“Did you hear that Koo Junhoe and Kim Hyebin got into a fight?” “Either that or they’re secretly dating and don’t want to have anyone find out.” “Is there a chance for another girl to finally be close to him? Now he doesn’t have Jisoo or Hyebin.”

    The loud whispers filled the halls, and Hyebin resisted the urge to snap. She was suppressing the anger building up, but it was so hard. Yes, she was apparently the school’s angelic figure; she was patient, kind, and not hard on the eyes. She was generous towards people she did not know, and she was one of the few people who smiled at everyone in the hall on a normal day, maybe even returning a wave or two. But this was unfair: it was like they were trying to make her snap, and have her scream at each of them.

    But maybe it was not their fault. Every rumor came from some truth or observation. And it was no secret that Hyebin and Junhoe were on a break of some sort; since that day, there was no such thing as the two of them talking excessively, nor was there the publicly affectionate bantering and gestures. It was a hushed type of thing, where they would acknowledge each other but not give the attention as before.

    Still, Hyebin was irked to say the least. It was something that bothered her when outsiders would assume so much of her. Or maybe she was slowly becoming that free spirited and rebellious teenager she seemed to have skipped the phase of being prior to meeting her friends of The Academies of Seoul. She ignored a few more glances and hushed whispers, knowing better than to snap at them, before heading to her locker. It was the end of school, and that meant relief.

    “Hey, Hyebin. What’s up?” That voice. The one that seemed to always comfort whenever nothing else could, and sounded like music to her without even singing. It was Junhoe, his towering figure leaning against his own locker. He must have had a free period and been itching to leave the building.

    “Nothing much. How are you?” They were fitting into that role again; the polite words, the careful looks. As much as he wanted to be more casual, he would not dare risk it. And as much as she wanted to not say anything so lacking of actual meaning and emotion, it was impossible. There was what was expected of them, and it was starting to show even more.

    “Ditto.” A silence ensued, and Hyebin internally winced at how this was going about. Maybe if Jinhwan, or Donghyuk, or anyone was here, there could have been a chance for better conversation. But no, it was just the two of them. “I’m in the mood for some sweets,” he awkwardly blurted out, his expression hopeful. She looked at him, curious, before nodding.

    They found themselves seated in their old spot at Granny’s cafe, which was filled with customers of all ages. It was comfortable, or more so without the attentive looks of others. Junhoe was still at a loss of how to act, before he realized that Hyebin was sitting there patiently, waiting for him to speak. He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. Hyebin watched him, an amused expression on her face.

    “I’m really sorry about last time,” he said, running a hand through his bangs. She lowered her gaze at the memory. He was so heartbroken at the time, so discouraged from everything in life. It was only natural for him to have acted so devastated- of course that was still the reason why the pair were quite awkward.

    “Don’t worry about it. You had every right to be mad,” she said slowly. He frowned at her words, as if disagreeing with her.

    “I didn’t. I was an , wasn’t I?” Yes you were. “I shouldn’t have been so mad at you for what Jisoo said. I guess thinking of you as my soul mate really pissed her off. She’s pretty happy in Japan though,” he remarked, before taking a spoonful of his ice cream. Hyebin thought about Jisoo, who she finally had a chance to talk to before her departure for Japan. Jisoo had admitted she felt second to her, but that she also knew that Junhoe needed Hyebin more than herself. While Hyebin felt grateful, she felt guilty to say the least.

    “I’ve heard.” Hyebin took a long sip of her iced green tea latte, which was possible her favorite drink of all time in the cafe. There was another stretched out silence, before Junhoe attempted to fix the rift once more.

    “I’m really sorry. I went out of line.” He said. Hyebin couldn’t disagree-  it felt so dishonest to do that. Not when she felt so numb after what went down two weeks before.

    “She told me I was supposed to be with the girl that was always there for me, the one that I naturally turned to without anyone forcing me to. That girl, according to her, is you.” Junhoe had said, looking at her with a piercing gaze. Hyebin backed away one step, not knowing how to respond to him.

    “I didn’t know she felt that way,” Hyebin said softly, her voice filled with apologies. He shook his head, before turning away.

    “I wanted to talk to you because I wanted you to know that I don’t think I can quite look at you anymore. If I see you then I’ll see Jisoo, and I can’t deal with that right now. Maybe later I can deal with it, but not now.”

    And so the two had not spoken for almost two weeks. It was one thing to do so over a break, when no one was even there to talk to, but it was another when you did see each other many times in a day, and could notice each other’s presence quite easily, but chose not to say anything. For Hyebin, it felt like death everyday. Everyday, she would wake up, wash up, go to school, and feel like there was nothing right going on in her day without Junhoe there to share those moments. And for Junhoe, well, she wouldn’t know. He was a ghost, there sometimes but not for her, and gone most of the time just before she was able to reach him. It was like no matter how many steps forward she took, he was always two ahead.

    There was even that one day when she was home sick. Or rather, she found no will to go to school. What was the point when he was not going to be there, and she had only one class? That class was a joke as well; everyone knew that Hyebin did not need help at all in Literature, and that there was no point in her going to that class. So she decided to just stay at home, and not mind anything in her school; her grades were fine, and so was everything else. She just wanted one selfish moment, and that was to be alone. Youjung did not question her, and agreed to just tell everyone Hyebin was sick.  

    That day was spent alone with Bomi. The pair were lying on Hyebin’s bed, her hand Bomi’s head as she read a book. It had been a while since she winded down and just read, and she almost forgot how amazing it had felt to be able to forget her own world and live in someone else’s. It made her realize that maybe there was more to life, that maybe she could find some worth in herself out of school and pleasing others. After all, was that not the reason behind her staying home that day and deciding to just take a day off from everything outside of the apartment door?

    But then the doorbell rang, and it was much too early for school to be over. Hyebin had assumed that it was Youjung’s sister, Yousun. But it was not; instead it was an anxious Junhoe. Hyebin was flustered when she opened the door, and he was just as hesitant as she was. There was an unspoken silence, before he had a weak smile on his face, and gave her a plastic bag of medicines: there were cough drops, aspirins, everything. And he left without a word, because it was awkward. But it was that reason that made her go to school the next day: he was there for her as a best friend even if he was not there for her in a relationship.

    And maybe that was why she was able to sit at the table in the cafe with him without feeling so awkwardly about it. Because even in the two weeks where he made her feel like crap, he was there to make it better. He was her illness, but her cure.

    “Can I ask you something?” Hyebin tapped her fingers on the wooden surface of the table, and he nodded, looking almost scared of what kind of question she would ask. “Are we back to normal now? Or is it still too much to see me?” She was always a little straight forward, and it was always very refreshing, especially in a situation like this. There was no point in beating around the bush, especially when it would not help in anyway but delay a potential recovery. He smiled at her words, nodding slowly.

    “If you can stand my awesomeness, then sure shorty.” And with that one sentence, life seemed a little bit better. It seemed like the day was a little bit warmer, the weather a little nicer, and everything just seemed all around more positive for her. Saying it was all his doing was not quite right, but a heavy dark cloud was lifted from her mind, and everything was just more refreshing.

    “Don’t think I’m just letting you off so easily though,” she added, much to his surprise. She definitely change when she dyed her hair. No more getting trampled and running back. It was time for her to grow as an individual. “You do you, I do me. You can work hard to be that musician you wanted to be, and I’ll work hard to be the doctor I want to be. We can talk again when we get into college.” He looked a bit lost at her words, and she realized he probably never properly thought of college.

    “Will we go to the same college?” He wondered aloud, and she gave him a look. Their grades were almost universes apart; he was probably one of the worst in the year because he just didn’t care. However, it was obvious he was rather clever, as if the two of them didn’t study, he would probably do better than her. It was the matter of who stayed up more to succeed, and that was obviously her.

    “You can probably pay the college enough to let you in,” she reminded him, and he laughed at her words. All too honest, and he knew it was true. Of course he could pay to get into any college.

    “When will you seize to amaze me?” He said with a fond smile, and she rolled her eyes at him, before giving him a look of interest.

    “Did you ever talk to Yongguk oppa about music recently?” She asked, and took another sip of her drink. He nodded, before plunging another spoonful of vanilla goodness into his mouth. He was enjoying himself, and she could tell, because his face always lit up at the thought of music.

    “He told me to write a song or two and give it to him, and he’d give me feedback. I’m just having trouble thinking of a song to do,” he admitted. “Aren’t you good at writing songs? Help me!” She cuffed his head, earning a groan from him.

    “Babo! This is your career, not mine. Besides, it needs to come from your heart,” she said thoughtfully. He nodded at the words, taking note of it mentally. If it weren’t for his obvious passion, she too thought about if she would have been so supportive. Of course looking at it from a realistic view, it is almost impossible to get out there in the music world. How many rookie idol groups become something big like Girls’ Generation, or Big Bang? How many composers were as well known as Teddy, or JYP? It was not a large sum in comparison to the number in total, and that scared her. What if Junhoe regretted it in the future, and it was only a childish dream?

    “When I finish composing, I’m going to let you listen to it first. Then if it passes the first Kim sibling, I’ll give it to the next,” he said with conviction. She nodded absentmindedly, lost in the thoughts and worries about the future. Then again, what was she doing. Being a doctor was competitive, and she was not good with dealing with that kind of stuff. But she wanted to be one, and it was the fact that her mother wanted it too that made her feel more compelled to accomplish it. Maybe then she could bring back that spark in her mother’s eyes like before the divorce.

    “It’s really nice to be with you again.” She snapped back to present time. Junhoe was looking at her with a lopsided smile. “I get to pester you, and ruin your studying time, and have you beat the crap out of me, and still know that there’s someone by my side. Maybe that’s what Jisoo meant,” he mumbled the last part, and Hyebin felt something tug at her heartstrings. No matter how long ago they had broken up, of course he was still having a hard time. Jisoo meant a lot to him, and so did their time together.

    She stayed silent, not knowing how to respond to him. He was in a troubled state, similar to how he usually was whenever there was someone who mentioned Jisoo’s name in front of him. He still somewhere in between being caught up in the past, and struggling to move on. Maybe that’s what Jisoo meant.

    He thought that he was supposed to apologize at this moment for not being able to stand seeing her out of stress and self- hate, but was he apologizing out of sincerity, or because he felt the need to understand Jisoo’s words? Was he forcing himself to like her because of something that was planted in his mind? The thought saddened Hyebin, and she felt herself become a restless soul once more.

    All she had ever done was meet someone like Junhoe, who ended up being her opposite, but her soul mate. Her best friend, the one who gave her color in her life, but also her first love. She was not sure if it really was love, but looking at it now at age sixteen, she was sure that it was. Would she grow up in the future and tell her grandchildren stories about the guy she had wished was her future husband once a upon a time, or would that same guy actually be their grandfather?

    She took out a sheet of paper from her notebook, and a pen, and slid it across the table, in front of where Junhoe was still in a daze. He was startled at the sudden appearance of the two items, before following the arm of the person who was giving it to him, and his eyes met hers.

    “You should try to compose right now.” She said matter- of- factly. “It comes out best in the rawest and most sincere of experiences. Don’t think too hard, or hold it back. Just let it out, and if it’s really crappy, then your emotions are just that.” A small jerk tugged the corner of his lip, letting his signature lopsided smile come out. He took it, and let his head rest on his arm, almost looking like he was sleeping as he wrote on the paper. She tried not to look, because she knew it would probably disturb him if she showed too much interest.

Instead, she looked out the window of the cafe. She saw an old couple, walking with their canes together, a content smile on both of their faces. She couldn’t help but imagine all of the years of love the two must have experienced, and she thought of her own. She looked around a little more, and saw a younger couple with their baby in a carriage, cooing affectionately to the child. Just another moment of beauty, and she couldn’t help but wonder who she would marry. Would she love him as much as she did Junhoe? Would there be a chance of it even being Junhoe?

“Can you read this for me?” He gave her a paper, and she took it from him gingerly. It was scrawled with messy writing, more than a few times there were dark lines crossing out lyrics he did not like. In a short period of time, he already wrote a decent amount, perhaps the first two verses. And while they were breathtakingly beautiful, while they took a large toll on her mentality of him. He no longer quite seemed so happy and carefree; he seemed older and mature.

‘Sometimes I get scared when I see myself in the mirror

I get scared when I look at the past photos of myself

The face that looks back at me now is just a monster,

And the one from the past was too naive to know any better.

I hide my face in a mask trying not to show what it’s like now

But it’s too late to hold it back when change already happened.

Because you changed, I did too.

When you thought I would be okay without you, you were wrong

You knew what kind of a monster I would become, did you?

I became something even I’m afraid of facing, a disappointment.

I can’t even look at my own loved ones without feeling ashamed

Pushing away everyone around me because they don’t understand

Sometimes I just want to turn away and cry without prying eyes

Because I’m my own refuge, aren’t I?’

    And maybe that’s why she gripped his hands, putting the paper in his grasp, before taking his hands once more and ripping the paper in half.

--

HELLO MY LOVELIES!! GUESS WHO'S FINALLY BACK??

It was like one week, and boy that was such a long week. I hope this chapter was enough to satisfy your needs :) I read every comment, and thanks so much for the love and attention this fan fic received. I agree that Hyebin should not accept Junhoe right away, and as you can see, she's starting to think about herself as a person more than someone who just follows love blindly. He's taking a turn for maturing now, and maybe it's not in a positive light, but that's what friends are for; they can help lead you to a healthier mindset. And that's what Hyebin is aiming to do. 

anyways... LOSER AND BAE BAE KILLED ME OMFG BIG BANG ARE THE KINGS AND THEY ARE BACK!! I WAS WAITING FOR THIS DAY SINCE ALIVE PROMOTIONS WERE OVER AND I WAS SO GRATEFUL. LOSER SATISFIED MY THIRST FOR BIG BANG'S MUSIC AND IM LIKE CONTENT WITH LIFE RN.

Please do leave comments and don't be a silent reader <3 Until next time :)