The sound of the constant pitter pattering rain relaxed me as I sat near my window, listening. I admit, I missed his music that he used to play in the middle of the night.

I'd always wondered why he did, but I just missed it anyways. It was the second weekend I've been through since everything crumbled, and I still didn't go with Yoona and the others to go out.... simply because I chose to stay home to feel depressed.

It was me last summer again. There was a soft knock on my bedroom door, and it was my mother. "Taeyeon-ah... are you feeling better? May I come in?" It was hard for me to tell her, but I've managed to tell her that I liked V, much to her surprise.

She found me a bit odd, sensing something different in me. "Did he change you?" She asked right after I told her. And that question was still left unanswered.

"Yes you can, mom." I say, and she opened the door and walked inside, holding a plate with a mug of hot green tea for me. As she sat beside me, she offered it to me for which I took it. "Thank you." I say as I brought the mug to my lips, and drank. She looked at me with a worried expression. "Why didn't you go with the girls to hang out today?"

"Because it’s raining, and I don't feel like hanging today." "You've been like this for the past 2 weeks. What is wrong Taeyeon? Did something happen?"

"You don't need to know mom." I say, tilting the mug again. She sighed. "... Did he break up with you?" I drew the mug away, and it rested in my hands. I took a deep breath, and looked down.

"Did he?" She asked again. "He didn't. But it’s complicated." I say with a shrug and leaned my head on the wall beside me. "Complicated?" She asked me. "Why is it complicated?"

"He's been ignoring me." "Why has he been-" She stopped. I watched her look away from me, her eyes blinking rapidly like she was searching through her mind about something, like she was hesitating. Finally, she spoke again.

"...Did he tell you the reason why he's not associating with you anymore?" She asked, her eyes more keened and pointed. "No, and that's what is bugging me-" "I suggest you forget about it." She interrupted me, her tone filled with such authority.

"What?" I asked, looking back at her with some questioning. "If he's not telling you why, he's obviously hiding something away from you." She said, and leaned towards me. "Don't tell me he has another girl besides you" "Mom!" I yelled, and stood up. I was breathing hard, and that idea was too scary for me to think about in this situation.

She stood up also, and took the empty mug in her hands. She looked at me, and I could tell her eyes were full of sudden disapproval of this. "You will suffer afterwards if you don't stop having the feeling of needing him and finding out why he's ignoring you."

"What are you talking about-" "Stop finding out the reason why. Remember what I've said, Taeyeon." She spoke over me. "Why are you like this right now?" I say, feeling myself getting angry. "It’s for your own good." She said only, her eyes filled with sadness.

"Mom! Please don't be like him too! What do you mean? Why are you being like this?!" I say, but she shook her head. "Mom! I thought you agreed that you would support us! Why are you against us now-"

"I'm not against anything. I'm just against the idea of you trying so hard to find out why Kim Taehyung is ignoring you." I laughed with no humor. "Does that even makes sense? Does any of this makes any sense at all??" She didn't answer, and I began to suspect her. "...Do you know about it?"

I asked her. She turned, and opened bedroom door. "I do or I don't know. I still wouldn't tell you." With that, she left after closing the door behind her. Her voice hung in the air as it began to echo in my head.

"I do or I don't know. I still wouldn't tell you." Even my family was against the idea of knowing why he is like this. And it made me more curious. The next couple of days at school were full of questioning.

Especially the Bangtan boys. The 6 of the boys V hangs out with are the ones who are the closest to him, as I thought. Even cornering them to try to get answers... nothing came out. And that was when I felt the whole world was hiding the answers from me.

And I began to grow even more desperate. "It just doesn't make any sense," I say, walking back and forth in my room while I was talking to Yoona on the phone about the situation.

"No one is telling me anything." "I think they are trying to hide something from you." She said quietly. "Obviously. There's something very suspicious about it. And I want to find out." I say, biting on my thumb as I thought. "It seems like they all know, but won't tell me at all."

After a moment of thinking, I thought of something. "Hey Yoona... remember when I told you the whole story about the day that he started to ignore me?" I asked her, and she replied. "The day when everything fell apart? Yes."

"Well, remember when I told you when I saw him in the nurse’s office? He was taking pills..." I say, and thought about it more. The time when he was sic