No One’s POV

   Everyone were either all dried up, passed out from exhaustion from all the crying, looked broken, or felt empty or was just staring into space. But no one can compare to what Taeyeon felt and looked like, she looks like someone in the movies who just lost everything and was just lost. She was in her room lying on her bed with her head on her knees crying. Her tears can’t seem to stop even if she feels she’s all dried out. Then she saw something on her desk. It was a picture of her and Tiffany during the time they went to Disneyland just the two of them with their manager to visit Tiffany’s family. It was their favorite picture and memory together. She hugged the frame and lay on the bed. Then she saw a box on the corner of her bed under a pillow. It was a box and inside it were a coloring book she hasn’t had yet and a couple of adorable Jack Skeleton figurines. Of course her eyes lit up like a child and then she saw a letter underneath the box. It was Tiffany’s hand writing, “Hey Tae! Surprise! I know how you love Jack so much (sometimes more than me hehe just joking Tae) and my family went to a couple of Disneylands so I told them if they could look for Jack themed merchandise and they did! They’re cute right?! Do like them? Hahah –Love Pany-ah!” it read and Tae just burst out crying again.  

Taeyeon’s POV                                            

   “..we did everything we could...she has stage 4 cancer…25-75 percent chance….more than half don’t survive…”….Pany-aah~…you idiot! why didn’t you tell us! Why didn’t you tell me?! I thought we had no secrets! And you really had time to look for these huh? Yo-you! Sigh. You never change Pany-ah, you’re still the caring, selfless, reliable, humble person. I love them, thank you Pany-ah….she thought while laying on her bed. After how many minutes of contemplating and mostly crying on the bed, I finally had the strength to get up and walk out to the living room where the girls are and hopefully I can go say thank you to Pany-ah.

    As I walked out to the leaving room everyone was there all looking exhausted and lost, I can’t blame them, Seo went to me and asked if I was okay.to be honest I don’t know what I feel right now, I  feel empty and drained. I just nodded my head and smiled weakly at the girls. I saw the manager and asked if it was okay to see her. He was a bit skeptical at first but the he agreed but only I can enter for the meantime, the girls didn’t oppose and I slowly made my way to the room that I once loved so much but know I dreaded going there. I don’t know if I’m ready to see Pany-ah yet, but I want to see her, to hug her, and I wanna say thank you, so I slowly entered her room and there she was, her room had different machines and monitors, she had a lot of tubes on her and her room looked very different, it looked like a hospital. I sat by her bed and carefully held her hand. It was cold and she was very pale, I feel like crying again and the fact that I can’t do anything for her makes me hate me even more. 

   All of a sudden I felt a movement and I could see that she’s waking up, I leaned on her bed and held her hand tighter, I felt her squeeze it and I had a smile on face. She looked at me questioningly as if asking me what’s going on, but she figured it out before I had the chance to say anything. She apologized to me over and over again, saying that she’s sorry for not being strong enough, for causing trouble again, for making everybody worried especially me, I can’t believe her, she’s sick all she’s thinking about is everybody else, at that point I just hugged her and told her it wasn’t her fault.

 We stayed that way for a couple of seconds; honestly I could hug her all day, even if she smelt like alcohol like the ones the hospital use. But we had to pull away at some point but I held on to her hand, she motioned me to get in bed and lay down with her and I couldn’t refuse, I held on to her and she hugged me and rested her head on the crook of my neck. “I remember back them we used to sleep like this every day, right?” I asked her in a soft voice. I could feel her nod and I just smiled and held her tighter.”Tae….I’m sorry for not telling you..” she said I just shrugged and kissed her forehead. \

   We stayed like that for a while and I didn’t know if she knew she was sick or that she had stage 4 cancer, so I looked at her and before I could say anything she said “I know…. I know I have stage 4 cancer Tae. I’m sorry Tae, I promised you I’d be with every step of the way….I-“ I cut her off, I couldn’t handle it so I just cut her off and hugged her tight again.

    “Please..please don’t say that Pany-ah..” I manage to choke out, I looked at her and we both had tears in our eyes, she was always the overly positive and optimistic one, but now I have to be the positive one for her.

     The doctor came and said it was enough commotion for the day and told me to leave ‘cause Pany-ah has to rest. We were both stubborn about it but in the end I had no choice, so we hugged and I kissed her forehead one last time before I left her room. When the doors closed it was like I was back to reality and the weight of the world was back on my shoulders. When I walked back to the living room all the girls looked at me asked how was she doing, “She’s the same old Pany-ah, the first thing she did was say sorry to me and everyone ‘cause she caused a lot of trouble and that she’s sorry for making everyone worried…” at that point I already had tears in my eyes, “..she’s still the same old naïve, selfless and caring mushroom..” and then I broke down, “she’s more worried about us than she is worried about herself.” We had another round of crying our eyes out and all the girls decided that they’ll stay in the dorm for the meantime.

   We had Pany-ah stay in the dorm with a nurse and an on-call doctor 24/7 because the management can’t risk letting the public and media know for the meantime. I was a bit angry that she can’t be admitted to a hospital and be treated but at the same time it’s more convenient for us to be with her and she can relax in her own room since all the high tech medical equipment had been brought over to the dorm.

    With all the girls back in the dorm, it felt kinda nice, it’s been a long time since we all stayed in the dorm at the same time. We all agreed to keep Pany-ah’s situation  a secret for now and just resume our individual schedules and if  they ask why we all moved back in we just say  it’s for time management purposes.

   The girls had already all went to bed and I was at my room lying on my bed, still holding on to the picture of Pany-ah and I. Ginger and Prince were already asleep on Ginger’s bed beside my bed, hmm funny how you two resemble Panya-ah and I quite a lot, even in your sleeping habits I thought to myself while looking at them. Suddenly I heard a knock on the door, it was Pany-ah’s nurse “Uhmm…wow she’s right about still being awake at this time…well uhh I’m sorry to disturb you this late but Ms. Hwang wanted to see you if you want to that is.” I was a little shocked to see her their but I immediately agreed and went to Pany-ah’s room, the nurse left us and waited outside, “You really know me huh Pany-ah?” I said to her while sitting on the bed and holding her hand, “Of course I do you are my best friend! And besides knowing you and your way of thinking I assumed you wouldn’t get any sleep tonight after everything that’s happened.” She said while holding my hand tighter. Then I saw the same picture of us on her nightstand, “I miss Disneyland, I miss being with you and spending time together.” I said in a low voice, “But we’re spending time together now aren’t we?” she asked I smiled to her and replied “Yeah but I wanna spend time together freely and just do whatever we want.” and squeezed her hand tighter. She just sighed and looked at the moonlight outside her window.

    “The doctor sat down and talked to me earlier, he said I had a slim chance of making it…” she started and I just hung my head low trying to hold back my tears but I can feel my eyes already watering, “She asked if I wanted to undergo surgery, but even then the chances of me surviving it’ll be slim..” she paused again and looked at me “I declined the operation, I’d rather wait and just live my life to the fullest and be with you guys then sit in an operating room and waste the little tie I had left.” She said and held my hand with both hands. She motioned for me to get in bed with her, I positioned myself in a way that she can lean against me and re