☑ dhaatk

Colloquial Mini Reviews ★ (╥﹏╥) ★ ☰ CLOSED
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home sTATUS MTBD REVIEWS PERPLEXITY INFINITUM @ YEOLWHO05 FEB
14   STORY INFORMATION:

GENRE/S: ANGST, MYSTERY
MAIN CHARACTERS: KIM JAEJOONG AND JUNG YUNHO
CHAPTER COUNT: ONESHOT
STORY DESCRIPTION: RIGHT AFTER DECIDING TO END HIS CURRENT LIFE IN FOUR DAYS, KIM JAEJOONG FINDS A NEW PERSONAL ASSISTANT. IT HAPPENS TO BE JUNG YUNHO. THE MAN INTIMIDATES JAEJOONG BUT THEY END UP TOGETHER. KIM JAEJOONG IS NOT EXACTLY HUMAN AND FALLS IN LOVE FOR THE FIRST T


 

REMINDERs:

HERE ARE A FEW REMINDERS PRIOR TO THIS REVIEW. FIRST OF ALL, DON'T FORGET TO CREDIT THE SHOP -- EITHER THE SHOP OR ME, YEOLWHO05, SO AS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE EFFORT IN PROVIDING YOU THIS REVIEW. SECONDLY, MAKE SURE TO COMMENT AFTER PICKING YOUR REVIEW. DO PROVIDE YOUR FEEDBACK, IF POSSIBLE, AS WELL. i'D LIKE TO KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT MY REVIEW, LIKE DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG OR SOMETHING, OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO DEFEND YOUR STORY, ETC.? I'D BE GLAD TO ANSWER THEM ALL. ^^

 

PERDITION story LINK | DHAATK | FEB. 14, 2015

STRENGTHS:

(1) THAT VERY MEANINGFUL TITLE

WHAT I LIKE THE MOST WAS HOW MEANINGFUL YOUR TITLE WAS. I BELIEVE THAT IT FITS THE STORY WHOLLY, AND THE ENDING REALLY DID HAVE THAT SIGNIFICANCE THAT I WAS LOOKING FOR. IT WAS A GOOD THING THAT YOU GAVE US A MEANING OF THAT TITLE IN YOUR FOREWORD, TOO, THOUGH i THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER TO PLACE IT AT THE BEGINNING SO THAT THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO IDEA WOULD READ THE MEANING IMMEDIATELY, IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN.

(2) THOSE LAST STATEMENTS

THOSE STATEMENTS REGARDING GOD AND THE WHOLE HUMAN RACE HAD LEFT AN IMPACT FOR ME, AS IF GIVING ME A WHOLE ROUND OF RECOGNITION. TO SAY THE LEAST, I COULDN'T HELP BUT AGREE MORE. IT WAS TRUE. GOD REALLY DID BECOME A MAN BEFORE AND GREW HIMSELF A HEART YET IT ATE HIM ALIVE. IN RELATION TO JAEJOONG, I CAN UNDERSTAND HIS FEELINGS AND WHATNOT, BUT THEN AGAIN, THAT IS A PART OF LIFE, AND I BELIEVE THAT THAT'S UNAVOIDABLE. YOU DID A GOOD JOB AT THE ENDING, THOUGH. NICE!

(3) JAEJOONG = GOD

WHAT SURPRISED ME WAS THAT TWISTS AT THE END. I HAD EXPECTED THE TYPICAL STORY, TO BE HONEST, AND WAS SURPRISED WHEN I DISCOVERED THAT GOD WAS, AGAIN, IN EARTH IN THE FORM OF JAEJOONG, ONLY BECAUSE OF BOREDOM FROM HIS JOB BEING "GOD." IT WAS TOTALLY UNEXPECTED, AND I ASSUMED THAT HE WAS LIKE THE TYPICAL SUPERNATURAL DEMON OR ANYTHING WITH POWERS AND WHATNOT. YOU REALLY SURPRISED ME THERE, AND SOMEHOW, YOUR STORY TAUGHT ME SOME

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yeolwho05
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Comments

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dhaatk
#1
are you planning on re-opening any time soon?
W3ntchuuKrown #2
Chapter 20: Hey! Thanks for the review!! I'll credit this shop now and try to fix all my weaknesses!! ^^
yeolwho05
#3
Announcement!
I will finish the remaining three requests tomorrow since I'm just too busy at the moment. I promise to finish them all tmr, so please don't worry. I'll try my very best to finish all of my tasks. On another note, I am thinking of reopening the shop soon, so I guess I expect some of you to request again from me. Was that too bold? Anyway, adios~

~ yeolwho05, Colloquial Admin
snowflake16
#4
Chapter 19: Picked up and credited :D

It did take long, but I don't mind. I like the way you review so I wait diligently. I'm glad you liked my characters! Looking back they're all pretty distinct. I don't have favorites. I did add an extra dose of weird to Chunji lol, glad you noticed! I'm surprised your favorite turned out to be Kyung Soo. Jun Hyung is a favorite of most reviewers and Chunji is a fav of commenters, yet again no love for Boa, but that's life.

I'm glad you liked the title because initially I had a different one, which was very plain and uninteresting. 'Cheque Mate' was an epiphany. I'm so glad I didn't name it 'Checkmate' now! If I had, the story line would have turned out a bit different. Anyway, thank you! I feel reassured!

Poe's quote wouldn't fit if the ending was different, imo. That being said, I wouldn't exchange it because of it's evilness hehe.

Location/Time is just me being lazy tbh. Because CM is a one-shot, I found zero purpose of adding an extra line to explain where the characters were etc when scenes changed. I am lazy like that. I will take a look over it again though and see what I can do.

Yeah... That description does have short sentences. I noticed, but I have no idea how to fix those unless I change them a bit... It confounds me.

I agree with the 'he's' and I will definitely take that point into account. Thank you!

P.S. I changed that because I like to hide one of my antagonists. It reduces predictability and leaves room for that hidden-card ending ^^

P.P.S. I didn't find any^^
caelestis_
#5
Chapter 16: wowow
for a 'mini' review this was extremely helpful haha.
Honestly, I started writing this at the start of last year ( posted it once before too lol) when I wasn't actually paying much attention to most things such as title, description, characterization and all that stuff, like the first few chapters (I think up until about 5?) were written ages ago so some of the things I put in there confuses me too. Like, I don't get why I made Yixing all those stuff and then make him appear in the flashback as one of Sehun's father's workers, like how old is Yixing in this story?! I'm currently trying to re-read and edit/fix the chapters so they'll make at least a little sense. I also agree that the description does lack a lot. I always change it yet I can't make it any better otl. I'll try to improve the description again though : )
As for the title 'Oh, Sehun!' I couldn't agree more. It's not the tiniest bit relevant to the story. It actually just came to me and the idea for the plot that I had while thinking of that title was completely different to what I ended up typing but it just stuck to me, I guess. So I just kinda decided that the future me would be smart enough to come up with a way to make it relevant to the story. I've actually been trying to find a better suited title these past days but I still can't think of one u n u;;

I think that's all?
haha
thanks again for this short yet helpful review : )
I'll credit you right now~ ^ ^
chenminded
#6
Hi! Just a quick suggestion, if you remove the constant capitalization of how you type the reviews? I don't have perfect eyesight, so I tend to get a little bothered. And it gets messy when I read. But this is just a suggestion, so you don't have to do them. I really like your shop, so I just want to say don't mind the haters and good luck! Fighting! :)
suzyelf
#7
Chapter 15: Thank you for the review! It's very helpful and yes I should go and review some minor but important grammar stuff. Thanks for pointing out my strengths and for the plot, I'll try to throw in some twists when I have inspiration. I admit that the father conflict wasn't too exciting, but it felt realistic and appropriate at the moment while I was writing.... (Hmm now you mentioned it, i think I know what I want to add now. ) Anyway, it's a shame that's you stopped reviewing. You did a good job which a lot of reviewers couldn't achieve. Thanks again! :D
suzyelf
#8
Chapter 15: Hey, I haven't have your review yet, but whether or not your critisms are "good" or "bad", you're entitled to your opinion. There's no such thing as solid guildeline for good or bad review. No one should tell you otherwise. There are some rude requesters out there or some of them don't even acknowledged your effort( that's why I stopped reviewing) so you're not the only one who encountered such a thing. It's very common. Don't let them ruin your day! Like you said, just be your own judge and do whatever that makes you happy. Cheer up, girl! :) /slaps myself for making this lecture-y/