The episodes were all aired the day before Tiffany’s death anniversary and everyone was turning in, the girls watched every episode and almost everyone in Korea watched the show and most of them if not all are crying, this just shows how big an impact and how influential she was in the industry, she was an inspiration, and a model to many people. Even other people from all over the world tuned in on the show.

     Taeyeon returned to Korea just a few hours prior to taping the finale and it she was currently watching the show in the van, “Tiffany really is deeply loved and missed, not only here in Korea but also in other countries.” Manager Unnie said to her, Taeyeon just nodded her head with a sad smile and the manager just gave her a tap on the shoulder.

Taeyeon’s POV
     Hmmm..so it’s already been a year huh Pany-ah?...it’s been a long and lonely year without you here by my side….

      I snapped back to reality when manager Unnie called me, it seems like we’re already here…at the Han River? I was a bit confused as to why we were here, they told me to meet at SM Building for the interview. Then the Producer came to me and told me we’d be taping here and that this was going to be uploaded tonight so editing is limited and not everything can be edited out. I nodded my head and mentally prepared myself for whatever’s coming. The camera started rolling and the PD asked me “So Taeyeon-ssi, you are Tiffany’s best friend, the closest person to her, could you talk about her, tell us something about her.” I thought for a moment and just decided to go with the flow since this is live and this is for Tiffany then I’ll just say whatever comes to mind since it all came from my heart and is true. “Hmmm what can I say more about Pany-ah? The other girls already said everything, hmmmm let’s see…ah! A few years ago Pany-ah and I were on a stroll and we would often come here, this is where we used to hang out and when we skip practice during our trainee years. We were casually staring at the moon and then she said ‘TaeTae do you think we’ll last a long time? As SNSD? I mean everyone’s busy with individual schedules, we hardly see each other anymore and there are a lot of younger groups emerging. Do you think we still have a chance against them?’ I was a bit taken aback by her question but I reassured her and said ‘Of course we will! Pabo Pany-ah, why are you over thinking stuff, Sones are loyal and besides we are SNSD, and we promised that we’d last at least 20 years right? So don’t worry too much besides you were the one who is usually hyped by new girl groups so we could have motivation to do better so we just have to do our very best and besides even if we don’t see each other often our bond together will always be unbreakable, the girls will agree with me on that, so don’t worry too much okay?’ she was so worried that the fans were tired of waiting for our comeback but then sones always deliver. Hmmm there’s also one time where I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw Pany-ah out on the porch looking at the sky, I asked her what she was doing there and she said ‘I’m looking at the moon, and somewhere on the other side of the world my family is also looking at the same moon, so at least when I miss them I would just stare at the moon and feel that they’re near me since we’re under the same moon.’ So said ‘Ohhh~ so if I miss you I’ll just look at the moon and sky? she said ‘Sure, but you don’t have to do that though, since I’ll always be with you Tae hahah! We laughed and teased each other since she’s being too cheesy.” I said before looking up for a moment, since I could feel the tears, “Hmm if I’m not mistaken you’ve met each other’s parents and family right? And you’ve always been referred to as a couple, people ship you to very often too, so could tell us about that?” PD-nim asked, I nodded my head asked how’d it go. “Hmm, Pany-ah met my parents first when we were both left in the dorm and all the other girls went home for the holidays, my parents told me to come home and to bring Pany-ah along since they wanted to meet her, they knew about her prior to meeting her for the first time since I tell them about her and she sometimes talks to them when I’m busy. So we went home and Pany-ah was all nervous and I just couldn’t stop laughing at her since she’s getting all worked up about something really silly, I mean she’s talked to them a couple of times. When we arrived at my house I opened the door and when they saw Pany-ah they all came at her, I was a bit jealous since it seemed that they were more excited to see her than their own daughter but then I again I was happy about their reactions toward her, my mom told her to call her mom as well since she’s practically part of the family already since she was able to tolerate me over the years, she thanked Pany-ah for always taking care of me and looking out for me. When Oppa met her he as a bit shy around her but warmed up to her, and when Hyoyeon met her she started fangirling like crazy since Pany-ah’s her all-time favorite idol, they both clicked right away, after that we would often go to dinner as a family and my mom would ask for her most of the time when I’m on the phone. I met Pany-ah’s family a few years later after our debut since our schedules were so busy, so when we had free time Pany-ah told me to pack my bags and that we’re going somewhere, she left a note for manager that we were going somewhere for a couple of days. We went to the airport and Pany-ah handled everything, when we landed on the ground she as really excited, I was a bit nervous and I saw Pany-ah’s dad waving at us with a huge banner with our names on it. We went to him and he hugged us both, we went around sight-seeing in LA with her dad since her sister hasn’t arrived yet till later and her brother’s not here so it was only me, her and her dad. Honestly when I first saw her dad I could see the resemblance, although she still looks more like mom, when I first saw her older sister I was shocked, I mean I’ve seen some of their photos together but seeing in her in person is another thing, she looked like an older Pany-ah, she literally does, they were like twins almost. My brother and I look the same but his facial features are a bit different since he’s a guy but Pany-ah and her sister looked almost exactly alike. Her family was nice and we basically went everywhere for 3 days before we needed to head back to Korea. As for the couple part, we’ve always been very even before debut, we’ve been roommates for more than a decade and we’d always comfort and support each other during trainee years.  Over the years our bond grew stronger and I guess our bond is unique and different form the others, I mean we’re all best friends and very close to each other but what Pany-ah and I have is just something only we can understand, she’s more than just a best friend to me, she’s so much more. ” I said while smiling at our old memories together. Before I could add anything else a video played.

( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XqmzSUmTj8)

       It was a VCR, with pictures of Pany-ah and I, then there was a little girl talking: (Bold- Taeyeon’s thoughts)

“What’s a soulmate?”
Ohh…what a cute voice..
“It’s ah….well it’s like a best friend but more”
Ahh..well said, she is my soulmate, right Pany-ah?
“It’s the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else.”
Hmmm..she does, she knows me more than I know myself most of the time hahah
“It’s someone who makes you a better person”
“Actually they don’t make you a better person you do that yourself.”
…She’s the reason I am who I am today, it’s all because of her support and love..
“..because they inspire you.”
“A soulmate is someone who you can carry with you forever.”
….he’s right
“It’s the one person who knew you and accepted you and..”
“…believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would.”
“And no matter what happens you will always love them..”
“…..nothing can ever change that.”
Yeah…I’ll love you forever Pany-ah…

         I thought as the video ends, it was a cute and emotional VCR especially because of the music, I felt tears running down my cheeks but for some reason I’m smiling like an idiot, then the Producer asked me, “So Taeyeon-ssi what do you think? Based on that, is Tiffany-ssi your soul mate?” I looked at him and smiled softly “Yeah, she’s everything he said and more, she was the very first person who truly believed in me, when I wanted to give up and leave she would always convince me to stay, she believed in me, she was my number one fan, my number one supporter, through the years she never failed to show her support in me, and for the others as well.” I stopped when the tears came crashing down. I miss her even more now, sigh…

         We’ve been in the Han River for almost half a day and it was almost lunch time so we went to one of Pany-ah’s favorite restaurants and talked about her, how she would always get teased by the other members for always eating.  We had a quick lunch since we still have  lot to film so during the afternoon we went to the dorm where me, Pany-ah and Sunny share, right now Sunny’s doing her individual schedule so the dorm was empty, we went to Pany-ah’s room and filmed there. It was pink obviously and there were a lot of pictures, I didn’t know we would go here so I didn’t have time to put away the picture of us together on her nightstand, the staff saw and asked me about the picture. “Ahh~ this was the very first photo we ever took together, the quality isn’t very good though but it’s very important to us, Pany-ah always loved taking pictures, she likes to document everything and capture every moment since for her every moment is precious, she would have thousands of photos on her phones and laptop and it’s mostly pictures of me since I rarely take pictures, the other members or just random stuff we do every day.” then they showed me the same video during our last concert together, when I heard the song I wanted to cry, and when I saw the video I laughed and cried right away. While looking at the video the producer asked how I felt about it, about her. I pulled myself together since I was a mess right now.

       “To be completely honest for the past year I’ve avoided talking about her or looking at videos about her or looking at our old videos together, looking at her pictures were already difficult and her pictures were more than enough for me but seeing this video….a-and seeing her sm-smiling and happy……it hurts yes but h-her smile a-always had a relaxing and r-reassuring effect to me…” I stopped for a while since the tears just kept on coming, “Haha..woahh~…the tears just keep on coming hahah…sigh..” I took a really deep breath and started talking again, “..P-Pany-ah…sh-she uh..she r-really is special…I miss her...sh-she’s too young, she s-still had a lot to achieve….she’s passionate, d-dedicated and she worked so h-hard to g-get to where s-she is now….a few w-weeks after that c-concert  and I felt dead i-inside, wh-when I went to her funeral and I was s-still in a state of shock and denial, after a f-few days e-everything finally sinked in and I l-locked myself and didn’t talk t-to anyone for a f-few days, I c-cried and felt depressed. T-The girls all called m-me a million t-times but I-I c-completely shut e-everything out….Honestly I lost a huge part of me when P-Pany-ah left, I was depressed, I remember that time when we shot an episode for Channel Soshi in New York, there was one segment where the Produced asked me what would my life be without her, ‘cause coincidentally she was my secret Manito, I didn’t even remember about it ‘till we were given our mission….e-everything…sigh..everything I said back then is true, we’ve been together for more than a decade, we both know each other like the back of our hands and..” I stopped for a while ‘cause the tears were making it hard to talk and breath…

  …remembering her and everything that happened is like someone’s ripping my heart out from the second, the first was when I saw her being lowered 6 feet into the ground…The producer noticed that I needed time to pull myself together so he wrapped things up for a while and we went to the last location that I picked. I guess it’s only fitting that we visit her today since this is all about her so as much as it pains me, I decided to visit Pany-ah’s grave today. When we arrived it was peaceful since it was a private cemetery and only selected people could enter. I sat down near her grave and looked at the picture I left a few months ago. The PD then asked me “So why did you pick this place Taeyeon-ah?” “Well this is about her so I guess it’d be fitting if we visit her, besides it is her anniversary…” I said as I looked down as the tears came, I picked up the photo and said “This is my copy of the photo we saw in Pany-ah’s room, I wanted her to have it here with her, and I know she’d agree with me since this is a very special thing for her.” I put the picture down and caressed her name,  “People…th-they would always say rude c-comments about her especially i-in our earlier years, s-she’d get scolded for not knowing the culture and traditions, but she w-would always smile and not l-let people see h-her venerable side, she hated it…P-People see an idol, a performer, a singer, a model, a girl who achieved her dream, a cheerful girl, an eye-smiling girl, a confident girl…but I see a girl who’s always full of troubles, a girl who tries her best for everyone, a girl who hides everything so others won’t worry about her, an insecure girl, a selfless girl, a girl who just wants tossing for others…she was more than a best friend, she was like my guardian angel, my light, my star…” I faced Pany-ah’s grave “..Pany-ah it’s already been a year since you left…I can’t say I haven’t been crying since I cry myself to sleep every other night knowing you’re not at the dorm to greet me when I come home…but I guess I’ll get used to it, I’m sorry for always making you worry about me even until now,  don’t worry too much about me okay? I’ll be fine, I just miss you so much that’s all….” I faced the camera again and said “..After that concert when we were in the ICU and Pany-ah was covered in a lot of tubes and a dozen machines were attached to her, the doctor said there was a slim chance that she’ll wake up anytime soon and that we should prepare for the worst, I broke down and ran out of the room, my feet brought me to a small chapel in the hospital, I don’t normally pray but that time I begged God, Buddha or whoever was up and beyond to please save her, she still has a lot to live for, I don’t know for how long I stayed there but Sooyoung took me back to the room and I stayed there I never once left Pany-ah’s side. I fell a-asleep at s-some point……I-I..I-I had a d-dream, i-in that d-dream I wasn’t in t-the hospital I w-was back at t-the dorm and I was i-in my bed…th-then Pany-ah c-came running a-and s-screaming through m-my door..I w-was confused, she c-came up t-to me and a-asked if she c-could sleep w-with me for t-the night, I said yes but I was still dumbfounded, j-jut wh-when I we w-were about to sleep I f-faced h-her and h-hugged her tight after f-finally coming to my senses, I t-told her about d-dream of her in the ICU and dy-dying..just when I thought that was just a horrible d-dream s-she told m-me it wasn’t a d-dream…..I felt m-my world f-fall apart…s-she-….s-she told me it wasn’t a dream and that us cuddling is the dream, I was c-completely speechless and after that s-she told me to tell t-the others that she loves them, and that she’ll miss them, she apologized to me..and a-after that a bright light engulfed everything…I…I-I w-woke up in the ICU…she never woke up..I-I g-guess that w-was her w-way of s-saying goodbye…” the sun was already setting and the PD asked me if I have more to say and that I should wrap things up. I nodded my head and took a deep breath; I stood up and looked at Pany-ah’s grave then looked at t