Hyesung took a deep puff from his cigarette as he looked afar from the rusty window in his office. The smell of cigarette spreaded throughout the entire small office of his, and from the side of his eye, he could see Andy’s eyebrows scrunching in disapproval. He didn’t really care though, he needed a regular release, and he knew that although Andy didn’t like it, he never spoke up against it, simply because he knew how much Hyesung needed it.

Don’t ever smoke. You have to promise me, syung. There is no smell in this world I hate more than cigarette smoke.

Hyesung let out a small chuckle. Yes, he did promise, but it didn’t hold any meaning, did it? After all, promises are meant to be broken. The boy had made him a promise too; he promised that he would never leave, yet he did.

It was not a difficult promise for Hyesung at that point of time. He didn’t like cigarettes, for he found it repulsive. There was no need for him to smoke either. He had Jin, and he was happy. One could literally sense his glow radiating from afar. That was how much he couldn’t hide his own feelings.

That was all in the past.

Everything had changed after that particular day happened. The change was not very evident at the start. He lived life as per normal; went to work as usual, ate at the usual time, he got home at 6 in the evening every day. But there was something different. There was no one to call during his lunch hours. The phone would ring for minutes beside him whenever he called, and in the end he would press the green button and hold both of the phones to his ears silently. There was no one to greet him cheerfully after work, boasting to him on how he managed to persuade his brother to allow him to come over for dinner. Then, they would go over a spoilt attempt in trying to make dinner, before the frustrated Hyesung would give up completely and order pizza. There was none of this anymore.

Slowly and gradually, he felt the void in his heart growing larger, and he couldn’t hold it anymore. There was no pain though. How can there be pain when someone has already taken your heart away altogether when he left? You just don’t feel anything anymore.

He didn’t plan to smoke in the beginning. It was just another day after he numbed himself with work, and on the way home, he decided to stop by a convenience shop to buy some sesame oil, one habit he can never live without. At the cashier, he saw boxes of cigarettes at the back shelf, and out of a sudden, he decided to get one.

He coughed at the first few puffs, but after a few days, he actually felt that he was whole again. He mocked himself greatly for it. What promise? He scoffed. It doesn’t matter as long as you aren’t here anymore. He became addicted faster than he thought he would be, but he couldn’t help it. It was only when he broke the promise everytime, that he could hear Jin’s voice beside him, and the void in his heart would be filled again.

Andy did not know about all this thoughts that are running through his mind, yet he knew that Hyesung relied greatly on cigarettes. Although he didn’t like it, nor did he approve of this, he never once tried to stop him, only to sometimes change his expression to show his disapproval.

Hyesung was grateful for Andy. Andy might not understand him completely, yet he was able to accept him as he was, and treat him like a brother as if it was the same in the past. He had his own views on the incident itself, but he never once asked Hyesung directly about it. Quietly, he gave him moral support, and continued working with him, even knowing how bad his temper gets. Hyesung was grateful.

And Dongwan…Dongwan was someone he wished he would never see again, if he could choose to. Yet he could not bring himself to escape, he owed Jin and Dongwan that much. It was never their fault, and he brought this upon them. He was the guilty. It was ironic though, how he didn’t escape, but Dongwan did.

Perhaps, Dongwan didn’t wish to see him too. For when he tried to visit him one particular day, he was met with news of Dongwan having sold the house and left. The memories were probably much too painful for him to stay in the particular place, but who could say that he was not hurting as well? Yet once and once again, he told himself that he deserved it, and he deserved to be drowned in those memories forever.

Looking at the pile of work in front of him, Hyesung felt that it was something god sent to relieve him of all his anguish and to dull his pain. Putting the cigarette into his mouth, he gave another puff and settled into seeing the smoke slowly rise up to the ceiling and disperse within the confined area.

“Hyung, that’s enough for today.” Andy pushed open the door and warned him sternly. Hyesung raised an eyebrow defiantly before sighing, silently agreeing to Andy’s demand. Andy looked at Hyesung’s dishevelled state but decided against making any comments about it. Not that it mattered how Hyesung came to work either, he was the boss.

“Is there anything else?” Hyesung asked, his voice somewhat distant, as usual. Having already gotten used to it, Andy just shrugged and said, “About the case Dongwan Hyung…”

“Leave it alone. He didn’t ask us to do anything else.”Hyesung cut Andy off. Dongwan again…

“Ok, sure.” Andy replied, “Oh, and I want to apply leave. There is a course I want to attend.” Hyesung nodded his consent without any other words, and Andy closed the door behind him as he left. Hyesung could see the disappointment that flashed across Andy’s eyes for a brief second, and he felt a little bad, if he could still have any emotions.

He deserved every single bit of unhappiness. He deserved it all.

I don’t want to see you ever again. Now, if you would just leave me alone and close that door behind you, I will be eternally grateful.