ELEVEN

Yunhyeong was surprised when he saw Ju-ne leaning against the entrance door to his restaurant early Saturday morning. But the surprise quickly turned into worriedness and he frowned as he stepped out of his car. Ju-ne was a not a morning person and usually spent his weekends sleeping in, so to see him in front of his restaurant hours before opening time, clearly waiting for him, rang the alarm bells in Yunhyeong’s head.

“Ju-ne,” Yunhyeong called as he walked to him.

Ju-ne looked up quickly and Yunhyeong was taken aback at the tired, resigned look on his face.

“Hyung,” Ju-ne whined softly.

Yunhyeong felt his heart constricted at the tone and the worriedness dug deeper in him. He slid his hand down Ju-ne’s arm affectionately as he fished out the keys to his restaurant. “What are you doing here so early in the morning?” he asked softly. He inserted the right key into the lock and twisted it around, unlocking the door.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Yunhyeong raised his eyebrows. Ju-ne hardly come to talk to him, he only confided in Jinhwan – it was a fact that everybody knew about. “Okay,” he nodded his head and pushed open the door. He smiled gently and warmly at Ju-ne, “Let’s go in. I’ll make us some coffee and you can talk to me about whatever you want to talk about.”

******

“Thanks, hyung,” Ju-ne murmured when Yunhyeong placed a mug of hot coffee in front of him. He wrapped both of his hands around the mug, his body sighing as it seep the heat inside of him. He stared blankly at the black liquid.

Yunhyeong took a sip of his coffee. He could tell that Ju-ne was collecting his thoughts and so he continued sipping his coffee quietly and patiently, letting Ju-ne have the silence.

“Tell me,” Yunhyeong coaxed gently when Ju-ne looked up and saw that he was ready to talk. He smiled tenderly at the younger man in front of him. “I’ll listen to you.”

Ju-ne dropped his head back down and rubbed his thumbs on the mug. “I like Chanwoo. I told him that and he just walked away,” he spilled, his voice dull and small like he was devoid of any emotions.

Yunhyeong’s eyes widened, his eyebrows raised. He was startled. He knew that there was something going on between them but he didn’t know that their relationship had got this far. Chanwoo didn’t say anything… His mind stuttered in confusion. “What did Chanwoo say?” he asked carefully.

Ju-ne slowly looked up again and Yunhyeong felt his heart squeeze tightly into a pang at the hurt evidently reflecting in his eyes. It throbbed even more when he knew the hurt was caused by his own brother.

Ju-ne took a deep, shaky breath. “He said we can’t be together,” his voice strained emotionally, “That he’s complicated and has a lot of baggages. He said that being with him will only ended up me getting hurt.” The words was deeply imprinted in his head making it pounding painfully in him. It was all he could think about, it swirled around and around his head but he couldn't understand. He couldn't grasped Chanwoo's words. 

Yunhyeong sighed heavily and briefly closed his eyes. Oh, Chanwoo… His heart ached for him. Because he understood his brother but it still hurted his friend. He leaned forward and gazed at Ju-ne softly. “Ju-ne.” Yunhyeong’s voice was very tender and calm like he was talking to a young child. A wounded child. “Chanwoo is complicated. He sees things differently, deals with things differently. But you wear your heart on your sleeves, you are open and carefree with your feelings…but Chanwoo…he keeps his heart lock in a Pandora’s box. There’s this wall around him.” He smiled sadly. “He is very brave and bold but not with his own feelings.”

Ju-ne frowned. “Pandora’s box? Why?”

Yunhyeong shrugged his shoulders. “It was what he was taught from a very young age. To protect his own feelings. That's all he'd ever known.”

“Chanwoo has a…difficult relationship with his family,” Yunhyeong let out carefully at Ju-ne’s deep frown. He thought that if Ju-ne got to understood Chanwoo a little bit; understood why Chanwoo walked away, his hurt would ceased a little. “Because of that, he’s been through a lot things that makes him guarded.”

“What kind of things?” Ju-ne asked quietly and Yunhyeong could see the desperateness in his eyes.

Yunhyeong sighed, feeling his heart torned in turmoil at this sudden quicksand his brother and Ju-ne found themselves being pulled into. “I want to tell you but Chanwoo’s my brother, and because he is my brother is the reason why I know it’s not my place to tell you. Chanwoo is a private person and I respect that.”

“So…that’s it?” Ju-ne breathed.

“Ju-ne.” Yunhyeong pursed his lips. “Chanwoo is not someone you can force to do something. The more you push him, the further he gets away.” He paused, looking at Ju-ne seriously. “You understand what I’m saying, don’t you? You can’t jump at him, you’ve got to walk to him slowly and then he’ll come to you.”

The cloudiness in Ju-ne’s eyes cleared a little and his natural coloured orbs appeared. “Really?” he asked cautiously.

Yunhyeong smiled reassuringly. Maybe there is still hope – a way for them to work it out. “Trust me. I’m his brother – that’s the same method I used on him all these years.”

******

The restaurant door swung to a dull thud behind him as Ju-ne stepped out, his shoes hitting the pavement in an instant rhythmic pace, and walked away. Yunhyeong’s words seeped deeply inside of him and jump started his wheels of thoughts. His heart felt slightly lighter but the pain and hurt was still buried there.

He sighed heavily. Chanwoo was right – he was complicated but unlike Chanwoo, he can’t just walk away and ignore his feelings that was still beating and wrapped like a vine inside of him. Can I take on his complicatedness? But am I willing to fight against Chanwoo’s stubbornness? He sighed again. What do I do?

******

The lift dings loudly and slid its doors open. Chanwoo pushed himself off from leaning against the lift walls and walked out into the hallway that lead to his penthouse. He sighed tiredly and rubbed the back of his neck as he keyed in his passcode. Once he entered, he immediately froze. All the lights were on, the curtains in the living room were pulled back, revealing his impressive floor-to-ceiling windows that have the night view of the Seoul city, and he can hear music crooning softly from the kitchen.

He sheathed his Mackintosh jacket off and slid out of his shoes, putting each of them in their rightful place before walking to the kitchen with a deep frown. He carelessly dropped his briefcase on one of his cream coloured sofas on the way. He swerved the corner and saw Yunhyeong in the middle of his kitchen, cooking and embarrassingly dancing to a loud pop music – his ears caught the words of red flavour and strawberry – that was blaring from his portable speakerphone sitting on the kitchen counter.

Chanwoo stared incredulously at his brother. “Hyung!” he shrieked.

Yunhyeong swivelled around, smiling widely when he saw Chanwoo but continued dancing. Embarrassingly. “Chanwoo! You’re back home! Perfect timing! The stew is almost done!” He bop his shoulders and moved his body, mouthing along to the lyrics.

Chanwoo was horrified. “What are you doing?” he shrieked again.

“Cooking.”

Chanwoo had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “I can see that. But what I meant was how did you get in? How did you know my passcode?”

“It was easy to figure out. It’s my birthday.”

Chanwoo clucked his tongue in annoyance and glared at his brother, “I’m going to shower.” Without a glance, he turned around and walked towards his bedroom.

“Ok! Once you’re finished, come out and have dinner!” Yunhyeong called out after him.

Chanwoo grunted loudly.

******

Yunhyeong pursed his lips while he watched Chanwoo ate dinner quietly. Too quiet, he noticed. Chanwoo was usually more animated when he was around him than he was with other people but tonight he hardly spoke unless he was answering questions.

“Ju-ne came to see me a couple of days ago,” Yunhyeong began. He watched for Chanwoo’s reaction but there was none. “He told me about what happened between the two of you.”

Chanwoo scoop a spoonful of rice. “It happened,” he murmured.

“Why didn’t you tell me what happened?” Yunhyeong asked gently. “You tell me everything.”

“I know,” Chanwoo admitted quietly.

Yunhyeong sighed quietly. He looked down at his hands before looking up at his younger brother. He tilted his head. “Chanwoo, it’s not your fault. None of it is your fault.”

Chanwoo’s jaws stopped chewing.

“Mum’s death was not your fault. What Grandma said to you about Mum at her funeral, she didn’t mean it. She was just angry. And heartbroken about her daughter’s death.”

Chanwoo put down his spoon. Something painful raised to his throat, constricting it and making him hard to swallow. “No,” he said, his voice low and quiet. “Grandma was right. If it weren’t for me, Mum wouldn’t have been tied to the family. She could’ve just left. But she had to stay because of me.”

Yunhyeong inhaled shakily, stinging tears are pooling in his eyes at his brother’s words and he blinked rapidly to clear it away but it failed miserably. “Chanwoo, you’re not the reason why Mum cried everyday,” his voice wavered terribly. Their mum tried to hide it but they knew, at nights when she thought they were asleep, they heard her but they decided to not saying anything, a secret between, they never even talked about it to each other. She was already hurt if she knew that her children knew, it would only hurted her more. But now, he thought it was a mistake to not talked about it. It had affected Chanwoo badly, a scar that was tattoed in him. His heart squeezed. He hated how easily emotional he was especially when it came to Chanwoo. “You are the reason why Mum was able to stay in that house for so long. She wanted to protect you.”

Chanwoo continued to be silent, his eyes transfixed on his food plate.

“And Jinyoung,” Yunhyeong continued quietly, he noticed immediately at how Chanwoo’s jaws tightened at the mentioned of the name. It was, unspokenly, a taboo subject – Chanwoo had never once mentioned that name ever since… “He loved you very much and you loved him very much. What your family did to him… That’s not your fault, Chanwoo. You and him were just not meant to be. That’s all.” He put his hand on Chanwoo’s shoulder and squeezed it. “You’ve got to stop closing your heart because of this. You’re only hurting yourself more.”

“I don’t want to be with Ju-ne,” Chanwoo said quietly. “It’s just mean there’s another person I have to protect. And I know this sounds really horrible and selfish but protecting someone is exhausting.” He turned his head and looked at his older brother in the eyes. Yunhyeong’s heart throbbed painfully, like someone had stabbed it with a sharp knife and was slowly cutting it in half, at the broken and defeated emotions that was held in Chanwoo’s dark orbs.

“I’m tired, hyung,” Chanwoo sighed, “Fighting with my family and protecting people that I care about from them… My shoulders feels so heavy that sometimes it’s hard for me to wake up in the morning.”

Yunhyeong’s split heart fell and he almost winced out loud at the pain.

“Being with Ju-ne will just add another weight to my shoulders. I don’t need that.” I don’t need that, Chanwoo repeated that in his head everyday to justify himself from walking away from Ju-ne but somehow at each replay, the words stung, burned his heart deeply.

“Chanwoo –”

“Hyung, let’s just drop it,” Chanwoo said curtly. “There’s nothing to it anymore.” He grabbed his chopsticks and continued eating.

******

Chanwoo picked up a bat and turned around to see Ju-ne striding to him across the baseball field. His brows creased. Ever since that night, they haven’t seen each other nor stay in contact and it’s been nearly three weeks.

“Ju-ne, what are you doing here?” Chanwoo asked, perplexed.

Ju-ne stood tall, digging his heels into the ground, he lifted his chin up and gazed at Chanwoo with a confident look. “I just came here to tell you that I’m going to fight for you. That’s all.” He nodded curtly and then his heels. He walked away with his head and shoulders straightened without a single glance back.

Yes, Jung Chanwoo. Watch me fight for you.

Chanwoo blinked his eyes rapidly as he watched Ju-ne walked away. He gaped at him. He was utterly confused. Stunned. Speechless.

What the hell?