somewhere before…his face…it seems familiar…But I can’t remember where though…”

Chanwoo inhaled sharply and propped his elbow on the window sill, rubbing his index finger over his upper lip. His mind gears spinning around wildly like a windmill. Was he overthinking things? Is there some sort of connection between Donghyuk and Ahjussi? Or was it all just a mere coincidence?

Ahjussi’s persistent questions of Donghyuk…

Donghyuk’s words…

Knock!

Chanwoo jumped in shock, startled at the sudden sharp tap on his car window. His windmill thoughts came screeching to a stop. He exhaled, trying to calm his racing heart and scowled at Yunhyeong when he opened the door and climbed inside.

“What are you doing out here?” Yunhyeong asked, eyebrows lightly furrowed together. “I’ve noticed you’ve been sitting here for a couple of minutes now – why didn’t you come in?”

“Oh…I’m just having a moment to collect myself,” Chanwoo said, leaning his head back against the headrest once again and closing his eyes. His brother’s presence was, as always, making him feel calm and serene.

Yunhyeong roamed his eyes over his brother. “You look tired, Chanwoo-yah.”

Chanwoo opened his eyes and gave a small smile. “It’s been a long day at the office.”

At those words, Yunhyeong’s heart constricted, guilt settling in him. He pursed his lips. He felt bad now for nagging his little brother to come tonight when he could’ve just go home straight and rest after work. “Maybe you should just go home. You don’t have to be here. Go home and rest.”

“Hyung,” Chanwoo said softly when he saw the worry swirling in his brother’s eyes. He stretched his arm out over the console between them and slipped his hand under Yunhyeong’s. His heart purr at the familiar warmth that radiated from his brother’s hand. It felt like home. “I’m fine. Nothing a beer and your cooking can’t fix.”

Yunhyeong can’t help but smile tenderly at Chanwoo’s words, the guilt easily flew away and his heart swell with unconditional love. He wrapped his hand around the back of Chanwoo’s neck and rubbed it affectionately. “I love you so much, baby brother. Good and bad – whatever it is, I’m here. I’ll always be your brother for better, for worse.”

Chanwoo frowned. “Why are you reciting the wedding vow to me?”

The swell of love immediately disappeared and Yunhyeong slapped Chanwoo’s arm.

“OW!” Chanwoo cried. He rubbed his arm and pouted. “That hurts!!”

Yunhyeong glared at him. “Aish! Chincha!” he clucked his tongue in annoyance. “I can never have a serious conversation with you!”

“Ah, hyung…” Chanwoo whined when Yunhyeong grudgingly clambered out of the car, slamming the door shut behind him and stormed to his restaurant.

“Hyung!” With a wave of his hand, he locked his car with the remote and skipped with his long legs to his brother. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders, easily engulfing him into a backhug using his tall height and bigger body to his advantage. He dipped his head down and flashed a cute smile. “Hyung, I love you!”

A smile tugged at the corner of Yunhyeong’s mouth but he refused to surrender and glared at Chanwoo’s teasing eyes. “Whatever!”

Chanwoo giggled and tightened his hug when Yunhyeong tried to wriggle out of it.

“Hey, Chanwoo!” Donghyuk chirped when the two brothers walked into the restaurant.

Seeing Donghyuk, his windmill thoughts begun to spin again but Chanwoo shook it away. Maybe, he was overthinking things; his overworking was taking its toll on him. “Hey, Donghyuk!” he grinned, letting go of his brother and walking to the occupied table. “You look good.”

Donghyuk giggled at the compliment. “I went shopping today.”

“Annyeonghaseyo,” Chanwoo greeted the others except Ju-ne, formally. He was still in the process of getting to know them. Jiwon winked at him. There was already an empty seat in between Ju-ne and Yunhyeong and assuming it his, he pulled the chair and slid into it. As he does so, he caught eyes with Ju-ne and his heart fluttered at the way the man was smiling at him. 

“Hi,” Ju-ne breathed.

“Hi,” Chanwoo replied quietly.

They smiled at each other.

“You’re a bit late, Chanwoo,” Jinhwan said.

Chanwoo tore his eyes away from Ju-ne and turned to Jinhwan who was sitting in front of him. He was glad of the interruption. He shot an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. I had some work to finish.”

“He is a bad as Hanbin when it comes to work,” Yunhyeong remarked as he hovered over Chanwoo to place a plate of food in front of him. Chanwoo grinned – it was his favourite food. Ju-ne, too, grinned. “Workaholic.”

“No!” Chanwoo and Hanbin protested in unison. Surprised at the same retaliation, they glanced at each other. They looked at each other for a while before a small smile crept over Hanbin’s lips. Chanwoo smiled back, sheepishly, and Hanbin’s smile grew bigger.

Yunhyeong raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“What’s wrong with trying to finish all of your work by the end of the day?” Chanwoo pouted. Ju-ne’s nose crinkled, adoring the cute tone that Chanwoo was using in his voice.

“Exactly,” Hanbin agreed. “There’s going to be more work the next day so you might as well complete it all before it piles up.”

Ju-ne tilted his head. “They have a point.”

Yunhyeong sighed exasperatedly and opened his mouth, ready to fire back.

“Just give it up, Yunhyeong-ah,” Jinhwan smirked. “You’re not going to win against them.”

They all laughed and watched Yunhyeong huff and stomped to the kitchen.

“Oh, by the way, Chanwoo, I got you something,” Donghyuk said. He placed a small carrier bag on the table and slid it to Chanwoo. “I was walking around and saw it. I immediately thought of you.”

Chanwoo grabbed the bag and peered inside. It was a maroon, coloured tie. He gasped and took it out, holding it up against the light to admire the tie. He turned to Donghyuk, eyes twinkling and grinned, boyishly, at him, his dimples shamelessly poking out making Ju-ne’s heart somersault a thousand times in a second. He was starting to think that Chanwoo’s dimples were his weakness especially the small, unique one on the corner of his lips.

“Thanks, Donghyuk! I really like it! I don’t have a maroon tie.”

“It’ll go well with your blue suit, Chanwoo-yah,” Yunhyeong remarked as he came out of the kitchen with a glass and Chanwoo’s favourite beer in his hands.

Chanwoo beamed. “You’re right! I’ll wear it to work tomorrow.”

Donghyuk smiled ear-to-ear at seeing how happy Chanwoo was at receiving his gift. He was always easy to please. “I’m glad you like it.”

Admiring it one last time, Chanwoo carefully folded the tie and slipped it back inside the carrier bag when Ju-ne brushed his fingers against his. He froze, the tie half-dangling inside the carrier bag and slowly gazed at Ju-ne.

“The tie suits you,” Ju-ne murmured, eyes gazing into Chanwoo’s and running his thumb over the tie. He gave a small smile and then brushed his fingers again over Chanwoo’s hand as he pulled his away. A faint spark jolted through Chanwoo’s arm at the feel of the light, ghostly touch. His heart skipped a beat.

“Chanwoo, you’re not drinking wine?”

Chanwoo blinked at Hanbin.

“Chanwoo doesn’t really like drinking wine,” Ju-ne said. Chanwoo shook himself out of his trance. Ju-ne glanced at the man next to him but the person was already looking away across the table, his composure back.

“I’m more of a beer person,” Chanwoo said, sheepishly nodding his head at the beer can in front of him. “Also, I have an 8.30 meeting tomorrow morning. So, I can’t drink too much.”

“Chanwoo, I haven’t seen your dongsaeng at the police station lately,” Jiwon said, a teasing look on his face. “I’m gueesing he’s safely away from causing any more trouble.”

“Dongsaeng?”

“Chani,” Chanwoo grumbled to Yunhyeong. He turned to Jiwon. “I threatened him.”

Jiwon raised his eyebrows amusingly. “I bet you did.”

“What happened to Chani?” Yunhyeong asked, genuinely concerned.

“Nothing big,” Chanwoo muttered as he took a bite of his food.

“Who’s Chani?” Donghyuk questioned.

“His parents used to be my neighbour – lived right in front of us. Chani, their son, absolutely adores Chanwoo,” Yunhyeong told, resting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Everything time Chanwoo would come over, he would followed Chanwoo everywhere; everything Chanwoo did, he wanted to do too. He was like Chanwoo’s little puppy. So cute.”

“Well, he’s all grown up now. He’s not cute, more like annoying.”

Yunhyeong slapped his shoulder. “Don’t be too hard on him,” he scolded. “He looks up to you, you know.”

Chanwoo scowled at Yunhyeong, rubbing his sore shoulder. “Stop hitting me!”

Donghyuk giggled, “Cute.”

******

Yunhyeong uncork the second wine bottle and at the sound of the pop, the others cheered dramatically. Chanwoo watched in amusement, eyebrows raised when they greedily began to pour the wine into their glasses. Even though the wine bottle was shared between six people, he knew just how many glasses it takes for each person to devour and finish the bottle. Chanwoo lightly shook his head. This was going to be messy.

“Yah! Why are you looking down on me?” Jinhwan glowered, his ears red. “When I was in high school, I dated Jeju Island’s beauty queen.”

“To him she was a beauty queen but to us, she’s probably averaged,” Hanbin teased. The others giggled and Jinhwan grew sullen.

“Yah!” he cried. “I’m a cool, manly and handsome man. Do you think I’m not attractive? Chanwoo-yah, don’t you think I’m cool?”

“I think you’re very cool, hyung,” Chanwoo answered immediately. Jinhwan leaned back, arms outstretched with a smug look. Chanwoo raised his glass to his lips with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Except, maybe, for the height.”

He drunk his beer nonchantly as he heard laughter bomb erupting loudly around him.

“I like him!” Jiwon cackled. He pointed his finger at Chanwoo and roared, “I like you!!”

Donghyuk and Hanbin are doubled over in stiches, holding their side.

Jinhwan narrowed his eyes at Chanwoo but the young man was not intimidated and simply shrugged his shoulders. “So, this is who you really are, huh, Chanwoo? You’re showing your true spots.”

“Oh, hyung,” Donghyuk gasped between his laugh. “He’s just getting started!”

“I’ve warned you all before!” Yunhyeong exclaimed. “My little brother isn’t as innocent as he looks!”

Chanwoo calmly drink his beer.

******

Half of the second wine bottle was already empty, Chanwoo observed. The people around him were getting rowdy, ridiculous and crazy. Their sense of speech were slowly deteriorating.

“I know!” Yunhyeong shrieked, holding his arm up. “Let’s play spin the bottle!”

The others groaned.

“What are we – in high school?” Ju-ne snorted. Chanwoo was surprised – and impressed – that unlike the others, he was not drunk. A little tipsy and hazy but not fully drunk. He was, though, leaning on Chanwoo, their shoulders and arms pressed together.

“Come on!” Yunhyeong whined, sticking his bottom lip out. Chanwoo recoiled at his brother’s attempt at aegyo, his face scrunched up in disgust.

“Fine!” Hanbin sighed loudly. He reached out and laid the empty first wine bottle on the table. “I’ll start.” He spinned the bottle hard and they watched, eyes following as the bottle slowed down and landed on…Yunhyeong.

Chanwoo laughed.

“OOHH!” Donghyuk and Jiwon covered their mouths with their hands, their eyes widened in a dramatic, drunk shock.

Hanbin smirked at Yunhyeong, pointing his finger at him and then curled that finger as a gesture to come to him. “Come here, hyung…” he drawled, eyebrows wagging suggestively. He crawled on his hands across the table towards Yunhyeong. Donghyuk and Jiwon giggled. Next to Chanwoo, Ju-ne leaned forward, eyes wide in anticipation.

Yunhyeong narrowed his eyes in a terrible sulk and then sighed, defeatedly, as he met Hanbin halfway on the table. Hanbin chuckled before grabbing Yunhyeong’s collar and yanked him forward, pressing his lips on Yunhyeong’s.

The others howled a loud cheer.

“Eurgh…!” Chanwoo scoffed, turning his head away. Witnessing his brother drunkly snogging another person was not exactly enjoyable to him. He drank his beer, hoping that it would end quickly. Except…it doesn’t end at all.

Chanwoo’s eyes widened and his jaws dropped, comically, when Hanbin tilted his head and deepened the kiss. He was stunned at seeing his brother and his friend passionately kissing each other. Yunhyeong seemed to be actually enjoying the kiss. The howling of cheers grew louder.

Eventually, and Chanwoo assumed it was because they ran out of oxygen, they pulled away. They are breathing heavily as they stared at each other.

Hanbin his lips. “You taste like cherry,” he murmured.

Chanwoo’s large eyes darted between them. What the hell was that?

******

Chanwoo inhaled the nicotine into his blood system and then dragged the cigarette from his lips, letting it dangled between his fingers as he blew the grey smoke out of his lips. He watched the smoke dispersed into the night air, fascinated by it. He tapped his cigarette and the ash from the tip fly down on the pavement.

The sound of a door swinging open caught his ears and he swivelled his head around to see Ju-ne stepping out. Ju-ne immediately lit up a smile when he saw Chanwoo.

“Hey,” he called out, walking towards Chanwoo. Chanwoo grinned at the slight sway of Ju-ne’s body, clearly the result of the amount of alcohol in his body.

“You smoke?” Ju-ne questioned, eyes glancing briefly at the cigarette. He stopped a few metres from Chanwoo and leaned sideways against the brickwall.

They gazed quietly at each other. Their emotions swirling as they studied each other.

Chanwoo shrugged his shoulders. “Sometimes. When I need a little…” He trailed off as he tried to find the right word. “…relief.”

“Like today?”

“Like today.”

Then Chanwoo narrowed his eyes at Ju-ne. “Don’t tell Yunhyeong hyung. He’ll kill me.”

Ju-ne chuckled, lightly. “I won’t. My lips are sealed.”

They settled in silence. Chanwoo continued his smoking. Ju-ne, leaning against the wall, staring at Chanwoo softly, his eyes roaming over every single features of his handsome face. He felt butterflies in his stomach and he smiled, unconsciously. He liked this – this calm, serene atmosphere that Chanwoo often bring to him, creating a bubble of bliss around him, protecting him from the chaotic, complicated of the outside world. His worries, his fears – everything disappeared when he was with Chanwoo.

Ju-ne knew that he was slowly drowning in Jung Chanwoo.

He remembered his own question. In that moment, being completely mesmerized by the streetlight glowing on Chanwoo, creating a golden halo around him, and hypnotized by the way his heart raced whenever Chanwoo was near, Ju-ne finally found the right answer to that question he had been agonizing over.

He doesn’t want the past anymore. Everytime he would think of Minhyuk, of their past together, he would remember everything, their happiness, the way they shared their lives together and how well they blended together; he remembered thinking that they were perfect for each other, Minhyuk was perfect to him. But the memories was hazy, blurry and felt so far like he was watching a movie; he remembered but he couldn't connect to it. The only thing that he could remembered clearly was how lonely and hurt he felt in the last year they were together, and that he had cried all the time. He doesn't want the dull ache to return. His past made him complicated, it was hurting him. He wanted the present. Chanwoo. A simple man who simply made him happy. He was sure of the answer.

“Chanwoo,” Ju-ne called out.

Chanwoo, who now had finished his cigarette, turned around to face him, hands in his pockets. “Hhmm?”

“I’m a little bit drunk, right now.”

Chanwoo let out a breathy laugh. “A little bit.”

“But I’m completely aware of what’s going on. My mind is working properly. I need you to know that.”

“Okay…?”

Ju-ne pushed himself away from the brick wall and confidently sauntered to Chanwoo, closing the distance between them in short steps. His heart leapt to his throat. He stood in front of Chanwoo, their faces only one inch apart. He could smell the nicotine breath from Chanwoo but he was too caught up with his emotions to recoil from it and placed his hands, tentatively, on Chanwoo’s chest. He flickered his eyes down to Chanwoo’s lips and he slowly leaned forward. His blood is pounding in his ear. He parted his lips.

“Ju-ne.”

The soft, low voice startled him and he looked down to see Chanwoo’s palm pressed against his chest. Blocking him. Halting him.

Ju-ne’s eyes flew up, confused. Chanwoo took a step back. His face was stoic and his eyes undecipherable. Ju-ne had never seen this hardened look on Chanwoo before. He was taken aback.

“You’re drunk.”

Chanwoo pulled his hand back and then walked away.

Ju-ne could only dumbly stared at the empty spot. His mind twisting like a tornado.