"Alright, so... I'll add videos," Kyungsoo said, and shortly after, his black marker squeaked against the white board in protest as the Northener tried to coax the last bit of ink out of it.

Chanyeol watched him, swinging from left to right with his chair, knowing full well that it was only a matter of time until either Jongin or Kyungsoo would put an end to his fun. Just as predicted, Jongin placed a foot on the chair's construct a second later, halting his motions with a sharp movement.

"Okay, but what kind of platforms are we even gonna use?" Jongin then asked, perfectly casual and unwilling to address the incident. Chanyeol could be annoyed, of course, but he just got up from his seat to step behind Jongin, seeking a different outlet for his need to move. Jongin only spared him an exasperated look over his shoulder before turning towards the whiteboard again - both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had the habit of moving during brainstorming, while he himself preferred perfect stillness. Chanyeol felt entitled to follow his habits nonetheless, since quite frankly, his opinion was needed the most right now. They were talking about their social media presence and how to solidify it and maybe nurture an active community to spread awareness (and maybe even spark some activism). Chanyeol had quite the media presence himself, and therefore his fair share of experience, too.

"I say videos are the quickest way to build a foundation," he now said, slowly pacing from left to right, eyes taking in his surroundings without really processing them, "since in this day and age, people are too lazy to read lengthy blog posts. I gained most of my followers through Picto myself, and you gotta carefully construct blog posts if you wanna keep people's attention."
Kyungsoo hummed and started a new box at the bottom right corner, listing Picto, a network that focused on posting images and photos, with barely any more than a short description. After a second of thinking, he added more common platforms that came to mind. Jongin made an unhappy sound.

"I don't like it," he announced, and there was the moody Jongin Kyungsoo had loved to hate back then. Chanyeol found it funny how Kyungsoo had managed to resent this very real part of Jongin, but with a greater knowledge about his personality, had ended up encouraging it.

"Showcasing children to the public can't be a solution. It's like exploiting them," he stated, and Kyungsoo hummed in contemplation, obviously lost in possible scenarios.

"Where's the difference between posting children's pictures or handwritten stories and posting videos of them, really?" Chanyeol asked, and Jongin turned to face him, frowning.

"You'd really wanna push children into the spotlight like that? What about privacy and the likes? They're kids, Chanyeol-"

"Yes, and they're the kids people are supposed to care about," Chanyeol interrupted him impatiently, "building an emotional connection is really easy this way, and there's no need to exploit them!"

"How could a video aimed at gaining sympathy not exploit them? What if the kids are disgusted, looking back on it, and regret it all?" Jongin argued, crossing his arms.

"Posting pictures or other works is different, considering that if you expose them on video, people could recognize them on the streets," Kyungsoo suddenly spoke up, sounding thoughtful. "Can we be sure that's safe?"
Chanyeol suppressed a groan.

"They're kids living in the safe environment of orphanages. You think some evil e will sneak in there and snatch them away? Or turn into a stalker who waits for them to leave the facility years after? Wouldn't it be way more likely that people would be encouraged to actually adopt them?" he asked, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

"Are we toying with lives based on probabilities now?" Kyungsoo asked with narrowed eyes. Chanyeol sighed.

"Of course not. I'm just saying that if you want people to care, you need to show them exactly what or whom to care about-"

"Let's just stay clear of videos for now," Jongin said in a pacifying tone, and Chanyeol pouted angrily. Why wouldn't they listen? He's been making a name for himself online for years and years, and knew what he was doing. Exposure was something that could be regulated, but had to happen one way or another - after all, every form of online representation was a form of exposure.

"But it doesn't have to-"

"Chanyeol, please. Let's drop it for now," even Kyungsoo added, and this wasn't fair.

"Are you two teaming up against me now?" Chanyeol asked without thinking, and Kyungsoo shot him a surprisingly firm, serious look.

"Yeol, this is about work, not about us."
The simple statement was enough to silence Chanyeol, who froze in place. Only now did he realize just how stressed and tense he'd become.

Right. This was work. Nothing personal.

He placed both palms over his face and inhaled deeply, gave his messy thoughts some time to settle. Separating work and private life was something he was used to, but not in regards to something or someone this close to him. Was it a proof of how close they all were and how much they meant to him, if he got vulnerable and riled up so easily? Either way, this was an obvious no-go on his part.

He gave himself five more seconds before he got to his feet and slowly walked over to Jongin to give him a fleeting peck on the cheek and move over to Kyungsoo to do the same, ignoring the half-unhappy, half-worried expression he wore.

"I disagree," Chanyeol said calmly, the moment his lips broke contact with Kyungsoo's skin. "And we should talk this through properly, instead of brushing it off."

"This is just you trying to manipulate us with your affection," Jongin complained, though he was grinning. It infected Chanyeol.

"Maybe," he said airily as he took the pen out of Kyungsoo's limp grip. "I say we make a list of pros and cons. Doesn't that sound fair?"
For a second, Kyungsoo looked at him intensely, as if assessing his feelings - as usual, he could probably read every emotion off his face, and what he found was apparently satisfying. He relented and went over to sit on Jongin's desk, handing the reigns over to him.

"Good, then let's start with a couple cons," he said calmly, and Chanyeol smiled gratefully, shaking his pen in a vain attempt to gather the last bits of ink.

"Sure!"
 

Chanyeol was humming along to the music blasting from his stereo system as he pushed his hoodie on top of the shirts, stuffing them together into his medium-sized bag. His actual trunk would be a total overkill, considering that their trip was only scheduled to last three days.

He was in a good mood - sure, he'd caused a little slip up earlier, but after overcoming it, he felt a bit more secure in their relationship. Getting the dynamics of work and relationship right and cleanly separated was something to look out for but it wasn't impossible, and the other two weren't making it too hard, actually.
They had settled on a compromise that saw them being closely involved if any video-making was on the table, preferably even being physically present to ensure everything was going well. But that wasn't the reason he was currently stuffing his small washbag into a corner of the bag.

One of the higher ups had paid them a visit in the late afternoon, telling them to pack their stuff, since they were invited by the Eastern government to partake in CARE's annual press conference. He didn't seem too happy about it, and Chanyeol got that - they were mostly there to look good; an easy attention seeker, possibly charming people with their youthful attitudes and serving as a nice reminder of equality to the simple folk. Chanyeol himself wasn't all that keen on attending the event. It wasn't like he himself minded being a spokesperson, but it wasn't a position he liked to see Jongin or Kyungsoo pushed into. On the other hand... this would take place on Eastern soil, Jongin's birth nation. Surely Jongin would love the little trip home, considering that he hadn't gotten around much ever since they'd started to work for CARE, when they had all been thrown together on foreign ground. He had even stayed back when Chanyeol and Kyungsoo got the opportunity to board a train and see some new landscapes.

He was very much aware of the fact that this was not some honeymoon-like vacation, but that didn't stop him from looking forward to this. Although the fact that he had to refrain from getting too close in public added a grain of salt. Still, they had mutually agreed on keeping their relationship private for the time being and so be it - it was an unusual construct, never mind the impact it could have on the company and their work, and professionalism came first for now.

Just when he was about to add the last bunch of clothing, his doorbell rang. Chanyeol smiled at the sound of Jongin and Kyungsoo, who were lightly bickering, saying something about their luggage; he heard it through the door. The moment he opened it, the two snapped out of it, but Chanyeol's grin was already so wide that he was probably looking like a fool.

"You guys... I'm so proud of you," he said as a greeting, and while Kyungsoo wore a tiny smile, Jongin rolled his eyes.

"Of us arguing?"

"Yes!" Chanyeol replied without hesitation, and the Eastener pushed past him with a sarcastic "Wow, Chanyeol," on his lips. It didn't matter because Jongin was obviously joking, and so Chanyeol just wrestled Kyungsoo's trunk out of his hands to put it away. The other protested half-heartedly, but once in awhile it was alright to do something for stoic Kyungsoo, who was honestly flattered someone would go out of their way despite it being unnecessary.

"It's been ages since I've been to the East!" Chanyeol provided merrily as he went to the kitchen to get some glasses and drinks.

"I've never been there," Kyungsoo offered, just as he offered to carry aforementioned glasses, in wise precaution - it's become a running gag among them that both Jongin or Chanyeol weren't to be trusted around glass. In the main living area, Jongin was crouched on the carpet between Chanyeol's open bag and the couch.

"Are you going to show us around, Jongin?" Chanyeol asked as he placed down the juice and coke, to plunge down into his beloved couch, joints protesting from all the time he'd spent on the floor earlier.

"I never lived in the capital, we'd get lost," Jongin shot him down immediately, watching Kyungsoo pour three glasses in the natural manner of someone who grew up with many siblings. When he noticed the pout on his face, Jongin added a pacifying "but I can give you food recommendations - we got a few dishes you've been missing out on."

Jongin was so funny, Chanyeol thought as he took a deep gulp of icy coke. He was such a little mess, torn between being his snarky self and actually showing affection, wavering in between them as he was trying to regain a balance he had evidently not needed in forever. And yet that made it fun to interact with him, to and comfort him, to outbalance him where he needed it the most. And all the fun aside... Jongin liked him. Liked him. He felt it more with each passing day, and he'd felt it so dizzingly clear when they had shared their first kisses the week before. The mere thought made him all fluttery inside. Not just the kisses themselves, but also the fact that Kyungsoo had been watching, approvingly at that. Did that make him ?

As if on cue, Kyungsoo leaned into his side, ripping Chanyeol out of his thoughts. He slung an arm around his slim shoulders, and while Kyungsoo didn't comment, he did press closer. Kyungsoo wasn't someone to seek lots of skinship, god forbid public display of affection. Just a light, casual and reassuring touch - that was usually all Kyungsoo initiated. And that was fine by Chanyeol. Quiet, subtle reassurance was rather new to him, and he found it to be grounding and soothing.

"Stuffed animals, really?" Jongin said, breaking his train of thought by reaching on top of his luggage and lifting up a small, black dog by its feet. "Won't our bed be crowded enough already?"
The thought of them all sleeping together made him happy, but this was Thoven who was on the line here, so Chanyeol snatched the stuffed animal away to cuddle it close to his chest.

"I never said he'll sleep on the bed," he defended himself and Thoven, the little brother of Bee, Baekhyun's plush corgi. They had won them on a fair as kids, and the coarse little thing accompanied him everywhere, so this trip would be no exception. Kyungsoo casually reached out to pet the dog's head, and Chanyeol fell for him all over again, just from that gesture alone.

"What are those?" Jongin asked curiously, and Chanyeol looked up to see a certain white and dark blue package in Jongin's hand. He froze.

"Xanax," Jongin read out loud, turning the packaging in his hand to study it further. "You got any allergies or something?"
Chanyeol opened his mouth, a flimsy 'yes' on his lips that never quite made it out. He was feeling really cold all of a sudden.

"Are you alright, Yeol?" he heard Kyungsoo ask, but he was already reaching out to snatch the medication from Jongin, who instinctively held it out of reach.

"Woah, relax," Jongin mumbled, sounding more surprised than anything, and before Chanyeol knew it, he'd grabbed Jongin's arm to get a hold of the package.

"It's nothing," he mumbled. "An embarrassing allergy, don't ask-"

"Alprazolam?" Kyungsoo read the description out loud, and then the package changed hands again, this time wandering to the Northener, who regarded it with a sceptic expression. Chanyeol wanted to cry. Kyungsoo held up his free hand, and somehow that was enough to stop him from trying anything though.

"I've heard this before..." Kyungsoo mumbled, turning the packaging around. When his eyes widened, Chanyeol knew there was no escape for him.

"Isn't this like Valium? Something close to a drug?"
Jongin gasped audibly.

"You're doing drugs? -"

"That's not it," Chanyeol argued immediately, feeling a nervous lump forming, heavy and unsettled, and the prospect of what was to come made him antsy.
Jongin didn't look all that convinced.

"How often do you take this stuff?"

"Not often, I've had this package for years-" Chanyeol began, but was cut off by Jongin yet again.

"Then it's probably expired by now, right-"

"Jongin, please," Kyungsoo said in a strict voice that managed to temporarily shut the other up, though he looked mighty unhappy about it. Kyungsoo shot him a warning look before he turned to Chanyeol, shaking the package a bit. It had Chanyeol's eyes flit from the ground to the medication, and eventually to Kyungsoo.

"You don't need to tell us," Kyungsoo said as he placed his free hand on Chanyeol's thigh and it felt like a soothing blanket, heavy enough to press him down and keep him grounded. "We can't and won't force you. Just know that you can tell us, whenever you're ready. Take your time."

Take your time.

Chanyeol did, and for a long moment, he focused on breathing, eyes trained on the carpet. It was alright. It wouldn't happen now. It's been forever, anyway, so something like this shouldn't trigger him. It was just that nobody knew about this pills. Not his friends, certainly not his family and not even Baekhyun - there was a time when Chanyeol had scraped together the courage to tell his best friend and better half, but Baekhyun hadn't quite understood, hadn't realized just how serious Chanyeol had been. Back then, Chanyeol had been easily discouraged and kept this particular issue to himself afterwards. He'd silently visited a doctor, denied theraphy sessions because it wasn't that big of a deal, and now nothing but this innocuous little package told of his secret.

A package that Jongin had found, and now they were both looking at him. Jongin with an expression that told him he was not agreeing with Kyungsoo at all, and that he'd very much like to get answers. Kyungsoo with a stoic, calm one that cracked just enough to reveal that he, too, was worried. He'd probably look up the specific medication and read up everything about the possible diseases it could treat.
He should really tell them. It would be alright, he told himself. But it was unexpectedly hard to color the words with his voice. They were just soundlessly waiting, stuck in his throat.

A touch told him that Jongin was palming his leg, just a silent sign that he, too, meant well.
He his lips and tried again.

"They're against panic attacks."
The sentence hung in the room, heavy and uncomfortable, and now that it was out, he had to do quick damage control.

"I don't get them often, I have no panic disorder or anything; I'm just keeping the pills to be safe," he said, not sure where to look. "Just in case. Sometimes it won't happen for years."

"So you haven't taken them in years?" Jongin asked, now more curious than upset.
Chanyeol hesitated. Kyungsoo noticed.

"It makes sense now. I remember," he said, and Chanyeol looked at him quizzically. Kyungsoo rubbed a thumb over the back of his hand, as if to soothe him in advance.
"That time where you skipped work. You weren't physically sick, but... it was something like that, right?"

Oh. Right.
There was no use denying it, and as he nodded, he could see the clogs turning in Jongin's head. Could see him remember just what had happened back then. Kyungsoo had already connected the dots, because of course he had. Back then, Jongin had confessed to him in this weird and clumsy way, and Chanyeol hadn't been able to handle the pressure well. It was his fault, really, not theirs. This brought problems though. If Chanyeol was sensitive to emotional pressure, then that would influence both Kyungsoo's and Jongin's behaviour. They'd treat him differently, like he was made of glass. It was an added factor of pressure for their relationship as a whole, and he really didn't want to-

"Chanyeol. Breathe."
He blinked, looked into Kyungsoo's dark orbs and allowed himself to get a little lost in them. He hadn't noticed that he'd been holding his breath.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, grasping Kyungsoo's hand with his one hand, while reaching for Jongin's with the other. Physical touch was save and reliable - not in general, but coming from these two.

"I'm not usually this- like this," he said for the lack of a better term, "it's just that I never told anyone. And I don't wanna influence how you treat me. Just. Pretend it's not an option."
Jongin looked hesitant, but Kyungsoo agreed without a hitch.

"Sure, I can do that."
He should maybe feel a prick at how easy it was for Kyungsoo to dismiss all this, but Chanyeol just felt relieved at being accepted and treated normally.

"But if it happens nonetheless," Kyungsoo began calmly, "then what do you want us to do?"
There was no accusation, just an honest question that aimed to help. Chanyeol hesitated. It was hard to picture the situation.

"I'm not sure," he said slowly, still seeking an answer, "I usually just withdraw to deal with it. I've never been around people before, when it happens."
Kyungso nodded.

"Very well. It's up to you whether you take these," he shook the package, jostling the pills inside, "or whether you wanna try us. Just know that it's always an option. Right, Jongin?"
He looked towards the Eastener, who still looked reluctant.

"No," he said firmly, and a spark of insecurity flared up, pricking Chanyeol for real this time - but before he could withdraw, Jongin had tightly gripped his hand. "I don't think this is quite right. I can treat you like panic attacks aren't even an option, but you shouldn't treat yourself like that. Suppression and denial only give you unconscious fear."

He leaned forwards to pull the medication out of Kyungsoo's hands, watching Chanyeol closely.

"This is a part of you," he said firmly, his voice unwavering. "Know your enemy, so you can fight it."
With this, he placed the medication back into his bag with a meaningful gesture.

Yes, that was very much Jongin - know yourself to the core, so you can gain control. Maybe Jongin would be a very miserable person without the insight he had. And while Chanyeol knew that he was right, he also appreciated Kyungsoo. Patient, calm Kyungsoo who kept a distance while still holding his hand. Who gave him all the time he needed.
What a lucky guy he was, having two personalities as different as theirs supporting him.

With a strong pull he tugged Jongin towards the couch, and with a shared oomph, they were all tangled up on the couch the moment after. It was a mess, and someone's elbow was painfully digging into his sides, but it was also warm and comforting, and Chanyeol sighed happily.

"I'm just giving you guys trouble today, huh? First the thing at work and now this," he mumbled into Kyungsoo's collarbones, who chuckled and tightened his grip on them.

"You're a dense idiot sometimes, Chanyeol," he said, and a hand was ruffling his hair. He leaned into it without thinking.

"You think we're perfect? A relationship like ours isn't easy, and we'll stumble just like you do. In fact, I bet by the time we discover all the obstacles to tumble over, you've already finished the parcour and will cheer us on from the finish line."

"What a nice metaphor," Jongin said sarcastically, but he didn't stop petting Chanyeol's hair. "I'd hate it to be right though. Watch me catching up with you, Yeol."

"You never called me Yeol before," Chanyeol noticed happily, and when Jongin began to ruffle his hair more viciously to shut him up, he yelped and nuzzled into Kyungsoo's neck to hide.

There was no fear right now, no anxiety. Jongin was right, it could happen, and that was nothing to be ashamed or afraid off. A concept that was a little hard to believe, and sounded almost too good to be true, but the two of made him want to believe it, and he'd try. There was nothing to truly fear - after all, he had medication and not only one, but two people ready to catch him.

 

I'm baaack from the dead~~
Xanax is indeed a drug and highly addictive, but since Yeol only uses it once in a couple years or so there's no need to worry. No substance abuse in this fic~
Their conflicts don't seem to end, despite them being happily together, huh? It's almost as if relationships need to actually grow, even after confessions are made... *weird*

Okay, I'm just tired and will stop talking nonsense now.

Looove to everyone reading this! :3

Sugar-and-Salt ❤

P.S.: why is the chapter called 'Roadblock', and not something less dramatic like obstacle? Because roadblocks are usually consisting of people, and the three mostly tumble over each other on their way. At least that's how I see it~