Sooyoung was now walking back and forth in front of the examination room in a hospital, probably waiting for the doctor or nurse to come out and tell her the condition of the girl whom she had brought here before.  To tell her that the girl was already okay. To tell her that she didn’t have to worry about the girl. To tell that she didn’t have to be guilty about whatever, whatever she had done to the girl, to her body or heart.

Or how she wished that the girl would show herself on her own, walking outside to meet her with her sincere smile. A sincere smile that reflects her pure heart. A pure heart that owns the genuine love for her, only for her.

How she wished the girl could hug her, assuring that she was okay, perfectly fine. Because Sooyoung didn’t know how to hate herself more for what she did. For making the other girl to be in such a deep pain. She didn’t know how to hate herself more if ever something worse happens to the girl. Because she knew that even a million sorry-s can’t do.

 

With the still wet body from heavy rain earlier, Sooyoung sat down on the chair, frustrated, with her elbows leaning on her knees and her palms covering her face. Desperate. Mad. She gritted her teeth angrily, angry to herself, to the situation.

 

“Soo!”

 

A voice called her and it was her mother.

 

Sooyoung turned her head to the direction of Mrs. Choi and could see that she was with Tiffany and Yuri. The three of them have total worried faces. But Yuri is a bit different.

Well, Yuri, that girl had a face that want to mutilate Sooyoung for whatever she had done. Yuri hasn’t had any idea how did this come to this, how Jessica should be brought here in the first place. But she was sure, if it could be 101%, that Sooyoung was behind all of this. And she was ready, very ready, if by any chance she had to give the tall girl some ‘lessons’ to learn today.

 

The three of them walked towards Sooyoung until her mother said,

“How is-“

But to be cut by the examination room door that opened, showing a doctor walking outside. Automatically the four worried face owners approached him.

 

“How is she, doc?” Tiffany asked quickly, to be replied by the doctor’s smile.

 

“She is already okay right now. She had anemia and low tolerance of cold weather, that’s why she collapsed earlier. I suggest her having a bed rest here until tomorrow.” We all nod.

“Oh, and you all better watch out her moves after this, because she is still in her weak body. Especially don’t let her stands under the rain for too long just like this. I’ll give some medicines to increase her immune system. Please remind her to eat them.”

 

She has anemia and can’t stand coldness.

But she stood there for about how many… five hours?

Jessica Jung, what were you doing?

 

Sooyoung thougt to herself.

 

 

“Thank you, doc. We’ll make sure to make her eat all the antibiotics you’ll give.” Mrs. Choi said smilingly to the doctor.

“We can see her inside now, doc?” Sooyoung asked impatiently.

 

The doctor just nodded at the girl, “of course”, before finally leaving with two nurses behind him. Mrs. Choi, Tiffany, and Sooyoung was ready to walk inside, but only Mrs. Choi and Tiffany could make it. A hand grabbed Sooyoung’s wrist hard.  As she turned around, she saw Yuri’s serious face.

 

“Let’s talk.”

 

 

Sooyoung’s POV

“Let’s talk.” Yuri says as she grabs my wrist harshly.

 

“You two not want to go in?” Tiffany asks.

 

I want to. Of course I want to. I want to make sure she is alright.

 

“We will have some catching up-talks before.” Yuri says at Tiffany throwing a wide smile.

“Okay.”

 

As Eomma and Tiffany turnaround left us, the smile disappears from her face. She leaded me forcefully to a corner, pulling my wrist to throw my body to the wall, making my back crash hard against it. After exhaling some breaths, she pulls me by my collar with both hands.

 

“What are you doing to Jessica?”

“……..”

 

I don’t know how I should answer her. I myself don’t know what I’m doing to Jessica, and exactly why I’m doing that to her. What I know is whatever it is, it makes her hurt.

 

 

“I heard you are a genius in school, so answer me.” She lowers her tone, almost whispering.

“………”

 

 

Hearing no answer from me, she pulls my collar more harshly, before raising her tone as she shouts in front of my face.

 

“Answer me, stupid!!!”

 

And a punch landed on my left cheek, making another bruise again on my almost-healed one. I feel a strain of bloods out from the corner of my lips.

Of course I could have beaten that punch off with my fighting skill. Or I can also attack her back after what she did to my face. But I choose not to. She has every right to do that. She gets every right to be mad at me. I know. Even I myself want to punch the person I am, hard, repeatedly if possible, for making Jessica hurt like this.

 

I look at Yuri weakly just to find her eyes staring deeply into my corneas. Still by holding on my collar, she pushes me back to the wall.

 

“I left her alone because she loves you.”

“………”

“Because I never find something glitters more brightly than the way her eyes did when she looked at you.”

“……….”

“Because I thought she would get happiness when she is with you.”

“……….”

“But you took her for granted, you Bastard.”

“……….”

 

“You were not even serious with her.”

“I’m serious with her!” I cut a little bit annoyed.

“Yes! Serious to play her?! To make her as a substitute player, so when you were bored with your girlfriend you can go to her?!”

“She has never been a substitute! She is the one from the start!”

“Yet she never has her chance to be the main?!”

 

I can’t answer that. Yuri is right. Jessica was always under the shadow in our relationship. I always hide her all the time. She would always wait until I’m done with Yoona. She would always wait. But she never complained.  She never said a single word to express her tiredness.  She would always wait and welcome me with a warm smile.

I left her when I’m with Yoona. She said it was okay. She said it was okay because she believed I would eventually come back to her later. It was okay because if it was me, she can be patient however long it is.

She would always stay calm when I was with Yoona. She would always smile and tell me she was alright. But I never ask, so I never know, how she felt inside, how much it hurt her, how much it crushed her, to think exactly how much longer she must wait for me.

 

 

 

“Just get lost from her eyes.”

 

“…………”

 

 

I bit my lower lip that already wet with bloods.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“If you can’t make her happy, I’ll take back the responsibility.”

 

 

 

By saying that, she lets go the grab on my collar, letting me fall on my . She then left me alone, walking towards the examination room. And I’m here, sitting weakly on the corner of hospital, reflecting all the things she just had said.

 

 

 

Jessica’s POV

 

“I know you will come.” I say as she comes to me.

She keeps quiet, before finally turns her back at me and left, walking further and further away, becoming small dot then disappears.

 

 

 

“Come back!”

 

 

As I open my eyes, I realize that I am now sitting down on a hospital bed, with sweats drenching on my face as the effect of the dream.

 

 

“Come back where?”

 

I see my left side, and it was Tiffany who said that.

 

“Tiff?” I look at the person next to her. “Auntie..”

“That’s a relieve you’ve finally awake.” Auntie Choi caresses my hair. I just smile as a reply.

 

I look around the room, wishing that one person is near. It leaves me frowning as I realize that she is not. I don’t remember what just had happened. Was it just a dream? Or did she really come before? Was she really there to finally meet me? Has she forgiven me for all the misunderstanding?

In the moment, I hear a sound of door opening. I turned my head, wishing it will be her coming from the door, telling me she was there all along waiting for me to wake up, telling me she really came to meet me before, telling me she was worried, telling me she has forgiven me.

 

 

The door opens and my hope flies. It was not her, but Yuri. Seeing that I’ve been already conscious, Yuri smiles. I reply with a same smile. She then approaches me.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

I just nod, making her messing with my bangs.

 

We chat for a while after that, including Tiffany and Auntie Choi. I’m honestly waiting for Sooyoung’s appearance, but no matter how many times I turn to look back the door, she has never come.

 

An hour and a little more is passed. Because tomorrow will still be weekday, Tiffany is telling me to say goodbye, and so is Auntie.

 

“Me too, Sweety. I have some works to do for tomorrow’s teachers meeting. I have just called your parents a while ago to tell them your condition. Please keep your body healthy after this, so they won’t kill me for abandoning their girl.” She pretends to cry, making me chuckle at the joke.

“I will, Auntie. Sorry for worrying you.” She smiles hearing that.

“I will come back tomorrow to pick you up. For tonight, I will ask Sooyoung to accompany you.”

I smile widely by her suggestion and the mention of her daughter’s name. But Yuri cuts it out.

 

“You don’t have to, Miss. I will sleepover here and accompany Jessica. You can go home with your daughter so she won’t have to skip school tomorrow.” She said calmly to Auntie.

“Oh…. Is it okay, hmm… “ Auntie seems to forget her name.

“Yuri.”

“Oh, yeah. Is it okay with you, Yuri?”

Yuri smiles. “It’s okay. I don’t have anything to do tomorrow.”

 

I keep in silent, I’m glad that Yuri is so kind to take care of me. But on the other side, I want it to be Sooyoung who will sleepover here to accompany me. But Yuri is right, Sooyoung can’t sacrifice her school day to just babysit me. And who am I to make her waste her time?

 

“We’ll go then, Sweety. Be careful, okay?” Auntie said, which I reply with a simple smiling nod. Tifanny then hugs me before waving at me from far and following Auntie that already opening the door.

 

 

 

After they’ve gone, Yuri brought a chair and sits on my right sight. She suddenly takes my hand with her both hands, before looking at me.

“Jung.” I smile.

“What?”

 

 

 

“Back to me. Give us another chance.”

 

 

 

Author’s POV

“Back to me. Give us another chance.”

 

Jessica chuckled hearing Yuri’s serious drama tone.

 

“Yuri, I‘ve just awake from my unconscious state. Don’t pull out a joke already!” She said while pretending to punch Yuri’s face with her other hand.

 

 

“Jessie.”

 

 

Jessica stunned.

 

 

Yuri only called her that when she was being serious, and it happened very rarely. In other words, she meant her words she’d just said.

 

 

“I can make you happy more that her.”

 

 

The sick girl listened to her quietly.

 

 

“I will never hurt you the way she did.”

 

 

 

 

Jessica smiled then put her left hand right above Yuri’s hands that held her right one tightly. She looked at the latter deeply.

 

 

 

“Yul.”

“……”

 

“She…”

“……”

 

 

 

 

 

“I hate when she smiles at me, because I know she can give that smile to everybody else. But I even hate more if she really does that, smiling to everyone else. I want it to be only for me.”

“…….”

 

 

 

“Yoona said she doesn’t like to share. Did she think that I do?”

“…….”

“No. Me too. I don’t like to share either.”

“…….”

“But it’s not like I have another option.”

“…….”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m hurt when she holds me in her arms, remembering she is not my property. But it hurts more to see her holds another. And that another one is the one owns her. It hurts me. It kills me.”

“……”

 

 

 

 

 

“And Yul..”

“…….”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m miserable when she is not around. And I’m miserable when she is around too.”

“………”

 

 

 

 

 

“But I would rather..”

“………”

 

 

“I would rather being miserable when she is around.”

“……….”

 

 

 

“Feeling her breathing next to me is enough.”

 

 

And after all the silence she had, listening to the girl’s heart, at last Yuri couldn’t respond that. Jessica’s love is on skak mat state. She can’t go anywhere but to wait for the death. The death of her own heart, that already started to crumble from the first time Sooyoung touched her. It cracked more every time Sooyoung’s near.

 

Yuri couldn’t save it. Nobody can. Except Sooyoung itself.

 

 

 

 

 

And by the corner of the window, from outside, the girl that they have been talking about is standing, focusing on Jessica’s face all the time.

 

How she wanted to embrace the girl in a tight hug. How she wanted to erase all the pain she had caused to her. But she didn’t know how. Is it enough the pain she caused her? Should she over it, whatever they have? Will Yuri make her happier?

 

 

 

A tear slowly fall from her eyes.

 

 

 

 

If only I took a step faster

If only I took a step slower

Then, our painful encounter

We could’ve avoid it

 

There is no use if I push you out

Now I can’t let you go

Even if you want to cry, cry in my arms

Because I will die without you

 

My heart is crying

My heart is shouting

Because it wants to love one person

I made you cry

And hurt you

But now I can’t forget you so I’m crying

My love is crying

 

Even when the world turned its back against me

You stayed by my side

The only things I gave you are scars

I don’t even have the right to hold onto you

 

My heart is crying

My heart is shouting

Because it wants to love one person

I made you cry

And hurt you

But now I can’t forget you so I’m crying

My love is crying

 

You don’t know how to lie

So even when you brightly smile

I knew your sad eyes

 

My love is crying

My love is calling out to you

Because I can’t let you go for a single moment

Because your smile is my life

Because only you can make me live

My heart is crying

 

 

 

 

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Song Credit : Love is Crying, K. Will

 

See you next week! :D