With too much going through my head, I decided to let go of my worries for a while. Maybe if I don’t pay much attention about them they would all just go away.

I called my best friends to help me find something to do for the day. It’s a weekend and I didn’t want to be at home. I feared discovering anything more about my parents if I stayed with my mother there. I just needed a rest for it for now.

“Ya, we’re so you can take your mind off your problems. Just be here with us, okay Kysha? We’re here for you. Don’t ever forget that. Araso?” Bom said, sounding so much like a mother.

“Neh, Bom omma.” I teased.

“Yah!” she pouted. It was one of her cutest expressions that never fail to make me smile.

“There,” CL placed her hand over my shoulder, “that’s a way to start being happy. Now keep that smile.” She ordered.

I just nodded. Minzy and Dara were blabbering behind us admiring the decorations at the mall where we were. There were huge heart crafts hanging from the ceiling as if they were floating in air. Valentine's day greetings were also posted everywhere inside. It was really a sight to see. But for me, all of those things were nothing but reminders of the past. I pushed the thought away immediately knowing that it wouldn't help.

Dara and Minzy were walking with their fingers intertwined while Bom and CL had their arms over my shoulders. I felt safe between them and I couldn’t be any more grateful for having the best friends ever.

Going through the worst days of my life made me realize, that I wanted to be a better friend towards them. During the time that I was with Jiyong, I kind of took them for granted. If only I knew what was coming, I would’ve given them the all the time and love I wasted on Jiyong.

“Unnie, look at those shirts! They’re so cuuute!” Minzy pointed at a couple shirt displayed at a shop.

Dara and Minzy ran ahead into the shop so the rest of us just followed. It was a small shop that sold nothing but the cutest couple stuff. There were mugs, keychains, shirts, caps, and many more. It was wonderland especially for girlfriends.

“Get something for Taeyang!” Bom said with so much excitement.

“Do you think he’d want me to?” I asked, a bit shy.

“Of course!” CL exclaimed while looking at some mugs.

“Are you shy, unnie?” Minzy said teasingly and I knew right then that I flushed.

“Look who’s blushing!” Bom teased on.

“Ya!” I hit her lightly.

“You know, I really don’t think that guy is good for you.” Dara said, finally joining the conversation.

“And why are you so against him?” CL asked.

Dara breathed deeply before speaking.

“Well first of all, he’s rude.” She said while rolling her eyes.

“And?” Minzy answered.

“Just because!” Dara placed back a keychain on a stand forcefully then she faced us with serious eyes. "Look, none of us know him. He just popped out of nowhere!" Dara seemed like she had more to say but stopped herself. 

“I know what you mean. I also have my doubts, because I still don’t know him well. “ And because Jiyong made me trust people less.—I couldn’t say that out loud.

“But look, he hasn’t done anything to hurt you. It’s not right to judge him just like that.” Bom defended Taeyang.

“And besides, if he does anything to you we’d be there to kick his a%$.” CL added.

Minzy took a tumbler from the displays and ran to us. “So just get him this!” she said.

She handed it to me so I could look at it. I liked it, it didn’t seem like a gift that would make him or me feel awkward. But a present would show him that I appreciate his efforts and his time.

“Ok. I’ll give him this.” I said.

Everyone was happy and giddy with my decision except for Dara. But when I tried to persuade her with a smile, she just nodded then gave me a hug. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again," she whispered.

"I know." I replied. 

~~

After shopping, which was mostly CL, we went to the food court for lunch. The place was almost full but luckily we found seats at the center, where we had to squeeze through the other tables to get there.

A waiter came to get our orders then we watched him struggle through the other tables to get out. Everyone was busy with their phones while we waited for our food. But because I had no one to text, I just roamed my eyes around the crowded place.

A family seated by the window caught my eye, maybe because of the light from outside illuminating them. The mother and the father were seated facing each other and their two daughters sat beside each of them. The kids were in their own world playing with their dolls. They had no idea that their parents were in a silent fight. It was obvious in the eyes of someone more mature that the look in their eyes weren’t the look of love. They were weary.

I caught the wife staring at her husband as if she wanted to stab him with the fork she was holding. But that expression quickly disappeared when one of their daughters asked her something. The look was replaced with love, the kind my own mother usually did. When her daughter looked away, a tear escaped on the corner of her eyes. She secretly wiped it away.

Her husband reached for her cheek, where her tear fell. He seemed sorry or guilty but I could only guess what was really going on. The wife grabbed his fist and twisted it showing that she didn’t like the gesture. But then their daughters looked so she just pretended to hold him sweetly. This made the two girls giggle, happy to see their parents that way.

The scene pinched my heart. It made me wonder if my mother was going through the same thing from the day I was born. I had to look away. I bit my lip trying to hold back the tears that were starting to form in my eyes. 

I 've always thought that my mother was fragile. She would break down into tears easily while watching dramas, or whenever she saw a complete family, or whenever she was reminded of my father. Back then, I thought I had to be braver than her. I told myself that I wouldn't cry as easily as my mother did. 

What I didn't know was that I couln't possibly be as brave as my mother. How could a single woman raise a child on her own? How could she have been suffering with all the memories from the past without anyone that she could talk to? I have my friends beside me to help me get through my own problems. I even have her to guide me and to take care of me. 

But she had no one. I wasn't there for her, because she kept me unaware of it. I knew that she still loved my father deeply. That's why she never told me what happened, because she didn't want me to hate him. But how could I not? What kind of man would leave his wife right before she gave birth to their daughter? How could a father abandon his daughter just before she was born? 

Before I knew it, the tears had already soaked my cheeks. My shoulders shook as I sobbed uncontrollably. My head was throbbing as well as my heart. It ached so much that it made me numb, the most confusing feeling ever.

"Kysha?" 

"Omo!" 

I heard my friends panic but I couldn't stop myself from crying. It was as if I lost control of my body. Then my vision started to darken and the voices started to fade. The last thing I remember was that my best friends were calling out my name, but I couldn't respond.

~~~

My eyelids felt heavy as I tried to lift them up. But the light was blinding. I turned to my side to avoid the light form directly hitting my eyes. When  I opened them again, I saw my mother looking at me. She sat on a chair beside the bed where I was lying. It was then when I noticed that we were in my room.

"Are you alright?" she asked worriedly.

Instead of answering her question, I leaped from my bed to hug her tightly. She was surprised and almost fell from the chair. But when she recovered, she placed her hands protectively around me. 

"Omma, mianhada." I cried.

She rubbed my back gently and planted a kiss on my temple. 

"What are you talking about?" she replied.

"Omma, kenchana. I'm here. I understand. You don't have to be alone." I said between sobs.

She didn't say anything but I heard her breathe deeply. 

"Kysha, I don't want you to worry too much." She pulled away from me and held my cheeks gently between her hands.

"I know. But omma, you're just human. You can't be too strong on your own. I just want you to know that I'm here for you." 

She smiled then pulled me back into a tight hug.

"I'm not alone. I have you. You're all I ever needed." Her words were as precious as a prayer. 

"Go back to sleep, you need to rest." she said.

"Can you sleep here with me?" I pleaded sounding like my younger days.

She nodded and laid beside me, holding me tight and safe. Then she started singing a lullaby that brought back nothing but wonderful memories of my old days.

~~~

Author:

comment below. thank you for subscribing. stay tuned. sorry for the late updates. i love you all! Happy almost valentine's day! be in love, don't be bitter! kekekeke~