*Good day fellow angels, and because our review for the board exam would start by next week, I'll be posting as long as I can and as long as my free time and breaks would let me.

*Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

*I hope this nap version of a myungjong fic of mine would fill up your needs for today.

#19-N.A.P.

The purest of words are those not spoken

The sweetest song may be out of tune

The greatest of stories may still be unknown

And love does not need a reason to bloom

‘’How pitiful. Shedding such pretty tears for such a lame person.’’

‘’You would never understand me.’’

‘’No worries. I don’t have any wants of understanding you. ‘Cause if knowing what love is means ending up as a mess like you right now, I don’t mind being ignorant about that matter.’’

Every single thing is either seen in black or white. Yet it is more complex than that, and Niel knows. Life is a complicated game of monopoly. Dreams can push you forward; fears can block your way. Hope can uplift you; pain can pull you down in a pit you’ve never wished to enter. Affection is worth having; attachment is synonymous with taking risk of trusting. And the more you try to fit in, the less you become you. You lose your personality, for the sake of acceptance, and he thinks it’s such a complicated life,   in an absurd world, where most people are selfish and judging. And he knows, him being honest as one of them, speaking words that might sound venomous out of being real, but he doesn’t care.

He had built this image since he was a kid. Being the small boy always mistaken as a girl, he had been once a center of bullying, with his feminine ways and voice. There was one time he almost pulled his pants down just to prove his self, and that’s when he met Changjo. With his strong gaze, and black belt in taekwondo easily noticed due to the blinding whiteness of the uniform, he had easily scared the bullies, yet it didn’t made Niel felt any safer.

Yes, he got rid of those guys whose ways of saying hi to him are punches, playful kicks, and constant tripping every time they’ve caught a glimpse of him approaching their designated classroom, and he’s thanking the heavens for that. But after knowing Changjo, he realized that meeting this serious-looking boy was more dangerous that all his bullies combined.

That day he became the younger lad’s savior, he considered them as best friends as well. And Niel’s not happy. Especially when one is trying to cross the boundary of being strangers to friends, because for him, he doesn’t need one.

Stories are told, yet Changjo keeps blabbering about things that Niel believes he shouldn’t care about. When he cannot gain from it, why bother to focus on it.

And he knows that Changjo knows that he’s bored and not interested with his tales and presence, yet he stayed.

And Niel realized that trying to step as well towards Changjo’s side, is a bigger burden than simply noticing his existence.

I saw you broken

What made you cry?

Reaching out to wipe your tears

But you just slap it away

Without reason, I still love you, while carrying this pain inside

‘’Well, let me tell you a bad news, you can’t control who you fall in love with or when would you be hit, and once that happens, you would not be able to be so confident with words like now.’’

‘’You’re just heartbroken Chunji and you suddenly became a romance poet, how about we just eat lunch now. It’s been hours since I’ve finished the project plan for the interior design of Bang’s resort while you’re just being depressive right here. Let’s go now, you owe me one.’’

His best friend in work doesn’t need to tell him those words, he already knows it by heart, and he actually hates it. Is cupid drunk when he let an arrow pierce him? Or is it Aphrodite enjoying her time while weaving another stupid love tragedy?

No one needs to know though. He’s a master of composure and confidence, and he doesn’t need to tell anyone a secret that could break those walls down. It’s better this way.

It’s always better this way.

When he was just about to hop in Chunji’s car, he didn’t expect to hear a familiar voice that stopped him from his track.

‘’Thanks God, I thought I’ve lost you!’’

Lost. It would have sounded better if it meant something that Niel wishes it meant.

‘’Changjo?’’

‘’The one and only.’’

The same smile, the same eyes, the same man. Just like the image that keeps on invading him even when he sleeps. And he hates it so much.

---

It all seemed familiar, yet strange. Before, the younger lad would not even care if the other still follows him or not, but in the present, he just wants to look at the older one’s way just to make sure he’s still there.

He fell out of his trance when he felt a hand ruffle his hair.

‘’Yah!’’

Then a pinch on the cheek.

‘’What the… Changjo!’’

‘’Why, I just missed my favorite hyung, and I’m happy that you’re still the same. That fighter who wouldn’t back down without a fight.’’

I’m sorry but it’s not the same old me. It would never be the same old me. I’m a coward and you don’t have any idea how afraid am I with your presence. Can’t I just simply disappear now?

‘’What brought you here? Unless you want your wedding to take place here.’’

‘’You really know me!’’

‘’You looked for me to invite me to your wedding as your best man, that it is, isn’t it?’’

‘’Being frank as usual, haha, yes, I want you to be my best man. I can’t imagine anyone else standing beside me on the altar while waiting for the girl I love to reach me. It has to be you Niel hyung.’’

It sounded so nice it hurts. Being with the one you love on his wedding day, it made him felt giddy, but he knows this is reality. He’s there, he wishes him to be there, but it’s not about them. It’s about Changjo and his fiancée. About a boy and a girl that’s about to say their vows to each other. He would always be a tiny speck on the whole picture.

‘’You could have just called me, of course it has to be me.’’

Niel smiled, and it looked so genuine, it didn’t look any less sincere.

And it hurts more that Changjo doesn’t see the hidden pain.

‘’Thank you! Come with me, I have prepared suits for you to choose from and there’s-‘’

‘’Just make sure it fits me right, or I won’t show up in your wedding day. And don’t blame me if the crowd’s attention turn to me.’’

Laughter erupted from the younger one’s lips, and for the first time, Niel realized that playing pretend hasn’t been this hard.

You called, you’re crying again

I came to you running but no words came out

Ain’t good at words of comfort

Like any other hour, it’ll stick on my mind

When no one’s there who’s willing to stay

That’s the seconds you don’t push me away

But still I don’t care

‘’Why do they have to look so happy while you’re suffering here, that’s what you’re thinking about while watching them, right?’’

Niel’s attention was all given to the dancing couple that he didn’t notice the serious boy who sat beside him. He just glared at him, and drank the remaining wine from his glass, bottoms up.

‘’I believe you’ve already drank enough. You should already stop.’’

‘’I’m not drunk, okay, I’m not eas-‘’

‘’Not with the wine. With your feelings. You’re obviously in love.’’

He almost slammed the wine glass on the innocent table but was able to control his self before he lost his temper. Was this guy mocking him, challenging him, or simply pitying him? Niel being Niel, he ignored him and took another glass from a waiter that passed by.

‘’You’re really hard-headed aren’t you, Niel?’’

Out of irritation, he looked at the mysterious guy who seemed to read him so well, and he almost choked from his drink.

‘’Mr. Bang?!’’

When he felt eyes looking at them and not to the newly-wedded couple who’re already watching them as well with curious eyes, he felt . He blushed not from the alcohol but out of embarrassment, especially when he has never lost his poise in front of a mob.

Before he could laugh it off and tell them to proceed to what they’re doing before turning their attention to them, the mysterious guy, whom he discovered to be their latest customer, already pulled him away, out of the door that brings them to the solitude of the night.

A few cars pass by, but they decided to not notice. They kept on walking without any planned direction or location.

‘’I’m sorry to meet you in this state Mr. Bang, I’m sure you can’t recognize the person whom you’ve had a chat with last week for your family resort’s interior design.’’

The same smile and laughter. Of course it would be fine and the other won’t notice the mask he’s starting to put on.

‘’You don’t need to act fine in front of me. Tonight, we’re just you and me, not a professional dealing with a customer. I’m sorry too, I guess I was too harsh on you earlier with my words.’’

He was supposed to answer in a businesslike manner, he was supposed to leave him there, and he was supposed to believe he’s fine.

Why does a stranger able to read him so well? Why can’t Changjo read his feelings the same way? Why does it need to be this person he just met through business the one who comforts him now that he’s down, and not Changjo?

‘’I know I’m not your top option right now, but sad to say, I’m your only alternative for now. It won’t make you less if you cry.’’

And before he could argue and deny the theory of the other guy, tears started to stream down his cheeks. At first, he could hold it into a minimum, yet at the end he stopped from walking, sat beside the road and cried louder, burying his face on his hands.

He felt an arm wrap around his shoulder, warm and calming. But it made him cry more.

When Minsoo felt the younger guy calm down, he held on the petite guys arms and made him look at his face straight.

‘’I need to show you something, can you trust me?’’

After all what happened, this guy’s right, he doesn’t have any available alternative for now. He accepted the hand reaching out to him, and after a sudden pull they both run. Not caring about their names, their reputations, their lives, it’s just them and the wind.

You’re not happy

Still your smile makes me wanna be selfish, this time

I’m not happy as well

‘Cause I’ll never be able to put a real smile on your frowning lips

I’ll never be the reason of a laughter so free

Nor a spark in your deep eyes, nor a blush to spread on your cheeks

After all these reasons to go, I still wanna stay

‘’I know this might be too late, and quite sudden, but I think this is the best time to show you this. And I don’t have any courage before to even speak to you. But I want to be as strong as you are. This might sound selfish, but I’m happy… to…. to be the one to see this side of you.’’

Every single thing is either seen in black or white. Yet it is more complex than that, and Niel knows.

And while looking at the masterpiece in front of him, this belief of him came into life. Here, on a wall of a gallery not opened to the public yet, is a mosaic formed to look like a portrait of his face, composed of black and white pictures of him, mostly of his face showing confidence that he always exudes. His breath hitched for a moment, and then he came nearer to touch the artwork. It seems creepy, knowing that most of the pictures were candid, still he remembers most of them, and he believes these were taken before they even met for business matters.

Yet the feeling of warmth spreading on his chest fills him more than worry or fear. He always wanted to fill in a gap in a certain someone’s life, he didn’t notice the other people around who wants to fill the gap in his life.

‘’I know I must look like a freaking stalker of yours but I assure you, I didn’t do anything more than taking your pictures and following you around, so-‘’

‘’Shut up Mr. Bang, I’ve heard and seen enough.’’

He sees the other guy tense up, he feels the anxiousness radiating off him, and he enjoys it for a while. After making him cry earlier, he deserves it, even though the pain wasn’t Minsoo’s fault in the first place.

‘’I just saw the person I wanna be with being married earlier. And I just realized how deep I felt for him when they kissed. I felt the real pain when they were dancing happily. It’s a moment I’ll remember for days, weeks, maybe even years.’’

‘’I’m not in a hurry. I could wait if that’s what you want.’’

‘’Where’s the strong and so sure of himself Mr. Bang that I’ve met earlier?’’

‘’I… um… er…’’ and while thinking of a counter attack, looking like a kid while scratching his head and squinting his eyes, he felt something soft touch his unaware lips.

‘’That’s my way of saying thank you, but don’t get used to it as early as now, or you might regret it.’’

Minsoo gulped and almost stumbled on his feet, but he kept his cool. Especially when the one he always imagined to be beside him is just inches away from him, looking expectantly for a reply that didn’t came.

When Niel started to walk away, he felt his self follow him and call his name.

‘’Wait Niel!’’

‘’Yes Mr. Bang?’’

Now Niel’s back to being the Ahn Daniel everyone sees.

‘’You can… you can call me by my first name you know. I know you already knew it since I’ve introduced myself to you last week, but in case you forgot, it’s Minsoo.’’

‘’Alright, Minsoo it is. And by the way, if you want to take pictures of me, just call me and I’ll be more than willing to cooperate. Don’t forget to ask permission, is it clear?’’

‘’Of course, very clear.’’

But I can’t promise you that I won’t take pictures while you’re not looking at the lens. That’s the time you’re most beautiful.

‘’What’s with that stupid smile?’’ Niel asked with a playful smirk.

‘’No-nothing… I’m just… I’m just happy.’’

‘’It’s too early to be happy Minsoo.’’

He didn’t answer, no one spoke another word, but they both smiled, and that was enough to make them both understand.

It would always take a lot of courage to show and accept love. There is a greater risk of pain than joy. It can make you shut your eyes close and seal your lips tight, when you’ve already lost and there’s no more chance. But it can make you open up to the world again, and make you realize how far and wide you can still go.

Simply experiencing it makes life worth living.

Won’t you go home

Won’t you go home tonight

It’s fine if you forget to ask if I’m fine

But if ever you cry again, believe that I’m always here

Without reason, I’ll stay behind you

Without reason, I’ll keep on loving you

*I would be really happy if you post your requests here, since that would push me to write more for you dear readers, and anythings goes so I'm fine with any definition you're thinking of. Thank you!

*Lovelots, and take care.

#nap.is.my.vitamin