Chapter 21: A Momentary Lapse of Reason

Staying alive is my profit.

And I’m greedy for another breath.

No one is a monster. We are all just people, trying to live our lives as we deem the best. We are just trying to be happy, trying to achieve our goals so we could feel meaningful. Whatever those goals are, none of them are evil or good until judged so. We don't do bad or good, we do things we want to do. It’s others who judge us. And there is not a single person in this world that always does the right thing. There are only people who believe they are never wrong.

“What do you want?”

It was unbelievable how easily Kang Min could walk into Da Hyun’s office like he was at home. Maybe the employees were still afraid of him so they let him walk around the company, maybe they didn't believe that he was fired or maybe they believed that since he was family he was allowed to come and go as he pleased. Be it this or that, Da Hyun felt insulted because her employees didn't listen to her orders. When it came to the company she was greedy for power and it wasn’t something she could control.

“It's such a chaos”, Kang Min smirked. He made sure to lock the door before he strolled to Da Hyun's desk. This time he was not wearing a suit and his casual clothes made him look less threatening. “I heard the trial has been scheduled for the next week.”

“Drop the bulls.hit.”

Conceited smirk twisted Kang Min’s lips and there was a hint of danger in his dark eyes. “I heard you went to bully Shi Hoo, huh?”

“And what are you going to do about that?” Da Hyun scoffed, her smug face making Kang Min feel nauseous.

“There is a lesson in humility you should have learned long ago…”

Da Hyun grabbed a coffee cup from her desk and sent it flying at Kang Min’s head, the latter dodged smoothly and the cup smashed into the wall behind him. He turned to look at her, his smirk only growing wider.

“Nice try.”

“Get out of here!”

“I don’t think I want to.”

But who are others to judge us, right? Who are we to judge others? All anyone ever wanted was to simply have a worthy life. And when that 'worthy' is taken away what's left behind? Only 'life' with no meaning or pleasure, an empty hollow life no one treasures. When 'human' is taken away from you the void needs to be filled with something else. And when there is nothing left to lose but only things to gain, what do you go for?

Outside the office, Secretary Kim was sitting at her desk browsing the Internet out of boredom. She had finished the day’s tasks already and was waiting to get off work. Ever since the lawsuit there was nothing much for her to do, anyway. She even started looking for another job, afraid that she’d lose this one after the company went bankrupt or something like that. Before the lawsuit she had been proud but now she only felt ashamed. All her friends started treating her like a criminal as if she was guilty of all the crimes herself. Her parents were disappointed in her too as if she should have somehow predicted such unfortunate events would take place. And what company would hire her with such background?

A frustrated sigh left her lips but then she almost jumped on her seat when she heard loud banging noises. Her eyes opened wide and she fidgeted, knowing that the two must have started a fight in the office. This was not the first time, but she felt anxious. If anything unfortunate happened to Da Hyun would she be blamed? But if she somehow interrupted the fight she might get fired and that was even worse of an outcome. She could only sit there and hope that everything would be all right.

“What is it, sister-in-law? Getting out of breath already?” Kang Min mocked. He was in an uncomfortable position, pushed and locked against the wall with Da Hyun’s arm pressing painfully into his throat. It always took him by surprise how hard it was to beat her in a fight.

They were both out of breath, their appearances far away from neat and groomed. The corner of Kang Min’s mouth was bleeding and Da Hyun’s cheek was swollen. For a moment, silence veiled the air as they froze into the uncomfortable position, glaring at each other with utmost hate. When their gazes connected they saw each other in one another’s eyes. They were just the same and they both understood that now better than ever. Only one of them could prevail.

Sometimes Kang Min wondered if things would be different if Da Hyun hadn’t snatched the company from him. Maybe then, instead of fighting each other they would now sit in a meeting room discussing business in a civilized manner. It’s not like he wanted things to turn out this way, it was tiring for him too. But what other options did he have now? When everything had been taken away from him he had nothing to lose. Sometimes he felt guilty, sometimes he shed tears, but above all, he felt wronged and he was going to take his revenge. No. Matter. What.

Several insults, huffs, and curses later Kang Min had managed to push Da Hyun to the floor. She hissed and fought back like a cat, scratching his skin to blood, her fist coming into a painful contact with his stomach. For a moment, she managed to take over, straddling him and punching him repeatedly straight into the face, enjoying every single groan that left his bloodied lips. But after his elbow collided with the side of her head, that blow took her out for a relatively long moment. She fell limply on the floor and blinked repeatedly, feeling like the whole world was floating.

“You took care of my photographer. Fine!” Kang Min snarled. “I’ll take the photos myself.” He ripped Da Hyun’s blouse open and pushed down her skirt along with her stockings and underwear, leaving them at her knees. When she moved he grabbed her hair and hit her head on the floor so hard she spat out blood and eventually lost her consciousness. Kang Min spread her legs with his foot, glancing at the exposed skin with no interest.

He would have liked her to be awake. her had always been on his mind, he wanted to rip her dignity apart. He wanted to show her that she was nothing but a weak woman, that she didn’t stand a chance against him. He wanted to dominate her and hear her moan in a mixture of pain and pleasure. Yes, he would have loved to see her even enjoying it, even a tiny little bit because that would have made everything harder for her. In his eyes, she was nothing but a bi.tch that needed to be put in her rightful place, at his feet.

Not that Kang Min had always had these thoughts. Not at all, he used to even respect her but that was long ago. Now he wanted nothing but to humiliate her and he would have liked her to be awake, to feel every single second of her own helplessness. Otherwise, what would there be in her? It would make him only feel dirty and disgusted. And so, seeing that she had out for good Kang Min settled on taking a few photographs of her abused half body. He was not sure how he would use them against her, but he knew they would be useful one of these days.

“Somehow, it just doesn’t feel like enough…” He sighed as he put his phone away, his eyes trailing her pale skin and feminine curves. She had the guts to mess with his revenge even though she knew well than enough, that he was entitled to whatever he was doing. She should have just accepted her pathetic fate just like he had accepted his a year ago. A loser, a worthless fool, who sacrificed his everything just to be conned. No one would pity him and thus, he would pity no one.

Retribution. Some say it's wrong, some say it's scary, that it's criminal, that it's inhumane altogether. The thing is, when innocence is lost nothing will bring it back to you. When you have been wronged in the worst ways you will do anything to get your honor back. You will become extreme, the more you want something the more you will sacrifice to achieve it. Nothing or no one will ever be able to stop you because this time, you will be fighting for your own worth. And your own life, what's it worth? It's invaluable, priceless, irreplaceable.

“This is nothing compared to what you have put me through”, Kang Min mused as he undid his belt and ped his jeans. Maybe it was slightly unfair to blame her for everything since it had been her father who had caused the most damage, but her father was not around anymore and there was no one else to blame. “This is not exactly as degrading as you would think, some people like it. You know.” He smirked as he proceeded with the deed. With a haughty look on his face, he urinated on her, especially on her hair from where the warm liquid rolled on her face. And he enjoyed seeing her like this, completely crushed. “You are welcome.”

When he left he told the secretary that Da Hyun didn’t want to be bothered. A satisfied smile spread on his lips only at the thought of her waking up on the floor, smelling of blood and piss. This was only the beginning of her end or perhaps, he was already past the middle.

Once you lose your 'humanity' you will never get it back, it's like innocence. The only thing you can get in return to fill the void is respect and power, those will not heal you but they will keep you alive and going, like life support. You might not feel whole anymore, but you will hear your heartbeats loud and clear. That’s how I know I’m not dead yet because death is silent. And I hate silence the most.

When Da Hyun’s eyes fluttered open she stayed in the same position for a long while, thinking about what had happened and how it all had ended. She took her time savoring the bitterness and anger, dwelling in immense rage somewhere at the borders of insanity. Judging by the smell and taste of it, she had no difficulties guessing what had taken place after she had lost her consciousness. She gritted her teeth, her eyes catching on flames. “Kim Jongin, you will regret this.”

Do you know what's scary about 'anything'?

Whatever, something, no matter what,

in any way, in any degree.

To. Any. Extent.

The responsible person Da Hyun was, she disliked blaming others for her own mistakes. She was brave enough to step forward, admit her own guilt or stupidity and then move on to the problem. Like this, she managed to solve a lot of tricky situations properly, always earning respect of others. This is how she managed the business, she was an understanding, trustworthy and stable leader who knew how to utilize the power of her employees for maximum profit without harming anyone. Yelling and cursing was not her style, her business side was cold and collected, demanding too but never violent or vicious. However, we all have our limits and there are times when we lose control.

After getting herself together, Da Hyun told Secretary Kim to get her a new set of clothes. She took a shower at the company and even took her time to apply necessary makeup. On the outside, she didn’t look any different from the usual, except her casual clothes: a pair of jeans and a sweater. Not an emotion showed on her face when she walked through the corridors and took the elevator downstairs, the employees greeted her like usual. There was not a sign in her behavior that would have showed the emotional turmoil which was destroying her from inside. Her mask was perfect; there was not a single crack, not a single mistake. And this all, it was simply a reflex. The angrier she was the calmer she appeared.

A human body is nothing but a vessel for complex monsters. We carry them along wherever we go; we nurture them, feed them with our thoughts, and let others feed them with their toxic words. Some of the monsters are not bad; we let them out and let them enjoy the daylight. But these monsters are vulnerable and the pain, which we feel through them, angers those other monsters we attempt to hide from every single soul we encounter. Sometimes those ugly monsters - no one wants to let out and no one wants to see - spill out and create havoc in our personal lives. Finally, we calm down, regret, repent, apologize, are forgiven, and move on.

The other thing is when these monsters turn against you and pull you in hell. It’s not about you unleashing them but them leading you into a trap, a trap other monsters set. Therefore, to protect yourself, you must seal your monsters away and deny them any contact with monsters other people carry inside. Then you will always be safe, always in control, alive and breathing and no one will ever be able to fool you.

“Let’s be friends.”

There was no one else to blame, Da Hyun only blamed herself. “I should have known better”, she told herself as she sat behind the steering wheel of her car, gripping it so hard her knuckles turned white. “I should have been more careful. I should have paid more attention. I shouldn’t have trusted him.” She realized that she had never trusted Jongin, she had only pitied him and felt bad for him, but never had there been trust between them. She regretted liking him, feeling attracted to him, wanting to know more about him, becoming closer to him. She hated all of that.

More than feeling betrayed she was so enraged her hands wouldn’t stop trembling. And for the millionth time, she asked herself, how come she had been so stupid? From the very beginning, she had suspected that Jongin had links to Kang Min, so how come she had overlooked everything? Indeed, when she was pushing her threats down Shi Hoo’s throat Jongin had been there to see it all, even though… why? It had been Sehun she had made an agreement with, so why was Jongin there in the first place? Why was he always there? And when he wasn’t, where was he?

A string of curses spilled from Da Hyun’s lips and she hit the steering wheel with her palms. Jongin had told Kang Min everything and now the latter was going to act. He could do anything. In the worst scenario, he could even get rid of Shi Hoo, or get rid of his daughter. And because Da Hyun had ensured that nothing would ever happen to his daughter, if something actually happened to her Shi Hoo would turn against her. Without him on her side, there was no chance of winning the lawsuit. Realization crossed her mind and she grabbed her phone, pressing it between her shoulder and ear as she changed the gear and stepped on the gas. First thing, she needed to ensure the safety of the daughter. Second thing, she needed to calm down. But…

When we get angry we aim to hurt. We feel horrible and we want that other person feel even worse so they could see for themselves what they have put us through. Sometimes this is even necessary; sometimes being violent is the only way to exercise justice. Even though the society has set its rules, even though there are laws and there is moral, at the end of the day none of it will save your life. Either you die a fool or survive like a winner. Don’t you want to be the last one smiling?

In the dark world I live in, law has betrayed me. There is no moral, no forgiveness, only the harsh reality ruled by greedy monsters. No one will protect me if I don’t protect myself and when I have been wronged, nothing can restore my honor like vengeance. What if my parents taught me that… killing is not a sin? After all, I will die if I won’t keep trying to live on.

“Da Hyun, what are you-“

“Shut the fu.ck up you son of a bit,ch!”

The moment Jongin opened the door he found himself stumbling backward from a powerful push. The second thing was Da Hyun’s fist kissing his chin. He dodged the second punch and swiftly stepped away from her. The way she glared at him didn’t leave room for guesses, she was furious.

“You said you wanted to be friends, eh?” A sinister smile tugged at Da Hyun’s lips. She rolled up the sleeves of her baby blue sweater and stepped closer to him. “Is this what you meant?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me!” she yelled.

“Da Hyun, I seriously-” Jongin gulped and dodged another hit.

“I’m going to .en murder you for this!”

“Wait, I, ugh.” He groaned loudly when Da Hyun slammed him into the wall, twisting his hand behind his back.

“How close are you with Kang Min, huh?” She grabbed a fistful of his hair, slamming his cheek into the hard surface.

“That’s it”, Jongin snarled. He wrestled himself free and tried to capture her, but she kicked him, sending him into the wall once again.

“I can’t believe I was so stupid”, she scoffed. “That I lowered my guard like that.”

“What happened?” He asked in pain as he hugged his stomach.

“As if you don’t know…”

“Wait!”

Jongin gasped in shock when she attacked him again, but this time he dodged. He didn’t want to hurt her, but she was coming onto him with such force it left him no other choice but to fight back. Somehow he managed to trap her against the wall and he swiftly pressed his hand to only for slight pressure, only to scare her. He earned a cold sinister sneer.

“Why don’t we calm down and talk, shall we?” He muttered between catching his breath.

“There is nothing to talk about.”

“Why are you going all psycho on me?” He was slowly getting annoyed by her attitude.

“I should have done this way earlier”, Da Hyun spat bitterly. “I should have gotten rid of you the first time I met you.”

His eyes scanned her face for an explanation and while he was distracted she grabbed his wrist, twisting it away from . Jongin tasted blood when another punch landed on the corner of his lips, breaking the sensitive skin. He moved backward as he wiped the blood from his face with the back of his hand, his confused eyes landing on her. The next thing he knew Da Hyun swung her pocket knife at him and he yelped in shock. This was something he had never expected, that she would come with only one intention: to hurt him, or maybe even kill.

“What are you, wait-“ Jongin stuttered. He did his best dodging every single stab. The determined brooding look in Da Hyun’s eyes gave him goose bumps and he couldn’t understand why this was happening.

“You asked for this yourself”, Da Hyun hissed, finally sinking the knife into his flesh, just above the left collar bone at the base of his neck. Truthfully speaking, a pocket knife was not much of a weapon, but all she needed was to strike in a right place. Sadly, where her knife had sunk was not a right place at all. She knew that the blade was too short to even reach his lung. He groaned, trying to push himself away from her while she twisted the blade in the wound, then jerked it sideways, cutting him.

She was stuck to him like an eel and Jongin could feel burning pain spreading to his shoulder, warm blood squeezing out, wetting his shirt. Frustration struck him and his self-defense instinct finally kicked in for real. With one swift motion, he sent Da Hyun flying at the wall and she slammed into it with a quiet grunt, then sliding to her knees. He gasped in pain when the blade slid out of him, sending blood drops into the air.

“What the fu.ck do you think you are doing?” he yelled, pressing his palm against the bleeding wound. “Did you come here to kill me?”

She looked at him from under her messy bangs, her eyes narrowing. “Do you think you are worth killing, huh?”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m just trying to survive.”

Would you simply deem me a monster or would you understand how I feel? I too, only want to live like any other human being; I want to feel meaningful and useful. It’s just that sometimes I must choose between being stripped of my humanity or stripping someone else of it. Sometimes I sicken myself too, I hate to be dark like this but… nothing beats that surge of happiness which strikes me after I realize that once again I have won a battle. That it was me who walked out of it alive and no one else. I’m a businessman, staying alive is the profit and I am greedy for it. Just for one more breath I am willing to do anything.

“Was I supposed to just stand there and let her stab me to death?” Jongin tried to explain himself to Sehun. The latter had lost a rock paper scissors match and went to buy midnight snacks, the two were pulling a work related all-nighter. When he came back he saw half-conscious Da Hyun lying on the floor handcuffed, her face was bruised and her nose bled, that’s why Jongin had stuck a cotton ball into one of her nostrils. The guy himself sat beside her cross-legged and the front of his tee was soaked in blood.

“She stabbed you?” Sehun asked in shock and the bags fell from his hands.

Jongin nodded and pulled the neckline of his tee lower, revealing the long gash. Sehun rushed to him and went on one knee to examine the wound; it was deep enough to require stitches.

“Shi.t, we need to go to the hospital.”

“I called Hong Kyu, let’s wait for him first.”

“You called who?”

“She told me to call him. I mean, I can’t just let her go home like this, can I?”

Sehun’s eyes darted at Da Hyun. She stared emptily in front of herself, her eyes soulless and dark. It looked like she wasn’t even breathing. He couldn’t recognize her and he didn’t know what to think about this all. A few days ago she had hugged him and told him he was precious, today…

“What exactly happened?”

Jongin sighed, ruffling his hair. His face was bruised too, even more than Da Hyun’s. “She just appeared at the door and started a fight. For a second, I thought she was going to kill me.”

Baffled, Sehun dropped to sit on his behind.

“I didn’t want to hurt her but when she stabbed me. I mean… I had to do something to get her stop.”

Sehun scanned Da Hyun’s face and sensing his gaze on herself she abruptly turned her head away, facing the wall now. Da Hyun felt empty and frustrated. Only one thought circled her mind: if only she had stabbed Jongin in the right place he wouldn’t be sitting there talking but fighting for his life in ER. A smirk started tugging at the corner of . “He would have deserved that.”  A friend… She still couldn’t believe she had been so naïve. She hated herself for that.

That mistake was going to cost her everything she had ever fought for, the company, her life as she knew it, her pride… Maybe she was greedy then, maybe she was shameless… she was starting to get lost somewhere scary. What did anything matter anymore, anyway? Nothing seemed to be going her way recently and she was getting tired of constant defeats. Kang Min was giving her hell and she hated to admit that he was doing a great job. All odds were against her and she was in this alone. Prosecutors, detectives, lawyers, or the law itself nothing was going to protect her. Everything she had ever believed in shattered right in front of her eyes.

What is justice without happiness? It’s a whole different kind of humanity.

Hollow and cruel.

What is life without profit? It’s like death without silence.

Painful and torturous.

“I called the office and they told me Kang Min came. What happened? What did he do this time?”

Da Hyun didn’t answer Hong Kyu’s questions. She had her eyes lowered when he helped her sit up and demanded Jongin to unlock the handcuffs. Once the metal was gone she immediately rubbed her wrists, a frown settling on her features.

“Who did that to your face?”

Hong Kyu’s narrowed his eyes at Jongin who lowered his gaze, seemingly guilty.

“Everything was like this already when I came”, Sehun shrugged.

“Did you hit her?” Hong Kyu snarled at Jongin, the latter rubbed the back of his neck.

“It was self-defense”, he finally admitted. “But only once.”

“Piece of sh.it.”

“Hey, she stabbed him”, Sehun reasoned.

Hong Kyu scoffed, glancing briefly at the blood stain. Secretly he was proud of Da Hyun. He slipped his fingers under her chin and lifted her face up, examining her wounds.

“What did he do this time? What happened to your clothes?”

“Did I ask you to in?” Da Hyun hissed, slapping his hand away. Irritation crossed her face and her lips curved downwards. “Did I?”

“I’ll find out even if you don’t tell me”, Hong Kyu said matter-of-factly.

“We will talk, but not here”, Da Hyun grunted. She pushed herself up and was soon standing on her feet. Her angry eyes darted at Jongin who was the only one left still sitting on the floor. He had no strength to move and his face was turning pale. “You better make sure nothing happens to Shi Hoo or you are dead.”

Hong Kyu caught on right away. “Did you ensure his daughter’s safety?” he asked before Jongin could even open his mouth. Da Hyun tossed him a flat look.

“Not here.”

“Right”, Hong Kyu cleared his throat, glancing briefly at the detective and the prosecutor. “Shall we go?”

“One more thing.” Da Hyun gave him a knowing look. “I’m not finished here.”

With a sigh, he reached his hand inside his blazer, taking out a pistol. Da Hyun flashed him a quick smile before grabbing the gun and promptly pointing it at Jongin’s head. The latter stiffened, his eyes opening wider, and Sehun held his breath. She looked so serious and there was so much tension in the air that it was almost scary. Her thumb racked the slide and a quiet snap lingered in the air.

“Pow”, Da Hyun pretended to shoot and then lowered the gun. “That was practice.” Her voice was so harsh it sent shivers down Jongin’s back. “The next one will be for real.” She glanced at Hong Kyu before walking to the door while twirling the gun in her hand. “Let’s go, this place stinks of corruption.”

Sehun shifted his gaze from the closed door to Jongin. “What was that all about?”

There was no answer; Jongin’s eyes rolled up and he fainted.

“I’ll take you to the hospital…”

What is just and what is unjust? It’s a debate that will never end so what’s the point in seeking something what can’t even be defined? Justice to them and justice to us, those are two different things and one day you will learn the hard way, how unjust you are even when you are nothing but just. Therefore, what matters the most is the profit. It will keep you sane. The only way to keep your humanity is to gain power. And once you have the power you can define justice, the law and morals will be at your fingertips. It’s that simple.

“A friend?”

Da Hyun stared at her own mirror reflection. Once again, her face was ruined and she grimaced at the ugliness of it all. “How could Jongin say something like that so easily?” She had never had many friends in the first place. All her life she had been misunderstood in a way or another so having friends had always been hard for her. Things changed in high school but still, there was hardly anyone in her life she could call a real friend. And now… Her eyes glazed with ice and she hit her fist right in the middle of the mirror. The surface cracked but didn’t break so she repeated the movement two more times. Fresh cuts appeared on her already bloodied knuckles, but she couldn’t feel the pain, she was too angry.

The apartment was big and cold all of a sudden. Da Hyun looked around the living room and sighed, her shoulders dropped as if something was weighing them down. She sat on the floor beside the sofa and leaned into it. After pulling her knees closer to her chest she rested her cheek on her folded arms and sighed.

After vaguely telling Hong Kyu about what had happened she had sent him away and he had left, giving her the privacy she needed. He had always been understanding and always respected her decisions. He never pitied her and always stood by her side, never forced her to open up if she didn’t want to. There was a feeling that he understood, anyway. She trusted and respected him. She could even say that she treasured him, he was important and precious. Why would she need anyone else? Why would she need more friends?

“That’s enough”, Da Hyun sighed. She had Mina; even though they met rarely they often messaged each other. And she had her family. “No need to be greedy.” Having a lot of friends would be too burdensome and it would be annoying too. Her heart ached when she thought how easily she had fallen into Jongin’s trap. “Am I really that naïve?”

“What are you mumbling about?”

Da Hyun looked up and saw Sehun squatting down in front of herself. For a silent moment, she stared at him in confusion. He was frowning, his attentive eyes scanning her face as if looking for a lead to something important. He was always so serious, always trying to figure her out, always prying into her business, and he never understood her right.

“Why am I imagining you now?” she asked wearily. He felt real though, he smelled fresh and she could almost hear his steady breaths. Slowly her eyes closed and she smiled to herself. “Oh Sehun…” He had always felt so damn real. Just like Chili.

He didn’t say anything but the silence was strangely comforting. She knew that he was probably dying from curiosity. Why else would he haunt her like this? Ever since the beginning all he had wanted from her were answers to countless questions. He was bothersome.

“Even if I explained, you would never understand”, she whispered. “You are better off just hating me, anyway… This kind of life…” She grew quiet, weighing her next words carefully. “How do you choose between being good and staying alive?”

“You don’t choose between that kind of things.”

She smiled at his convenient answer. If it was real him, he would have just laughed at her.

“Yes, you stay alive no matter what or then you die a good person. That’s why good people always die first.”

“Maybe…”

She lifted her head and rested her chin on her crossed arms instead, her steady gaze sweeping his face. He looked like he wanted to say something, the left corner of his lips tugging upwards yet not quite into a smile. His eyes narrowed a little and this way he looked like he was suspicious of something. Da Hyun chuckled, a sweet little smile spreading on her lips. He looked good with his bangs swept up into a careless curve.

“You know… When you asked me whether I killed my father or not…” She tilted her head to the side, her gaze darting at the ceiling and wandering up there somewhere. “It’s true. He wanted to get rid of the company, but I ruined his plans. And because he loved me so much, he even betrayed Kang Min.” Her eyes closed and she sighed.

“Maybe somewhere deep inside, father also believed that something dark and twisted could be proven to be innocent. You know… No, you probably don’t know. Father was a notorious man, he destroyed so many lives… he built his fortune by spilling blood. He was a hitman.”

Da Hyun paused, she opened her eyes and looked at Sehun with a pained look on her face yet she was still smiling, now bitterly. Unwrapping her arms from around her knees, she took a more comfortable position by crossing her legs in front of herself. Her eyes stung and her voice grew hoarse.

“What made him ever scarier was the fact that he didn’t have a tattoo. He got so damn far without it, earning a lot of respect. Not having one is like a suicide, did you know that? The tattoo is like an insurance, you think you don’t need it but when the worst things happen you are happy to have it, after all.” She frowned, growing more serious with every word. “He was someone a lot of people hated and perhaps I should have hated him too. But I loved him and I will always love him. And I wouldn’t change him for anyone else.”

Da Hyun grew frustrated because Sehun wasn’t saying anything. She wasn’t used to seeing him like this; he was supposed to say something rude or awkward now but he was quiet. She reminded herself that he was just her imagination, but that made her wonder why she imagined him be like this. Maybe she wanted him to be this way?

“First, he helped me to get a grip on my disastrous life by letting me work at the company. I was too much of a troublemaker, you know. If not him I would have become different. Then, just when I got familiar with the thought of inheriting the business he told me that I would have to give up on it. Ha”, Da Hyun scoffed and pointed her index finger at herself.

“Me? Me giving up on something I want? Yeah right, I thought he knew me better. Hell, I never give up on anything just like that. He taught me to be like that and then he told me to give up, get married to someone and start a family. That’s ridiculous! And do you know what the most frustrating thing about this all is?”

She leaned closer to Sehun, a dark shade falling over her sullen face. “That I didn’t listen to him! I was supposed to learn my lesson that sometimes being stubborn doesn’t pay. But did I learn anything? No!” Da Hyun snarled, pursing her lips tightly together, and lowered her face.

“I should have let it burn, I should have let it all fall apart. Yet I didn’t… I still can’t”, she sneered. “That Kang Min really enrages me. Who does he think he is, anyway? I know he must have been devastated to be betrayed but to go after my father’s life… Kang Min was no one and now he is someone only because he killed someone influential, simply riding my father’s fame. And do you know what that makes me?”

She tossed Sehun a stern look and changed her sitting position once again. Now she had one leg crossed and the other bent close to her chest, she wrapped her arms around it and clasped her hands. But as if unable to stay in one position for too long, she leaned her elbow on her knee and slipped her fingers into her hair. 

“I am nothing but a sore loser who is trying to hang onto a broken miserable dream. The company is going to tumble down, anyway. It’s nothing but a downfall from now on. I invested everything, I tried to choose wisely. I thought that one day I could show father that I would be different. That I would live a life he dreamed of. But fu.ck. What’s the point of proving anything when he is now gone? Aish shi.” She ruffled her hair and gritted her teeth, a few bitter tears squeezing from the corners of her eyes.

You were right father. There is no justice.

I’d rather believe in greed.

“It’s my fault he is dead so technically I killed him”, she whispered in despair. “I killed him because I was selfish and greedy and I still am. I hated him when he refused to give the company to me and I am mad, not because Kang Min killed him but because… why didn’t he tell me? Huh?” Her voice wavered and the frown melted away as her face relaxed, her eyes drooping. “Daughter, if you want to overtake the company it shall happen only over my dead body.” A lonely tear rolled down her cheek, but she swallowed the bitterness and took a deep breath. “That’s what he should have said.”

“In the end he was going to let me choose. Jae Hyuk oppa was gone, he died just like that and he would have been perfect and I would have loved to work for him but he died and then Kang Min appeared. And I was so dumb and naïve that I couldn’t grab a fuc.king gun and blow his brains into the wall.” Da Hyun raised her voice and Sehun flinched at her harsh tone.

“It was such a clear message. “I choose Kang Min and if you really want to get involved you should get rid of him first before he gets rid of me. This is the only way for you to prove your worth” Naturally, Kang Min would go after him since he was the one who held the power, not me. Never would it have been me because why would he go after someone weak and powerless? I.” Da Hyun pat her chest, her eyes filling with guilt and remorse. “I failed to save him when he trusted me with it. I… killed him. I betrayed him because I chickened out. Do you know why? Because I was afraid of… I was… I” She choked on the bitterness blocking “I… just…”

All I ever wanted was for father to be proud of me.

No less no more, just that.

Turns out I was too greedy.

“How could he just die like that without telling me how to live? How? What was it? What would have made him proud? My blood stained hands or my innocence? Why didn’t he tell me? Why couldn’t I just… I can’t decide like this, not without him. I saw it all and I wasn’t scared yet I was scared.” She ruffled her hair with her both hands and gritted her teeth. Frustrated and restless, she got to her feet and wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her sweater, somehow getting a hold of herself. A haughty scoff left her lips when she saw Sehun’s puzzled expression.

“And I don’t feel an ounce of guilt for stabbing Jongin, if that’s what you were wondering. I wanted to send him to the ICU because he really deserved it for messing with me.”

“Do you really think that you could solve problems by killing someone?” Sehun asked flatly, his gaze slowly moving up her body and then settling on her gloomy face.

“No.” She answered firmly. “By killing others I can only save myself. It’s the only way for me to stay human. Being good doesn’t matter as long as you stay alive, right? Didn’t you agree on that?”

“Why are you like this?” Sehun stood up too and Da Hyun was instantly reminded of his height. Now she had to look up to see his face. “Why the hell are you like this?”

“If you are my imagination then why can’t you be smaller?” She asked with a frown. “If I imagine you small, will you become small?”

“I’m not your imagination!” he snapped.

“Now you are behaving more like yourself…”

“Don’t try to change the topic here!”

Da Hyun closed her eyes and let out a small sigh. “I told you, you would never understand, ever…”

“Then explain it to me.” He looked at hear eagerly, his voice nothing but sincere. “Try me.”

“It’s complicated. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Stop haunting me already.” She stretched her arm towards him, thinking that if she waved her hand she could dissolve him. But instead of going through him her hand hit against a solid surface, his upper arm. She pat his bicep a few times and then let her gaze wander up his chest until their eyes finally met.

“I’m not your imagination”, Sehun said dully. “I’m real.”

Her jaw dropped and she stared at him with wide open eyes. “If he is real then all what I said just now… everything… he…” Never before had she opened up to anyone like this and she was never going to do it either. She was not ready to break in front of someone she didn’t trust enough. She was not ready. Yet she had told him everything, be it her imagination or the real him, she had chosen to tell. “You are not real”, she whispered an ironic grin tugging at the corners of her lips. “You are not-“

His sharp jaw tightened and his almond eyes narrowed, filling with determination. He grabbed her wrist and brought her palm to his chest, holding it over his heart. She could feel the drumming of his fast heartbeats. Indeed, he was real. And once realization hit her, she felt like she was suddenly slapped back into reality. Everything what she had just blurted came crashing down on her.

“No… but… How did you get in here?” she asked absentmindedly and blinked.

“Through the door.” He had asked Jongin for the code.

“Why? What are you… doing?” she muttered, pulling her hand away from him chest.

“Regarding Jongin-“

A frown settled on her face.  “Get out of here.”

“You can’t just stab someone an-“

“Get out!” She raised her voice.

“Not before you explain what the hel-“

“You have no right to be here. A trespassing is a crime too!”

“As much as barging into someone’s home and stabbing them!”

Da Hyun glared at him, her lips forming a thin line. This was so typical of him. It made perfect sense for him to be there demanding for explanations and answers, he was a prosecutor, after all. And he had the right to come after her, he had the right to handcuff her and drag to the police station. In fact, that was his duty. Just like her duty was to escape him or in the worst situation, even get rid of him.

Without spitting any kind of retort, Da Hyun spun around and stormed to her bedroom.

“Yah! I’m talking to you!”

Like expected, Sehun was right behind her and when she attempted to slam the door into his face he stopped it with his palm, a loud slapping sound echoing in the apartment. With a scowl on his face, he pushed the door at Da Hyun and positioned himself in the doorway, pressing his other hand to the doorframe. She scoffed, glancing at him briefly before walking to one of the nightstands.

She pulled the only drawer open so hard that it accidentally fell out, its contents spilling on the floor. Sehun’s gaze dropped on a heap of condoms, a bottle of lube, baby wipe package, napkins, and candy wrappers. His lips parted and his eyes darted at her face, the whole room became so silent he could hear something tiny rolling on the floor. It glinted before stopping at his feet. Meanwhile, Da Hyun spilled a string of quiet curses as she squatted to gather everything back into the box.

Sehun leaned down to pick up the small object, which turned out to be a hoop earring. It resembled a simple silver ring decorated with tiny stones and he recognized it to be made of white gold. His eyes narrowed as he looked at the small engraving inside, it said: ‘Be lucky BFE’ and he held his breath in shock. Though, he was not sure if he was more shocked about the naughty contents of the box or the fact that she had something what had originally belonged to him.

“How do you…” He looked up and blinked when he saw that Da Hyun was holding a gun. She spun it around on her finger before adding the silencer and pointing it at him.

“Should I go for the liver or should I go for…” Her eyes dropped to his crotch and a devilish smirk twisted her lips.

“What do you think you are doing?” Sehun asked with a hint of anger.

“Get out of here”, Da Hyun sent him a stern glare. “Before I use this.”

“Is that thing even loaded?”

In a matter of seconds, she racked the slide with her thumb, loaded the gun, and pulled the trigger, shooting one of the pillows while her eyes were strictly on Sehun’s. Clearly, this was not the first time she used a gun. He watched how little feathers exploded into the air and slowly floated all over, landing on Da Hyun’s hair and face.

“Holy sh.it”, he thought, startled by the outcome. “She is out of her mind.”

“I’m counting to three”, Da Hyun warned, pointing the gun at him again. Her stance was perfect and she was holding her weapon with her both hands. He could see that she knew what she was doing and that she was completely serious. Still, he feigned ignorance, he was not scared. He realized that he trusted her. Completely and utterly.

“Would you be stupid enough to kill a prosecutor?” He asked flatly. “Stop with the drama, would you?”

She didn’t respond or lower the gun, remaining in the same position with a serious look on her face. Her gaze held his and heavy silence fell between them, it was so quiet they could hear each other’s sharp breaths. The only thing that moved were the feathers, which lingered in the air as if planning to stay there forever. One fell on Da Hyun’s eyelash and she blinked, but the feather was there to stay. Finally, she lowered the gun and wiped the feather away with a free hand.

“Just get out of here”, she repeated, not looking at Sehun again. She slowly removed the silencer and threw it on the night stand, then unloaded the gun, flicking the safety back. The skill was still there even though she had not been to the shooting range for ages. With a blank look, she put the gun into the drawer and then finally lifted her gaze up. The prosecutor was still there, standing tall and proud, observing her every movement. A sigh left her lips and she pulled the drawer open once more, grabbing the gun. Either he was deaf or then plain stupid.

“Oh Sehun.” Da Hyun stopped right in front of him, throwing a sideways glance at her bed before smacking the side of his head with the gun. Surprise attack!

He groaned and grabbed his head, closing his eyes for a brief moment. Da Hyun pushed the gun to his chest so hard that he had to take a step back.

“Do I look like I’m joking?” she snarled. “Do you want to see what happens once I run out of patience, do you?” She taunted, tapping the gun against his chest. His jaw tightened, his eyes sinking deeper into hers. “Get the fu.ck out of here”, she hissed into his face.

“Cut it out!” Sehun snapped, slapping the gun so hard it fell from her hand. “Are you filming a movie or something?”

“I’m actually threatening you”, her answer came out monotone and indifferent. “My uncle might be carrying a paintball pistol around but that’s not the case with me.” She bumped her shoulder into his as she walked past him, but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back with force. She quickly twisted her hand free, tossing him a glare.

“Do you have a split personality or something? What the fu.ck happened?”

“What happened?” Da Hyun flashed a little ironic smirk. “I just got angry, that’s all. I’m so fuc.king angry! And I want to be alone! Don’t you get it? Give me some privacy!” she yelled, her eyes growing darker. “Leave me alone!”

“I’m not leaving before you explain everything,” Sehun grunted, placing his palm on Da Hyun’s shoulder when she wanted to walk away. He did the exact same thing she had done on the alley, he stayed.

“Don’t touch me.” Her steely glare sent shivers down his spine. “Remove your hand.”

Da Hyun’s eyes lowered to his palm and then darted to his face. He didn’t have any intentions of listening to her order and it showed. She let out a sharp breath and turned away as if to leave. But then she spun around and – without a warning – threw her fist at his chin, he