*Happy new year guys!

*This is quite short and shows how I feel for these days, but I'll try to be more light for the next chapters, but I can't promise, since my side that loves angst starts to grow again.

*Enjoy!

#10-Changrick

Stop holding me back…. Please.

“Do you think, once I tell mom she’ll agree-?”

“About?”

“Don’t play dumb, I know you know what I mean, and-”

“Then why mind asking me? It doesn’t concern me anyways, right Hyung?”

It has been four years since it happened, Changjo breaking the boundary between between him and his older brother. Ricky didn’t expect it in the first place, since his younger sibling has always been clingy to him and protective if needed, making him feel admired and cared for. And all he knows is, it’s plainly normal between brothers. Nothing was wrong.

But it is wrong.

Their parents were away on a vacation, wanting to spend their 15 years together as a married couple in Paris, leaving the two behind. Tired from all the club activities and projects in school, the older decided to take a rest earlier, leaving Changjo to wash the dishes as they agreed with the house chores assignments.

He didn’t expect to be awaken later by his brother trying to sleep beside him, and since he’s the only dongsaeng he has, he saw it as him missing their parents even though it has only been two days. He knows, since Changjp was always left to him during their parents’ personal escapades.

It was not the last of those nights, waking up to find the younger one using his arm as a pillow, or simply hugging him like a teddy bear. It was fine, and he likes the warmth given to him, the undivided attention. He feels like his already a parent taking care of his only son. It was fun.

Until Changjo barged in his personal relationships with others.

A guy friend who’s a part of the wrestling club like him was warned about touching him unnecessarily. His first girlfriend broke up with him because his brother irritates her a lot. And the list goes on. He sees it as Changjo fearing the loss of attention from him, since he’s the one who basically raised him up. And it was fine as well. He understands him.

Until Changjo entered the same high school as him.

He was joked about their relationship as brothers, since it seems that Changjo treats him more than that, not minding the looks given to them. And Ricky started to see it as something that wasn’t supposed to occur. It’s not the same brotherly care they’ve exchanged. It was so much more. And he should put a stop to it.

He started locking him room, since Changjo kept on coming even after their parents arrive from their latest vacation. He started to be more busy and accepting extra works he could find just to avoid him. And it just made things worse.

Changjo started to be clingier, watching his club activities no matter how late it end. He keeps on giving him gifts even though it’s not his birthday or a special occasion. Ricky even caught him sniffing his pillow, his hair, using the same soap and shampoo brands.

Ricky doesn’t know his brother anymore.

Nothing much changed since then. But Ricky became distant, with Changjo trying harder than before, now that they’re in college.

Until Changjo tried to kiss him in his own room.  Even though both of them has girlfriends already. And Ricky, after punching some sense into him, slept on his bestfriend’s apartment.

“It concerns you.”

“In what way, may I ask?”

“Once they say yes, I’ll be leaving for Japan immediately for that wrestling training. And that means… I’ll be leaving you behind.”

“Then go ahead, and ask them now. You wouldn’t mind leaving me right?”

“Changjo, it’s not that-”

“You hate what I kept on asking from you, right? And wouldn’t you be happy that you’ve got a reason now to move away and not hear nor see me anymore?”

Seeing the tears forming and slowly falling down on his brother’s cheeks, he hugged him without any hesitation. Ricky knows he couldn’t love Changjo the way he wants to, but he’s still his hyung no matter what. And he thinks he might be the one at fault in the beginning, cooping Changjo up and being the only one there when he cries or in pain.

And Ricky thinks that once he’s away from here, Changjo could think about his self clearly, and maybe have a new girlfriend in the process.

“Just go hyung. And don’t show me anymore pity. That’s not what I need from you.”

The door was slammed in front of him, and Ricky couldn’t help but blame his self, but for now, he knows that the best thing to do is give his brother some space.

And he left the next day without saying or receiving goodbye.

And he would never know that Changjo wanted to stop him so badly, that he cried on his room, and he dreamt of his brother slowly dissipating into thin air leaving him in so much pain.

Until the day Ricky saw him watching his training, when he should be back there in their home, and attending his classes, miles away from there.

“Hyung, can I have a minute break? I just need to talk to someone.”

“Just hurry.”

Coming out to the cold breeze made him clung to his jacket tighter, and before he could throw a question, he was pulled into a hug by a sobbing Changjo.

“Hyung… I didn’t mean to say those words to you. I can’t live without you, please come home.”

“Changjo… you need to come home.”

Looking at his brother with tears still brimmed with tears; he couldn’t help but remember the same Changjo he has always cared for when they were just kids.

And Ricky knows, he could never bear to break this gentle heart again.

“But don’t worry, I’ll follow you soon, so for now, do your best in studies and don’t let me down, okay?”

“Really hyung? But, I just arrived this morning.”

This really is the same Changjo.

“Then we’ll call mom and dad first, let’s go inside, I’ll introduce you to the team.”

Happily nodding, they walked together hand-in-hand, remembering the last time they have been this way.

And for now, Ricky would do all means to make his brother happy, even though it means sacrificing his own happiness. Right now, he’ll stop his attraction as early as of today to a girl she met days before, before they end up broken once again.

One day, he’ll wait for the right time to make Changjo understand without hurting him that much. But he doubts if that day would ever come.

*Hul, it feels like I want to break them in the end, but no, I could not break this two because they just fit well, don't you agree?

#changrick.gives.me.diabetes