Dear Diary: Love Me

(Chapter Ten)

Luhan’s hands trembled as she peeked through the flap of the Photo Booth door, making her way straight towards him. Suddenly caught out of breath, he clutched at his chest and his mind reeled over the fact that his own girlfriend could make him feel so bad.

“Have you been waiting long?” Yura batted her eyelashes before planting a somewhat cold kiss on Luhan’s cheek. “You know, I was busy”

He already knew it. Luhan already knew her excuse. It was the same every time that they would meet up. ‘With Tao, again?’. Luhan could only shake his head and Yura ignored it as she sat herself on his lap, crinkling the pants of his school uniform. 

Placing in one coin after the other into the Photo Booth, Yura whisked away the strands of hair that had become out of place after meeting with Tao at the couples cafe before meeting with Luhan. 

“Smile, okay?” She poked at Luhan’s cheek from the side, “The only reason we’re here again is because you were frowning in our last photo. My parents were getting the wrong idea about you”

‘One, two, three!’ The Photo Booth began to speak with its chirpy voice, the typical kind found in purikura booths. ‘Smile!’

“Luhan, you’re not smiling!” His girlfriend poked at the display screen where the preview showed Yura giving an innocent smile, whereas Luhan looked blankly ahead. 

‘One, two, three!… Smile again!’ The prompt continued but Luhan resisted.

Flash!

“Look, I don’t want to do this anymore, Yura” He stood his ground and was ready to leave the Photo Booth. “We’re not boyfriend and girlfriend if you go around kissing and doing things.. with other guys. Okay? It’s not working at all!”

“Baby, wait” Yura tugged at his school tie, keeping him seated on the platform of the booth, “You know that I love you right?”

That one line worked the first few times on Luhan. He’d even feel pity for her, thinking that maybe she didn’t what she wanted, that out of all the guys she had been seeing, Luhan thought that he must have been the only sane one- the only one that could set her straight.

But more lately, Luhan was beginning to think that he was far from sane. He was crazy for ever believing her, he was crazy for ever sticking around longer than he should have ever.

“You don’t love me, Yura” He loosened his tie and wrestled from her hold. 

She was suffocating him this whole time and only now he knew how to breathe again.

“You. Don’t. Love. Me!”

..

“Sorry, Luhan. What did you say?” 

I cooed from the other side of the hotel room, about to stuff my mouth with rice cakes that Kyungsoo picked up from the vendors further down the street. They were really good and it seemed like Kyungsoo knew how to pick the tasty stalls from the shabby ones (unlike myself).

Luhan seemed to be in deep thought and was mumbling to himself. He kept to his side of the room, where the single couch had been placed. It would be his bed for the night too. 

Kyungsoo had dibs on the left single bed, closest to Luhan, whilst I took the one on the right side, next to the window. 

He didn’t answer my question, leaving Kyungsoo, who sat cross legged by the feet of my bed, to give me a strange glance.

“What’s up with him?” He asked as he downed his can of soda, “He doesn’t look too good”

Of course to me, Luhan always (well, usually) looked good. Ha. The problems of having a crush on him, right? But it was true in this moment, Luhan was even starting to appear a bit sick, and he was way too quiet for him to be functioning normally.

“Luhan, are you okay?” I offered him some of the rice cakes but he slowly shook his head; his eyes staring blankly ahead as if I wasn’t there. “Have you caught a cold, a headache? What’s wrong?”

“I…I… I just need some fresh air”

—

The atmosphere in the room became stale as Kyungsoo and I waited for Luhan to return from wherever he went- over an hour ago. We reminded him of our plans to head out later in the night for dessert at the shaved ice parlour.

“Where do you think he went?” I asked Kyungsoo, who lay on Luhan’s couch, his eyes glued to the ceiling. “He couldn’t have gone far, right?”

“I don’t know” He replied, shutting his wide eyes for a brief second. “This guy has been a mystery ever since I saw him, and you, at the karaoke bar. At first I thought he was a weirdo… then it occurred to me that maybe he’s hiding something?”

Kyungsoo was right about the hiding thing… Luhan was living an almost completely different life in reality than in BlogNet. Knowing him in both spheres; it was hard to adjust to both.

“Luhan and I have known each other for years” I mentioned as I rose up from my seat and packed my cell phone and other essential items into my sidebag, “If something was bothering him, you’d think that I’d at least have an inkling about what it was…”

Slipping on my shoes and quickly tossing my hair into a ponytail; I decided to look for him. It was an hour that was far too long.

“Just stay here, Kyungsoo” I ordered in the most ‘friendly’ way possible. Too much was going on to be overly nice. “If he comes back, ring me, okay?”

—

My stomach was in stitches as I heaved every breath, now resting on a bench in the park closest to our hotel. I ran and paced through every street in the city centre of Seoul, in hopes of finding that red-headed mystery.

I thought I had run away from Incheon in hopes of being free from the tangles and webs of Luhan, but running away to Seoul only made me dash even deeper into him. 

The old couple on the other bench across from me gave me strange looks. But I was far too exhausted to care, or for formalities at this point. Kyungsoo hadn’t called me for the whole two hours that I had been gone, so Luhan was really no where to be found. 

“Where are you, Luhan?” I sighed and shut my eyes as the city lights stung them. “I’ve looked everywhere…”

The faint sound of shuffling feet on the dirt near the bench echoed by my ears. I balled my fist in case it was one of those city creeps that my Dad warned me about.

“There’s one place you haven’t looked, Aera” 

A soft, almost melancholic voice loomed over me. Why did it sound like Luhan was chuckling, despite his off mood earlier?

“Where?” I slowly opened up my eyes once more to find Luhan seated at the edge of the bench just by my feet. 

“The one place that no-one else could fine me” 

He handed me his cellphone with the screen already opened up on the BlogNet app. I never thought to check his latest blog post, and it was that blog post that would have given me everything I need.

“I’m such an idiot” I handed him back his phone before seating upright besides him. “Such. an. idiot”

“No. It’s me who is the idiot” 

Luhan leant placed his elbows against his knees and put his face in his hands. Finally, it was the side of him that I was waiting for so long to see again. The real Luhan. 

“All this time…” His voice pondered. “All this time you were so open about the way you felt about me, but I shut you out every single time”

I could only nod and try to understand. There would be no more use in disagreeing with him. I had to keep my heart open.

“I never told you why. I just did it” Luhan further admitted. His expression looked like he was tapping into a part of his past that he didn’t want to revisit. But he did. “A girl I was seeing told me that she loved me. But with everything that she did, I knew she didn’t” 

My immediate reaction was to take his hand into mine, to try to comfort him as best as I could. 

“…That’s why you could never believe me?” I asked, squeezing his hand once more. 

“As much as I wanted to… as much as I fell for rararang” He forced a smile and his eyes struck mine. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear his next words. “I didn’t want to jump into the ‘love’ word all over again, especially if it would only end up the same”

“But you never gave me a chance” I bit my lip and was finally able to say what I wanted to do. “I don’t know who that girl was and exactly what she did to you, but I’m willing to take a shot and say that I’m not like her…”

Luhan took me by the wrist this time and stood up, making me do the same and held me to face him directly. He took a deep breath whilst my breathing could only seize. For the first time in this entire trip, he made me motionless, breathless and speechless.

His warm lips collided with mine. I expected it, but at the same I didn’t. Thoughts of whether I should resist or not filled my head, but my heart and mind agreed- they told me to return the favour. 

My weary body felt brighter with his touch, Luhan’s hands taking all of me closer towards him by my waist; the cold could only escape.

“…I know, Aera” He whispered as he tucked the stray strands of hair behind my left ear. 

“I’ve known all this time”

A/N: ok. but who almost makes out in a park? …..LOLOL.

Again, it’s been a while. I know, I know. But what matters is that after a long time, there is finally an update. Woot! I feel like this instalment concludes the first half of this fic? Now that Luhan has finally done something about Aera’s feelings, the story line can now progress onto further things haha. So look forward to that!

Nonetheless, thanks sooo much for reading! (& for sticking around this long hahahahaha). I appreciate the time you take to read this :D

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Till the next chapter! ^^

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