FOURTEEN

Chanwoo stared at the small yellow-orange light dancing at his feet. He stared at it blankly. With each passing minutes, he observed the small dancing light getting bigger and bigger until it filled the entire floor and spread to the walls, colouring them with the bright, shining yellow sunlight. He sighed. It was dawn. A new day. Another day for him to face. 

His phone rang and he took it out of his pocket. He glanced at the phone screen briefly before answering it.

“Yeoboseyo?”

Yunhyeong frowned at hearing Chanwoo’s voice over the phone. It sounded small, hoarse and tired. “Chanwoo-yah, where were you last night? I called twice and you didn’t pick up. You always pick up my call. I was worried.”

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

Concern crept to the bottom pit of Yunhyeong’s stomach, setting heavily and uneasily. His heart knotted. Something was wrong – something have happened to Chanwoo. “Chanu,” the nickname slipped out if his tongue unconsciously, “what’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

Hearing his brother soft tone made Chanwoo’s heart ached painfully again. He tried to clear his clogged throat, wanting to push back the unwanted emotions from last night. He inhaled quietly. “I’m okay, hyung.”

Yunhyeong ignored his words. “Do you want to come to my restaurant? I’ll cook you some breakfast… Or should I come over to your penthouse? I’ll come over –”

“Hyung,” Chanwoo cuts off. “I’m fine, really.” He glanced at his watch. “Hyung, I gotta go.”

Yunhyeong sighed defeatedly. Something was bothering Chanwoo but clearly, he doesn’t want to talk about it. A habit that Chanwoo never seemed to break: burying his troubles and dealing it with himself. “Okay – just don’t forget to eat your breakfast before you go to work,” he exhaled.

“Hhmm.”

“Chanu-yah…I love you. So much.”

Chanwoo felt his heart clenched tightly. “I love you too, hyung.”

He ended the call. He leaned his head back against the glass vaults behind him and closed his eyes momentarily. When he opened them, he looked around the room. The sunlight had stained the walls deeply.

The Columbarium looked different in the day – less empty and lonely than in the night.

He wished he could felt the same.

******

Ju-ne pushed his desk chair under his desk and glanced at the table in front of him across the room. “Hanbin hyung,” he called. “I’m going home.”

Hanbin who was still engrossed in his work, distractedly waved his hand, his eyes glued to the screen of his computer. He hummed, “Hhmm…I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ju-ne sighed. “Try and go home before eight,” he remarked as he left their shared office room but Hanbin paid no heed to his words, absentmindedly nodding his head. He shook his head as he walked down the office hallway to the lift. Hanbin was a workaholic and nothing was going to change that. He sighed again when another person entered his mind. He fished his phone out and unlocked it but like since in the morning, there was no notifications from Chanwoo. He couldn’t help but felt the disappointment he tried hard to keep at bay with Chanwoo’s silence.

“Ju-ne.”

Ju-ne swivelled around to greet the person who called him. He smiled as he slipped his phone back inside his pocket. “Seungyoon hyung,” he said to the approaching man. “Going home?”

Seungyoon stood next to him in front of the lift. “Yep!” he answered excitedly. He glanced behind Ju-ne’s shoulders. “Hanbin is still working?”

Ju-ne rolled his eyes. “You know him,” he said in a matter of fact tone of voice.

Seungyoon shook his head in amusement. “He really doesn’t know anything else besides work, does he?”

“Nope.”

“I’m surprised he has a social life with the amount of hours he spent on working.”

Ju-ne scoffed, “Barely.”

Seunyoon laughed as they entered the lift. “You’re so mean, Ju-ne.”

“That’s what’s good friends does,” Ju-ne retorted playfully.

They leaned their backs against the wall of the lift and chatted animatedly with each other until they reached the lobby.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, Ju-ne,” Seungyoon said to him as they stepped out of the lift.

“Yeah, see you.”

They patted each other backs as they headed to different directions: Seungyoon went to the car park whilst Ju-ne walked to the entrance. Today, he didn’t drive his car to work and decided to use the train instead.

He politely greeted the security guard as he walked by and exited through the revolving door. He stepped outside and immediately froze.  A familiar, distinct silver Audi was parked right in front of the building; and the owner of the car, dressed in dark brown fitting suit, was leaned against it, his hands inside his pockets. Handsome, tall and dimple-smile. Waiting for him. His heart raced.

“Hey,” Chanwoo said as he pushed himself off his car and sauntered to him.

Ju-ne swallowed, trying to ignore his palpating heart and appear as nonchalant as he could. He was still a bit sulky over last night and he wanted Chanwoo to know that. “What are you doing here?” he asked with a dull voice. It was hard to contain the giddiness laced in his voice at seeing Chanwoo.

“I want to take you out to dinner,” Chanwoo said simply.

Ju-ne’s heart somersault, the butterflies rampaging his stomach but he forced himself to remain indifferent, not responding to Chanwoo.

Chanwoo noticed it and pursed his lips. An apologetic look crossed his face and, unconsciously, his bottom lip stuck out. Ju-ne’s heart cooed and it took nearly everything in him not to break down at Chanwoo’s cute display.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Chanwoo said softly. “I want to make it up to you. I checked online on that restaurant you suggested and you’re right, it looks great.” When Ju-ne didn’t reply, he tilted his head and smiled widely, his dimples poking out shamelessly as he blinked his doe eyes.

June’s heart melted. He was now sure that Chanwoo's dimples were his weakness. The amount of flipping his heart did in a few minutes could only meant that he was whipped, truly.

“Will you accept my apology and have dinner with me?” Chanwoo asked sweetly.

Ju-ne cleared his throat and nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders. “Fine,” he muttered. “But it’s only because I’m hungry.”

Chanwoo grinned.

******

“You’re still mad,” Chanwoo said.

Ju-ne muttered, “It’s fine.”

“I’m really sorry,” Chanwoo repeated with an apologetic look on his face.

Ju-ne’s heart fluttered and he immediately knew that his disappointment from yesterday had disappeared. He could never stay mad at Chanwoo for long anyway.

“Did something came up yesterday? You’ve never backed out on a promise before.”

Chanwoo shifted in his seat and slide the kimchi food container across the table to him then he grabbed the small tong and opened the container. “Hhmm,” he hummed as he laid out the kimchi on the small plate for Ju-ne. “Something like that.”

Ju-ne looked at the plate of kimchi when Chanwoo slid it to him and then watched Chanwoo closed the container. “Something important?”

Chanwoo glanced up and nodded his head. “Hhmm.”

“Is it about work or family?”

Ju-ne noticed at how Chanwoo tensed up at the word family but it was only for a second and it quickly disappeared.

“Both,” Chanwoo replied quietly.

Ju-ne bit the inside of his lips to stop the exasperated sigh from coming out at Chanwoo’s monosyllabic words. After knowing him for a while now, he found that sometimes talking to Chanwoo was like talking to a brick wall. He was very guarded and cryptic about certain personal topics of his life and in particularly his family. A subject that seemed like a taboo for him and he won’t explain why either. He wanted to know more but Chanwoo won’t let him. It was sometimes frustrating and at the same time confusing. Whenever they were together, it was always him that talked while Chanwoo listened. 

Suddenly, guilt settled uncomfortably in his chest.

“You know, you can talk to me,” he said quietly. “I’ll listen.”

Chanwoo furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head in amusement, a laughing smile formed on his lips.

Ju-ne cleared his throat awkwardly, trying to hide the heat he felt on his face. “I know that I’m not very good at it but I can listen really well when I try to. Especially for you.” The heat on his face intensified and so did Chanwoo’s amusement.

He's cute when he is flustered, Chanwoo thought. 

“I won’t judge you. Whatever it is you tell me – good or bad. I won’t run away.”

Chanwoo’s amused smile turned softer and wistful, and his eyes dropped down, looking away. He felt a pang in his heart. “Thanks, Ju-ne” he murmured. He looked up at the man in front of him and gave a small, thankful smile. And for a while, the tiny tear in his heart healed a little knowing that there was someone, other than his own brother, who wanted to be there for him even though he doesn’t want that person to be. It felt nice for a moment but as usual it never last. Like an oasis in the desert, it was just a momentary illusion.

Ju-ne opened his mouth to say something when he saw something flashed in Chanwoo’s doe eyes and decided against it when he remembered Yunhyeong’s words about not pushing Chanwoo. So, he put on a small grin.

“I’ll let you go this time. Just this once.”

He lifted his index finger in front of Chanwoo, showing the number one. The other man returned the grin.

*****

Ju-ne took a sip of the broth and loudly showed his approval of the taste. Chanwoo chuckled lightly.

“Oh, this is good!” Ju-ne exclaimed. He took another slurp of the broth and made another loud approval. “Oh…” he exhaled. He shook the spoon at the steaming pot. “This will taste even better with soju!” He raised an eyebrow at Chanwoo. “Shall we have soju?”

Chanwoo laughed and the butterflies rampaged Ju-ne’s stomach especially when he saw the twinkles in his eyes.

“You can drink it if you want,” Chanwoo said, sifting through the seafood cooked in the broth with his chopstick. “I can’t drink since I’m driving.”    

“It’s no fun drinking alone,” Ju-ne pouted. He tapped Chanwoo’s hand. Chanwoo glanced up at him. “Let’s get a substitute driver.”

Chanwoo shook his head in amusement. “No. I have work tomorrow and so do you.”

Ju-ne clamped his mouth close and pouted even more, slumping back in his chair, looking like a child who had his candy taken forcefully away from him. Chanwoo ignored him as he picked an abalone and placed it on his plate. Ju-ne leaned forward, folding his arms on the table and tilted his head. He eyed Chanwoo.

Sensing his stare, Chanwoo looked up from separating the abalone meat from its shell. “What?”

“I haven’t seen you drunk yet,” Ju-ne said with narrowed eyes.

“You wouldn’t be able to handle me if I’m drunk,” Chanwoo retorted. He playfully quirked an eyebrow and Ju-ne unconsciously copied him but in curiosity. He grinned mischievously. “I’m really cute when I’m drunk. Really cute.”

Ju-ne gasped. “More than Donghyuk?”

“More. You wouldn’t be able to stand it.”

“Really?” Ju-ne breathed. Chanwoo was already cute – how cuter does he get when he’s drunk? Excitement laced with intrigue bubbled up inside of him. “Now, I want to get you drunk.”

Chanwoo chuckled, “Maybe next time.” He leaned forward and placed the abalone meat on Ju-ne’s plate. “Here.”

Ju-ne picked the meat with his chopstick but instead of eating it, he held in front of Chanwoo.

Chanwoo blinked. “That’s for you.”

“And now I’m giving it to you.” Ju-ne pushed the meat closer to Chanwoo’s mouth, prodding it to open. “Aahh…”

Chanwoo let out a long breath but obediently opened his mouth and ate the awaiting abalone. Ju-ne smiled satisfiedly.

“So, where do you want to go after this?”

Ju-ne’s eyes widened slightly in surprised. “It’s not just dinner?” He grinned giddly, his heart racing when Chanwoo shook his head. “Anywhere I want to go?”

Chanwoo grinned,” Anywhere you want to go.”

******

The night air was cool and breezy hinting that summer was reaching its end and autumn was coming. It was refreshing and familiar as they stepped out of the restaurant.

Ju-ne frowned in thought. “Where do we go?”

“Where do we go?” Chanwoo repeated, looking at the man beside him in question.

“I don’t know,” Ju-ne sighed.

“Well since you don’t know…do you want to go on a night drive?”

“A night drive?” Ju-ne asked, confused.

 “Yeah, we can just drive around the city.”

“To where?”

Chanwoo bopped his shoulders. “Anywhere.”

“What if we get lost?”

Chanwoo grinned. “That’s the fun part.”

Going on a drive to anywhere with Chanwoo, not caring if they get lost. I like that. Ju-ne smiled, “Let’s go for a night drive.”

******

“You see that?”

Chanwoo leaned forward to look at the direction to which Ju-ne was pointing his finger at through the car window as they waited at the traffic light. It was a large LED display screen and it was playing a Samsung phone advert.

“Hhmm,” Chanwoo hummed.

Ju-ne grinned at him. “Hanbin hyung and I made the advert,” he said proudly.

“Ah…” That’s right – Hanbin and Ju-ne worked at an advertising agency.  Chanwoo nodded his impressively. “It’s pretty cool.”

“It was our biggest project ever! And Samsung personally picked us for it – it drove us crazy!” Ju-ne exclaimed.

Chanwoo chuckled. The light turned green and he drove. They had been driving around the city without any destination for an hour already; simply driving on the road while being engrossed with each other's words and presence.

“It took us eight months and during those eight months we barely slept. We had to keep changing it over and over again because Samsung kept changing on what it was they wanted.”

“But you guys did it,” Chanwoo pointed out. “It’s great and it’s showing everywhere in the country.”

Ju-ne smiled happily. “Yeah – all those sleepless night was worth it.”

A familiar music crooned through the radio speaker and Ju-ne immediately shot up in his seat. “Oh! This is one of my favourite song!”

Chanwoo pressed the increase volume button on his steering wheel.

Ju-ne smiled. He glanced at Chanwoo. “Do you know this song?”

“I’ve heard it before I think.”

“It’s actually an OST from my one of my favourite movie.”

Chanwoo glanced at Ju-ne briefly, his eyebrows quirked. “A romantic melodrama movie?”

Ju-ne narrowed his eyes. “You don’t watch romantic melodrama movies, do you?”

“No.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

Chanwoo chuckled.

“I bet you’re a thriller, action movie type-of-person,” Ju-ne said.

“I don’t watch a lot of movies,” Chanwoo confessed.

Ju-ne’s eyes widened in a dramatic shocked. “Why not?”

Chanwoo shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know…I don’t seem to have the time for it.”

“But you have the time for baseball, swimming and video games?” Ju-ne mocked.

“Yeah,” Chanwoo deadpanned.

Ju-ne tut under his breath, scowling at the man driving next to him. “I’m gonna bring you my entire collections of movies and force you to watch all of them.”

Chanwoo laughed and Ju-ne’s heart fluttered.

A passing signboard caught Ju-ne’s eyes. He clapped his hands loudly. “Aah! I know where I want to go now!”

Chanwoo looked at him. “Where?”

******

Chanwoo frowned disapprovingly at the food items in Ju-ne’s hand. “You said you wanted to get ice-cream.”

“I did!” Ju-ne exclaimed. He smiled sheepishly. “But then I saw these and wanted them instead.” He bopped his shoulders. “It happens!”

Chanwoo pursed his lips. “They’re not very healthy for a late night snack, you know. They contain very high amount of sodium.”

Ju-ne’s eyes widened. “Really?” he gasped. “I eat them all the time, though! Like four and five a day!”

Chanwoo sighed albeit endearingly. “You can eat them but try to lessen it. Don’t eat hot bars only – there are other healthy snacks,” he scolded gently.

“Okay, you’re right. I’ll try to cut them down,” Ju-ne agreed easily. Then he grinned widely. “So you do care for me.”

Chanwoo didn’t answered instead he took the hot bars from Ju-ne’s hand and shuffled to the counter till. Ju-ne’s heart fluttered crazily and his grin grew wider that it nearly split his face. He rocked on his heels as he stood behind Chanwoo and watched him pay. Chanwoo had paid for the dinner and was now paying for their late night snacks, he had opened the door and pulled the chair for him, they had a casual conversation, they laughed and joked together, they went on a night drive, and Chanwoo had took him wherever he wanted to go. He concluded that tonight was a date. Even if Chanwoo didn’t asked him and they said nothing about tonight being a date – he was convinced that tonight was classified as a date night. His first date night with Chanwoo. The thought made him feel giddy and crazily happy, his heart somersaulting, like he was floating on a cloud. So when Chanwoo turned around, he quirked his eyebrows in questioning.

“Why are you grinning?”

The question only made him grinned wider. He bopped his shoulders. “I’m just happy to be with you.”

Chanwoo’s heart skipped a beat, warm, fuzzy feeling spread inside of him and his skin tingled, but then it quickly turned into a pang. He swallowed the bitterness away. “Come on,” he said, straying the conversation away. “You said you wanted to talk a walk at the Han River but the moment we get here, we go to a convenience store.”

Ju-ne pouted. “I was hungry,” he murmured.

Chanwoo handed him his hot bars. “We can eat while we walk.”

Ju-ne huffed. Chanwoo was such a tsundere.

They headed outside, unwrapping their chosen snacks and disposing the wrappers into the bin, then began walking on the pavement along the river. They walked slowly, enjoying the comfortable silence between them. Ju-ne never thought that silence could easy and pleasant, it used to scare him, until he met Chanwoo. Chanwoo, who came into his life silently with his smile and laugh.

Then, suddenly, a thought came to him. He nudged Chanwoo’s elbow. “Hey, you know smoking is dangerous too.”

Now used to Ju-ne’s random thoughts, Chanwoo reacted naturally to it. He snorted, “I told you I only smoke sometimes –”

“When you need a relief,” Ju-ne finished.

“Yeah.”

“Maybe you should take your own advice,” Ju-ne retorted. “Learn to cut down smoking.”

“I said sometimes,” Chanwoo repeated exasperatedly. “It means I don’t smoke all the time.”

Ju-ne huffed, not wanting to back down. “I’m gonna tell Yunhyeong hyung,” he counterattacked childishly.

Chanwoo narrowed his eyes. “Don’t.”

“Wow!” Ju-ne laughed. “You’re really afraid of Yunhyeong hyung!”

Chanwoo dropped his head down, his shoulders sagged a little. Ju-ne’s amusement died immediately at the change of mood.

“It’s not that,” Chanwoo murmured. He exhaled quietly. “Our mum smoked too. It was how she got cancer.” He glanced at Ju-ne. “That’s why I don’t want him to know.” His eyes glossed as bittersweet memories started to fill it and Ju-ne’s heart ached for him when he saw it. “She thought we didn’t know so she always carried a perfume and a mouth spray.” He smiled wistfully. “But we found out. It was her way of coping with things so that’s why we didn’t say anything.”

Ju-ne blinked at Chanwoo in surprised, not expecting him to say it all to him since Chanwoo always kept everything tightly to himself. But he did and Ju-ne appreciated it because it meant to him that Chanwoo was slowly opening himself to him. His heart felt warm.

Chanwoo chuckled softly, “Looks like I took it after her.”

“Then you should find another way of coping with things.”

Chanwoo blinked. “Huh?”

Somehow in their talking, they had stopped walking and now were standing facing each other. Ju-ne gazed at Chanwoo softly, his eyes full of affection for the man in front of him. Staring deeply into the eyes he had come to love, he took a step forward, getting closer to Chanwoo. His heart beat faster, racing uncontrollably as his eyes flickered to Chanwoo’s lips. He remembered the last time he tried to kiss Chanwoo and how he was rejected but he ignored all of that. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to feel Chanwoo’s lips on his. So, he held his breath as he inch closer, his lips now hovering over Chanwoo’s. He could feel Chanwoo’s warm breath fanning on his face and hear his blood pounding in his veins from the nervousness and anticipation. He fluttered his eyes closed, leaning forward, and pressed his lips on Chanwoo’s.

But unlike last time, Chanwoo didn’t pushed him away.

This time, Chanwoo kissed him back.