2014. September

Soojung parked her car in the fartest side of Hangang Park parking lot. The car's clock ticked slowly, showing her it 2 AM. She's been driving around for the last hour, didn't know what to do or where to go. She could always go to him, his place offers comfort, and his presence would make her calm again, but telling him the whole problem would be too much. Then again, he's not her boyfriend. Why bother?

Soojung closed her eyes, and her memories about her sister flashed in front of her eyes. 

Sica onnie got accepted as an SNSD member.

Sica onnie has new friends, no, sisters. Whom she loved dearly, whose been through thick and thin with her. 

Sica onnie is going to debut with SNSD.

Sica onnie and SNSD won in music shows.

SNSD comeback.

SNSD tours.

Every boys loved Sica onnie, and every girl in South Korea envied her pretty looks, and even Soojung's old friends copied the way Jessica dressed. 

When did it go wrong? Soojung thought. Everyhting seems okay and everyone's happy. 

Soojung wiped her tears, everything was blurry now; she couldn't see herself working in SM anymore, being on the stage anymore, because it would feel empty, it would feel wrong. Because her reasons were gone.

And onnie also said that she's going away. Where's she going? LA? LA was so far away, and that meant Soojung was never going to see her older sister anymore, well, not as much. She probably would want to start a new clothing line in the US and forgot about her life in South Korea completely. Soojung suddenly hated her sister, she hated that she decided to threw away everything she had, and she hated that Jessica picked this time of year, of all the time she has, to quit. Just weeks after Soojung got the new that Sulli's not going to be an F(x) member anymore. 

Soojung got tired of crying. She's tired of.... everything. Of life, of caring about people too much, and got nothing in return. She hated to be the one that's left behind? Why can't she be the one leaving? It'll be easier, though, because she get to start over. Just like what sister wanted. 

Her phone rang, and without looking at the ID she picked up, because Jessica onnie was beyond annoying. 

"Hello?"

"Soojung-ah, where are you?" the worried voice from the other line was not Jessica's.

"What?"

"JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE, DAMMIT!" he's practically screaming at her.

That's the first time he ever got mad at her. "Hangang... park..." she cried. Because Kang Minhyuk being mad at her is the last she wanted right now. "Parking.. lot."

"Don't move." he said before hanging up. 

Soojung leaned her head to the steering wheel and closed her eyes. Great. Another person to be mad at. 

Honestly, he was the last person Soojung wanted to meet, these days. She felt awful, and messy, and crazy, and obviously didn't want Minhyuk to see this part of her. The flaws. But he kept coming and coming and she cannot push him away. 

A car was approaching and soon a knock was heard on the passenger's door. Soojung unlocked the door. 

"Ya." was his first sentence, but he couldn't continue because she was just leaning against the steering wheel, long blonde hair covering her face and half her body, and sobs were heard. She was crying again. And Minhyuk wondered how many tears she shed today?

He got in and closed the door quickly, and just sat there, listening to her cries. 

Minutes passed and Minhyuk was just playing with his phone, letting her cry some more, before she stood up, leaned back to her seat, and asked. "What are you doing here, oppa?"

"Jessica noona was worried about you."

Soojung scoffed. "She didn't."

"She did. And I did too."

She just stared at the distance. It was 3 AM now but she still didn't feel like going home. 

"I've heard everything from Sica noona." he said. "I'm sorry."

"Why would you?" 

"Because... I can't help you."

"You don't have to."

"Well, I want to."

"Why?"

"Because..." he paused, "Because it's you."

Soojung turned her head to looked at him. "But, why me?"

"Because you're special."

"I don't want you to pity me."

"I'm not." he was calm, and was just answering her with short sentences.

"Everyone left me, oppa."

"No, they're not, Soojung-ah.." he said softly, her head. "You know they're not."

"They did!" she whined. "They always did! First it was Sulli, now it's Sica onnie. Who's next?"

"But what about those who stayed? Have you ever thought about them, Soojungie?"

She turned her head to look at him, and he was looking at her too. His eyes were warm, and he was holding her hands. And Soojung didn't want to let go. 

"What about them?"

"Have you ever thought about your onnies: Victoria noona, Amber, Luna... how about them? And how about your parents?"

"How heart-breaking it must be for all of them. Because Sulli didn't just left you, she left the Victoria, Luna, and Amber too. And Jessica noona going to LA, leaving your parents as well. What about them? People besides you who were left behind? Did they cry just as much? Or you didn't know because you were busy with youself?"

"I'm not saying, you grieving alone is a bad thing, but I think being with them is the best you could do right now. Settle everything with your onnie, listen to her, let her lean on your shoulder, because she was the one with the worst pain, Soojung, and you were always the strong one. I knew you were."

His words were like melody to her ears, a comfort with the right amount she needed to hear. 

"It's better to share the pain, Soojung-ah, because all of you were in the same boat."

"What about my onnie?" she asked softly. Soojung was always worry about Jessica, and this decision just adds up to all the things Soojung should worry about her big sister. 

"What about her?"

"Is she going to be alright?"

"She's an adult. She knew what she wanted, and how get it, so I think she's going to be alright."  Minhyuk smiled. "You just had to be there for her. She chose her own decisions she will bear the consequences... all you need to do is to support her."

"Still..." she puffed her cheeks. "I still hate her."

Minhyuk laughed, and her hair again. "Now you're just being a kid."

"I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No, I don't!" she slapped his shoulder. 

Minhyuk's laugh grew louder. "That hurts, you know."

"Oppa." she said softly, almost like a whisper.

"Huh?"

"Why am I doing what I do right now?"

"Being in F(x)?"

She nodded. "What good came from it?"

"Well, look around you: everyone knows you, everyone adores you."

"But everyone's talking about me, too. And sometimes it's a bad thing, and I didn't know people would say those nasty things to other people."

Minhyuk shrugged. "That's just the dynamic of people's personalities, Sooj, you knew you can't listen to them."

"The gossips and rumours are what breaks us. It's what breaks Sulli." she said, almost crying again, but she wiped her tears quickly. 

"But don't let it break you." he said, squeezing her hand--which he was still holding, Soojung noticed-- "Because you're stronger than you think." he smiled. 

"Am I?"

"You are. And if you are not, I will be the one supporting you."

For the first time today, Soojung smiled. And laughed. "That's so cheesy!"

"Well, isn't that what friends are for?"

They laughed as the clock turned 5 AM. 

"Soojungie!" Jessica hugged her as soon as Soojung entered their apartment. Minhyuk followed behind. Jessica mouthed a silent "Thank you." and he just nodded. "Well, I'm going to be late for breakfast with my hyungs."

"Thank you, Minhyukkie."

"It's no big deal, noona."

Soojung watched him as he waved and turned towards the elevator, thankful that he was one of the people who stayed.