☆4☆ Flashback: Promise to Promise
Promise to a Star
★ November 2, 2005 ★
There she is again. The girl with short black hair.
My mother greets her with bright smile, welcoming her to our house. The girl seems really happy because of the warm welcoming. They talk for a while before finally step in the house.
I storm out from my room quickly to meet the girl. I've been wondering who she is. She comes frequently since three days ago but I never had a chance to know her.
She is not as beautiful as the Queen of my school but her smile is captivating that I can't take my eyes off of her. I always prefer girls with long hair but this girl is suitable with the shoulder-length hair. Something about her makes me want to know her better.
"Ah," my mother notices my presence once I stop at the end of the staircase where they are stepping on. "Have you met Seuji, dear?"
I shake my head and, finally, I can see her face in such a close distance. I presume she is younger than me. She gives me a sweet smile and bows to me, "My name is Song Seuji. It's nice to meet you."
"My name is Yong Jaesoon," I introduce myself politely. I turn to my mother and she smiles to me as the answer.
"Let's go to Junhyung's room," my mother gives a sign to Seuji to follow her, heading to the room next to mine. "Seuji will be helping us to take care of Junhyung. Isn't she a sweet girl?"
Seuji chuckles as my mother opens the door for us, revealing my twin brother who is sitting on the bed with blanket covering half of his body. He looks up from his book and gives all of us a warm smile.
It's weird to see a person with the exactly same face with you but he can't be like you. We are identical twins but he is the unfortunate one between us.
Junhyung suffers a con heart defect, a defect in the structure of the heart since birth. Even though his case is not a complex one, he is still forbidden to work something that can make him tired because it may endanger his life.
He received treatment in a hospital at Singapore from my father's best friend since he was ten years old. Now that we are almost seventeen, he asked my parents to live together again in our house because my father had been accompanying him in Singapore, making our parents to live in separate countries.
Ever since he returned, he spends most of his times in his room, reading various books, listening to music, or playing guitar. He doesn't want to make our parents worry about him so he told me it's alright if he can't go play outside like the others.
My mother is an over protective mother. She is really afraid that something bad will happen to Junhyung.
Meanwhile I am free for doing everything I want to do. Go to a prestigious high school, hanging out with friends at night, playing basketball with classmates; things that Junhyung can't do.
"Junhyung, Seuji will help me to accompany you in this house," my mother explains after they introduced theirselves. "After school, she will come here to accompany you. I hope three of you can be good friends."
Ah, so she is hired to be Junhyung's friend. Or so it seems.
"I'll leave you then," my mother excuses herself. "I'll prepare lunch for us. Get to know each other, okay?"
There are seconds of silence awkward after my mother left the room. I decide to break the silence with a question, "How did you know my mother?"
She begins to talk about herself. Seuji's parents have deceased because of a car accident. Her mother was my mother's classmate during high school. Seuji now lives with her aunt, the older sister of her father. She met my mother when she was wandering to find a part time job at the same time my mother went to the high school reunion one week ago.
My mother offered her to work in our house, telling her about helping my mother with some chores after school.
"I'm sorry," Junhyung smiles to her. "It must be boring to be friend with someone like me."
"Yah, we're friends now," Seuji scolds him with a bright smile. "Don't say things like that. I hope we can be good friends, Junhyung, Jaesoon."
That's our first meeting.
★ December 25, 2005 ★
"Here. I made it by myself" Seuji hands a cup of hot chocolate to Junhyung. She turns around and gives me a cup of hot coffee. "And this one for you, Jaesoon."
"Thank you," both me an Junhyung say in unison. We exchange smiles and take a sip of our drinks.
It's our first Christmas together and Seuji decides to celebrate it. She even baked a cake with my mother so we could enjoy it. She was really excited to celebrate the Christmas with us.
Now we are standing on the balcony of our house, gazing at the night sky, engulfing ourselves with warm jackets to fight the coldness of December.
After a month passed, three of us became really close to each other. I spend less of my times outside, tightening the bond between me and Junhyung which has been apart for years.
At first I didn't have any interest to stay too often with Junhyung. I have my own life and we are twins, so we're going to know each other for our entire lives, so why should I bother to know him better now?
Thanks to Seuji, my parents are really happy now that I accompany Junhyung as well. I also found that even though we're twins, we're really different.
Despite the fact that we have the exactly same face, our personalities are somehow different. This is also the reason why Seuji can differentiate us easily.
We also share same interests in various aspects. For example, we love music. Junhyung loves to play guitar while I prefer piano. We also love Seuji's cook or whatever Seuji makes for us, but Junhyung always loves sweets while I don't really like sweets.
Junhyung loves to read books while I prefer to watch movies. He loves to joke around, making Seuji laughs along with him while I'm the introvert one. Because I rarely laugh with them, Seuji and Junhyung will be really happy just because I smile at them.
"The night sky is beautiful," Seuji says, looking at the sky through the window. "Do you believe that the stars can hear us?"
"Do you believe in such a thing?" I raise my eyebrow.
I never believe in superstition or things like that. It's irrational. I don't even have the Christmas spirit for today but Seuji is really excited to celebrate the Christmas together.
Instead of replying my complaint, she intertwines her fingers together and puts them near her lips. She closes her eyes and her lips turn into a perfect curve.
After around ten seconds of silence, she opens her eyes and turns to me, "I just prayed so the stars will always guide us together."
"It's ridiculous," I scoff and gaze at the sky. I agree that the starry sky is indeed beautiful but talking with a star is so not in my dictionary.
"Come on," she pouts her lips. "You must have something you wish for, right?"
"Seuji, you like astronomy stuff?" Junhyung asks her, tilting his head. "Like moon, constellations, things like that?"
"Just a hobby," Seuji chuckles and stares at the starry sky. "They said there is one star stands apart as it is twice as bright as other starts in the night sky. It's called Sirius."
"Sirius?" I repeat the star name.
"Ne. When I pray to the star, I always think of Sirius," Seuji mutters with a sweet smile.
The brightest star in the night sky. I wonder how it looks like.
★ December 2nd, 2010 ★
I just returned from my friend's birthday party when I see Seuji and Junhyung are sitting on our porch. It's almost midnight but it's not what makes me surprise.
They are holding hands.
My heart aches. After almost five years of friendship, I realized already that I'm in love with Seuji. Her sweet smile, her bright attitude, her cheerful laugh.
Unfortunately no matter how much I love her, I know there is no chance for me to win her heart. I never confessed to her before but it's easy to see that she falls in love with Junhyung.
From the way she smiles towards him, from the way she looks at him with loving eyes, from the way she laughs because of his joke. I thought it's only because her job to stay with him but it's something more than that.
I can't make her life as colorful as what Junhyung does even though I have almost everything that Junhyung doesn't have.
It's not the first time I saw them together. None of them said a word to me but I think it's obvious if they are a couple now. I remember Junhyung did ask me what I thought about Seuji but I diverted the conversation because I didn't want to end up fighting with him because of Seuji.
What is wrong with me? Jealous because of my own twin brother?
"Yah," I approach them. "What are you two doing here?"
"Ah, Jaesoon," Seuji looks up to me with a bright smile. A smile that makes my heart to flutter. "Welcome back!"
"Are you going to sleep here tonight?" I walk pass them and open the door. "It's cold outside. Come inside."
"I'll make hot chocolate and hot coffee for you," Seuji exclaims as she stands up with Junhyung. They step inside along with me.
While Seuji rushes to kitchen, Junhyung and I sit on the sofa in the main room. For a reason that I don't know, he looks really happy.
"Jaesoon," he calls my name. "You can't believe about what just happened."
"Hmm?" I react while I take off my jacket. "What just happened?"
"I've proposed Seuji..." his answer makes me to freeze all of a sudden. "...and she accepted my proposal!"
What?
"I'll try to find a job I can do before that though so I don't think I'm going to marry her soon. I thought she won't accept it!" Jaesoon laughs nervously. "I still think it's a dream."
I clench my fists, feeling that my heart is breaking into pieces. I can feel that my tears are preventing to fall but I hold them back.
"Congratulations then...," I murmur to him. "It's good. Really. I'm going to put my jacket first."
Without waiting for his respond, I walk away from him, heading to my own bedroom. I throw my jacket on my bed, leaning myself againts the wall. I clutch my shirt and close my eyes.
"I should be happy for them, right?" I bite my bottom lip. "Then why do I want to cry?"
I take a deep breathe and walk to the window. This time I can't smile even though the sky is really beautiful. My heart is aching real bad.
"Sirius...," I rest my forehead on the window. "I promised that I would cherish Seuji and Junhyung. Now what should I do?"
The promise I made for the first time to the star on New Year four years ago. How can I fulfill it now?
I take my diary out from my shelf and take a pen to write another promise. A promise to myself that I will never say to someone else.
"Dear shining star,
I promise I will always love her,
no matter what will happen.
Even if my heart will break into pieces.
Even if she will forget about me someday.
Even if I'm not her everything.
Because my heart is yours, Seuji."
If Seuji is happier with Junhyung, then there is nothing I can do.
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