This feeling of pain and anger grow inside his body. It's like he has lost everything, just everything. He doesn't even know his own name anymore, this guy was the only one he has ever wanted. Why doesn't this guy want him, what did he do wrong?

Yongguk feel the tears press on and they are sliding down his cheeks. He bite his lip hard and smash his hand down in the table. Kimchi are fast running away into the living room. "I am so sorry" Yongguk says and walks over to his cat. "I am sorry Kimchi" he says and hold it tight. "I just don't know what to do"

He remember back, what Jongup said. "That it doesn't matter about one night stands, but why does it feel this wrong then? Zelo is not just a , Yongguk wants him to himself. 

He stands up and looks at the letter again "17 years old" he say to himself and he just can't believe it. How can a 17 year old boy, be a . What have happened to him, that he need this job so bad?. 

He is taking his jacket on and put the letter down into his pocket. He wants to know what he has done wrong or why this guy doesn't want him. Why Zelo is choosing a life like this instead of a life in pain as a . 

As he was about to open the door Himchan is standing in the door-opening. "Hey" Himchan says and smiles. He looks at the jacket "Where are you going?" he asks and walks inside, without even asking. "I heard you has a visitning yesterday" he says with a smile and this pain grow inside Yongguk.

"He is not a . His name is Zelo" Yongguk says hard and Himchan lift an eyebrow "So you lost your aty?" he asks and he sounds a bit hurt. "well.. Yeah and whatever. I am going now, because... I want to know him even better okay Himchan. Just leave me alone right now okay" he says and then try to turn around.

Himchan fast grab his wrist and push him again st the door. "I am very much into you Yongguk" Himchan says and smiles. Yongguk is looking down on his friend and doesn't know how to handle this. He has never wanted a romantic life with one of his best friends.

"I..." Yongguk started. "I want you for myself. Please Yongguk, I have been waiting for so long and I wanted to be your first time" Himchan says a bit hard. Yongguk looks away and then shake his head. "I am sorry Himchan, but... I don't love you" he says and Himchan make angry eyes.

"Do you think that a like Zelo would love you? It's his job to have with you okay, why don't you try something else. I will do everything for you, cook for you, clean for you, having with you, loving you and you are just pushing me away, for what? A " He mostly yell.

Yongguk grab his wrist and looks into his eyes. "I am sorry, but Zelo is more then just a Himchan. Please... You really need to put yourself together and move on. I know you want to say the same for me, but I don't with to see one of my best friends sad. Please Himchan, I know Daehyun would be someone for you, don't you think? That guy has been having a crush on you for so long now" Yongguk tries.

Himchan just walks backwards and looks away. "I know, but he is just so... Childish" Himchan says hard and Yongguk smiles a bit nervous. "I know you think so, but please let me go and let me try to get my own happiness. Then you can find yours" he says and then move away, so Himchan can walk outside.

Himchan looks really angry at him and then storm out. "Fine, then try to get a to like you" he says angry and walks down the stairs angry. Yongguk know that in someway he is right. Why doesn't he love Himchan? Why does he keep thinking about a ? He just... Can't get this blond guy out of his head and he wants to at least try.