Dear Diary: Why Doesn't He Love Me?

(Chapter Five)

  Later that same evening, Chanyeol had organised a karaoke marathon after having missed our groups tradition for over a month. The rest of the group had become slightly tanned as they arrived back in town from the beach that afternoon. It was good to see them, even if they were only gone for a week.

  I wasn’t planning to go, especially after what had happened with Luhan. I dreaded the thought of being in the same room with him, with an awkward tension between us.

  But, it was Luhan himself that told me to go.

  “You should come tonight” He held the door of the Baskin Robbins open for me as we began to part ways, right after I had admitted that I was rararang. “I’m going too”

  I didn’t understand what he meant by that. Was he not at all affected by my sudden confession? Or did he just choose to ignore it?

...

  “How about we start this off with some Girls' Generation?”

  Sehun had first dibs on the microphones and handed the other two to Kai and another guy who came with the group; except I didn’t know who he was. I assumed that it was a friend that they had made during their beach trip. 

  “These guys told me that you were going to audition for SM” The new guy grinned and his cheeks seemed so squishy. I guess he was sort of cute. “I’ll try and be the best back up singer”

  I wanted to ask one of the girls about who exactly this fellow was, but I just wasn’t in the mood to talk at all. Being in the same room as Luhan, with him not having said anything about what happened earlier was suffocating. 

  'Here comes trouble!’ Sehun was at it again as he began to jam along with his body, before signalling to squishy face to join him at the front of the room just by the screen.

  “Kyungsoo, give me your best ‘oh’s’!”

  And so the night began, with a noisy group of boys and girls, one quiet Luhan and one Kyungsoo. 

—

  “Guys, guys. I think Chanyeol and Seulgi have some news for us” Suho, who was the least intoxicated, shouted into the microphone and had gained everyone’s attention. 

  “We-we…We” Chanyeol was hardly able to string any words together. So his other half appeared to finish his sentence.

  “-WE’RE A COUPLEEE”

  Seulgi had broken the mould that we all thought she fit in. The usually well mannered and lightly spoken girl was no more. (No thanks to her new boyfriend, the Park Chanyeol).

  Everyone in our karaoke room had burst into cheers and laughter. Almost everyone had seen this relationship forming even before the two in the couple themselves. 

  “Congratulations, a celebration!” Kai and Sehun began to sing into the mic with Lay and the girls on the mini drums and tambourines. “Kiss, kiss, kiss!”

  Ah, gotta love these friends of mine. 

  “Yikes!”

  Kyungsoo sat himself between Sunhi and myself. I could feel his arm brush against mine as he tried to sit comfortably. He chuckled to himself whilst the rest of the guys sang and danced to celebrate the newly formed couple. 

  “These guys are hilarious” Kyungsoo turned his attention away from the loud mess and focused towards me. “I’m Do Kyungsoo, by the way. I didn’t see you at the beach, but they told me about you”

  “What did Sehun say? Did he tell you that I fall on my every single time I play volleyball?” I said sarcastically and he laughed in reply. “I’m Aera, nice to meet you, Kyungsoo”

  As much as it was slightly interesting to get to know this new guy, I couldn’t help but look towards Luhan from the corner of my eye. He sat on the other side of the room, tending to an overwhelmed Lay, who was close to passing out. I thought I saw him glance in my direction too. 

  But then again, I was probably seeing things. 

  “What brings you to our humble little city?” I asked Kyungsoo, and his eyes brightened at the notion of me starting conversation… Cute. 

  “Well, since exams are over at my school, I thought that I’d do some travelling” He answered with a happy face, “I met this bunch at the beach that I was staying at with my family and decided to tag along with them back to their home. And I guess this is where I’ve ended up”

  “Hmm.. I wish I was that free spirited” I slumped into the cushioned seats of the karaoke booth and ended up sitting in a relaxed manner, my head slightly resting on our new friend’s shoulder. “I hope you like it around here, Kyungsoo. So how long do you plan on staying?”

  “Well, till college acceptance letters are mailed out” He looked down his shoulder and gazed at me. It was like he instantly clicked with everyone in our group. Including me. “So, a few months?”

  I nodded in response before shaking my head as the all too familiar introduction of ’I Got A Boy’ began to pump out of the speakers once more. 

  “Looks like you’re going to have to get used to hearing this song ten times, once every week for the next month or so… Welcome to the group, Do Kyungsoo”

—

  It was probably 11AM by the time we got kicked out of our favourite Karaoke Bar. The Aunty that owned the joint was used to us being there for a few hours every week, and also knew that our budget was only good for those few hours. 

  We were left to roam the city streets with the short change in our pockets and the alcohol lingering in our breath. None of our parents expected us to be home till the morning; unlike most parents; we convinced all of ours to accept our group’s strange traditions. They were all practically used to it. 

  I wasn’t sure if it were the few drinks that I had that were getting to my senses, but I was almost completely numbed from any emotion to do with what happened earlier that day with Luhan.

  At least I thought so.

Luhan walked at the back of the group with Lay and Sehun, just in case either of them threw up on the pavement. For all I knew, he was staring and burning holes into my back as I walked ahead of him. 

  “So where are we headed, dear friends?” Suho was way too perky. “Should we play billiards? How about the PC centre? Starcraft???”

  “Noooooooo!” All the girls resounded, instantly shutting down his suggestions. Just because we liked to hanging out with the guys, it didn’t mean that we wanted to do everything they liked doing. 

  “How about we check out the Han river?” Kyungsoo suggested, as he paced besides me. He looked at me with his suggestion, hoping that I’d agree and so I did. 

  “Yeah! That’s a great idea!” I added, raising my voice slightly so the rest of the group, who walked in small sub units, could hear me. “It’s Spring, we should be able to see the stars from the top of the overpass bridge”

  “How romantic!” Seulgi cooed as she held onto Chanyeol’s arm and he patted her head. They were so adorable.

  “Let’s go, let’s go!!!”

—

  The overpass bridge was deserted until our pack had climbed it’s many stairs up towards its peak. We could see the skyline bordering the river, as well as the never ending lights on either side. 

  More so, I could see the very same bridge that Luhan had taken the both of us over, the night he took me home on his motorbike. Maybe he remembered too.

  Well, If he wanted to. 

  Everyone had remained in their smaller groups. Our gang’s top couple had escaped to further down along the bridge for some alone time, the rest of the girls were taking pictures with the city in the background, Kai and Suho were running laps up and down the overpass whilst Sehun, Lay and Luhan sat on the steps of the staircase.

  Kyungsoo seemed to be comfortable around me and decided to keep me company as I looked over the edge to the water below.

  “Call me creepy” He tapped his fingers on the barrier, “But you’ve been that bit melancholic since you turned up at the karaoke place. Are you okay?”

  I giggled at his observation and slapped him playfully on his arm. 

  “This is my normal face, I swear” I replied, watching his reaction. “It’s just-  ….ah, never mind”

  “What?” Kyungsoo was genuinely serious, and for some reason he had this widest grin. “Tell me! I mean, I won’t judge you if you tell me what it is…”

  I wondered if it was safe to confide in him. I didn’t know him that well, just yet, but could I tell him what I was feeling? Could I tell him exactly what was happening? How would I even explain it?

  “I- I can’t” I faced him completely and even placed one hand on his broad shoulder, “Don’t get me wrong, I would totally spill it all to you but it’s so complicated. I’m sorry”

  “It’s okay” Kyungsoo gently removed my hand from his shoulder and took it into his own, now softly holding it in his. 

  “But one more question, do you know why the guy with the off red hair keeps staring at you? He has this expression like a deer in headlights. At first it was funny but now it’s a bit weird…”

  I quickly turned to see Luhan looking over his shoulder towards Kyungsoo and myself. Suddenly, I was conscious of the fact that Kyungsoo was holding my hand. 

  Luhan was staring at me, just as Kyungsoo had noticed. Had this really been going on the entire night?

  “I’ve messed up” I looked to my feet as I tried to make sense to Kyungsoo, “I, I’m gonna go sort things out with him, okay? You stay here and enjoy the view”

  Kyungsoo nodded as if he understood, before waving me off as I headed in Luhan’s direction. 

  My legs felt like they were going to fail me. They were turning into jelly with every step I took towards the staircase that he was seated. Before I could call him over, Luhan had risen up from his place and spoke few words to Sehun about watching out for Lay.

  He bridged the rest of the steps towards me until the two of us stood on one side of the overpass above the river. 

  “Are you still mad?” I asked straight away, wanting to get to the bottom of this. I hated the silent treatment. “If you are, can you at least tell me?”

  “I’m not mad” Luhan sighed, standing with both hands by his hips, eyes down to the ground. “I was never mad. I’m just really lost about this whole thing and I have no idea about how I should react”

  “Then hate me? Ignore me?” I tried to make it easier for him but he could only smile at my attempt. Even when he had the right to be angry at me, he didn’t seem to be, not even one bit. 

  “I let you into my world, Aera" 

  This time Luhan stared straight into my eyes; I could only look back into his and search for any emotion. "Every detail and thought, I let you know about them-  but you couldn’t even let me know that it’s been you, that you’re rararang.”

  “Would knowing that it was me have made any difference?” I asked with all seriousness and prepared myself for an answer that could hurt me. 

  “-Yes…no. Look, Aera…” Luhan gazed up to the starry night sky for help, “If I knew it was you, then…”

  “-Then what, Luhan?” I couldn’t take it anymore, “Don’t sugarcoat it, just tell me!”

  “Then I wouldn’t have fallen in love with rararang…” 

  It was hard for him to say the words, but it was harder for me to breathe. I knew what was coming, and I could easily tell him not to say a word more, but who am I to deny the truth?

  “…I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you, Aera”

---

A/N: What what? Another chapter within the same week? No way LOL

So much going on right? A new couple, a new friend? Whilst Aera and Luhan are a mess? whaaaaaat?

hehehe. none the less, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!

A/N 2: edited and formatted!

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Till the next chapter!