Chapter 14: The Real Me

Only thinking about Saturday's family gathering made Da Hyun grimace. Not to mention that she had some extremely important business to take care of on Friday. This is why she was in a bad mood on a Thursday night when she would have preferred taking a long warm bath and going to bed early. But no. Apparently relaxing was forbidden for her.

Once again she found herself behind the steering wheel of her now battered BMW wearing that same leather jacket she had put away more than four years ago. She hated driving because sitting behind the steering wheel reminded her of too many things and she had a tendency to speed. She was also afraid to take her new sports car for a ride (in case she'd get too excited) so she decided to settle for the BMW which she hadn't had time to fix yet. Once she'd have enough time she'd definitely visit the racing tracks with Hong Kyu but she had a feeling that would have to wait for the time being. So yeah, she loved driving. Maybe a bit too much.

“Your sisters have their husbands and kids to take care of but you have no one so your responsibility is to look after your sisters.” Sun Mi's words rang in Da Hyun's ears over and over again. She couldn't believe she had to leave the comfort of her home in the middle of the night just so she could fish Mi Rae out of a club and send her home. When her mother had warned that things were looking unstable she had had her own suspicions but she hadn't quite expected things to be this serious.

After parking the car on the curb Da Hyun quickly scanned the area. A group of drunk people was swaying back and forth at the entrance of the nightclub. Immediately she spotted ten men in black suits loitering in front of the convenience store nearby, smoking their cigarettes and fooling around. Once she saw them she grew suspicious. Maybe the party was going to get trashed? Then it would be better to hurry up.

“Damn it”, she muttered as she stepped out from the car. Someone let out a low whistle when she walked by but ignoring the unwanted attention she walked straight to the entrance. The party was VIP and only invited people were allowed to enter. However, Da Hyun was not surprised that her name was on the list. In this district, it would always be. Eager to find her sister as soon as possible and leave the he.llhole Da Hyun pushed her way through the dance floor, craning her neck, scanning people's faces.

Boom es.

All of a sudden, she came face to face with Sehun who had been coming from the opposite direction. For a moment, they both got into their own world where it was silent and only two of them existed. Da Hyun narrowed her eyes at him and he blinked in surprise, both never expecting to bump into each other at such a place. Suddenly Da Hyun felt an arm wrapping around her waist and instinctively she glanced over her shoulder. It was a random man inviting her for a dance and that was completely logical because she was standing in the middle of a dance floor. But she had no time for dancing now and pushed the man's hand away. When she turned her head at Sehun's direction he was already leaving. She spotted his back and followed him, clenching her jaw. “He better not get caught by me now if his life is precious to him.”

There were places in where prosecutors should never step and this was one of those places. If anyone found out about Sehun his life would be in danger and Da Hyun couldn't but wonder if Jongin was around too. Lately Mi Rae was spending a lot of time with him and she had probably brought him in and then he had sneaked Sehun in afterward. Da Hyun was starting to get a headache from this all. If they ever tried to catch a person in this club they'd both be dead the next day.

There were certain people.

Possessed by money and power.

People who could lord it over others.

Ultimate affluence.

They were dangerous.

These people held the infinite power and none of them would want to give up on what they had. Never. To go against such people would be a suicide and that's what the pair of idiots was doing now. The detective and the prosecutor were getting lost in the game, and once you strayed the only way out of the darkness would be death, which didn't always come easy. They were getting involved with the wrong people and they would regret it later. Defying infinite power would turn them into mere pawns in a bloody game of cruel players. Da Hyun couldn't understand why the two insisted on being so stubborn. The danger was real, how come they couldn't feel it when she sensed it with her every cell?

Sehun was already running through the kitchen when he saw thugs coming his way pushing everyone and everything from their way. Immediately he spun around, not wanting anything to do with these people but when he ran back he almost bumped into Da Hyun who was coming after him. Without saying anything, without looking back he grabbed her hand and pulled her along. She saw the thugs too and followed him without a question.

When they ran out from the “staff only” area back to the dance floor the lights were on and music had stopped. People were groaning and complaining all over, the mass was moving restlessly. The DJ was lying under the mixing table in a pool of blood and the bartender was ducking behind the bar counter shielding his head with a tray while the bottles – arranged in neat rows on high shelves along the wall – were hit by stray bullets one by one, glass shards and alcohol flying all over. Thugs poured in like water and started smashing everything they could, women screamed, everyone was darting around eager to save themselves or engage in a bloody fight.

Da Hyun gaped at the scene in front of herself in surprise while Sehun was leading the way towards the bar counter. There was a door next to it which he knew would lead to the back entrance. They just had to run across the dance floor, but it seemed to take them forever because of fighting thugs and confused people, everyone bumping into each other. Suddenly Da Hyun stumbled over something, a body. Her jeans got stained in blood and disgust crossed her face while she scrambled to her feet. She looked at Sehun who was standing now right in front of her his narrowed eyes directed at something behind her. In a swift movement, he grabbed her into a tight hug and spun around. A baseball bat collided with his back and he groaned quietly. Da Hyun wouldn't have heard it if his lips weren't right above her ear. His body tensed from the pain each hit caused him and he held her tighter, one arm shielding her head, pressing her face into his chest and she could hear his every heartbeat.

It took Da Hyun a while to realize what was going on and he had taken several hits already when she finally managed to wrestle herself from his arms and push him aside. He stumbled and fell against the wall, closed his eyes and bit on his lower lip, cursing at the pain. Leaning his head back, he let out a groan while breathing sharply. And when he finally opened his eyes again he saw Da Hyun swinging a baseball bat at the man who had attacked them, hitting him only where it seemed to hurt the most. He was already unconscious yet she kept going at it, spitting crude curses at him.

“Stop it!” Sehun yelled, suddenly overcoming his pain. She was about to swing the bat at the man's head and that would have been a murder already. He darted at her and grabbed her wrist, his warm touch capturing her attention. She turned her head, her gaze slowly sliding across Sehun's shocked face and the baseball bat fell from her trembling hand. He saw a powerful emotion flashing behind her darkened smokey eyes but he was too shaken by everything what was going on to understand it.

“Let's get out of here”, he hissed, letting go of her wrist. But unexpectedly she grabbed his hand and held on tightly her eyes asking him to take her away. Just now she had been thirsty for blood yet suddenly she looked like a scared kitten to him. He couldn't understand and before he could even think about it he saw danger and hugged her, this time shoving her into the wall and securing her small body between his arms, his palms pressing against the cold surface. Just one look into those frightened eyes had awakened a strong need in him, to protect her... from herself.

“Get out of my way!” a hoarse voice hollered behind him. “I saw the bit.ch do it!” A friend of the now unconscious man yelled. “Get off her, fuc.ker! I'll teach her a good lesson!”

At this point, Sehun didn't know what was hitting him anymore. Was the man behind him kicking him with his foot, hitting him with his fists or a weapon? He heard distant gunshots and glass breaking. Then he heard nothing anymore. The world became silent. There were only pain and a pair of beautiful eyes. Bitterness and sweetness mixing together.

No thoughts ran through his mind other than one, that he needed to protect Da Hyun, to stop her from doing whatever she wanted to do. Their gazes met briefly and he saw her wide open eyes, he saw anxiety and concern in them, irritation and anger. He thought her eyes were so darn beautiful, how ironic, and he flashed her a tiny close-lipped smile before collapsing against her. Swallowing his groans he quickly wrapped his arms around her, his palm pressing against the back of her head. His other hand gripped on her jacket at her waist, his fingers curling into a tight fist.

“Let me go”, Da Hyun's distant voice yelled, finally reaching him along with all the loud ruckus on the background. “Stop it! Let me go!” She squirmed in his arms, but he would never let her go, he decided there and then that he wouldn't. “Don't do this!” she cried out. “Oh Sehun, let me go now.”

“No”, he groaned stubbornly and gritted his teeth when receiving yet another hit. The man behind him was cursing loudly, trying to rip him away from Da Hyun. But suddenly everything stopped and a hand landed on Sehun's shoulder.

“You all right, man?” Familiar voice spoke and immediately Sehun relaxed, unwrapping his arms from around Da Hyun. She pushed him off herself, sending him a stern glare before her eyes darted at Jongin. The latter blinked in surprise when he saw her. “Let's talk outside”, he said with an awkward grin.

Soon they were standing at the back of the club at the entrance of a narrow alley, right in front of the main road. Sehun was sitting on the ground leaning his back against the wall and his legs sprawled in front of him, his head was hanging low.

“Thank your luck the motherfu.cker didn't have a weapon”, Jongin muttered in a shaky voice, tugging at his hair nervously. “Why didn't you just kick his as.s? What were you thinking?”

“What are you two even doing here?” Da Hyun raised her voice. Her eyes darted from slouching Sehun at Jongin who was standing straight, all fine and well. How come he never got hurt?

“It's work related”, he answered curtly.

“Oh right!” Da Hyun's eyes widened in shock and she cupped her cheeks. “I forgot about Mi Rae! Mi Rae!” she yelled in panic. She was about to dash back in but Jongin grabbed her wrist, holding her back.

“Don't worry, she left earlier”, he flashed a rest assuring smile.

Realization hit Da Hyun. In the first place, her mother didn't even send her to fetch Mi Rae but these two. Of course, her family didn't want to get any trouble with the police and if anything happened to the two in such a place questions would arise, there would be complications. Da Hyun clenched her jaw thinking that this must have been her mother's revenge for making her come to the police station the other day. But Da Hyun still made a mental note to throw a big damn tantrum about this. Why did she have to go around cleaning up her sister's messes?

“So you used her to get in?” she narrowed her eyes at Jongin “Don't you get it? You are putting her in danger as well! What if people found out that she brought someone like you in a place like this?”

“Relax, everything is under control”, Jongin rest assured with soft and comforting voice. He let go of Da Hyun's wrist and slipped his hands into the pockets of his pants. Loyal to his playboy image he was dressed in tight clothes which revealed the best in him, the top buttons of his collar shirt were ed and his hair was styled neatly with his fringes covering his forehead and partially his left eye too. When their gazes locked the corners of his lips tugged into a friendly smile.

“In control?” Da Hyun hollered, startling him. “Didn't look like that to me in there!”

“Do you know what they are fighting about?” Jongin asked casually.

“No, but it's weird”, Da Huyn brought her palm to her forehead and tousled her bangs, a frown settling on her face. “This doesn't happen often. In fact, things like these shouldn't be happening. Not around here.” She was well aware that she was walking on her own territory where she should be safe wherever she went. Unless her uncle had been stirring trouble lately. Did she want to know why things like these were happening? No. She definitely didn't want to know.

“Seems like you know... things...”

Da Hyun snapped from her thoughts and glared at Jongin who was all smiles, charming her with his gentle eyes. “Stop snooping around!”

“If it means seeing you dressed like this more often then nothing will make me stop”, he joked, looking at her from head to toe and winking.

“Aish, you are so annoying”, she spat, shifting her gaze at Sehun. Sensing her eyes on himself he looked up, his face expressing nothing but discomfort.

“And you! Don't you know basic rules of a fight?” she scolded, pointing her index finger at him. “You don't protect people! Once you start protecting someone you die! The only one you are allowed to protect is yourself. Get it?”

She couldn't believe what he had done back inside the club. She was capable of protecting herself and didn't need anyone to stand up for her especially not someone who would get hurt in the process. To think that this man had learned nothing about her after witnessing so many instances like the blind date, the kidnapping and the car chase. She didn't need this. She didn't want to see that pained look in his eyes. She didn't want to see him suffering for nothing.

“Is that your way of saying thanks or what?” Sehun asked in a hoarse voice, the corners of his mouth tugging downwards. “This ungrateful brat”, he thought bitterly. Why was it so hard for her to accept other people's help, especially from those who were stronger than her? Why couldn't she just... act like other normal women and be shocked about something once in a while? She was damaging his pride.

“Can you stand up?” Jongin asked with concern.

“I'm fine”, Sehun mumbled as he got to his feet and dusted his clothes.

“Such a hero”, Jongin chuckled. “You were pretty cool back there.”

“Cool my a.ss”, Da Hyun grunted. “Are you filming some sappy movie or something?”

Sehun angled his head towards her, an angry frown settling on his face.

“Actually, yeah...” Jongin chuckled. “Why didn't you just fight the guy instead?”

“That's what I want to know too...”

Sehun eyed them both in disbelief, but his cheeks flustered. The way they put it made him look like a moron but how could he express in words what he had been feeling during that moment? After witnessing Da Hyun's violent behavior, he had been afraid of what she might have done to those people and what that could have done to her. What he had felt confused him. It was complicated and he preferred not to think about any of it ever again.

“Aish, I don't know”, he mumbled, ruffling his hair. “Let's just go.”

“Prince syndrome much?” Da Hyun teased and he swiftly turned his head her way, narrowing his eyes in annoyance.

“I get it so would you shut up?”

She raised a brow.

“If you want to hug her that bad then you should just hug her during the safe times”, Jongin chuckled, wrapping his arm around Da Hyun's shoulders. “Like this.” She shot him a warning look and he pulled his hand away. “PMSing women are scary...”

“I'm not PMSing!”

“It's okay, it's normal.”

“I said I'm not!”

Sehun rolled his eyes at the two. “Can we just go home? It's late.”

Jongin darted him a meaningful look and Sehun glanced at Da Hyun. “Want me to take you home?”

“No thanks, hero boy”, she declined promptly, walking past him, her hands tucked into the pockets of her jacket. “I drove here.”

“Where is your car parked at?” Jongin asked.

Da Hyun stopped and angled her body sideways, glancing at the both men who had emerged from the alleyway after her and now stood side by side behind her. Both handsome and tall. Sehun was once again dressed properly, looking all smooth and charming in his faded tight jeans and long sleeved v-neck top. He was even wearing a blazer. Da Hyun shifted her eyes off him and turned her back to the guys, resuming walking. She couldn't believe she had thought he looked y like that...

“At the front, why?”

“I don't think it's safe to go there now...”

“Do you think I will leave it there to be smashed?” Da Hyun sheered. “I've spent way too much money on that car to just abandon it like that.”

“It's probably smashed already”, Jongin commented smartly.

“If it's smashed I'll go for a kill”, Da Hyu snarled, clenching her fists.

“Relax, we all have similar problems”, Jongin chuckled, glancing at Sehun who walked beside him with his hands in his pant's pockets. Pain was written all over his face and Jongin pat his back.

“Ouch!” Sehun shrieked, shooting a glare at his ignorant friend. “Why did you do that?”

“I just touched lightly... Looks like you will need a doctor to look at your injuries today”, he winked with a handsome smirk.

“Yeah?” Sehun returned the smirk, his eyes alight with mischief. “Are you sure the doctor can handle me?”

“Are you sure you can handle the doctor”, Jongin teased in low husky voice. “Babe”, he added so quietly Da Hyun wouldn't be able to hear.

But it's not like she was listening to begin with because when she turned the corner she saw a man bumping into the side of her car and then he darted away from under a baseball bat which smashed into the driver's door. All the windows were already broken and someone was climbing on the hood.

“Son of a bit.ch”, she muttered under her breath and glanced over her shoulder to witness how Sehun grabbed the front of Jongin's shirt and pulled him towards himself, angling his head to the side as if going for a kiss, their lips inched closer and closer, almost touching already. “Are you two flirting right now?” she shrieked in disbelief and Jongin darted away from Sehun who let go of his shirt and shifted his narrowed eyes at Da Hyun.

“Why? You jealous?” he jeered.

“As if...” she looked at him dully. “Take me home first then go fu.ck each other for all I care”, she spat in annoyance. Sehun was really something... he went around kissing people during the most inappropriate moments. Didn't he really care about anything at all? What a Casanova! “My car is ruined.”

“Erm, then... how about you take her?” Jongin asked with a weak smile, his cheeks were flustered. It was unlike him to act shy but getting caught kissing a man in public was something he didn't have confidence in. At all.

“What about you then?” Sehun turned his head to him.

“I can get home on my own.”

“So can she.”

“Don't be stubborn. You know what I mean.”

“I don't really like the idea of you being alone, you know”, Sehun insisted, switching to a bitc.hy tone.

“Then do you want her to stay too?” Jongin raised his brows.

“Let's just get a taxi a-”

“Babe, seriously...” Jongin ran his hand through his hair, saying these words without even thinking.

“I said I'm not leaving you”, Sehun crossed his arms over his chest and held his chin higher.

“Why do you always have to act this way?” Jongin groaned.

“What way? What do you mean always?”

“Ugh”, Da Hyun's face turned sour when she heard their discussion which sounded like a couple quarreling. “I can get home on my own...” They didn't even notice when she walked past them towards the direction they had come from, shaking her head at their stupid argument.

“I promise I won't get into trouble. You know I never do.”

“It's dangerous.”

“Argh, stop that already. Just take her home.”

“You are really thick skinned, you know! How can you send me away with a woman?”

“Why? You can't keep your hands off her, huh?”

“You know it's not like that.”

“You don't sound very convincing...”

“Shut up!”

“Seriously! Why can't you just go with her?”

“Why should I? I want to be with you.”

“Clingy idiot!”

“If you don't like me anymore then why can't you just say it straight then? Huh?”

“Babe, it's not like that and you know it.”

“I think I don't know.”

“Seriously, do you realize that you are now being jealous of yourself towards yourself? You are so freaking stupid!”

“I'm not jealous!”

“You so are...”

“Shut up!”

There were certain thoughts Da Hyun didn't want to have because those thoughts were frightening. Whenever she thought about those things her hands would start shaking and her heart would stiffen in her chest. She'd be scared. Scared of darkness. Scared that she would feel indifferent about something no one should ever feel indifferent about. Scared that she might be comfortable like that. Scared that people around her would approve of her and support her, even protect her.

Her biggest fear were cockroaches, but right second came another fear, maybe even standing on equal grounds with the nasty cockroaches. Fear of losing the company. Because after losing it she would have nothing to turn to, nothing to lose anymore and then she'd become indifferent. She'd lose herself too.

“Ah!” Da Hyun cried out in a loud voice, as if in pain, when warm fingers wrapped around her wrist. “Ah!” she breathed out almost in despair, unshed tears glistening in her eyes.

“Relax, it's me.”

She turned towards the soothing voice which belonged to no one else but Sehun. He could sound like this too, this gentle? Even more than last time at her office. She gaped at him, her whole body trembling and he assumed that he had startled her.

“Are you okay?” he asked when he saw how pale she was, his brows arched in surprise. He didn't know she could make this kind of face. Finally, she looked like she was afraid of something but what? He let go of her wrist and she quickly pulled her shaking hand away, hiding it behind herself.

“What do you want?” she frowned, putting on a defensive front.

“I'll take you home”, he answered calmly.

She noticed the intent look in his eyes and quickly fixed her facial expression, putting on that business mask of hers. Seeing this Sehun groaned inwardly, she was planning to hide from him forever, it seems. Everything would be so much easier for everyone if she didn't act this way and was more open.

“Thanks but no thanks. I'll just get a taxi.”

“Kai will kill me if I don't make sure you get home safely”, Sehun rambled.

“Just tell him you took me home. I'll text you when I get there.”

“No, I'll take you.”

“I said it's fine.”

“Would you stop being stubborn just this once?” Sehun raised his voice, narrowing his eyes at her. Seeing how much she didn't want him to take her home he couldn't give up anymore because then he'd lose. “It's late and I'm tired!”

“Then go home and leave me alone”, Da Hyun shrieked in annoyance. “Stop following me! Just go and cheat on your fiancee with your best friend!”

Once she had let these words out she quickly cupped with her palm. It had not been her intention to say something like this but somehow the words had spilled out on their own. Sehun's eyes grew darker and the corners of his lips twitched downwards.

“Yes, I am a cruel a.sshole. So what?” he snarled. “I'm not sure if you are that innocent either Kang Da Hyun.” His eyes full of threat and detest sank into hers, almost breaking through the defensive wall she had built so carefully. Da Hyun pursed her lips together and furrowed her brows, it took a lot to stand there and take the look he was giving her. It was true, maybe she was not that innocent, maybe she was horrible.

“Sorry about that.” She shifted her gaze away from him. “It's none of my business, anyway.”

“I'm glad you understand. Now will you let me take you home?”

“Fine”, she finally yielded. “Where is your car?”

“I don't have a car anymore.”

Da Hyun looked at him questioningly, but his face gave away no hints. With his hands safely tucked in the pockets of his jeans, he stood there staring at her nonchalantly and then abruptly walked past her, never asking her to follow but she knew she was supposed to. Glaring at his handsome back she followed, crossing her arms over her chest, angry at herself for letting him control her like this. Meanwhile Sehun smirked to himself, happy that for once he was in control. He liked that.

Soon they stood in front of a red Yamaha and Da Hyun gaped at it in surprise. The lame prosecutor who didn't give a s.hit about his appearance had suddenly exchanged his crappy car for a sleek motorbike? She eyed him with suspicion while he inserted the keys in the ignition switch and grabbed his helmet. He wanted to give it to her, but she didn't take it, just stood there giving him this scrutinizing look. She thought that he was definitely going through some strange phase in his life and she sure as hell did not want to have any part in that.

“Are you having a middle age crisis or something?” she finally asked, pushing the helmet away when Sehun pushed it at her.

“What?” he asked in disbelief. She didn't say anything, just stared at him weirdly and then shifted her eyes at the motorbike, her gaze trailing its beautiful shape. “Don't think about anything weird now”, Sehun grunted, trying to hand the helmet to her but she refused to take it. “Yah!” He snapped when she only stared at him in wonder.

“Well, you are suddenly dressing better and showering regularly. I don't know...” Da Hyun averted his intent eyes. “Now this.” She had to admit that a motorbike suited him perfectly.

Sehun looked at her dully and let out a small sigh. “Just wear the helmet.”

“I don't want to.” She shook her head. “It will ruin my hairstyle.”

He scoffed at her idiotic excuse and took a step closer. “It's getting ruined either way.” He tried to put the helmet on her head, but she dodged. “Just wear it.”

“I said I don't want to wear it”, Da Hyun protested. “Are you deaf or what?”

“Shut the hell up and wear this!” Sehun snapped.

“Are you an idiot?” Da Hyun glared at him. “What if something gets in your eye while driving? Dust or something”, she rambled. “I don't want to get into an accident.”

“Fine!” Sehun spat in annoyance and quickly wore the helmet. Any other woman would have accepted it and squealed happily but not Da Hyun because she just had to have everything the difficult way. Though, he couldn't deny that it was somewhat attractive. “Happy?” His voice came out muffled.

She flashed a small haughty smile. “Yes, you look the best with your face covered.”

He clenched his jaw, his eyes narrowing behind the tinted visor, and before climbing on the bike he reached out his hand to ruffle her hair. His childish revenge.

“Hey”, Da Hyun gasped and her hands shot to her head to quickly arrange her hair back into the style. She shot him a quick glare before climbing to sit behind him.

Watching her now, he couldn't believe that he had hugged her and apologized like some loser the previous night. Just thinking about his own lame behavior made him even angrier. What had made him act so unlike himself? He had no idea. It was disturbing, annoying and embarrassing. He had sacrificed his own body to protect her yet she had nothing but made fun of him. Why did he even keep trying? It was obvious she didn't need any of it. She didn't need him. She had never needed him like he had needed her.

“Move closer”, Sehun sighed when she settled as far from him as possible.

“No.”

There she went again...

“You will fall off.”

She inched a bit closer, but there was still a huge gap between them.

“Closer.”

She didn't move.

“I said closer”, Sehun snarled.

“I don't want to.”

“Are you trying to pis.s me off on purpose?” he snapped. Glancing over his shoulder he flicked up the visor, his narrowed eyes coming into the view. “Move closer and hold onto me.”

“You erted Casanova!” she spat. “I'll hold onto the side of the seat or something.”

“I'm not going to drive slowly because I want to get rid of you as soon as possible so come here and wrap your arms around my waist. You know how it goes!”

She scoffed in disbelief. “Are you putting your moves on me right now?”

“Why would I?” Sehun shrieked.

“Come here and hold me”, she mimicked. “I'm not Jongin, for your information...”

“Annoying brat!” Sehun muttered. Turning away, he glared in front of himself. “I'm not moving before you do what I told you.”

“Then let's stay like this forever.” Her arrogant voice tickled him off even more. He knew she wasn't the shy type so why would she act this way all of a sudden? Unless...

“My back doesn't hurt that much...” he said in a low quiet voice, his heart stirring in his chest.

“Is that so?” Da Hyun raised a brow, slapping his shoulder blade. He leaned forward and she saw how stiff he became. “Not in pain, huh?”

Sehun groaned, lowering his head for a moment. “Can we just get over this and go?”

“Then go. I won't fall off I promise.”

“You just have to push it...”

Fed up with her attitude he didn't turn around but reached his hands back, grabbing her knees and pulling her forward. Because the gesture was unexpected Da Hyun didn't have time to react and she slid right into his back with a surprised squeal. He gritted his teeth in pain upon the impact of the collision, letting out a long string of curses.

“Sounds like you are not in pain at all”, Da Hyun commented sarcastically. She slowly inched away, but his hands squeezed her knees. He couldn't order her to stay still because he was in too much pain to speak, but he held onto her tightly, almost desperately. She realized that it was useless and childish to argue with him and decided to go with whatever he wanted. It wouldn't be too bad, would it? There was no denying that... she quite liked his cologne.

He slowly opened his eyes and frowned when he felt her palm sliding gently across his back over all the bruises. “Here”, she pat on a spot where it didn't hurt and pressed her forehead against it. Then she wrapped her arms around his waist and clasped her hands in front of his stomach. “Let's go then Mr. Prosecutor Casanova.” He heard her smile.

“I'll let you have it your way this once.”

Perhaps all people have such a moment in their lives at least once. When they feel deeply touched by someone who didn't intend them to feel so. She was like this towards everyone – he was sure of it – but her actions just now made his heart race faster. She made his heart melt. Needless to mention he hated that. Of curse, he absolutely hated to react this way but she was so thoughtful he couldn't but be affected. He liked it when she treated him this way... like she cared.

“Stop it! Stop making me waver!” he wanted to yell but, of course, he didn't. He had his own ideas of whom he should love for the rest of his life so he said nothing. Instead, he finally started the bike and curved onto the main road, quickly picking up the speed. The faster he drove the tighter Da Hyun held onto him but once in a while she would loosen her grip and try to lean away. He knew why because she was afraid of hurting him and only thinking about it made him smile. Still, every time she tried to inch away he drove faster causing her to slide into his back, closer. It hurt, but pain was what made him feel alive.

Every time she came closer.

It hurt.

“Please, hurt me more.”

There used to be a time when Sehun was free. Totally completely free. Back then he didn't have any obligations nor responsibilities, at least he lived thinking so and he was happy that way. Back then he didn't care about other people, didn't respect anyone. He thought they were all stupid and weak, it was easy to manipulate and confuse them. People were nothing but toys to him, they existed for his entertainment only. He'd play with them and throw away after breaking. Relationships were nothing but a fun game to him, a game he was used to win, over and over again. Never in million years could he have guessed that one day he'd lose so bitterly. On the day when he met Jongin and fell in love.

Love. He was awkward about it because this was something new in his life. Suddenly he found himself caring, then obliged, soon came the responsibilities, and finally he felt trapped. Gone was his freedom, gone were those careless days. He thought it was normal. He thought this was how becoming an adult should feel like. Well, it wasn't so. Even now he was still that lost confused kid who tried to grab onto something meaningful, forcing himself to believe it was right. This is why he was so cruel not only to those around him but also to himself. He was constantly battling with himself, trapped between his beliefs of what was the right thing to do and what made him happy. This is how he lost what he had treasured the most, his freedom.

There was a day in his life when he realized that the right thing to do might not make him happy so he sacrificed his happiness because he thought that being happy was way less important than doing the right thing. Soon he found out that doing the right thing, even if it made him feel quite good, it still couldn't hold him back from doing what made him happy. He strayed from what was acceptable into what was wrong. But what was wrong made him happy and what was right started to feel suffocating until nothing he did was acceptable anymore. In the end, he started wondering if the right thing to do was important at all? He couldn't tell right from wrong anymore and he certainly had no idea about what was acceptable. To him everything used to be acceptable but when came the obligations and responsibilities a lot of things became off limits. He was so lost and confused.

He hated love.

He didn't know where his heart belonged to anymore. He only knew one thing. That he hated Da Hyun and he wanted to hate her forever because that was the only thing he had always known for sure. It never changed and there was something extremely comforting about this. There was at least one thing which was simple in his messed up life. Something he could come back to knowing that it would always be there. Even so, no matter how much comfort his hatred towards her gave him, he still blamed her for causing him all this headache and agony. That's just how worthless he was, completely useless. Running away from responsibilities he should have faced long ago he was nothing but a coward.

He used to love himself so much it turned him into an overly confident, heartless, selfish, manipulative, jerk. He decided that he'd never love anyone besides himself. That was the defense mechanism he created after all the pain he had to go through. But one day he fell in love and then he realized that he had come far enough to not respect himself anymore, he couldn't. Once innocence is lost its lost forever. He tried to become a better man for Eun Yoo's sake, but he couldn't even do that. Not even that. He didn't deserve anything anymore because he had nothing but hurt people around himself, again and again, repeatedly. So why was he feeling so happy when he was starting to see colors again? The worthless him.

At some point, his gray world had started to transform and suddenly the spark was back but it had changed. He didn't want to be cruel, manipulative, heartless jerk anymore. He didn't want to be selfish. For a change he just wanted to be... himself. And he didn't even know what being 'himself' meant because he didn't know what the real him was like. He simply didn't know and if he didn't know then who would? What if this was the real him after all, this insensitive, heartless monster? What if he could never stop being selfish?

“I'm frightened of who I have become.”

“Thanks for the ride”, Da Hyun muttered indifferently as she climbed off the motorbike. October nights were cold and she was freezing, her body was stiff and her teeth slightly clattered. Riding a motorbike was not as cool as she had thought it would be because her ears were falling off now. Actually her ears might have fallen off already because she couldn't feel them anymore, only the burning sensation. And her hair was a mess too.

“You don't sound very grateful”, Sehun commented dryly, glancing at her from behind his visor.

“Because it's freaking cold”, Da Hyun mumbled under her breath. Even leaning into his warm body had not kept her warm during the ride. She cleared regaining her serious posture. “I hope you have learned your lesson today.”

“What do you mean?” Sehun was a bit taken aback by her comment.

“It seems like you are not planning to close those two cases”, she spoke calmly holding her chin higher while crossing her arms over her chest. Her eyes drilled into his tinted visor in a way he thought she could see through. Weirded out by this he flicked the visor off his narrowed eyes, he was frowning like usual.

“So, at least remember this. Never protect anyone while in a fight.”

“You are still going on about that?” he asked in disbelief.

“If you don't close the cases you are going to get into many fights from now on.”

“And how do you know?” Sehun asked suspiciously.

“I just have a gut feeling”, Da Hyun answered matter-of-factly.

“Is it really that hard to say thank you?” he asked after a short silence.

“You are right”, she suddenly gasped, realization crossing her face. “You are right”, she said absentmindedly and surprised by the sudden change in her attitude Sehun took off his helmet, giving her a weird look.

“Thank you”, she said with the most honest voice like she meant it from the bottom of her heart. Her eyes cleared and she flashed him a faint genuine smile. Sehun gaped at her, bewildered. Deep in his heart he was even feeling touched, his throat was getting dry and his heart skipped a beat.

“For what?” his voice became thick. He had an idea, but he wanted to hear it from her lips, an explanation.

“Not for foolishly protecting me but for something else”, Da Hyun broke their eye contact. She decided to leave before the atmosphere grew any more awkward. “Bye”, she muttered and quickly walked past the motorbike.

“What is that supposed to mean? Yah!” Sehun jumped off the bike and followed her, leaving the helmet on the seat. Soon he was in front of her blocking her way. “What are you thanking me for?”

“Just accept it”, she muttered trying to walk past him but he blocked her way with his body.

“Just accept it?” he scoffed. “What if you are thanking me for something weird?”

“What does it matter as long as I thank you?” she sighed wearily and slouched her shoulders when he once again didn't let her walk past.

“Maybe it matters to me”, he pointed out. “Spit it out.”

“You are so rude”, Da Hyun glared at him and their gazes locked. Sehun felt like something else locked too, but he didn't know what.

“Me?” he scoffed again. “Look in the mirror!”

“It's because you caused me to be like this!” Da Hyun argued in a loud voice.

“I caused you to be like that?” he asked scornfully. How ironic. “Why don't you elaborate a bit more? Who caused who to be like what?”

“Why don't you just pi.ss off already?” Da Hyun spat. “Leave me alone brainless dumbf.uck.”

The look in Sehun's eyes darkened and his lips twisted into annoyed grin, he placed his hands on his waist. “Is that what you say to someone who risked his life for you?”

“I didn't ask you to do that!”

“Then should I have just left you there to die?”

“Die? Don't be dramatic”, Da Hyun scoffed. “I won't die from a few hits!”

“If it had been him beating you with the baseball bat you would have died”, Sehun's voice grew tense at a certain disturbing thought. “And he would have died too if I hadn't stopped you! What were you thinking?” His voice changed from angry to confused.

“That's why I'm thanking you now!” Da Hyun yelled. “For stopping me.”

“What?” he asked with a surprised frown.

“Leave me alone!”

Da Hyun shoved him aside wanting nothing but to escape his presence. He always got her so agitated she kept blurting unnecessary things he didn't need to know about. Sehun again didn't feel like letti