☑ gaksitalGaksital

Colloquial Mini Reviews ★ (╥﹏╥) ★ ☰ CLOSED
Please Subscribe to read the full chapter
home sTATUS MTBD REVIEWS PERPLEXITY INFINITUM @ YEOLWHO05 FEB
10   STORY INFORMATION:

GENRE/S: ANGST, ROMANCE, SCHOOL LIFE
MAIN CHARACTERS: PARK CHANYEOL, CHOI YOO MI (OC) AND ZHANG YIXING
CHAPTER COUNT: 3 CHAPTERS
STORY DESCRIPTION: It did not matter what the others thought of them. For Choi Yoo Mi, an outcast, spending time with Chanyeol was all she needed. It did not matter that he sacrificed his popularity just to be with her, because in return she kept his most revered secret. At night, he would take her to Neverland, a place where dreams turned to reality,  the night breathed with wonder, and stars could be picked from the sky like fruit from the trees. It did not matter that Yoo Mi was isolated in school, because Chanyeol always managed to sweep her off her feet, and whisk her away to Neverland. However, Chanyeol couldn't fill the loneliness that still lingers in her heart. Was Neverland really enough?


 

REMINDERs:

HERE ARE A FEW REMINDERS PRIOR TO THIS REVIEW. FIRST OF ALL, DON'T FORGET TO CREDIT THE SHOP -- EITHER THE SHOP OR ME, YEOLWHO05, SO AS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE EFFORT IN PROVIDING YOU THIS REVIEW. SECONDLY, MAKE SURE TO COMMENT AFTER PICKING YOUR REVIEW. DO PROVIDE YOUR FEEDBACK, IF POSSIBLE, AS WELL. i'D LIKE TO KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT MY REVIEW, LIKE DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG OR SOMETHING, OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO DEFEND YOUR STORY, ETC.? I'D BE GLAD TO ANSWER THEM ALL. ^^

 

AND HE TOOK HER TO NEVERLAND story LINK | GAKSITALGAKSITAL | FEB. 10, 2015

STRENGTHS:

(1) neverland + yoomi

surprisingly, i didn't find the story quite childish, as some might perceive it to be. normally, people would get sick of stories concerning peter pan or neverland, because, you know... anyway, it was really alluring to see how yoomi and neverland seem to fit together, as if it was a place where yoomi loosens up. good job!

(2) nice characterization

i don't know why you're a bit bothered by this section (well, at least that was what you said in the form), but i think that the characterization was fine; the s

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter
Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Author's Thoughts
yeolwho05
CALLING FOR CREAMCOLOURED-!
Read More →
Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
dhaatk #1
are you planning on re-opening any time soon?
W3ntchuuKrown #2
Chapter 20: Hey! Thanks for the review!! I'll credit this shop now and try to fix all my weaknesses!! ^^
yeolwho05 #3
Announcement!
I will finish the remaining three requests tomorrow since I'm just too busy at the moment. I promise to finish them all tmr, so please don't worry. I'll try my very best to finish all of my tasks. On another note, I am thinking of reopening the shop soon, so I guess I expect some of you to request again from me. Was that too bold? Anyway, adios~

~ yeolwho05, Colloquial Admin
snowflake16 #4
Chapter 19: Picked up and credited :D

It did take long, but I don't mind. I like the way you review so I wait diligently. I'm glad you liked my characters! Looking back they're all pretty distinct. I don't have favorites. I did add an extra dose of weird to Chunji lol, glad you noticed! I'm surprised your favorite turned out to be Kyung Soo. Jun Hyung is a favorite of most reviewers and Chunji is a fav of commenters, yet again no love for Boa, but that's life.

I'm glad you liked the title because initially I had a different one, which was very plain and uninteresting. 'Cheque Mate' was an epiphany. I'm so glad I didn't name it 'Checkmate' now! If I had, the story line would have turned out a bit different. Anyway, thank you! I feel reassured!

Poe's quote wouldn't fit if the ending was different, imo. That being said, I wouldn't exchange it because of it's evilness hehe.

Location/Time is just me being lazy tbh. Because CM is a one-shot, I found zero purpose of adding an extra line to explain where the characters were etc when scenes changed. I am lazy like that. I will take a look over it again though and see what I can do.

Yeah... That description does have short sentences. I noticed, but I have no idea how to fix those unless I change them a bit... It confounds me.

I agree with the 'he's' and I will definitely take that point into account. Thank you!

P.S. I changed that because I like to hide one of my antagonists. It reduces predictability and leaves room for that hidden-card ending ^^

P.P.S. I didn't find any^^
caelestis_ #5
Chapter 16: wowow
for a 'mini' review this was extremely helpful haha.
Honestly, I started writing this at the start of last year ( posted it once before too lol) when I wasn't actually paying much attention to most things such as title, description, characterization and all that stuff, like the first few chapters (I think up until about 5?) were written ages ago so some of the things I put in there confuses me too. Like, I don't get why I made Yixing all those stuff and then make him appear in the flashback as one of Sehun's father's workers, like how old is Yixing in this story?! I'm currently trying to re-read and edit/fix the chapters so they'll make at least a little sense. I also agree that the description does lack a lot. I always change it yet I can't make it any better otl. I'll try to improve the description again though : )
As for the title 'Oh, Sehun!' I couldn't agree more. It's not the tiniest bit relevant to the story. It actually just came to me and the idea for the plot that I had while thinking of that title was completely different to what I ended up typing but it just stuck to me, I guess. So I just kinda decided that the future me would be smart enough to come up with a way to make it relevant to the story. I've actually been trying to find a better suited title these past days but I still can't think of one u n u;;

I think that's all?
haha
thanks again for this short yet helpful review : )
I'll credit you right now~ ^ ^
chenminded #6
Hi! Just a quick suggestion, if you remove the constant capitalization of how you type the reviews? I don't have perfect eyesight, so I tend to get a little bothered. And it gets messy when I read. But this is just a suggestion, so you don't have to do them. I really like your shop, so I just want to say don't mind the haters and good luck! Fighting! :)
suzyelf #7
Chapter 15: Thank you for the review! It's very helpful and yes I should go and review some minor but important grammar stuff. Thanks for pointing out my strengths and for the plot, I'll try to throw in some twists when I have inspiration. I admit that the father conflict wasn't too exciting, but it felt realistic and appropriate at the moment while I was writing.... (Hmm now you mentioned it, i think I know what I want to add now. ) Anyway, it's a shame that's you stopped reviewing. You did a good job which a lot of reviewers couldn't achieve. Thanks again! :D
suzyelf #8
Chapter 15: Hey, I haven't have your review yet, but whether or not your critisms are "good" or "bad", you're entitled to your opinion. There's no such thing as solid guildeline for good or bad review. No one should tell you otherwise. There are some rude requesters out there or some of them don't even acknowledged your effort( that's why I stopped reviewing) so you're not the only one who encountered such a thing. It's very common. Don't let them ruin your day! Like you said, just be your own judge and do whatever that makes you happy. Cheer up, girl! :) /slaps myself for making this lecture-y/
Back to Top ↑