Warning, this chapter had a bit if self harm in it so if you are uncomfortable with such things, do not read the last two paragraphs or so.

~Savie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regardless of what you and Kris had both heard from each other, or from others, or felt, before school had started for the day, in the reality, everything was the polar opposite of what Kris had told you about his lack of sleep and, even though you put on a tough front that made it seem as though you couldn’t care less about how others were treating you at school and you didn’t mind what they said about you or said to you, you still cared and deep down within you every word hurt like an overly harsh stab to your heart.

Kris had told you that he had been looking tired because he had needed to finish some homework he had forgotten about until the last minute for some of his classes but, although it was partially true, the real, main, reason why he was looking so horrid was because he’d spent the entire rest of the weekend watching over his mother in the hospital after a drunken man had crashed into her car head on while she was on her way home from work. As his mother was driving through downtown, she’d caught a green light but the drunken man had been driving at a neck breaking speed of 103 miles per hour in his car in the opposite lane and he hadn’t felt like obeying the traffic lights so he had swerved into her lane to free himself from the traffic block that was gaining in front of him, due to the red light, but rammed into her car head on instead, which resulted in both of their cars being completely totaled and Kris’ mom being rushed to the ER after she had passed out and nearly died in the car due to the injuries to her head, neck, spine, and basically everywhere else in her body upon the impact of the crash.

The only reason why Kris had finished the homework instead of getting completely caught up in staring at his still unconscious mother in the hospital bed was because a fellow classmate of his, that was in those classes with him, had also been in the ER visiting his sick uncle and happened to pass by on his way out and reminded him, along with giving him his support and hope for his mother to recover and get well soon. Also, Kris had agreed to continue on with the dance practices today after school because he knew that that could possibly lift some of the depressing weight off of his shoulders for the time being that the practicing went on before he’d head back to the hospital and sit by his mother’s side, not bothering to sleep at all through the night as he’d watch her face for any signs of beginning to wake up, again.

During the entire school day, although he fought his hardest to pay attention, Kris found out that doing so was practically impossible so he quickly gave up, after the fifth time of trying to pull himself together, and let his mind drift off into its “worryland” over his mother, but he did make sure to make it seem as if he was paying attention by staring at the writing board as the professor went on about the subject that they’d been going on about for the last two or three class meets and he’d occasionally, mindlessly scribble on his notebook. The more Kris went deeper into thought about his mother the more his thoughts would constantly come up with worse case scenarios as he thought about her: “what if she dies while you’re here in school and they cremate her body before telling you that she died?” “What if she goes into a coma?” “What if she never wakes up and was practically dead from the moment the man hit her?” ”what if the last time you could spend time with her was the time that you took to do homework instead?” ” what if this happens?” “What if that happens?”  “What if… what if… what if?”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, you had gone through your classes until lunch break holding in the urge to do what you were doing now. The bullying had finally gotten through to you like it had in all your other schools and a familiar urge had begun pulsing through your body, which you had to hide until now, through your classes.

As you had walked into one of the many girls’ bathrooms in the school during lunch break, you pulled out the small object that you had always carried with you wherever you went, especially if you were at school, while locking the stall door to the largest bathroom stall in the room. After that you went to one of the furthest corners, the one nearest the toilet, and skid to a squatting position as you held your left arm out over the open toilet before gliding the object you’d pulled out of your backpack over the scarred flesh slowly, watching as the blade of the object broke through your skin and caused blood to ooze out and drip into the toilet water, and sometimes drip onto the toilet seat. You reveled at the feeling that the contact of the blade had had on you as you had sliced it through your flesh and closed your eyes in painful “ecstasy”, tilting your head back until it hit the wall behind you, as the blood flowed out of your arm, making a mess of the bathroom stall you occupied. “My beautiful blade, you’ve always been there for me when no one else has, you’ve always helped to take the pain away and I am forever grateful, I’m sorry I have ignored your presence for so long, I promise to keep in contact with you more often from now on, I will never again ignore you for so long.”