*Hello dear readers, finally, I found the time to do an update, but since I wasn't able to finish typing the fic I am supposed to post here, I made a N.A.P. version of an original myungjong one shot of mine, so I hope this will fill your nap needs for today.

*Lovelots!

#12- N.A.P.

When I look straight into his empty eyes, I’ve realized that we’ve both lost, how wrong my decision was, and how useless am I in trying to protect our hearts.

And I realized, letting go that easily is not always the solution, because when you love a person with your whole heart and soul, you’ll never let go until you’re sure you have given your all to avoid letting that person slip away from your hold. And if that someone cares for you as much as you do, he’ll never loosen his hold as well. The problem is, between us, there’s nothing to let go, for there is nothing to hold onto. It has always been an impossible dream, that I’ll just keep with me and turn into a living false reality within my mind.

‘’Take care Niel. You could always return home when you feel like having a break, and don’t push yourself too much okay?”

“Yes hyung, I’ll remember that. Thank you. You take care as well.”

That’s right, just bow down your head and avoid his gaze. Then walk away.

I don’t want to step in; I don’t want to attend this flight, but I need to hurry up and don’t slow down even one step, ‘cause if I do it, I’ll ruin it more than I already did.

Walking away has never been this hard. I guess, even though you make yourself believe that you’ve cut the string that attach your heart to that person, the truth is you haven’t done it ‘cause you can’t bear to do so. That’s why even though you’ve said goodbye to each other, there’s still that link that pulls you, that makes you not forget.

I’m experiencing it myself.

Your first love never vanishes. It’s either you still love that special one, or you haven’t loved him at all.

For now, I just need to do what I’m good at since I was a kid.

Pretending.

==

“You lied again.”

Seeing his best friend was one thing he’s always wanted to do, but was not able to do so. Ever since he transferred to Japan during middle school to take some management lessons and to experience their own company first-hand, by working part-time for his family’s business, they haven’t tried bonding again. Just a few exchanges of texts and emails, but that’s all.

Now, knowing that Niel visited him and he’s seeing him personally, coming to his crib straight from the airport, he felt so thrilled that he’s already planning in his mind what they could do or where could they go to make up with those years they were parted.

But after knowing that it was not just a plain visit, but the younger lying about going to a college where there’s a dorm that he’ll be staying at after being accepted through an art folio that he had passed, Minsoo wanted to push Niel out his apartment and slam the door right at his pretty face, but of course he could never do that.

“I’m really sorry hyung, I just needed to go. Byunghun hyung’s getting married soon, but I can’t face him and his fiancée right now and especially not during their wedding day. After what happened, it doesn’t feel right.”

“Why are you the only one reflecting on that huh? It was consensual right? He hasn’t particularly rejected you either, it was just you two can’t talk about it right? And seriously, it was just a kiss. You haven’t even done more than that.”

“But still, now that he knows how I feel for him, I can’t stay there and face him and my adoptive parents as if everything’s the same. And I feel like I’m betraying Minah noona. I can’t hold my feelings well these days, so it’s better that I stay away from them for the time being.”

“So you decided to make things easier for them but not for me? You’d rather bother me than Hoya who obviously likes you back? Aish. You know what, I can’t hold my feelings these past few days as well, can I strangle you for a minute?”

“Hyung, I’m really sorry… but you’re the only one I trust right now that could help me.”

Seeing the petite guy pout a little, becoming teary-eyed, Minsoo’s anger quickly dissipated, knowing that he could never win against Niel’s aegyo attack.

“Alright, fine, you could stay here with me. Now give me the down payment?”

“Huh? But I don’t have enough-”

“A hug would be enough, idiot.”

“Thank you hyung!”

And there it was again, that unusual feeling. Minsoo expected it as plain confusion during their last year together back in their hometown, reasoning with his self that it was because they were too close and he’s not yet interested in dating the opposite . He could only hear his heartbeat, and everything else dies down, even the loudest shouts or the laughter of others, he couldn’t hear it at all. And after being away for many years, he believed that it’ll return to normal, but it’s back and he’s just been with Niel for less than a day.

He tried dating girls in Japan, even foreigners he meets through their company dinner meetings, or at school, yet nothing lasts for more than a week. And in every one of those relationships, his big mistake was him starting to compare that girl to his best friend, that wasn’t even there and he hasn’t even seen all through those years.

“I know I’m cool and great, but don’t worship me okay? And stop hugging me now, you’re too thin it feels like hugging a girl, it’s creeping me out.”

“Wah, you’re rude. I always knew Byunghun hyung was the cooler one.”

“Then why don’t you return to him right now and tell him that, huh?! After letting you in my humble abode, you can’t even say good things about me to appease your best friend. Wow, you really are my best friend.”

“Eeey, you know that I love you hyung, so stop whining already. How about I cook chapchae for you?”

“Aish, you’re lucky that you’re too cute that I can’t hate you. Let’s just order pizza, I’ve got an appetite for some western food. Let’s go afterwards, I’ll tour you around the city.”

“Uwaah, thank you hyung! You’re really the bestest friend ever! I’ll make sure to pay you for all your good deeds, so just tell me once you’ve decided what would it be, okay?”

“Be careful with what you say, you might never know what would I ask from you.”

“It’s fine, how worse could that be, right hyung? I’ll order pizza now!”

Seeing his best friend smiling again was one of those things that could erase his tiredness away, and while he’s here, he’s never letting go. He didn’t asked for it, the chance came along without him even trying, though he knows it would be a long way before his best friend acknowledge him as a suitable partner that he could hold hands with in public as lovers and not just as another guy friend that he could chat with like any other ordinary day.

And he knows, even though he want to cut the string that connects Niel to his first love once and for all, that string is too thick right now that he should wait until Niel himself cut it, move on, and accept his own string that’s he’s holding in front of the younger’s heart, waiting for a chance to tie it there.

And while the person he wants to be with is there, he’ll try to be as selfish as he could, just like how he couldn’t let any other person hold his dear personal pillow, or read from his special collection of manga. Of course Sungjong is an exception, he could do those actions whenever he wants to.

He’s never, ever, letting this chance go.

“Oh, hyung, you’re staring at me. Stop that or I’ll melt.”

“Just let me watch my best friend, I just missed you, you know that.”

“When did you became so cheesy? I knew it, I shouldn’t have let you stick with Chanhee hyung for more than a day. How’s him and Hyeri? Stronger as always?”

“Stronger than ever.”

How I wish I could say that about us  too.

“Aren’t we strong as well?”

“Well.. I’m not that sure about that…”

“Yah Niel!”

“Aish, this hyung couldn’t even take a joke. Love you hyung!”

“Yeah right. Make sure to order beef and mushroom, okay?!”

“Aye aye sir!”

If you just know how much I want to say I love you too. Right now, I just can’t. You would never take it the way I meant it, and you’ll never say it the way I want to hear it.

But I’m never letting you say it to anyone else.

*I know there are fans of the niel and l.joe pairing, but I couldn't help to be loyal to the nap pairing. But I love you as well guys! If I could, maybe I would try writing for the first pair even just once? Anyone fine with this?

*I'll just listen to winner's baby baby now, since their comeback did not only broke my expectation, they crushed it to the core. Good job boys! Now it's our time, fellow inner circles who are angels as well, to support them, okay?

#missing.nap