☆8☆ Promise to Leave
Promise to a Star
★ December 19, 2013 ★
"Jaesoon," Junhyung welcomes with a weak but sincere smile. He is reading the book where I wrote all my memories with Seuji for the past year. "How's work?"
"Good," I sit next to his bed. "How's your therapy?"
"Great. I must be great since I will meet Seuji tomorrow," he gives me a big grin, closing the book and puts it on the table next to him. "Hey, happy birthday to both of us."
"Yeah, happy birthday," I smile sheepishly, intertwining my fingers together. "We're officially 25 years old today."
He chuckles and then stares at me, "How's Seuji? Is she doing good?"
"Don't worry. I told you that I didn't even touch her, right?" I force myself to let out small laughter. "She is your wife, not mine."
Junhyung's smile vanishes and he turns his expression into a serious one, "You know you don't need to do all of this."
"I think you would do the same if you're in my position," I reply him casually. "We're brothers, Junhyung. Plus I am the one who almost killed you so it's necessary, right?"
"It's an accident, Jaesoon," he hisses. "I'm all good now so please stop blaming yourself, okay? Look, I'm going to talk with Seuji tomorrow about everything. You don't need to-"
"Yah, Junhyung, I've decided everything," I cut his words quickly. "She has a perfect life and I don't want to ruin it. I'm going to live my life as well. Everyone will be happy."
"Tell me, Jaesoon," Junhyung mumbles, "do you love Seuji?"
My heart skips a beat because of his question. I clear my throat nervously, trying to keep myself calm, "Why do you even ask, Junhyung? She is your wife."
"If you love Seuji...," Junhyung states firmly, "...tell her the truth. I love Seuji, Jaesoon, I really do. From what I know, she keeps calling you as Junhyung, right? At first I believed she still loved me but after I read your diary, I think things did change, Jaesoon."
"Stop talking non sense," I sigh. "Look, you're going to live with Seuji again tomorrow. That's all you need to know."
Junhyung has fully recovered now. My parents decided he can live with Seuji again by tomorrow, meaning today will be my last day to live with Seuji, the last day for me to act as Junhyung.
I don't expect Junhyung to ask me about my feeling towards Seuji. I mean even though he knows I love Seuji, nothing will change, right?
"The one who spent time with her on Christmas, the one who accompanied her to a planetarium, the one who received her chocolate on Valentine Day, the one who stayed with her when she was drunk...," Junhyung continues, ignoring my words, "...is you, Jaesoon. Not me."
"Stop it!" I raise my voice all of a sudden. "She loves you, Junhyung. That's why I decided to do all of these, remember?!"
Yes, people might think I'm crazy. Who in this world will sacrifice so much things in his life just to act as someone else in front of the girl he loves?
I am the biggest fool in the world.
I let the one I love to treat me as my twin brother. I let myself to lose my own identity so I can make Seuji happy. I keep believing that someday Junhyung will return with Seuji. I keep telling myself that I must keep my promise that I made.
Why should I give up on Seuji?
Because I have everything in the world except her.
I have a complete family. I have talent to write lyrics. I graduated from recommended university. I have a best friend like Hyunseung. I have an understanding twin brother. I have memorable childhood moments.
What does Junhyung have other than Seuji and our family?
Nothing.
That's why I gave up my everything for him so he can at least feel what I can have in this world.
"You must arrive at the house on six tomorrow morning," I divert the conversation. "Make sure you remember everything. I'm taking my leave now."
"Jaesoon," he calls me once again when I reach out my hand to open the door. "No matter how much I remember about what you've been through with Seuji, it's your memory, not mine. I can't be the Junhyung she loves now."
"You are the one she loves," that's all I say to him. I leave him, walking to my car and drive to a restaurant to meet up with Hyunseung because I want to ask him about the final decision about my new contract.
If I'm going to stay away from Seuji starting from tomorrow, there is something I must do because the promise I made won't stop just till here.
Or so I think.
"Saengil chukkahamnida, Junhyung Oppa!" Seuji surprises me with a birthday cake when I open the front door. "I took earlier leave today so I could make this cake for you!"
I stare at the words on the cake. Another Junhyung's name.
"Make a wish, Oppa," she smiles and steps closer to me. "It's your 25th birthday!"
I close my eyes reluctantly and make a simple wish, hoping that I can keep my promise forever. I open my eyes and blow the candles.
She squeals with excitement and then leads me to the dining room. She puts down the cake and hands me the knife, "Do you remember when we celebrate your 20th birthday, Oppa? It's snowing that night and we saw a shooting star too with-"
Seuji stops suddenly and I know another memory crosses her mind. That night my parents bought me a telescope as a birthday present. Junhyung only sat on his bed while Seuji was really excited to try the new telescope.
We saw a shooting star that night. She didn't see it with Junhyung but with me.
"With my mother," I pat her head. "Thank you for the cake."
"Ah, yeah," Seuji laughs nervously. "My memories are scattered somewhere, aren't they?"
"Since today is my birthday...," I walk to the refrigerator and take a bottle of vodka, putting it on the table, ",...let's have drink together."
This is how I can make sure Seuji will not conscious enough tomorrow morning when Junhyung takes my place. She will wake up with another headache. Anything suspicious will be vanished slowly but sure.
I carry her to the bedroom after she drank her eleventh glass. She is completely drunk now that she can barely walk. I put her down on the bed and she giggles happily with red cheeks.
"Saengil chukkahamnida, Oppa~" she uses her childish act again. "Seuji loves Junhyung Oppa forever~"
"I know," I her hair gently. I lean to kiss her forehead, "Saranghae, Seuji."
I put the blanket to cover her body so she can sleep comfortably before I stand up and walk to the table. I take out my diary, the one where I wrote down my promise. I put it behind all astronomy magazines we have so Seuji will never find it.
I take a pen and write on the last page of the book,
"Birthday. You and I. My heart is yours."
I rip the paper and fold it, putting it under the present box she gave to me. It's a black hat, my favorite present of all things. I can't take it; it's Junhyung's and I will let it stay there so Junhyung can see it tomorrow.
That paper is the only thing I will leave for Seuji, the only thing I wrote by myself as Yong Jaesoon for her.
I turn to look at Seuji's smiling face. Within hours the morning will come and tonight will be the last night I can say to her that I love her without worrying what her reaction will be.
That paper is the only thing I will leave for Seuji, the only thing I wrote by myself as Yong Jaesoon for her.
I turn to look at Seuji's smiling face. Within hours the morning will come and tonight will be the last night I can say to her that I love her without worrying what her reaction will be.
When morning comes, it's time for me to say goodbye forever to her.
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