Dear Diary: Not Yet?

(Chapter Eleven)

“I’m not good at keeping secrets… well, not as good as you”

I found myself once again, sitting cross legged on top of a piece of cardboard, on our rooftop. But this time I wasn’t alone. There was another sheet of cardboard from the recycling of Uncle Choi’s corner store that lay flat beside me… with Luhan sitting on top too.

With his knees bent and against his chest, he rested his chin upon them as gazed ahead at the houses across the road and the city that stood beyond. 
I’ve never let anyone on the rooftop before. Not even Chanyeol, who had let me bunk in his supposedly ‘secret’ attic a few times before.

“Then don’t think of it as a secret” Luhan turned his gaze slightly and gave me a cheesy smile. “It can be… well, something only we know”

“That’s no different from a secret” I threw myself backwards onto the cardboard and shielded my eyes from the direct sunlight. “Everyone is bound to find out. Especially the girls. I mean, there’s still part of me that thinks that it’s better to tell them before they find out for themselves”

“Aera.” He grabbed my hand before joining me, as we lay on our cardboard mats, absorbing the late afternoon sun. “Then before they even have a chance to figure us out, can we just enjoy this for one moment?”

It was true. As soon as we arrived this morning from Seoul, Kyungsoo had to be home at Chanyeol’s place before Mr and Mrs Park called the Police, thinking that he had gone missing (despite Chanyeol telling them about his extended stay in Seoul). 

After dropping him home, Luhan and myself headed straight for Uncle Choi’s house to pick up the house keys that my parents left with him before they went to Busan. 

Fortunately, Uncle Choi took pity on me and offered me my job back. But I wasn’t rostered to work until next week, and hopefully my parents would be back from Busan by then. According to my Mom, my cousin, Emi’s, father was being monitored at the hospital and would be expected to stay for further testing for the entire week. My parents were staying at Emi’s place, helping her with their family business whilst she continued her studies at her university. 

“Fine” 

I surrendered and took in the very moment that Luhan and I were in. My heart was still racing at the thought of finally having my feelings reciprocated and returned by him, but at the same time there was a peace within me; a peace that I wanted to last a little longer.

—

“Chanyeol’s Mum said she wanted to whack me with the broom” Kyungsoo chuckled through the phone. “But she said that I was too cute to even think of punishing”

It was well into the evening and after Luhan had dropped me home with my luggages and belongings that I brought with me to Seoul, I was home alone. I first called my parents to see how they were doing, and apparently Emi cried when she saw them, she was grateful to have some help with everything going on with her family.

I then called Kyungsoo, to see how the Park’s reacted to him coming home after threatening to call the police, assuming that he had gone missing in the big capital city.

“I think she just misses having Chanyeol home with them, since he moved out with Seulgi” I replied as I lay in bed, just about ready to fall asleep. Everything was so exhausting. “I guess you’re their son now, hahaha!”

“Seems like it” He sighed contentedly, “They took me out for dinner and I literally cannot move from the couch. At this rate, I’ll be 20kg heavier when I go home. Even my own mum wouldn’t recognise me”

Going home? Was Kyungsoo going already? I swore he just came to Incheon.

“You’re already planning on going back home? What happened to waiting till college acceptance letter’s came out? There’s like, another month till that happens!”

“I don’t know, Aera” Kyungsoo was beginning to sound indecisive. “At first I thought I had a good enough reason to stay as long as I could… But I don’t know…”

–

“Soooooo… what did you get me from Seoul?!”

Sehun sat at the floor height tea table of his parents house, seated across from Luhan and myself who paid him a visit on his birthday. 

It was late morning and after hearing from Kai that Sehun didn’t want anything extravagant nor a large celebration for his birthday, we decided to drop by his house- without a present.

Giving Luhan a quick look from the corner of my eyes, I quickly sifted through my tote bag and pretended to take out his ‘gift’. Neither of us thought that he was expecting anything, especially with his birthday request to Kai. 

Feeling through my bag, I found a keychain shaped like Namsan Tower. So I squeezed it with on hand, hid it in my fist and handed it out to Sehun who had both hands open waiting.

“Happy… Birthday!” We failed to greet him in unison. But I think Sehun appreciated the gesture.

“Aw… thanks” His voice drifted as his eyes examined the key chain. “I remember wanting one of these when I went to Seoul with my parents when I was 10 years old. But they never bought me one”

“Glad we could complete your childhood” Luhan chuckled and gave me a nudge with his elbow on my side.

“’We’? Since when were you two ‘we’?” Sehun raised an eyebrow in suspicious and seemed to interrogate us, despite how ridiculous his question sounded.

Uh-oh.

“Well, we did go to Seoul, didn’t we? And we did buy you your present, right?” Luhan tried his best to cover up his poor word choice but was only making everything much more suspicious.

“Luhan, Luhan, Luhan”

Sehun smiled widely before narrowing his gaze, as if to interrogate Luhan alone. Were we that obvious?

“Remember my cousin? Dohee? The one at boarding school, in Seoul?” He asked a strange question, forcing Luhan to think for a good moment.

I remembered Dohee, even if Luhan didn’t. She was quite tall and her long straight hair ran straight to her backside. Very talkative too (I guess it ran in Sehun’s family tree).

But it looked like Luhan was going to shake his head as a memory shook him in the core. He even appeared to quiver at the very thought.

“Dohee? Jung Dohee?” He clarified this thoughts and a sour expression came upon his face. “The one that had a crush on me when she was still here, in Incheon?”

“Yes. That cousin of mine” Sehun raised an eyebrow and eyed down the two of us from across table and fiddled with the keychain in his hand. What did Dohee have to do with anything?

“She called me and said she saw you during your trip to Seoul… Dohee mentioned a park that she went for a run in one night and she also mentioned seeing you with a girl.. And apparently you had your lips locked”

“Wh-what?!” Luhan gave his best look of disbelief, whilst I was trying to stifle my chuckles. I don’t know why I found it so hilarious. “That could’ve been any guy? How does she even know what I look like anymore? She hasn’t seen any of us in years”

“She follows you on Instagram, genius”

“And w-why would I be kissing a girl?”

“Because you’re dating… You and Aera are dating”

—

“$50? 100? 150?”

Luhan had dragged Sehun by the wrist to the ATM outside of Uncle Choi’s convenience store. After catching out the both of us, it seemed as if Luhan wasn’t ready for the rest of the world to know about our secret. It wasn’t as if it was a deep dark secret.

But I guess that with Luhan still healing from his last relationship’s wounds, he wasn’t ready to make it ‘officially official’ by telling the entire world. 

“How much is going to keep you quiet?” Luhan pulled out his wallet, about to slide in his card into the machine. “Come on, how much do you want, birthday boy?”

With one swift move, Sehun blocked the the machine and returned Luhan’s bank card back into his hand. Maybe Sehun wasn’t all about the money?

“Nothing. I mean, Suho gave me $500 in gift cards for my birthday” He chuckled. “Anyway, why are you determined on getting me to keep it hush hush? I’m not the blabber mouth that I used to be”

Sehun was right. Luhan was more tense than ever, as if he were about to snap any second now. This was a definitely a first for me to see, and it wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

“Plus, love is such a wonderful thing~ I mean, look at Chanyeol and Seulgi! They’re even moving in together” Sehun was beginning to sound just a tad bit overwhelmed. Funny but weird at the same time. 

“Love is great, so why hide it?”

Part of me wanted to defend Luhan because I knew that he wouldn’t explain the whole ex-girlfriend story and show his wounds. But the part of me wanted him to forget the past, because he has me now.

“Because… because-” 

Luhan was getting lost for words, clearly frustrated by Sehun’s pestering and my silent response. I wanted to know what he was thinking, I wanted to hear it from himself. Was he really afraid to let even one person know?

“-Because it’s not love… just not yet”

---

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A/N:

OOOOOOOOO. Is Luhan afraid of love because of his past??? What will Aera do??? 

Hooray for a new chapter after SOOO LONG LOL. Thanks a bunch for sticking around and reading this update :) I hope you guys haven’t forgotten about this (but I don’t blame you if you did haha)

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