I walked aimlessly towards the university’s student lounge.  I am one odd ball here since everyone’s with their friends and people are happily busy with their own business. I am glad that they don’t pay too much attention to a stranger like me.

Their designated sanctuary is interesting for a newbie like me. Unlike my former school which has all the gadgets and equipped play set that can tame boredom, their resting place have mini tents, to-borrow board games, comic books and most of all a bubble maker ventilators which eases your senses for relaxation. Whoever thought about this is a genius.

I poke each bubble that will pass in front of me while I roam around trying to find a vacant spot. All the tents were occupied and as well as I can see, students inside are all on study mode while taking a rest and some were taking a nap having their bags as a pillow.

It was then when I realized that there is no available space for me so I just decided to stand next to the bubble maker and watch closely how each of it will pop by themselves. I am enjoying like an idiot. I don’t know why but it brings me peace and happiness. 

I intended to stay like this for a very long time when my sight began to blackout without a warning. I can feel those delicate fingers trying to block my vision and I heard a voice whisper –

“Guess who?” Andy tried hard to alter his voice but he lost his focus at the end of his sentence. I was not able to help myself but to laugh at his failed shot.

I withdrawn from his grasp and held his wrist away from my face to look at him only to find that he’s awfully embarrassed. His rosy cheeks were screaming with shyness and I laughed at him even more. He was so cute while he tries his best to avoid eye contact.

My eyeglasses still reflect his finger prints and I took it off to wipe it. While doing so, I asked him –

“Are you done with your class?” I need to grab my timing before awkwardness ruin the atmosphere.

“Oh I’m done. I’m sorry that you waited.” He paused briefly to gather his thoughts and continued.

“Sam told me that she needed to go somewhere. I figured out that I shall go and look for you after my class. I’m glad you went here first.” He smiled with relief.

“To tell you honestly, I was about to go home and try it by myself but the rain poured like there is no tomorrow.” I told him as I put my glasses back and saw his expression that made me puzzled.

He was shaking his head from left to right and had crossed his arms in front of me while saying a soundless “NO”.

“Why not?” I got frustrated.

“Because I’ll get scolded if that happens.” Andy’s tone became serious.

“This is your first time here and we can’t take the risk for you to get lost. We promised to take care of you and a promise is a promise. It’s just that this might make you uncomfortable but this is how we take care of our princess.” And he shot a wink before throwing a heart sign gesture towards me.

It made me cringe, especially when I heard the word ‘princess’. It does not fit me and it’s pretty obvious too.

“I’m sure that you haven’t had your lunch, so let’s go and eat first before going home.” Andy guessed right but how are we going to eat when the cafeteria is full of students.

I can see him reading my frowning face. I hope he can sense what I am thinking about. I wanted to skip eating. I just want to go straight home and sleep. It’s cold and it makes me want to give up my stomach responsibility and just cuddle with my pillows instead.

“Ahhh..” he probed. His eyes were squinting at me and slowly lifted his chin and nodded.

“You don’t want to eat here? Then let’s go somewhere else? I have our lunch ready inside my bag so I guess we can go eat anywhere?” He didn’t get my telepathic message.

“Where?”  I am too lazy to speak. I don’t want to move and it’s not a joke.

“How about on the waiting shed outside? I’m sure it’ll be vacant by now because it is raining. People usually go inside and underappreciate the rain.” He walked towards the window and pressed his forehead against its glass to check if the place is vacant.

I CANNOT STILL PROCESS THE WAY HE THINKS BUT I AM TOTALLY NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS.

“Andy, I don’t have an umbrella. I don’t want to get wet – please.” There I said it.

“Stop calling me by my name. I have an umbrella and we can share. Let’s go.” He was fast with his answer. He already made his mind and I am stoked with the fact that he doesn’t actually care about how I felt. I thought he is harmless.

We walked alongside each other in silence. I can’t think of anything, but an echo in my head is telling me that he is being unusual. He was different from yesterday, he was so gentle but now he is so stiff that I am scared.

We reached the exit and we are about to go and walk towards the waiting shed across the street. It’s nearer than I thought. He took out a black folding umbrella inside his backpack and opened it right away. It’s not big enough for two people to fit in but spacious enough to squeeze in with someone.

He held it with his right hand and he wrapped his left hand around my shoulder to conserve our distance from one another. He is warm. I feel secure within his stance; I am comfortably overwhelmed with his gestures. He took the lead and made the first step; I followed in sync with him.

“Kahel, is it hard to call me Oppa?” I heard him say after he let out a sigh.

I looked at him only to find out that he’s looking at me too. I looked away as soon as I realized that. His question is also hard to answer. I just can’t.

“I’m not going to force you to call me Oppa. I just asked and right now I think my curiosity offended you. I’m sorry.” I heard his apology clear and reasonably hard to accept because he did not do anything wrong in reality. I am the one being stubborn.

“Please don’t say sorry.” I snapped. I can’t control my temper. I am not mad at him but mad at myself that I cannot explain why I am feeling too sensitive with that word. The pain lingers and I am sulking inside that I haven’t recovered yet.

We reached the edge of the waiting shed. I stepped out first and Andy folded the umbrella halfway to place it on the corner of the structure to somehow let the water drip by its own. I sat on the bench and removed my glasses to wipe my teary eyes.

He sat next to me and pulled out two lunch boxes from the pockets of his bag.  Andy held it on his lap while he’s waiting for me. Andy started to pat my back and tears started to roll on my cheeks, my sobs were muted by the sound of raindrops drumming above us. I felt his right hand easing my back with his gentle pat of comfort. I desperately want to escape but he had a better judgement.

The moment I set foot in the university, I felt the heaviness of grief. He saw me when nobody is looking around. It wasn’t so long a while ago when reality hit me that I am subconsciously trying to grasp my brother’s past in this vast dimension. Andy saw through me. I wasn’t just plainly spacing out when I am popping those bubbles; I was silently - excruciatingly wishing to see my brother again.

“Kahel, it’s not too cold when you’re with someone right?” and he placed his hand on the back of my head and ended fixing my fringe at the side of my ear.

I gave up refusing to accept my defeat. I looked at him helplessly. He smiled and shoved the lunch box on my empty hands.

“Let’s eat now. You need to fill your tummy first.” He suggested and opened the container for me. My clogged nose began to sense the strong smell of sesame oil, I looked down and saw tuna kimbap topped with sesame seeds. It’s my first time to see something like this.

“Hyesung Hyung prepared it. I knew this will happen. Ahhhh… What is this sabotage?!” I can’t tell if Andy’s about to cry or if he is in the middle of getting annoyed with what he discovered. He laughed sarcastically in despair.   

“It’s okay.” I started to take a bite and started to munch like a happy kid. It tasted strange at first but it’s interestingly weird and edible.

Andy smiled and started to eat too. We watched the pouring rain downsize its strength to a calm drizzle. It wasn’t as cold as before, right now that I am not alone. I can say that by this very moment, I have let go a part of me that bothered me for so long.

“You shouldn’t hate the rain too much. Every season has its own capability to bring you happiness if you just look on it from a better angle.  When you are getting overwhelmed about it, don’t easily cast it out, give it a time to sink in and move out from your comfort zone. A change of season should not hinder your happiness perhaps you need to adjust and cope with it.” Andy stood up and reached out is palm outside the shed to catch some droplets.

“Kahel, helium and creativity combined is used to express the emotion that will make you strong in whatever season you are about to face. Do you know what it is?” – his question got me thinking all of a sudden.

I am not prepared but there is no place for any mistake or second chances. It was the first riddle, what made him tell me this soon?

If it is a feeling that’s meant to make me invincible is it determination? Is determination a feeling? NO.

Wait; did I hear him say helium? What does that supposed to mean? I can’t see its connection with art.

This riddle, it’s the same as my brother’s play of words. WHY AM I HEARING THIS NOW FROM ANDY?

“Ace Hyung gave this riddle to me too Kahel. He asked me to give it to you regardless of any season that will come. I promised to keep you strong with it.” Andy said with sincerity but he is not giving any room for clues.

If there is a pattern on Ace Oppa’s riddle – I should give my answer a shot. I will not know unless I’ll take the risk. I have a word in mind but asking Andy to give me such thing is such a huge burden to bear. I don’t deserve the answer to that riddle if what’s in my mind is correct.

“LOVE.” I whispered.

Andy nodded at once. He seemed like he already expected me to answer it correctly. He approached me with a smile displayed on his tender face. He sat near enough to reach for my neck and placed a leather necklace with the first key dangling as a pendant.

“You’re as sharp as how he described you.” He picked his lunch box again and resumed eating.

“Thank you for your kind heart. It might be hard on you to give me such thing but I will do my best not to disappoint you in – Andy Oppa.” I said it while he’s chewing a whole piece of kimbap.

He almost choked but recovered right away and gave me a tight hug.

Andy, no – Andy Oppa deserves it. I never knew he’s such an unconditional gentleman.