Twenty Three

11:11

 

    The pen that was scratching the surface of the lined paper was tossed carelessly onto the desk, before that very sheet was crumpled up and cast aside into the overflowing trashcan. More paper balls were lying, scattered and battered, on the floor around the desk. It was obvious at this point Hyebin did not quite care for being neat, but was rather focused on the next sheet of paper. It had been a full seven hours after a week of giving Junhoe a cold shoulder, and she was back at her room. It was finally the weekend she was craving for since she had stepped foot out of her room on the past Monday morning, her uniform on her, along with a headache at the thought of seeing Junhoe.

    He had tried to apologize, but Hyebin did not let it by so easily. She wished to do so- anyone could see the longing in her eyes to talk to him and be nice, but even the boys told her to give him a hard time with this. And she was tired of feeling second. There was no Jisoo, but she was still not as important to him as she wished she would be, and the thought made her feel sick. Sick of how he was oblivious, and sick of the way the world seemed to cruelly twist her first love into this disaster.

    “Hey Hyebin, here’s your favorite.” Junhoe had said on Monday lunch time. He had gone out of his way to try to carry her bag for her to the locker, which she rejected silently. She did not quite reply the way he wanted either when he would message her in class, simply texting him back to focus. When he requested for a small lesson to catch up on the chemistry lesson, she told him rather coldly that he should have paid more attention, but she wondered if it was her telling him to have done so to her previously, or to the class. By lunchtime, he was desperate, and he had gone to the cafe to buy her an iced green tea latte to attempt to pacify her. She gave him a curt nod of thanks, before turning back to Soorim to teach her chemistry.

    Tuesday was no easier; he had brought watermelon that he had cut himself into little cubes. It was obvious he had no experience, as they were rather crudely shaped, but the gesture was undeniably sincere, especially because it was her favorite fruit and he knew it. It hurt Hyebin to have to be so against forgiving him, but she knew she could not give in so. She showed her thanks by eating watermelon for lunch in front of him, but when he asked for a best friend movie date after school, she left school without even saying bye to any of the group. She did not trust herself to reject him for something like that quite yet.

    This seemed to drag on the week, and it exhausted Hyebin to continually dodge Junhoe’s attempts to appease her and regain her trust. She did not even give him enough time to explain himself, but at the same time when Youjung had demanded for an explanation, he seemed to hesitate. He looked perplexed at the request, as if unable to properly formulate an answer that would be deemed worthy to the girls.

    So here Hyebin was, seven hours into her work of trying to compose new lyrics to send to Yongguk and ask for feedback. It was hard to write about, especially because it seemed so wrong to complain about love when Junhoe was at least doing more at the moment than she had. She stared warily at the blank white sheet in front of her, almost wondering how she could fill it in with something meaningful. Typically, she would send something to Yongguk, who would not take her lyrics, but would rather take the meaning and pass it on in his much more professional way. That would be the final product, while hers were just a part of that very bad first rough draft that no one ever mentioned or credited. Not that she minded- her best ideas were somehow used.

    I think I’m ugly.” She wrote mindlessly, staring at the words. She liked it. It was real, an insecurity she had with Junhoe. She wasn’t Jisoo, who shone brightly in any situation. She wasn’t able to smile as prettily, dress as fashionably, or even appeal to the general population like that. No, she was unique and she was herself. She was Hyebin, the intellectual and independent young lady she had dreamt of and originally wished to be. And she intended to try to stay this way, even if it was to be brutally honest. And what better way was there, than to use her emotions, raw and in their fullest?

    And nobody wants to love me. Just like her, I want to be pretty. Don’t lie to my face, telling me I’m pretty.” She folded the paper, before taking a picture of it. She sent it to Yongguk, hoping he wouldn’t completely wreck her choice of words, and also hoping he was willing to think up of everything else. Her part of making a theme was done; it was up to him to figure out the rest.

    And he did take it. He told her it was original, and that 2NE1 would probably use it in their new mini, which made Hyebin feel less burdened as it distracted her heavily from a certain boy as she chatted about the preparations. She was grateful that not once had Yongguk asked about where this idea came from, and she couldn’t help but prepare over a million excuses on why she had before sending the lyrics.

    “Hyebin-ah, I’m back. Help me unpack the food,” Youjung called as the front door opened. She could hear shuffling of feet, and assumed Youjung was shifting around a lot from carrying the bags. The crinkles of plastic could be heard, and Hyebin got up, stretching leisurely before opening her door. She stepped out of the small hallway that lead to her room, and let out a small yelp of surprise. Yes, Youjung was home. So was Junhoe.

    He grabbed her arm, preventing her from evading him again back to her room, and dragged her to the small balcony. Youjung smiled apologetically as she locked the glass doors and drew the curtains to give privacy to the pair from the glass doors. Hyebin felt betrayed to say the least, and she sat down in the chair furthest away from him in the corner. She didn’t know how to react anymore- was she supposed to be this shy and quiet, or was she supposed to lash out and fight back every step of the way to the apartment?

    “Why won’t you even look at me?” Junhoe asked, clearly hurt. When he was hurt, it was not so much of a sad tone, but a gruff and slightly annoyed one. Maybe it was offensive towards a stranger, but  Hyebin knew better. He wasn’t letting himself be soft for anyone, not her, not the boys. “Okay fine, at least say something though. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. It’s hard without you.” The words made her feel guiltier for being so distant, but she still could not quite look up. It was hard to.

    “Why are you here?” Her voice was meek and feeble, submissive at best. It was as if the house were his and not her own place to stay, like he was the authoritative figure of the two. He let out a sigh, sitting in the chair across from her. She knew because she could see his sneakers in front of her, as well as the chair groaning at his weight.

    “We need to talk. There’s something wrong in this picture. We weren’t right for a whole week, Hyebin.” He sounded calm, but there was a hint of frustration under it. She could feel it in the mood; it was so tense that she felt like it was physically tangible, like if she reached out she could push something solid,

    “Then say it.” It was the first time she let him get away with explaining what happened that week. He never seemed to have a reason, and she didn’t want to let him get away with an empty excuse such as, “I was busy.” That would have just left her bitter until she graduated.

    “I needed space to think about this friendship.” He was completely serious, and the words had Hyebin forget to avert her eyes. She looked up at him, for the first time in almost a week actually meeting his gaze. He looked thoughtful, and cautious as if she were a fragile duckling and he was a big bad wolf. And maybe he was the big bad wolf.

    “So you’re doubting me now?” The pain in her voice was obvious, but he pushed it off with the roll of his eyes. Hyebin flinched visibly at the action, and he let out a small curse under his breath at the notion, realizing what he had done. It was not what he had intended, or was it? Hyebin was a jumbled mess of emotions, and he was the creator of this problem.

    “I’m not doubting it. I was doubting my emotions. Was I taking advantage of your kindness and charity? I call you my soulmate, but is that it?” He wondered aloud, sharing his thoughts for her. Hyebin forced herself to not interrupt, staring at him with a questioning look. “What would happen if I was just using you? I don’t want to abuse the control I have in this situation. When I- no, when we grow up, will you regret this friendship because I don’t want to have regrets. We’re too young for that, and I promise I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

    A thousand thoughts came flooding to Hyebin’s mind, and only one seemed to continuously show up, but she forced it away everytime. The anxiety and nervousness of the situation was making her gut ache, and it felt like her stomach was twisting furiously and trying to self destruct into two pieces. This was so awkwardly wrong for her, but she was listening because she had to.

    “Are you using me? Am I just dragging out a circus act by myself?” Hyebin asked, her voice shrunken into almost nothing. It wasn’t a whisper, but it wasn’t quite a normal voice level either. It was a squeak. Junhoe gave her a look of something that she could not decipher. It was a mix of too many things, almost like a recollection of their memories and wishes. All wishes come true.

    “I’m your soulmate and you’re mine. And I also think Jisoo was right. Maybe she was not the one always in my heart this whole time.”

All wishes come true.

--

HELLO MY LOVELIES! As you can see, I am not 'Junesestine' anymore. That was an old nickname I felt too attached to, and I needed to move on from something so childish and overbearing. Now I chose something more accurate of the current me: miss_sleepyhead. Heh.

I hope this update wasn't too late but I was thrilled at iKON's announced debut date of September 15, so keep your calendars fixed! I hope this wasn't too short either... I didn't know how to express it, and it was hard for me because I'm struggling here with my plot but I NEEDED to update because I wanted to so bad. I left it with this little confession... Will they end up together or not? ;) 11:11 is going to dwindle to an end soon, and I see it happening before it gets to the 30s with chapter numbers. This was honestly the hardest story to write in my whole life. Enjoy, and please upvote and subscribe to show some love to our hardworking boys who finally have their debut coming! :D

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
iisalexithymia
#1
honestly ive read this story but i never git the chance to finish it hahahhah
happyreader98
#2
No matter how many times i read this story it never fails to make me cry.Never thought the ending would turn out that way.Nonetheless it's beautiful.I would love to read more of your ffs again.♥♥♥
hayoungieyo #3
I read this for the first time on last December. I was crying. I read it back fews days ago. I am still crying. Damn this story.. idk what to say no more. Kinda surprised me that I have similarities in some points on this story. It makes me love it. I miss him when i read this... One of my fav great ff. Keep going!
kyungyinn #4
Chapter 1: Read this for (I don't know how many times already actually lol) and dang it! Iit still be my fav and I think forever so I hope you will never delete this story xx
xRenee #5
Chapter 28: Just finished reading the story and I loved it.
I was sad to read that they wouldn't end up together. Although they did in the afterlife. But that is also what I appreciate about this story. And I should have been able to know that this would happen. Especially now I read the foreword again -.-''.
Anyway, good job!
Danceonmygravehansol #6
I just finished this story and I went back and realized that there were face claims for Youjong and Soorim and I had been imaging them looking different the whole time!
Ikonames
#7
Chapter 29: I read this story on a rainy day, I was too lazy to go out and enjoy the rain. I preferred staying home and reading this story. And I have no regrets, this is the most heartbreaking one side love story. I held my tears every was heartbroken. I won't lie and say that I liked the ending, I mean always thought they will end up together. Yet you surprised me with the ending that I never predicted.
For making me feel This way, to be full of emotion then you truly are an amazing writer. I loved every little detail about this story. Please do another ikon story cuz I don't seem to get enough of your writings. Thank you for this amazing story❤️
Wonuda
#8
Chapter 28: Oh my god this is sure a beautiful story authornim. Idk what to say really loves your stories. keep it up okay. Goodjob
byuntae017 #9
Chapter 29: This is so beautiful author-nim! When i first found out that junhoe and hyebin wouldnt be together i was kinda mad but i keep reading anyway and when i read the epilouge, damn, i was crying T.T this is so beautiful and inspiring bcs no matter what, we have to focus on our priority atm. Thank you so much for this amazing story even tho i'm a late reader. Keep writing author nim! :D
iamikontrash #10
Chapter 6: Hey author nim!1!1! please make a new june fanfic haha it's a huge struggle to find a good june fic and yours is the best so far. your writing is v professional