Dear Diary: What Now?

(Chapter Four)

@manlymaaan sent you a message!
‘Hey rararang… Is it okay to meet up? … In person?’

  I dawdled my thumbs over my cell phone’s screen. The spring weather was so lovely and nearly all of our group had taken a trip to the beachside for the first week of our two week vacation. Luhan and myself didn’t opt to go. 

  I had a job to tend to. Whereas Luhan said his parents wouldn’t allow him. But that wasn’t true; according to his blog post anyway. Apparently his scars from his motorcycle accident weren’t healing as fast as he thought they would.

  Cooped up in the corner convenience that I was working at, I set my phone down onto the counter and stared blankly at the window ahead. 

  I was tired from a late night conversation that I had with manlymaaan. He was becoming more keen on the idea of meeting rararang, whereas I was trying to balance my emotions. 

  My mind was mad at Luhan for disassociating himself with his real life friends for some person he was talking to online. But my heart felt bad for playing to people at once. Did I owe it to him to reveal who rararang was? The fact that she was me?

  “Hey, I’m just buying- Aera?”

  I snapped out of my thoughts, only to find Luhan directly opposite me in the convenience store. He held his phone in one hand, and a bottle of ginseng drink in the other. 

  “Luhan? What are you doing here?” I tried to keep sane. I was beginning to think that he knew it was me all this time. “And that’s ₩3500” 

  He slipped a ₩10,000 note down the counter and opened up his drink before taking it down in one shot. It looked like he really needed it. 

  “It’s spring, why are you so conscious of your health?” I joked as I handed him his change. 

  “…hay fever?” Luhan seemed to be making up reasons. “Anyways, I was just on my way to meet a friend”

  “Yeah?” I faked interest but Luhan was good at catching me at times like these. 

  “Do you remember… The girl I was talking about? The one I was talking to online?” His eyes seemed to beam when he started talking about her, “I asked her if she could meet me”

  My first instance was to tell him that rararang never agreed to turn up, but that would completely blow my cover. I had to think on my feet but also think for long enough so I wouldn't crack under the pressure.

  “So she agreed?” I pretended to count the cash on hand. 

  “Well… Not exactly” Luhan scratched the back of his neck and gave me a bashful smile that I had never seen on him before. “But that’s the thing, I was messaging her a few minutes ago, and the location on her message was on. It said she was messaging me from around here”

  “Really?” I shut the till and began to arrange the shelf besides me, “It’s been pretty quiet around here. Maybe she just passed by?”

  “Hm. Probably” I could feel Luhan’s gaze burning into me. Was he getting suspicious? 

  Returning his attention to his cell phone, Luhan began to type away at a fast pace. Before I knew it, he had clicked 'send’. 

  In an instant, my phone screen lit up as it lay screen side up on the counter. 

@manlymaaan sent you a message!
'hey Aera, are you rararang?’

—-

  Silence. 

  We had been sitting in silence for almost two hours in the back of the store. Luhan sat still atop boxes of the same ginseng drink he had bought earlier. I chose to sit cross legged on an old and broken chest freezer. 

  There would be moments where it seemed like Luhan was going to say something, but he’d retract and sigh to himself. The cycle would start over again. 

  I wasn’t any better. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even confirm his speculation but he took my silence reaction as a 'yes’. 

  No one had entered the store during those two hours. I called up my boss and told him that I wasn’t feeling well. He was out of town and told me to shut the store for the rest of the day. 

  “…all this time”

  Luhan finally spoke words and his voice was hoarse. He didn’t dare to look at me but kept his focus on the ground below his dangling feet. 

  “-it was me” I finished his sentence, hoping that he’d look up to see my expression. But he never flinched. 

  “Why didn’t you just tell me?” He asked. “Why did you have to hide behind somebody else?”

  My chest felt like it was being tugged in so many directions and the truth was begging to be drawn out of me. 

  “Because I love you, Luhan!”

…

  “-Kang Aera! You’re fired!”

  I jolted awake, not knowing where I had dozed off. At the same time, my cell phone slipped out of my hand and onto the ground by my feet. 

  Rubbing my eyes, I found my boss, Uncle Choi, with his arms crossed and a stern expression all over his face. I must have fell asleep whilst working. Yikes.

  Even worse, it wasn’t the fact that I had just lost my spring job- but the fact that it was the very person who haunted my dreams, that was standing besides Uncle Choi. 

  It was Luhan. 

  “Oh no, Uncle. I only fell asleep for a second. I swear!” I was beginning to get hysterical. I couldn’t lose my job! Especially not in front of Luhan. “Please, don’t fire me! I’ve got to save up for college and you know that. My mom has been nagging you about that too! C'mon!” 

  Fortunately and unfortunately, Uncle Choi, was my Mother’s older brother.

  “You need sleep, Aera” My Uncle shook his head and was about to drag me from behind the counter as he picked up my phone and placed it back into my hands. “Go home for today and I’ll call your Mom tonight. Go..”

  I didn’t want to see Luhan’s reaction. He was probably chuckling and his eyes would form into eye smiles- I could just imagine them.

  “I’ll make sure she gets home safely, Uncle” Luhan placed one hand on my shoulder as I joined him on the other side of the cash register, “Let’s go, Aera”

  Uncle Choi huffed to himself and nodded towards Luhan. I guess he was happy to see that I was now someone else’s problem.

—

  “This isn’t my home” I muttered nonchalantly, causing Luhan to laugh heartily. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him like that, now that I think about it.

  We were standing right under the neon lights of the Baskin Robbins a couple of streets away from my Uncle’s convenience store. The weather was suitable for eating ice cream, but my thoughts were still consumed with the freaky dream I had encountered, along with the possibility of me losing my job.

  Also, being with Luhan at the same time as all of these things happening, wasn’t helping at all.

  “I know” He chirped before he took out his wallet from his back pocket. “But it’s my treat!”

  The ice cream parlour was quiet, with only just a young family in the corner, sharing an ice cream fondue. Other than that, it was just Luhan and myself. It wasn’t like it was with the whole group; with a loud Chanyeol constantly talking or a pesky Sehun trying to eat my food. 

  It was just us two, and I didn’t know if that was adding to the irk feeling bubbling inside of me. 

  Luhan had ordered on behalf of the both of us. I hadn't been able to say much at all, and Luhan himself blamed it on the sudden shock of losing my job (assuming that my Uncle wouldn’t rehire me at the wrath of my Mom). So we found ourselves sitting by the front window, facing one another with double scoop ice cream sundaes in front of us.

  “Have you been up to much, Aera?” He asked casually, but my mind was overthinking every word and action that Luhan made. I was convinced that he knew it was me, and was playing along at the same time.

  I felt like I was suffocating despite the coolness of the ice cream shop. I should escape whilst I can barely breathe.

  “Just… just working” I answered with a flustered tone, trying to think of any excuse to get me out of here. “I’m… I’m sorry Luhan. I can’t do this”

  “Woah, hold on. Do what? Aera, are you alright? Why are you sorry?”

  He gently grabbed me by my wrist before I could dash out the door. There was something genuine in his touch, like the night he took me on his motorbike; something that told me that he didn’t know anything about me and rararang.

  “I know about it all” I told myself that I wasn’t going to cry, but I was on the verge of tears. “Your scars, your fears, your insecurities. The accident on your motorbike, I know about it all, Luhan”

  Instantly letting go of his grasp on me, Luhan seemed to be silenced at my sudden confession. He looked down to the table before scoffing to himself. 

  This was it. I was telling him.

  “So you found my blog?” Luhan sighed, before slowly and reluctantly lifting up the long sleeve of his shirt. His scars were still healing. “I mean, somebody was bound to find it right? I guess I’m glad that it was you, Aera”

  I clenched my fists and eyes shut. He still wasn’t getting the point.

  “Do you remember asking someone if they could ‘smell it’?” My questioning sounded like I was crazy, but I knew he would figure it out if I spelt it out this way. “Do you remember telling someone that you wanted to be an engineer? Do you remembering telling someone that it was okay to be an ‘open book’?”

  Luhan’s face darkened and he was beyond speechless. He pulled out his phone from his front pocket before tapping and scrolling for a few moments. Suddenly, he placed the cell phone screen side up, showing me the messages between rararang and manlymaaan. 

  “That someone…” His throat was choking up and his voice croaked with every word he tried to say. “All those messages, all this time-”

  “You said you wanted to meet that someone, Luhan…. It’s me, I’m rararang”

----

A/N: took a while but here it chapter 4! ahhhhhh, aera has revealed herself D: what will luhan do??? I don't even know LOL

Thanks for sticking around guys :) I may be busy irl but I haven't forgotten this!

A/N 2: edited and formatted!

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