☆7☆ Promise to Do
Promise to a Star
★ October 7, 2013 ★
When I step in the bedroom, Seuji has fallen asleep. She even hasn't changed her clothes; I guess she was waiting for me to come home.
I take off my jacket and hang it on the wardrobe before sit on the bed, right next to Seuji. I caress her cheek with my thumb gently as I examine her face, "I'm sorry, Seuji..."
Due to the accident, Seuji suffers post-traumatic amnesia. It's unknown whether her case is permanent or not. She doesn't remember about my presence at all.
The doctor said it's probably because she doesn't want to accept the fact that I am the one who caused the accident and Junhyung is in coma. She creates her own memories and lives in them.
Whenever I tried to tell her that I am Jaesoon, Junhyung's twin brother, she would change her expression and denied everything all over again. Even after three days, things didn't change.
Seuji kept calling me as Junhyung and Junhyung had not awaken yet. I was really stressed out, not knowing how to change the situation. What could I do for them?
I finally met my parents and offered a deal to them: I would act as Junhyung until he woke up.
My father refused it, telling me that it's ridiculous and it might make Seuji really sad if she ever found out about everything. I assure him that that won't happened; I made a plan already.
After arguing for at least an hour, my parents finally agreed that I could act as Junhyung in front of Seuji. Since Junhyung didn't have friends who really knew him, it's not difficult for me to act as Junhyung.
My parents would tell my friends that I moved to States so they won't ask for me, so they would believe that Jaesoon was not in Seoul anywhere, so Seuji would believe in me.
It's not difficult because Seuji didn't find it's weird for me to act different because she tried to assure herself that I was Junhyung all along. Sometimes her previous memories would cross her minds but whether she shrugged the strange feeling off or I would be the one to reconstruct her memories.
For one year I forbid myself from sleeping on the same bed with her, reminding myself that she is Junhyung's wife, not mine.
For one year I live through the pain of her calling me with Junhyung's name instead of mine, knowing that those smiles, hugs, kisses are for Junhyung, not me.
For one year I keep the promise to always love her, no matter what would happen. My heart has broken into pieces, she already forgot about my existence, and Junhyung is her everything but my heart is still hers.
Now that Junhyung is awake, I think it's time to end everything.
He still needs time until he can do everything like usual again because his body needs to remember everything slowly. The doctor told me that it may take about two or three months until he is fully recovered.
I know he must be really mad at me if he finds out about what I did but I didn't have any chance, did I?
The girl I love denied my existence while the one she waits for was in coma. As the one who caused the accident, this is the least thing I can do to fulfill my promise.
After Junhyung is recovered, he will live together again with Seuji as married couple. Seuji will reunite again with the man she loves and I will disappear from their lives.
This is for the best.
I will tell everything to Junhyung. I even wrote every detail about what happened in one year in a book so if one day Junhyung is asked by Seuji about what happened after they married, the experiences I had with Seuji, Junhyung can answer it so Seuji doesn't need to feel something is different.
"It's nothing," I say to myself while I put the blanket on top of Seuji. "I'm just paying for what I did to you and Junhyung. I deserve all of these."
Soon Junhyung will fully recovered.
Soon Junhyung will live happily with Seuji.
Soon I will disappear from their lives.
Soon I will be living my own life, far from Seuji.
There is nothing will change in Seuji's life. She has a great work, she has a loving husband, and she will never remember that I, Jaesoon, her best friend, almost killed the one she loves.
Nothing will change.
I kiss her forehead gently, "Saranghae, Seuji."
I leave the bed and walk to the balcony, tucking my hands inside of my pockets as I gaze at the night sky.
"Until the end, I will keep the promise," I say to nobody. "I will do whatever I can for her to be happy."
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