Kyuhyun first saw him at the seaside.

He had disheveled hair because of the wind, wearing brown coat and reading a book while sitting on a table outside on one of the cafe shop. He had doe eyes with long lashes and very beautiful lips. Every weekends he's always in the same position, same spot sometimes, but always doing the same thing.

Kyuhyun wonders what's so good in reading books. Looking around, there's so much more to do than reading. The seaside is a very much peaceful place since it doesn't just offer fresh air, but it also gives off a serene feeling whenever one hears the sound of the waves clashing against the rocks. 

Kyuhyun came here every afternoon since his father always ends their training session early enough for him to rest, though he doesn't need one since he wanted to really prepare himself because he knew that when his father has given up the position of being the CEO of their company there won’t be any time left to rest. But after the day he spotted the guy, he started to look forward on seeing him again.

Just like today. 

The seaside is crowded, again. He parked his car before stepping out to look for any available seat on the same coffee shop where he spotted the guy. He never liked coffee; the only reason why he came here before was because his father requested coffee; then he saw him and this became a routine for Kyuhyun. He looked around before sighing. No vacancy. He thought. Why do people come here when there are other coffee shops nearby?

He looks around the shop. According to the digital clock hanging at the right side of the shop it is already 4:32 in the afternoon. Beneath the clock is a mini calendar with a vintage theme that shows only the date for today. April 13 2013. 

He looked one more time and smirked when he spotted the face he has been longing to see since Monday. He's wearing a black coat and a grey shirt inside, hair is disheveled again and he's not reading this time, no book in front of him but only a cup of coffee and a slice of cake. 

'Maybe the noise is getting into him.' 

Kyuhyun walked towards the guy when suddenly he heard a noise from somewhere behind him. He's about to checked it out when the guy suddenly turn his head away from the floor to ceiling window, offering Kyuhyun a perfect view of how he really looks like, and stare directly at him.

He was frozen. He felt his heart beats faster; with just a simple look from the guy he's adored from afar makes him feel all giddy on the inside. But Kyuhyun have to break from the eye contact since he has to help whatever the stupid person did behind him. He turns around with a blank face and helped the waitress from being slumped down on the floor; pieces of broken wares were on the ground, before turning back to face the guy.

He was still looking and Kyuhyun can't help but be happy. His doe eyes stares at him innocently before a small smile lit up his face. Kyuhyun smiled back before walking again towards his table.

"Is this seat taken?" Kyuhyun started, giving the guy a smile. He already knew the answer since he never saw the guy with somebody else but still he wanted everything to be perfect for both of them.

The guy shook his head creasing his eyes even more as he gave Kyuhyun another smile that is as beautiful as the stars above the night sky. "No." His voice is husky, more than perfect from what Kyuhyun had imagine, for the second time that afternoon he was frozen on the spot.

He stared at the guy a little bit more than necessary, he can't help the smile coming off from his lips. His heart beats furiously even more, if he will have a heart attack right now and will die on the spot, people should blame the guy sitting in front of him. He heard the guy cleared his throat to get his attention.

You don't have to do that, my attention is all yours.

"May I...?" He pointed the chair in front of him, signaling for confirmation. The guy nodded and Kyuhyun swear he could hear his heart sigh in admiration. He happily occupied the chair and think of ways to start a conversation but his mind is in a blank state right at the moment since the guy's eyes are still on him and he can't think straight. Kyuhyun stared at his lips as he produces another smile of his. 'I wonder what it feels like kissing those lips.' 

He mentally punched himself since what he needed right now is not one of those stupid thoughts of his. A good conversation will make a good first impression; a good first impression will make a good start; a good start will make a good relationship and a good relationship will lead them to good futu-..

Aargh... shut up, shut up, shut up mind! 

"I always see you around here." A very beautiful husky voice pulled him out of his reverie. He stared at the man in front of him in confusion before the words slowly dawned at him. "This is your favorite coffee shop perhaps, I wouldn’t be surprised though since they make good coffee and sweets." 

‘He’s talking to me... to me. Is this a dream?' Kyuhyun thought. 'Of course not and I have to answer. KYUHYUN answer his damn question!'

He first cleared his throat to get a grip into reality before focusing to the guy's eyes since looking at his lips won't do him any good. "Ye...yes." Damn it, quit stuttering. "I came here often to look at the view too, you?" I always came here to look for you.

A small laugh echoed in his ears and he can't help to smile a little, seeing him happy make Kyuhyun's life so easy. "No, I came here only on weekends." His eyes stare deeper into Kyuhyun's. "I'm busy with work that's why I don't have any choice but to come here only on weekends." 

He wonders what the guy's job maybe, a music instructor perhaps?

"I'm a music instructor." He smiled again; his small eyes became smaller every time he smile and Kyuhyun love it. "You, is it okay to ask you what you do?"

Of course, you can always ask me everything you wanted and I won't fail to give you answers.

"I'm not yet working, still a trainee I mean." With those eyes on him the only thing he knows is to blurt out the truth even if his father kept on telling him not to inform other people about his status since people are creatures that are full of insecurities. 

He nodded in understanding before jerking up a little like he just remembered something important. He shook his head while laughing a little. This amuses Kyuhyun even more. "How rude of me, I'm sorry." Kyuhyun stared at him in confusion. "I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Jongwoon." He lend out his right hand as a formality. 

Jongwoon, the name suited him it is perfect. Everything about him is perfect, why is that? He looked at the guy- Jongwoon- interestingly as he saw a crease on his forehead. "Is it okay to know your name, or is it confidential?"

He shook his head immediately "Of course not. Kyuhyun, my name is Kyuhyun." He grabbed the waiting hand of Jongwoon. A tingling sensation filled his nerves the moment he grasped the other man's hand. They both stare at each other and Kyuhyun thought he would drown from all the emotions that came rushing to him.  

This has to work, he have to make this work. He smiled at Jongwoon and glad to see that Jongwoon didn't look like he's not enjoying the moment. Whatever happens he wanted to see Jongwoon's smile always, he will make this work; this is the start and he won't be beaten by any challenges ahead, he won't back down without a fight. He will fight for Jongwoon.

3 Years Later: 

It's their second year anniversary and that damned meeting took all his time the very same day.

Kyuhyun immediately put all his files inside his bag before rushing down the elevator and since bad luck seems to have found Kyuhyun as its victim for the day, the damn elevator is not working. He has to use the stairs and he’s on the tenth floor of the building. He looked at his watch, it's already 8:46 in the evening and their plan is to have dinner at 7:00 PM.

'Damn it! Almost two hours!'

Since there is no choice left he run-walk down the stairs while trying to dial Jongwoon's phone. He is not answering and the last thing that he needed is for him to be angry. 

The first year after their conversation in the cafe shop, everything went smoothly. Kyuhyun learned that Jongwoon is a music instructor of children and is older than him by a year. They became close friend and Kyuhyun always pray that every day is a weekend so that he could get to meet Jongwoon again. He would offer him a ride home and would not stop insisting until Jongwoon agreed. After a month, Kyuhyun started pursuing Jongwoon and by the last month of the same year he finally said yes to him.

Their second year was a rough one.

Sometimes it'll take days before they could meet each other, sometimes months. Kyuhyun got busy ever since his father gave him the position whilst Jongwoon started teaching music to higher level students. If it's not Jongwoon who's not available, it's Kyuhyun and most of the time it's him. Last year at their first anniversary, Kyuhyun was out of town because of some business meeting so they rescheduled their celebration the day after tomorrow but something came up at the exact same date that they agreed upon and he forgot to inform Jongwoon making him wait for five hours.

He got into the cab, since his car is being fixed at the moment, the moment he was out of the building. "Seaside please." The driver nodded in understanding. He looked at his watch 8:56. 'God, it took me ten minutes.' He, once again, dialed Jongwoon's phone but only the voicemail answered him.

"Hi, I'm busy right now but I promise to get back to you as soon as possible. Now, leave a message." Beep.

Kyuhyun sighed. How should he start this? "Aah, Jongwoonie, I'm on my way. Sorry I'm late again... I know that you're maybe angry right now; you've got all the reason but please. I'll make it up to you I promise. I love you." that and he clicked the 'end' button.

He heard the driver cleared his throat to get his attention. "Love problems, I see sir." He heard him laugh a little before quieting down again. Kyuhyun stared at the view outside as the cab moved passed the other tall buildings in the city. The noise of the bustling street is slowly getting into his nerve and suddenly he remembered the reason why he came to the seaside before. It's because of Jongwoon and the silence it offers.

"Yeah." Kyuhyun answered. He wonders if things will be better for the both of them, he wonders if everything will work out.

"You know sir, things like that shouldn't be a problem anymore." The driver stared at him through the mirror. "Does it involve third party?"

Kyuhyun concealed a laugh first. "No." Of course not. It will never result to that."Time. It's because of it."

He heard the driver chuckle again. It interests him how the driver seems to know so much about this stuff. "You know what, sir? Time shouldn't be a problem between the both of you. Once you enter a relationship you should know what to prioritize first and what should come next."

"It seems that you're an expert to this kind of topic." Kyuhyun chuckled as he can't keep the bubble of laugh from his throat. 

This time no laughter came from the driver, only silence. For the entire ride no one has spoken. He looked outside and got the glimpsed of the entrance of the seaside when suddenly the driver broke the silence. "You know sir, time is very much unpredictable. It moves in a very mysterious way." Kyuhyun caught up the longing into to the driver's voice. "Both of you might be together now, but what if something happen that will tore you two apart? It's not every day we got all things we wanted."

"So what are you saying? Something will happen to hi-"

"I don't know." The driver cut him before he could finish his sentence. "Always remember this, sir. Fate and Time always comes in pair." He glanced at Kyuhyun through the rear view mirror once again before coming into a halt. "I believe this is the place, sir."

After paying he got out of the cab and made a dash to the coffee shop they both liked. Being late for two hours already makes him feel guilty.

But what makes Kyuhyun feel guiltier? It's the fact that he never heard any complaints from Jongwoon, he never heard him whine and demand for anything in return. Kyuhyun knew that Jongwoon felt disappointed at first but after that he never heard any sign of frustration from the other guy. It's like he's just absorbing everything that's given to him, like accepting everything even if it's not enough. Kyuhyun apologizes every time things like this happen and Jongwoon always accept it but he knew that a day will come were Jongwoon might grew tired of him and that's what he feared the most. Being left behind.

He could already see Jongwoon even if he was still outside the cafe shop. He's reading a book, again. He hurriedly enter the shop and approach Jongwoon, he felt nervous when the other guy didn't move an inch upon noticing him that's why to get his attention he cleared his throat.

Jongwoon looked up at him from his book before removing his earphones off from his ears. Kyuhyun was shocked a little since he never saw Jongwoon with earphones; as he stare at Jongwoon's serious gazes he can't help but be nervous even more.

"I already knew that you'd be late so I brought something to do while waiting for you." Jongwoon said coldly beating Kyuhyun in speaking first. He picked up his bag from beneath the table to hide his book and earphones. This didn't assure Kyuhyun since he still didn't know if it's a sign of Jongwoon staying or leaving. "So what's your alibi now?"

Kyuhyun breathed. Jongwoon's angry and he's not blaming him because he has all the rights to be. He felt his heart beats faster and he don't know if it's because of the running a while ago or because he is nervous. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it...really!" He added immediately when Jongwoon looked at him in ridicule. "I tried my best; I tried to finish everything as early as possible." He tried to reach for Jongwoon's hand and felt relieved when he didn't move it away."I'm sorry. I promise to make it up to you." He whispered. 

He pulled something out from his bag before putting it down on the table. He looked at Jongwoon and saw how the corner of his lips stretches up a little. "Happy Anniversary." He said while smiling.

Jongwoon picked up the gift before opening it revealing two plane tickets of Jeju Island. He looked up at Kyuhyun in a flash with questioning eyes. "Kyuhyun, wha- are you okay with this?" 

He laughed a little. "Of course, why ever not? I mean when is the last time we had some alone time?" He tried to remember the last time they had with one another without any distraction or anything. It's his fault since he's always busy with his work but that's why, that's the reason why he is doing this. 

"Thank you, I really appreciate this." Jongwoon laughed once again, the tension surrounding them a while ago long gone. "I could use some rest day from all the hectic schedules I have." He moves to grab something from his bag which he put beneath the table back when Kyuhyun was still speaking. "Here." He gives Kyuhyun a small box.

He opens it only to see three small porcelain balls inside. He frowns a little in confusion, a ball? He looks up at Jongwoon to ask but before he could open his mouth to speak Jongwoon beat him again to explain his gift. "That's a wishing ball." A wishing ball? Is it some kind of magical or spiritual ball? Without thinking he frowned even more.

"One ball corresponds to one wish. Though the seller said sometimes it has a flaw." Jongwoon explained shortly. "I bought that when I went back to my home town." 

Kyuhyun picked up one ball before observing it. The ball is beautiful, since it is porcelain he could see through it, it had a shade of light blue but when he looked at it in different angle it looks light green. But when one looks at the ball in general its real color is aquamarine. He smiled while still looking at it, it's beautiful. "Thank you, I love it."

Jongwoon beamed at that. It made him happy knowing that the thing that made Kyuhyun smile is something that came from him. "Yeah I know. But here's the thing, once you wish something using one of the ball it will vanish." Kyuhyun looked at him it astonishment. 

"Really? Vanished, as in suddenly stop existing? How's that possible?" He stared at the ball on his hand once again and wonders how this ball could grant someone's wish. He kept his eyes on the ball as he listened to Jongwoon's explanation.

"I don't know too, but the seller said that it'll disappear the moment you made the wish." Jongwoon scratched his head as he said this. Kyuhyun looked up and stare at Jongwoon once again. 

"Where did you buy this again?" Kyuhyun asked.

"In my hometown. Why?" Kyuhyun creased his brows as he absorbed all this. Really? He went to his hometown without telling me?

He put the ball down into its box before bringing his attention back to Jongwoon. Why didn't he tell me? "Why didn't you tell me? When did you go back there? When did you got back here?" He used all his strength to restrain himself. Jongwoon looked at him in confusion "The last time I check, Kyuhyun, you knew that I'm leaving for my hometown." He said matter of fact. 

Kyuhyun tried to think harder. He doesn’t remember any conversation with Jongwoon that involves him going back to his hometown. He was pulled out of his reverie when Jongwoon spoke once again. "Oh, you forgot, didn't you?" He laughs with a hint of annoyance. "Why am I not surprise? Kyuhyun, why am I not surprise?" Jongwoon emphasize on his name on the last sentence. This surprise Kyuhyun since he really can't remember any conversation they had that involves his hometown. Jongwoon spoke once again, "How about this, my mother's birthday was last week, does it ring any bell?"

.

Kyuhyun opened his mouth to speak but failed to make any sound at all. He's such a dickhead, how could he forget something like that? Damn it. He opened his mouth once again only to fail. 

"You know what, save it, I'm so tired hearing your explanations anyway." Jongwoon stood up before grabbing his bag and walking away from their table. But before he could move pass Kyuhyun, he immediately took hold Jongwoon's forearm to prevent him from leaving. Jongwoon stared at him blankly "What now?"

"Don't leave please." Kyuhyun breathed out. "I'm sorry but please I'm tired for today."

It's true, he's been preparing the entire week for the meeting a while ago and he's too tired from all the running that he did, why can't Jongwoon see that?

Jongwoon harshly removed Kyuhyun's hand off of his forearm before glaring at him. "Wow, and I'm not? You know what I think this is not working anymore. I'm sorry Kyuhyun." That and he walked away without looking back. 

Kyuhyun was frozen on the spot. What just happened? He asked himself. He looked outside the cafe shop through the floor to ceiling window only to see that it is already raining hard. He quickly picked up his things including the gift and put it all inside his bag. The waiter approaches him but he is really not in the mood so he only brushed him away. 

This is not happening! 

Kyuhyun didn't waste any more time when he saw Jongwoon still at the entrance of the shop trying to get a shield from the raging rain. He called his name but when he didn't move to look at him, Kyuhyun grab his forearm once again forcing Jongwoon to look back at him. "So that's it?!" He half-yelled.

Jongwoon look at him with pained expression. If they were on a different situation he would automatically comfort the other guy but he have to wait for that. For now, they should solve this issue. Ever since they started going out this is the first time they talk about things like this and it is Jongwoon who started it. Kyuhyun seethed with anger when Jongwoon only shrug him off and focuses once again on the road.

"What do you want, tell me?!" Kyuhyun can't really contain his anger anymore. Just because of things like this Jongwoon is willing to give up their two year relationship? It's unbelievable, he's unbelievable! This issue is so shallow to be the reason of their break-up! "Speak, Jongwoon! Tell me, just because of trivial things like this you're seething with anger and then you'll ask me for a break-up." Once again he pulled Jongwoon to face him when it didn't move to answer him. "Answer me!"

Finally Jongwoon stared at him with those blank eyes of him. Though he's looking at Kyuhyun with blank expression, anger, hatred and sadness could still masked his face and with that Kyuhyun calmed down a little. Never in his wildest dreams Kyuhyun thought of hurting Jongwoon, the guy is too precious for him. He loves him since the day he saw him at this very place, he did everything he could to make Jongwoon happy but somehow he knew he failed and his failure brought nothing but sadness to the person he is willing to do anything to feel satisfied. Due to the weather, white fog could be seen whenever they breathe out and Kyuhyun could see how hard Jongwoon try to keep his breathing even as he force himself not to cry. 

"Trivial things?" Jongwoon brushed his bangs upward using his free hand since the other was still in Kyuhyun's grasped. " Fine, if these things are just trivial for someone like you, it's fine. But you heard me a while ago, I know you did. And as far as I know I've told you that I'm already tired of like this Kyuhyun." Those harsh words pierce Kyuhyun like a very sharp knife being stab on a raw skin. He felt his heart beats faster and it's still because of Jongwoon but on a different cause. He could feel something breaking within him, he could see their future that he designed and planned already thrown on the nearest bin.

"Don't do this, Jongwoon don't do-"

"Don't do what? Always remember that it is you, Kyuhyun, who pushed me to do things like this." That and he pushed Kyuhyun's hand off of his shoulder for the second time tonight. He walked as fast as he could to the nearest cab that was parked in front of the café. Before Jongwoon could enter the cab Kyuhyun approach him once again, desperation is masking his face.

He didn't want to end things with Jongwoon, not ever he dreamt of being away with him, not today or tomorrow or next month or next year or for the next decade. Never. Why can't Jongwoon see that? Why can't he?! That's why Kyuhyun is desperate now, he could kneel if Jongwoon wanted him too, he could do anything that Jongwoon wanted him to do just so he wouldn't leave Kyuhyun.

"Please." He begged once again. He knew that everything is his fault, how could he hurt someone like Jongwoon. He is so sweet and everything. 

Good thing the rain keeps on pouring, he's not good on controlling his emotions especially if it involves someone that is dear to him. Especially if it's about Jongwoon. "Please don't leave me. I'll do anything just to make it up to you, I promise."

Once again Jongwoon looked back at him while holding the door of the cab open; his eyes spoke everything that Kyuhyun didn't want to hear. Every coming second that Jongwoon stares at him like that he could feel the hurt and disappointment. Kyuhyun swear that those looks would forever hunt him down in his sleeps. "You don't understand, it is not your promises that I wanted. It's you. Your time. But you failed to give me the most basic thing that I needed. Maybe we should take a break first, Kyuhyun. You're tired you said and I am too." Kyuhyun knew that those liquids coming down from Jongwoon's eyes were not just water from the rain, those are tears and it hurt him even more.

"Maybe it's time you walk on your own and I'll do the same thing, Kyuhyun. Goodbye." With that said Jongwoon entered the cab and closed the door without looking back. 

He was frozen once again. He was shaking because of the cold and the emotions that came to him all at once. He was angry but not because of Jongwoon or the weather, he's angry because he knew that Jongwoon is right. It's his fault and Jongwoon doesn't deserve someone like him, someone who is selfish and self-centered.

He stared at the cab as it moves forward and away from him. Jongwoon is leaving him, he is moving forward and this time Kyuhyun is not with him. If this goes on he knew that he may never get the chance to be with Jongwoon again and so he run. Cold winds slap him on the face together with rain drops but he didn't care as long as he could be with Jongwoon.

Hope is starting to slip away from him when the cab didn't slow down a bit, and it totally flew away when he can't breathe evenly any longer so he stopped running. His hands came down on his knees to support himself and to keep from buckling. He looked up in time to see that the traffic light turned red causing the cab to abruptly stop. He could only hope that luck will be on his side this time and that the cab won't move since he is a little bit far from the cab's position. 

After that, everything went passed in a blur. It all happened so fast that Kyuhyun have to stop first to process everything he's seen. His eyes grew wide as reealization slowly dawned on him, he felt his head grew bigger, his heart missed a beat and without thinking he held his breath in anticipation.

One minute the cab is in the middle if the road waiting for the light to turn green and then the next a huge ten-wheeler truck coming from the left side of the road, since it is a crossing, it hit its front side with so much force that the cab swayed from right to left causing for it to hit another car that is coming from behind of the cab before halting. 

Everything was happening in slow motion, Kyuhyun could see every detail, every parts of the cab that got detached from it. He could suddenly hear screaming from everywhere; the cold winds are long forgotten. He couldn't move from his spot, he couldn't speak, every information he sees are being processed slowly. Everything in him went numb; his head ache because of the coldness. Coldness? Is it really because of that? 

Jongwoon? Where... where did... did he go? His head ache even more. His brows creased as warm liquids came out of his eyes. The cab... he's inside, right?

No. No, he's not. He is somewhere inside the coffee shop.

"Maybe it's time you walk on your own and I'll do the same thing, Kyuhyun. Goodbye." With that said Jongwoon entered the cab and closed the door without looking back.

He run towards the accident, he won't believe it until he saw it with his own eyes. Humans are unpredictable, they would think whatever they wanted, do things in their own accord. What if he just imagines that Jongwoon really get into that cab? He'd check it first before judging.

But before he could even reach the cab itself, he saw a hand dangling outside from the back seat. The familiar watch adoring its thin wrist; the watch that he'd seen for so many times, the watch that he, himself, gave as a gift to the person most dearly to him. "No.." Kyuhyun whispered as the rain falls even harder. People started to gather around the accident area, some are just staring trying to make stories out of it while others are either taking pictures or using their phones to call for an ambulance. 

"No..." he whispered again but this time a little bit louder so that he could assure himself. He tried to walk closer but a stranger grabbed his jacket before he could even make the move. Kyuhyun harshly pulled back gaining glares from all the people present. "Hey! Don't come closer!" Someone shouted. But he can't process all of this anymore. He could only see the guy at the back seat of the car. He walked closer but something tripped him causing for him to fall hard on the ground. Slowly, the buzzing of the people around him disappeared from his background. He tried to get into his feet but he suddenly felt weak, he shook his head thinking that maybe the rain is getting into him. 

But all of it didn't matter.

He couldn't get up anymore so he crawled his way to the person he loved the most. He's waiting, he's always waiting. I should move fast.

The moment Kyuhyun reached the back seat of the cab he took hold of the hand he was always accustomed into holding. He could hear a sob somewhere near him; he looked around only to see blinding lights. He looked up at the person he was holding and then he saw him.

He kneeled in front of the cab. "No.. " It came out as a muffled sound. His head ached even more. "No!" He said louder to convince himself. Buckets of tears came out from his eyes, his brows creased deeper as he tried to keep his tears at bay, only to fail. "Jongwoon-ah... hey!" He shouted when he received no response. He could feel his body shaking, "No…!” once again he shouted.

Just a while ago they were talking about something. How could....how could something like this have happened so fast? Surely he could still hear me. He shook Jongwoon's hand to get his attention; he did everything just to get a response from the other guy only to fail.

He tried to reach Jongwoon's body but someone refrain him from doing so. Someone pulled him back since he is almost inside the cab. He fought whoever the stranger is. He wanted to be with Jongwoon, why can't they see that? Why can't anyone see that?! 

"Sir, you have to make way!" An angry voice of a guy came from behind his left ear. "We have to move fast to give him first aid. Sir, I'm sorry, but you're just in the way." 

Kyuhyun started to cease on fighting since what the guy said is right and also he didn't have enough strength to fight anymore. He didn't know what happened next; he felt like he's floating, he can't focus on the things that are happening around him. The next thing he knew he is sitting somewhere soft with a towel draped around his shoulder. He looked for something understandable only to find nothing so he just stared down on his hand. His hand that is stained with blood. He could feel hot liquids are coming out of his eyes once again. He could hear someone talking. Talking.....talking to him? He looked up in time to see an unfamiliar face staring down at him. He's talking to Kyuhyun, but he could only hear muffled sound. He couldn't make out any words out of it.

"Don't worry; he's just in the state of being shocked."

3 hours later

Kyuhyun could hear someone running.

A hug from his right side tells him that another one came. He doesn’t know who the person is and he doesn't care. He's been sitting on this chair for the last two hours and yet the doctors are still inside the emergency room. 

What's taking them so long? Damn it!

He could feel his hair getting dry every coming second, his left hand twitch a little out of nervousness as he remembered what the medic told him, that there is still two percent chance that Jongwoon could be saved. And as long as there are chances like that Kyuhyun won't give up. Someone offered him a coffee once again but his reaction never changed. 

Finally he heard someone opened the door and that is his cue to stabd up. He looked at the doctor with hopeful eyes. The news will decide everything and he could only hope for the better news. His eyes met the doctor's and that's when he knew.

He felt like falling. He could hear his heart being mercilessly torn into pieces, breathing for him became hard. He could hear the cries of Jongwoon's family somewhere in the background. He turn around, seeing the doctor would only bring him more disappointment, he supported himself by putting both his hands on his knees. Someone tried to help him but he shrugged them off. "I'm fine!" Kyuhyun shouted when they insisted. He runs away from the crowd when he knew he couldn't contain his emotions anymore. Before he could even reached the entrance a police approach him and surrender both his and Jongwoon's belongings to him, he accepted them before proceeding to his original task.

The ride home was uneventful. The cab doesn't have music on it and he's okay with that. Silence is starting to become his haven. When he arrives at his apartment he didn't even bother to stop and greet the guard or the receptionist which is also a routine for him. He immediately went inside his apartment without any word and proceeds to his bed.

Everything is quiet, no sounds can be heard. Is it always like this? Kyuhyun thought, will it be like this tomorrow or the day after that? He felt scared of what tomorrow might bring. They said that ignorance is bliss but not knowing what will happen in the future did nothing but torture Kyuhyun. He shut his eyes tightly when he felt the tears are coming once again.

He wanted to be blind, he wanted to be mute, to be deaf, to be unable to taste anything or feel anything. He wanted to be numb because for Kyuhyun it is better to be nothing than to feel the pain of being left behind, than to feel the pain of losing the person you love the most. 

He spread his arms widely on the bed when it caught something, he looked down only to see Jongwoon's bag the one that the police officer handed to him. He sat up and rummaged through it. He smiled a little when he remember the first time he tried to go through Jongwoon's bag, before he could open the bag a stapler hit his head and after that he never tried to open Jongwoon's bag again. Out of habit, Kyuhyun looked around to see what Jongwoon’s reaction would be about his action only to be disappointed again. Immediately he could feel the sadness once again, the pain that repeatedly overcomes him. 

He was about to turn away when he saw a notebook inside the bag. The notebook is simple, it is obviously recycled, and its cover has the color of faded red with a four - leaf clover on the lower right corner. Kyuhyun opened it only to see some songs he knew he didn't heard before. Composed songs. He is composing.

Going through the songs is very hard since he knew how hard Jongwoon worked for it only to be kept hidden forever. 

When he is almost finished looking through the notebook he found a note on its very last page and he read:

I first saw him at the seaside.

It was afternoon, and the wind was very cold that everyone present in the said place was wearing either a coat or jacket. He's wearing neither though he has a scarf on. His slight brownish hair was being ruffled by the winds, his eyes doesn't see anything near him but only what is afar.

How did I know?

Because I never saw him glanced around the park. Always forward, his eyes were always looking ahead. From that time on, I already knew that he is man full of dreams. Dreams that he will do anything to achieve. I heard myself saying. "Ah, this one will be successful."

Then after some time he approached me asking if the seat in front of me is available. He didn't know that I was waiting for some colleague of mine that's why I immediately cancelled the meeting just to know him even more.

We became friends and somewhere between that I fell in love with him.

They said that in a relationship there will always be someone who will love more than the other and I don't care if it's me. As long as we're both happy, as long as he needed me then everything's okay.

Kyuhyun closed the notebook before putting it back inside the bag. He didn't know what to say or feel, he could hear himself sobbing once again. He remembers the day they talked with each other. He's waiting for someone that time, and he cancelled it for me. He laughed a little as more tears gushed out off his eyes. 

Stupid. Stupid! If only he told me the truth that time.... maybe things won't result to this.

He grabbed Jongwoon's bag before hugging it tightly on his chest. He could still smell Jongwoon on it and that saddens him more. He remembered the times he had with Jongwoon, their first date, the first gift he had given Jongwoon which is the watch, the first gift he had received from him. He reminisces every beautiful memories they had with each other only to feel the pain once again whenever reality decided to hit him hard. 

Beautiful memories like that bring only short-lived happiness and the rest would be purely sadness. 

The pain is becoming unbearable. He wanted so much to bring back the time they had their first conversation with one another. If his meeting with Jongwoon sets off this kind of fate then he would rather choose to admire him forever from a distance. 

He stared at his bag as some crazy idea hit him in the head. There's no harm in trying. If what he said is true, if what Jongwoon told him is true this should work. He immediately grabbed his bag as his hand shook a little bit in anticipation. 

Please be here, please be here. He chanted in his head. He heaved a tired sigh when his hand found a box before pulling it out completely from his bag. He grasped the porcelain ball in his hand. He looked at it closely but sees nothing special on it.

If you're real, please, please help me. Just this one, please grant it.

"I...I" he stutters. "I want everything to go back on that day." He remembered the place, the time and the face of the person he would do anything for. In your letter you said that I am a man full of dreams, and that I would do anything to achieve those dreams. You should've seen this coming.

He looked around, nothing changed. He's still at the dark confines of his room.

Shallow, lifeless. 

He could hear nothing but the deafening sound of silence. Loneliness is slowly creeping up into his sleeves; the state of being miserable is slowly consuming him. He could hear all of them laughing at him. Stop. Stop! He lay down on his back as he put a pillow above his head to block it all out; he wished sleep would come now. He wanted all of this to end, he wanted none of it, and he wanted to be senseless so that he wouldn't feel anything at all.

But who is he kidding. Kyuhyun knew that he deserved all this .

Suddenly he became unaware of the simple things around him like the ticking off the clock or his phone ringing beside him. He could hear nothing but his breathing. Sleep is coming, he is slowly drifting away unable to feel anything but the ball on his hand. He's ready to let reality go and succumbed to the false comfort that fiction or dream is offering him when suddenly a cold wind brushed through his whole body. His senses all came into surface.

A loud crashing sound of wares made him jerked upward.

Blinding lights welcomed his eyes that were already used into the darkness. Loud laughter of children and wailing of adults can be heard from the background. The sound of the chairs that made contact to the wooden floor echoed in his ears. The familiar aroma of coffee brushed through him, immediately he is aware of his location.

The coffee shop.

He looked around and saw the children that he knew he saw once before. Some adults were already looking at him in weird way; whispering something to their children before leading them away from him. He turns around to see the exact same waitress who got fired that day for breaking expensive wares. The broken pieces of cups and saucers lay around her. Kyuhyun looked up at the right side of the shop to see the very familiar digital clock hanging at the wall and it reads 4:32 in the afternoon and below it states the date he's in; April 13 2013.

He's back three years ago.

But all of it didn't matter. What matter is that he's back.

The year he first met Jongwoon officially. A chance, this is a chance for him to correct his mistakes, his miscalculations. He looked at the familiar spot near the floor to ceiling window to see the guy he's been longing to see once again. He's looking directly at Kyuhyun with those innocent eyes of his. 

All the sounds present in the room decreased until nothing could be heard. For Kyuhyun, it's just him and Jongwoon that matters. Just the two of them.

His knees buckle that he has to support himself by holding onto the chair next to him. He wanted to run and hug him and kiss him and just runaway with him. He wanted to do all of them that he feels like crying since he knew that he shouldn't. His brows creased deeply as he successfully tried to stop the tears from coming down.

He is so close yet so far.

The corner of Jongwoon's lips tug upward to produce a confused smile only this time Kyuhyun didn't return them with one of his. He's losing it; he could feel his body took a step forward so he finally decided to step out of the cafe shop. He couldn't risk making another mistake that might put Jongwoon into harm's way once again. With a heavy heart he turned his back to the person he loved the most and walked away.

This is better, Kyuhyun. It's better to know that he is happy somewhere else than to know that you are not breathing the same air he breathes.

The dry wind of April welcomed him as soon as he stepped out of the cafe, the place didn't give him comfort anymore it only reminds him of the things that he could never own and of the person he could never be with. He harshly wiped the tears that finally went out of his eyes. He occupied a bench that still overlooks the inside of the cafe shop. He stared at Jongwoon in time to see that the other went back to what he is really doing, waiting for a colleague of his.

This is it. This is Kyuhyun correcting a mistake that would forever remain in his memories, a mistake that he would like to do again if only the price it requires wasn't too precious, a mistake that only he would remember. Jongwoon exited the shop with a smile on his face as he made conversation with someone on his phone, laughing innocently from whatever the guy on the other line told him. Kyuhyun closed his eyes tightly as Jongwoon walked past him without glancing back, he's moving on with his life and this time he's moving on without Kyuhyun on it.

This is the end, whether Kyuhyun liked it or not it's the end for their relationship. It hurts knowing that only he could remember all those beautiful memories but at least it would save Jongwoon from the pain he is with right now. 

He continues to stare at the retreating figure of Jongwoon as he walked away from him and realizes that this time he is walking away from Kyuhyun for good. 

This is the end, the finale, a denouement. 

A/N: Finally, an update after 48 years (haha just kidding). As always do tell me what you think. Okay?

Inspiration: • What if by Jason Derulo

                      • If only (movie)