Double updated. Please go back one chapter if you haven't read Chapter 8. =)))

Chapter 9: You’re Making It Hard For Me

I’m waiting in front of Ashin’s porch because it’s going to be her first day at work today. She’s a bit excited. Well, I can’t deny that I am, too. Seeing her every day is going to be the heaven I was wishing for, for a very long time.

I stood straight up when she walked out of their house in her corporate attire. She’s looking so good I can’t help but stare at her. Please, stop seducing me, Kim Ashin. I can’t hold back anymore. I’m trying so damn hard to hold my hots down.

I’ve got the hots for you. I will always do.

“Good morning.” My daydream broke apart when she greeted me. It’s not that I’m complaining, though. I like how her voice sounds like.

She smiled at me, the brightest as always. How can she smile brighter than the sun? Just how can she make me this crazy for her? I’m trying so hard to fight it, Baby.

“Good morning.” I greeted back and smiled widely. “Are you nervous?” I asked because I noticed her biting her lip.

She chuckled weakly. “I’m good.” She replied. “A bit?” She grinned.

I laughed. She doesn’t try to be cute but in my eyes, she’ll always be cute. She’ll always be the cutest girl in the world.

“Don’t worry. I’m with you. You don’t need to get nervous.” I assured her as I opened the door of my car for her.

She smiled and shook her head. “You’re making me really dependent on you.” She spoke and I smiled. Well, that’s what I want you to do, Baby. Please depend on me. Please need me.

But I think I’m the one being dependent on her. My actions would always be about what she likes. My decisions would always be about her happiness. She dictates my life. But I don’t give a damn. She’s the captain of my ship.

“What are your workers like?” She asked as we were nearing the building. “Are they good? Kind? Or kind of intimidating?” She pondered on.

I looked at her and smiled. “They’re good persons, Ashin. I won’t want a member to be intimidating.” I replied.

“You never get intimidated. You’re intelligent.” She spoke.

I shook my head. “I’m not.” I told her. “I’ve gotten intimidated a lot of times.” Like when I first saw you with Mark, when I first knew how close he is to you, when your exes swooned at you to get back with you. A lot. I’ve been intimidated a lot of times.

I parked the car and showed her the way to the office. I kept on introducing her to the people I know in the office. I don’t even know if she can memorize the names of the people I’ve introduced.

“Here’s your desk.” I showed her. The desk near me. She should be near me because I need to see her while I’m working.

Damn. I don’t even know if this is a good idea. How do I expect myself to finish all the works when she’s too close? I bet I could stare at her face all day. I could do that. I would gladly do that.

“Kris!” Jungkook called me and smiled at me. He looked at Ashin with sparks in his eyes. Damn, I want to punch him right now. You don’t just ogle at my girl like that. “I’m Jungkook!” He beamed at Ashin who seemed scared of him.

Ashin smiled and extended her hand. “Kim Ashin.” She introduced herself.

I could hear Jungkook’s silent squeals as he shook hands with her. Damn. I want to buy all the hand sanitizers for Ashin now.

“Hi, Ashin! I’m Hana!”

Ashin smiled at Hana and shook hands with her. “Hi, Hana!” She greeted back.

Hana looked at me and smiled. “So, this is your friend Jungkook couldn’t stop talking about over the weekend?” She asked me.

I nodded and glared at Jungkook. I understand the small crush he has on Ashin but that’s it. Other than that mere crush, there could never be more.

Ashin smiled and looked at me. “Your team members are cool.” She commented, nodding.

I just smiled because I couldn’t speak well. My heart started thumping hard like it has never ever beaten before. Damn. Her effect and impact on me won’t ever change. It’s been years and it’s still the same.

“Hi, Ashin! I’m Mira!”

Ashin looked at Mira and smiled. “Nice meeting you, Mira.” She greeted.

Mira looked at me and then at Jungkook, who’s almost drooling at the sight of Ashin. I’m almost full. I am so close to really punching his face.

“Jungkook, you’re so gross!” Mira beamed that earned her a glare from Jungkook.

Ashin chuckled and I can see Jungkook blush.

I breathed deeply. How can I be jealous over little things? How can this still be happening to me?

“Let’s get to work.” I clapped just to disperse all of them. The three made face then rolled their eye at me.

Ashin just shrugged and went to her desk.

“You can start with the floor plan.” I told her as I walked to her desk and gave her a sketchpad.

She looked at the sketchpad where the floorplan should be and nodded. We talked about the possible things that could happen with that certain floor of the building. I didn’t want to leave her alone yet. I wanted to spend more time but I’m afraid that she’d get tired of my presence.

I continued looking at her even though I got back to my seat. Damn, my eyes couldn’t look away when she’s near. Is this a bad idea?

She looks so serious and passionate about it. They always say that Nobody’s perfect but she looks so perfect. Just my type of perfect. Just my type of love.

I shut my eyes and gathered all the strength I have to stop staring. I needed to stop staring. I needed to stop using my time to watch her every move. I needed to finish my work, too.

I’m more than smitten. So damn smitten. I have no way out. There’s no way out.

And I stared again. No matter how hard I try not to, my eyes will always only be on Ashin alone. I am suddenly proud of myself for loving one girl after all the years.

Ashin looked up and accidentally met my gaze. ! She smiled and made me feel those certain feelings again. She just doesn’t know. She just doesn’t know how hard it is for me to keep everything in.

I wanted to tell her but I’m afraid she’ll run away. I don’t want her to walk away from me. I don’t want her to leave me again.

The past seven years was the longest drought in my life. It was drier than the desert. I was merely living for my daughter. I was always looking for that certain spark that Ashin gave me. It never came. Only because there was only one Ashin and she wasn’t with me.

“Let’s go eat lunch!” Jungkook beamed at everyone.

I looked at the clock and it’s past twelve. How can time go by so fast? I was hoping I had more time to freely look at Ashin.

Looking at her makes me wonder how you can possibly miss a person you’re staring at. Why does she seem so near but is actually miles from me?

I sighed and stood up.

Ashin was talking to Jungkook and laughing. I wonder what she’s laughing about. How can she laugh as easily as that when she’s with someone else? She rarely even laughs when she’s with me.

I calmed myself and walked towards them.

Ashin was staring at Jungkook and I’m not liking it anymore. I swear I am starting to get pissed. She isn’t allowed to look at someone else like that. And this boy isn’t allowed to stare back.

Ashin looked at me when she saw me nearing them. “Jungkook’s funny.” She told me and then laughed. Jungkook laughed, too.

I wanted to laugh, too, but why can’t I make myself?

I am so jealous. I’m jealous because she’s laughing with someone else when she cries when she’s with me. I’m jealous because I want her to be mine when I know that it wouldn’t be easy on her part to be with me again.

I’ve hurt her before. I know that she would contemplate on loving me again. She’s not just going to give me her heart again.

Damn it.

How can I even cure this disease? How can I stop getting jealous at the guys Ashin’s with?

I took a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” Ashin asked me.

I nodded at tried my hardest to smile. I wish she could see right through me. I wish she could see that I am not fine with her talking to another man. I don’t want her to talk to any other man. Mark was enough. I don’t want to compete with anyone anymore.

She gazed at me, not believing that I am fine. Come on, Ashin. Stop making it so hard on me.

She held my hand out of the blue that made me froze on my spot. This feeling. This feeling of rainbows and unicorns again. Please stop sending me false signals, Baby. I’m trying to catch up with myself.

Jungkook even raised his brow when he saw her hold my hand but he didn’t say anything. Try, Jungkook. Just try to say anything and my fist is going to land on your face. Hard.

Ashin looked at me and tightened her hold on my hand. I wanted to breathe but it’s too hard. It’s too hard to breathe when she’s too close to me. It’s too hard to breathe when she’s touching me. Same old ing feeling when she’s around and I can’t get damn used to it.

“Let’s go.” Ashin pulled me out of the office, holding my hand. Damn. I want to kiss her so bad but I’m scared that we’re not on the same page. I don’t want her to push me away. I don’t want her to make me leave.I want to know what you’re thinking, Baby. Please tell me.

Ashin looked at me when we were inside the elevator. “You’re really making it hard for me, Kris Wu.” She spoke leaving me in awe.

Damn. You’re killing me, Baby.