A summer’s breeze playfully tugged on her hair as a young woman’s shadow seemed to elongate in proportion to the setting sun behind her. A fond smile was emerging gradually on her lips as she sat down on the old but familiar ferris wheel seat; a good length of time had passed since her last time sitting in this carriage, but the memory was still fresh in her mind. So much had changed since then; there was no tall, handsome male with her, nor was there quite the same image.

    Hyebin had spent her time in the US wisely; she chose UC Berkeley originally because of the California climate that was all too tempting to try to become more independent, but it was also a relief because her mother’s psychologist friend was stationed not too far from the campus with a private practice office. She was able to slowly put the pieces back together after a year of help, and support came flooding in the form of messages and calls from across the Pacific ocean. She found something she thought she could never find; self love.

    Leaving was the hardest thing Hyebin ever experienced; visiting previously with her cousin was not even comparable because she knew she would be back in a weeks time with her friends waiting patiently. This was not a week; it was more like 52 of them. Even in her breaks, Hyebin refused to return to Korea. There was too much fragility within the country for her to handle at the time. Or rather, too much with a certain male. If she were to meet him, it would have been too tempting to relapse back into her previous behavior. The glimpse of a brighter future was too precious to herself for her to give up. For once, she thought, it was about her and not so much him.

    Junhoe was not expecting her to leave. He did not even know of her college choice; he had assumed she chose SNU and was too confident that she would stay with him. Perhaps it was the security of knowing that Hyebin was so obviously in love with him, or the fact that he knew it since the day his father died that she would be there. Either way, it was the last thing he had expected of her. The only ones who actually did know were Bobby and the girls: Bobby because he would be attending the same college, and the girls because they were there when she was agonizing. And by the time Junhoe had realized this, it was too late to turn back; she was already half the ocean’s distance away on a plane and he was with the group, the guys holding him back from throwing a tantrum in public.

    Betrayal was the first emotion that Hyebin heard had hit him; he was utterly hurt that she would leave him in Korea. The next was shock when he seemed to let it sink in that Hyebin was no longer around for him, and then came the inner turmoil when she finally bought her cell phone she would use in the US and sent him a Kakao talk. Despite being a talented writer, it was also one of the hardest things she ever had to write.

    Every word was apologetic as she explained her mental state that was crumbling, the background, and everything. It was explaining that she would be attending UC Berkeley, and not SNU. It was explaining that she could not bear to be in the way of his own hard work while also not feeling worthy of dating someone who was already highly raised in the business world. There was also the request for the two to not be in touch; it hurt her in ways that were unexplainable to tell him that she needed space to heal, and she was hoping he would be willing.   

    Some people thought Hyebin would never come back from the US; why would she when Korea seemed to downplay the values of an American college’s diploma? She was almost perfect at English either ways, and she had family there too. It made sense for her to stay put. Youjung and Soorim were waiting patiently for her return, knowing eventually there would have to be a day for her to come back, while the boys seemed to be split. Bobby was bringing back updates during school breaks, but he would never be able to answer the question of when Hyebin herself would be back.

    And now here it was; a year after her unannounced leave. Her hair that had always fell to at least the mid of her back was now cropped to barely past her shoulders and dyed to a lighter brown than before. Her face was still makeup free- she never understood that- but her clothing became more stylish outside of her normally comfortable clothes; even now, she was wearing a tee shirt dress that was white with navy blue stripes. Her biggest difference, however, was the smile on her face. There was love in her eyes, and it was for everyone to see that she finally found self worth. She gained confidence through the one year of meeting new faces of all races, situations and everything. It was refreshing, and she felt like she gained more knowledge than she ever had in her lifetime.

    Still, sitting in the old ferris wheel was nostalgic. There were still all the message written with marker. Older ones were starting to get buried in new ones, but Junhoe and hers still remained in their allotted spaces.

    ‘Today is 8/24/10. It was a special day with one of the most important girls of my life, Kim Hyebin. I cannot believe I met you a little over a year ago. Not much changed; we still bicker, and I can out- sass you and you know it. But what did change was our friendship; you went through a lot to be patient enough to befriend me. And I want to thank you. Gomawo, for real. It was great, and I can’t wait for all of our childish wishes to come true in our future together -Koo Junhoe’

    Even after a year of no contact, the words made her heart flutter. It was hard for her to leave Korea, but it was harder when she had realized sometime in the middle that her speed dial changed, along with her most called and texted contacts. Her favorites on Kakao talk changed too, and someone’s name never appeared in the notifications. But in the end, she simply reminded herself that she did it for herself, and that she could not continue to do it for him.

    ‘Today is 8/24/10! I cannot believe I finally came back to a place like this before I died hehe. Koo Junhoe, thank you for being the arrogant and ugly toad you always were. A little over a year ago, I thought you were the most agitating figure in the school, and now I can say the opposite. I don’t know how I would have lived without you. Thank you for being there in every 11:11 wish I make, and for helping me experience feelings I never had before. You’re such a precious person, and remember to always shoot for your dreams and love yourself- just don’t get more of that princess syndrome. -Kim Hyebin’

    She traced a finger over the message, remembering how Junhoe had read these very words and had thrown those paper wishes out of the ferris wheel. It was memorable because it was not only with him, but because it was new. Everything was new. If only she had taken her words for him for herself as well- perhaps she would have had a chance in this lifetime to be with him.

    The ride came to a halt as it was Hyebin’s turn to step off, and she exited the unbalanced carriage carefully. Tomorrow was a big day, as it was a reunion for their year; most of them were already back to school while she and Bobby were waiting for the summer to come to an end before returning to their dorms. Bobby himself was unaware of her landing in Korea earlier in the day, and he had assumed she would not show up.

    Hyebin walked around mindlessly, watching people. Only a few years ago, she was walking around with Junhoe, excited at the thought of a day with him and the fun that would be occurring. She bought herself a small cotton candy bag, and decided to call it a day. The ones who did know of her arrival would be Yongguk and their family. She was staying at home, where she could see Bomi yapping and still chasing her tail, and her mother bustling about to keep up with the dog’s energy level.

    “You should watch where you’re going.” A sharp voice said to her as a broad shoulder bumped into her own. She peered up timidly, a little taken aback by the familiarity of this scenario. It was a leap back in time; they had met five years ago like this. As she looked at his face, she was hit by how somethings never changed: he was still one of the most handsome faces she had ever came across, even while in the US.

    “Koo Junhoe.” The words were hushed as he gawked at her. He was not quite alone, however. A pretty girl was next to him, looking at Hyebin with innocent curiosity. She could not tell if the stabbing feeling in her gut was supposed to be disappointment, hurt, or heartbreak. Perhaps even after a year, it was all three. A first love never vanishes; you can't have more than one first love and for this reason, Junhoe always had this effect.

    “Kim Hyebin.” His eyes flickered with a dull pain, which then became something like shock and panic. He took a hesitant step forward, his hand unconsciously reaching out slowly as if to touch her, but at the last moment it clenched into a fist and resumed its position by his side. He looked as if this were a nightmare to see her again, and the stabbing feeling returned to her. He was scared of her.

    “I seem to be interrupting something. I’ll talk to you later,” a small ambiguous smile graced Hyebin’s face as she bowed her farewell formally. There was a bleakness in the air between the two, as if lightning were about to strike; clearly there was something amiss.

    “I’m sorry!” He shouted, a slight crack in his voice. Bystanders stopped to stare at the three. “I didn’t deserve a girl as beautiful as you, or as patient as you. I didn’t see how much you loved me in the past unless it was convenient. I was a selfish person who took advantage of you for far too long and I liked the feeling of being depended on for someone’s happiness. I didn’t know it would lead to your health deteriorating and I hated myself every ing day you were gone. I didn't want you to come back and hate me when you realized how wonderful you are, and I wanted you to come back and scream or even slap me if it ensured we would stay together- no, have a chance to be together."

The crowd forming to spectate was not the only thing that held Hyebin back from leaving. It was him. She could hear every word, but also the sincerity of it. When she turned to see him, it was reflected in his appearance. His eyes were tinged pink as he tried to not let out a tear, and his whole body seemed to shudder in grief and loss. Loss of her presence for a year and grief for killing the innocence of a girl who just wanted to wish for the missing childhood experiences to come to her.

“Please say something.” She did not know what to say, even after his hoarse voice was practically begging her to say something. There was so much going on that she could not properly grasp a correct response to the situation. The girl beside him was still looking at Hyebin, an unreadable expression on her face, while the crowd seemed to be holding their breath in suspense of what she would possibly say.

“Can we go somewhere a little more private?” The crowd seemed to edge away, and while she could tell they were curious of how this would go down, they understood the delicacy and the privacy needed. Soon it was just her, Junhoe and the girl. Hyebin turned away, walking to the nearby cafe that she had missed so much. Granny had given the cafe to a grandchild of hers, a kind young man, and she visited from time to time from what her mother had told her.

“It’s nice to see you again. I’m sorry too, especially for how I left. I heard you did really well in school, and Yongguk told me great things about your composition skills now. You must be really happy.” Hyebin began to ramble, and when she realized she was doing so, she stopped. He was seated across from her, the other girl sitting at a small table beside theirs but not quite attached. She could obviously hear the whole conversation, but it was better than having her actually present.

“You changed.” He remarked, eyeing her short hair. She ran a hand through the shortened waves, a bitter smile on her face. She couldn’t make herself admit that it was because whenever she saw herself in the mirror, she hated how she looked like she was still that girl in the photos with Junhoe. The one who was hopelessly clinging to his every word and desire.

“Likewise.” She did not know where this awkwardness came from, but she could tell it was partially because she was beating around the bush. “Don’t hate yourself because of a girl like me. I know I left, and I’m sorry. I hope you realize I don’t think I will ever regret taking care of you in high school. If I love you, then of course I would be willing to do things for you. Don’t feel like you took advantage because even if you had, I still thought of it as spending time with you.” He stopped playing with the straw on his vanilla bean smoothie and his gaze seemed to penetrate Hyebin’s thoughts.

“You spoke in present tense. You would still be with me?” She shook her head, biting her lower lip. The two were never meant to be, nor were they supposed to happen. If he was the blazing sun that gave light, she was a star that would shine at night. He needed to be away from her for both of them to shine. And now that she was starting to shine, she did not think she could give it up so easily.

“I speak in present tense because I do love you. I don’t think that could ever change,” she spoke softly, unable to look up at him. “A first love only comes by once and it’s not like you’re just a person to me afterwards. You'll always be in the back of my mind.” He nodded slowly, as if letting the words sink in. They were always the couple that was meant to be. It had been this way since they first met, and even now it was there.

“Are you happy?” The question took her by surprise, but she did not even have to answer it. “I was holding you back, wasn’t I?” To this, she shook her head quickly.

“You were my happiness, Jun. When you smiled, did you ever notice I did too? And when you cried after your father passed away, I thought my heart was breaking into pieces. You never held me back, but you gave me someone to love until I could muster up the love I needed for myself too.” A small silence followed this, and Hyebin watched the cold water condense on the outside of the plastic cup that held her favorite iced green tea latte.

“You remember our wishes? I made one the other night at 11:11. I wanted you back, but I never thought I would actually see you again. I wanted a second chance, but those things don’t always come by, do they?” He shook his head somberly, and the pair looked at each other, drinking in each other’s presences that they missed so much. “I thought of you as my best friend, and a soul mate, but I figured it out so late that you were actually someone I genuinely thought I could spend a lifetime with. I never understood why you never let me woo you.”

“It’s funny how people expected us to date because we were in love, but this is the reason we can’t be.” He gave her a look of confusion, and she continued. “We were in love when we needed each other, but even a year later we don’t need it so much anymore. I found self worth and closure, and you found your ambitions for music and business. We could never have done this otherwise, and yet to this day you are still my true best friend, soul mate and my biggest, 'what if'.” Junhoe’s lips quirked up at hearing that, although his smile was defeated.

“You were mine.” He said thoughtfully, and his large hand wrapped itself around her tinier one. Even after the year passed, the butterflies still seemed well and alive in her stomach at the movement. “But I love you enough to know better than to hold you back. The last thing you need is for me to be a crutch for you to rely on. You’re really an amazing girl, I hope you know that.” She felt a smile come upon her face, and it was genuine.

“You were the sweetest guy that any girl would have loved to date. Maybe not quite lovers, but best friends forever, right?” He nodded, and opened his arms. He was worried she would turn his offer down, but she walked into them and felt herself loosen up at how comforting it was. His cologne never changed, while he seemed to become more muscular as he grew up. She felt him give her a brief peck on the forehead. It was probably the first and the last of what could have been many.

When the two pulled apart, it was almost as if their history was rewritten. She never left in Junhoe’s mind, she was simply on pause, waiting for her song to resume and her story to unfold. She nudged him, before pointing to the other girl, who was patiently sitting.

“Oh. This is Hyeonju. My mom and her mom were best friends as children, so I knew Hyeonju for a while. She was in Yantai in China for most of her life and she decided to come to Korea for college. Our moms wanted us to try dating, especially because my mom told me that the worst thing I could do to someone I love is take their wishes and dreams away.” Hyebin shook the girl’s hand, and she did not feel jealousy anymore. This could be his future wife, and she was his best friend.

“You must be Hyebin. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Hyeonju said with a pretty smile, and Hyebin grinned back. Maybe in this lifetime she could not be with Junhoe- not when she finally completed herself. But in the next lifetime, she knew she would be waiting for him and he would for her. Because she was his soulmate and he was hers forever. Wishes always come true.

--

Oh my goodness. This chapter KILLED me. Writing this was the most tiring thing I ever did, and just making the first draft was a good five hours. I hope this was satisfying, although I know a lot of you will absolutely kill me for this, but it was the realistic way out. Hyebin needed to realize her self worth, and if Junhoe was the sun that gave her energy in high school, she was a star that needed to shine without the sun. They do love each other, but they recognize that it can't be helped if she was going to use him as a crutch and her artificial happiness for the rest of her life. I'm going to probably make an epilogue, but after that I'll be moving onto my Kai and Daehyun fic (please do continue following my stories because I absolutely loved your comments). Thank you so much for all the support, and I hope you know that I loved writing this as much as you guys seemed to enjoy the story. Love you all! :)