TEN

Chanwoo.

Ju-ne stared at the black letters printed against the white background in his smartphone. His mind has been reeling and twisting endlessly since last night. What the hell happened? He replayed the events of last night, minute per minute, every move, every words spoken to Chanwoo; he dissected them little by little, over and over again in his head. But no matter how many times he did so, he still could not understand the reason of Chanwoo’s rejection. He breathed sharply as he felt his heart stung deeply. The pain raw and unfamiliar. He had never felt this kind of emotion even when he broke up with Minhyuk.

“Ju-ne. You’re drunk.”

Ju-ne’s mind frowned. His confession was sincere but Chanwoo had been so cold. Was he wrong about Chanwoo’s feelings for him?

“Yah!”

Ju-ne jumped in his seat and snapped his head up. Hanbin, perched in front of his desk, glared angrily at him with his arms crossed across his chest and his jaws tight. He raised his eyebrows tauntingly and Ju-ne put his phone down.

“Yah…Koo Ju-ne. You’re listening to me?” Hanbin growled, lowly. His sharp face was bloated, his small tired eyes was covered in black circles and his mood was foul. Severe hangover does not suit Kim Hanbin at all.

“You said the colours are too bright and the background music ,” Ju-ne calmly replied. After years of working as Hanbin’s partner, he had grown immune to his sometimes ill-tempered moods.

Hanbin scowled and clucked his tongue loudly. “Smartass,” he muttered. He held the printed powerpoint in front of him again, flipping a page over and continued talking.

Ju-ne flickered his eyes back to his phone, his mind wandering back to a tall, sparkling doe eyes man. He chewed the inside of his lips and grabbed his phone again. Hesitantly, he opened the message app and typed a message.

Chanwoo, let’s have dinner tonight.

He pressed the send button and waited. His heart thumping as he hold his breath.

******

His office door slam opened so hard that Chanwoo could see the walls shaking and the employees who’s desks was in front of his office, whipped their heads to the direction in alarmed. Chanwoo, however, was not alarmed or bothered as he knew immediately who it was and dully looked up to see Taeho deathly gripping the door handle and standing in the doorframe in bewildered anger.

Chanwoo dropped his pen and leaned back against his leather chair as he tried his best not to let out an exasperating sigh. “Taeho, people usually knock on the door before they come in. It’s called etiquette.”

“You son of a ,” Taeho spat bitterly. “You sly son of a .”

Chanwoo blinked at him, unaffected by his choice of words and tilted his head. “Shut the door behind you,” he said tiredly. “The other employees are staring and I’m sure you don’t want them to see the ugly side of you.”

Taeho growled but he nevertheless obeyed and shut (slammed) the door. Chanwoo scratched his temple and creased his brows lightly. “What’s the problem?”

“How dare you?” Taeho shrieked angrily unable to control his temper any longer. He stomped to in front of Chanwoo’s desk. “How dare you reject my project?!”

Chanwoo resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I didn’t reject your project, Taeho. I reviewed it.” His phone vibrated and he flickered his eyes to it as a banner flashed across the screen. Message from Ju-ne. For a second, his heart leap but he turned the phone over, staring back at Taeho. Not now. “It’s part of my job as a Chief of Financial Officer to review every project proposal from a financial point of view especially since I am responsible for the release of the budget for every project. Then I give the report to the person I answer directly to. The Chairman. Grandfather.”

Taeho clenched his jaws.

“All the final decisions are made by him. So, I’ll repeat myself,” Chanwoo said sternly like he was talking to a child. “I did not reject your project. The Chairman – Grandfather – did.” Then he smirked, "But surely as the Vice President - a position that is ten times higher than mine - you'd know that."

Taeho's jaw ticked and he scoffed bitterly. “But you had your say in it.”

Chanwoo let out an irritated sigh. “You want to pick a fight, you pick a fight with Grandfather. Not me.”

Taeho stubbornly stayed quiet and turned to sit on one of the leather sofas situated in front of Chanwoo’s desk. Chanwoo watched him and this time he doesn’t resist and rolled his eyes. He knew that Taeho was never going to head-on face their Grandfather and argued against him; when it came to their Grandfather, Taeho was a coward. He feared him and often, instead, seek protection from Chanwoo’s father.

“Anyway, while you’re here, there’s something I want to ask you,” Chanwoo said.

“What?” Taeho snapped.

“There’s been a lot of activities in your account lately.”

Taeho’s entire body tensed, his shoulders stiffened and his hands curled around the armchair in a tight grip.

Chanwoo continued, “A lot of transferring and withdrawing of money.”

Taeho’s eyes darted nervously. “So what? It doesn’t affect the company.”

“Actually it does.” Chanwoo tilted his head and observingly gazed at Taeho. “That account is the company’s account albeit it’s yours but it’s not your personal account. That account withholds the company’s money.”

“It’s none of your business,” Taeho hissed, his eyes hard as he stared, accusingly, at Chanwoo. “You have no right to snoop around.”

“Actually…” Chanwoo drawled the word out playfully as a bait to tease Taeho. “I do. It’s my job to monitor those accounts.” He leaned forward and narrowed his eyes, teasingly. “You see, I do a lot than just counting money.”

Taeho took the teasing bait easily and his face scrunched in anger. “That account is under my name so I have the right to do whatever I want with it,” he seethed through clenched teeth. He stood up and glared at Chanwoo. “You’re not the only grandson of the Chairman.” He his heels and stride to the door.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Taeho,” Chanwoo warned. Taeho froze, his hand hanging on the door handle. “I don’t want to clean up your mess.”

Taeho straightened his shoulders, opened the door and left, slamming the door behind him.

Chanwoo sighed exasperatedly. “At this rate, he’s going to destroy my door,” he muttered under his breath. He sighed again and his eyes caught his turnover phone. He stared blankly at it.

Ju-ne placed his hands on Chanwoo’s chest, palms pressed firmly against him, making Chanwoo’s heart to beat erratically. Ju-ne’s eyes flickered down and then he slowly leaned forward. Chanwoo’s heart jumped to his mouth, alarmed bells ringing loudly and rapidly in his head, and quickly he pulled his hand up and pressed it on Ju-ne’s chest. Blocking him. Halting him. No.

“Ju-ne.” No.

Ju-ne stared at him with confused eyes. He took a step back creating a literal distance. Chanwoo felt a pang in his heart when the eyes changed into a flicker of hurt. He wills his mind to ignore it and stared at Ju-ne with hardened eyes.

“You’re drunk.” No.

He forced himself to leave.

Chanwoo leaned back against his chair and slid the phone into his hand, gingerly turning it around. He unlocked his phone and opened the message. He read the message, his eyes scanning every word carefully, and he stared at it.

Dinner?

Yes, his mind agreed defeatedly. He needed to draw the line with Ju-ne.

I’m sorry but I can’t have dinner tonight. How about just drinks instead?

He pressed send and immediately received a reply.

Ok. Drinks then. Where? What time?

Chanwoo send his message and as before was immediately answered.

See you then, Chanwoo.

“See you,” he whispered.

******

Chanwoo’s eyes widened in fascinated awe making his already large eyes larger and his mouth slightly gaped open as he was hypnotised by the colourful, shiny lights displays on the streets. His eyes twinkled from the lights’ reflection ricochet. He gasped and giggled quietly when the lights changed and bounced rhythmically to the music beats that was blaring through the speakerphones.

“Wah…” he breathed and clapped his hands softly.

Ju-ne watched Chanwoo from afar, a few metres from where Chanwoo was standing in the middle of the street square, he smiled from ear-to-ear. He cocked his head to the side and laughed when Chanwoo giggled, his heart overwhelmed with endearment and happiness at seeing him being captivated by the lights. Chanwoo had always enjoyed the simplest things and that was what attracted Ju-ne the most.

It was rare, Ju-ne thought, to see Chanwoo looking so carefree and…boyish. He was always so mature and manly whenever they were together.

“Oh!” Chanwoo gasped when the music turned upbeat and the lights’ beat begin to increase in harmonisation with the song. Unconsciously, his head bop along and Ju-ne chuckled, his nose crinkling and his heart cooing at Chanwoo’s cute reaction. Unable to stay rooted in his place and itching to get closer to Chanwoo, to hear him laugh, to see his dimples poking out, to see the sparkling doe eyes, he walked towards him. His heartbeat increased with every step.

“Chanwoo,” Ju-ne called when he was near him.

Chanwoo swivelled around and his eyes caught Ju-ne. His smile faltered to a small smile and his sparkling eyes dimmed.

Ju-ne almost halted in his steps, turned and ran back. Maybe I should’ve just stayed where I was, he thought.

“Hey,” Chanwoo said. The softness in his tone encouraged Ju-ne to get closer to him.

He was not cold, he was not distant…and hewas not mad, Ju-ne told himself. Then he realised that he was careful around Chanwoo – he never had to be careful around him before. The thought was unsettling and confused him.

As Ju-ne stood in front of Chanwoo, he saw that Chanwoo was dressed in a tuxedo underneath the black Mackintosh he was wearing, his usual hair style long fringe that covered his forehead, was styled back enhancing his handsome features. He felt his heart skip a beat.

“You’re all dressed up,” Ju-ne said.

“Ah…” Chanwoo rubbed the back of his neck and rocked on his heels, feeling shy. “Yeah…I was at a fundraising ball. That’s why I couldn’t make to dinner.”

Ju-ne’s eyebrows raised. “Fundraising ball?”

Chanwoo shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “It’s a company thing,” he murmured. It was not a lie – not really – the fundraising ball was conducted due to the company but what he didn’t say was that the company belonged to his family and the charity that the fundraising was held for was founded by his grandfather. He didn’t want to tell Ju-ne that because that would mean explaining his family and he doesn’t want Ju-ne to know about his family.

“Did you have a good time?”

“It was deathly dull and the people were boring. I sneaked out.”

Ju-ne chuckled and a genuine, familiar, big smile made its way to Chanwoo’s lips. He liked how he can easily make Ju-ne smile and laugh, how his jokes were always funny to him. The happiness in his heart faltered a little bit at that thought.

Ju-ne’s chuckled slowly died away and they stared at each other in silence; for a moment, yesterday’s trouble disappeared between them.

Chanwoo, as usual, was the first one to break through the silence.  He always felt uncomfortable with awkwardness. “There’s a bar nearby that we can have some drinks at.” He pointed his shoulder to the direction.

“You know what, I don’t want a drink,” Ju-ne said quickly. “Let’s just walk and…talk.”

Chanwoo blinked his large, doe eyes. “Sure,” he said after a beat. “Let’s walk and talk. It’s a nice night, anyway.”

“Yeah, it is,” Ju-ne said quietly.

They their heels and began to walk down the walking pavement. They walked at the same pace, the same rhythm of breathing, eyes drinking in the same view but their minds were wheeling in different directions, their hearts beating in their own patterns.

Ju-ne turned to look at Chanwoo who was walking with his head cast down. He noticed that Chanwoo does that a lot. Tall with wide, broad shoulders that, from the distance, made him looked strong and confident but his head was always bowed down like he was avoiding eye contact with the world. Like he was hiding.

“Chanwoo,” Ju-ne said quietly.

Chanwoo lifted his head up but his eyes remained unmoved.

Ju-ne took a deep breath, his heart beating erratically, pumping blood all over his body at an alarming rate, and his palms sweating. “I like you.”

Chanwoo’s eyes flickered and unconsciously, his walking pace slowed down, the beating of his heart throbbed into a pang and suddenly his heart felt heavy like the words Ju-ne uttered were tons of bricks.

Ju-ne took quick steps and jumped in front of Chanwoo, halting their feet to a stop. Chanwoo’s eyes snapped to his in surprised. Bravely, stupidly bravely, he locked his eyes into Chanwoo’s, their equal heights made it easier.

“Last night...I meant it.” Ju-ne’s voice was breathless, almost in a whisper but was stern, determined. He needed Chanwoo to know this.

Chanwoo hardened his eyes, an instant, effective way to conceal his emotions; a habit he taught and forced himself to have. Ju-ne frowned in hurt when he saw it.

“Do you not have the same feelings?” His voice sounded wounded and Chanwoo’s ears winced at the tone.

“I thought you do…” Ju-ne stumbled. “All those time we’ve spend together…I could feel…something from you…”

Ju-ne darted his eyes, nervously, gauging Chanwoo’s face but Chanwoo was stoic, unresponsive. His usual sparkling doe eyes were so dull. He knew that Chanwoo naturally was quiet but right now his silence is unnerving. For the first time since he met him, he felt a wall, thick and tall, between them.

“Was I wrong?”

Chanwoo’s shoulders slumped down, the throbbing in his heart grew worse as he forced his brain to function, to produce words.

“Chanwoo, why did you walked away last night?” Ju-ne looked desperate and defeated.

The throbbing in Chanwoo’s heart turned into a full, pricking sting. “You’re not wrong,” he breathed, his hardened eyes turned softer as he willed his walls to break down a little. “I do have feelings for you. Strong, real, genuine feelings.”

Ju-ne’s heart jumped start, his eyes light up in a strained hope. He nearly sob out in relief. He wasn’t wrong. All that agony of turmoil emotions was for something.

“But that’s only as far it’s going to get. It can’t be anymore than that.”

Ju-ne frowned deeply. “What are you talking about?”

Chanwoo sighed softly, smiling tightly. “I’m complicated. I have a lot of baggages with me. Heavy baggages that I don’t want you to know.”

Ju-ne felt his heart stopped beating and his throat closed up, his breathing stuck. “What…are you saying?”

Suddenly, Chanwoo’s throat felt dry and when he swallowed, it was sore and painful. “You and I can’t be together.”

A sharp lance pierced through Ju-ne’s heart.

“Being with me, you’re only going to end up getting badly hurt. A lot of people do. I don’t want to do that to you. I don’t want to see that. I care for you. It’s not fair for you. You are really a great person, you don’t deserve to get hurt.”

Ju-ne stumbled a step back, his head suddenly dizzy and his entire body turned cold and frozen.

“Let’s end it here…while things are still good between us. Being friends.”

There’s a loud buzzing noise in Ju-ne’s ear. “I-I don’t –”

“I’m sorry,” Chanwoo said as steadily as his voice can. His heart was now burning from the sting and his walls climbed back up. “I’m really sorry, Ju-ne.”

And for the second time, Ju-ne, helplessly, watched Chanwoo walked away from him.