Namjoo's Pov:

"Namjoo, is that you?" I hear my mom call out from the kitchen, while I walk through the front door of our house.

"Yeah." I reply as I drop my things down by the door and head into the kitchen. Better prepare myself for all the questions about to be heading my way.

"Why are you home so late? What were you doing?" She may have asked what were you doing, but she really means to say, 'what were you doing and who were you with? What's her name?'

Well, let's see what type of excuse I can come up with. I can't let her know who I was really with, if I did, my god I'd never hear the end of it.

"I was um, helping... Bomi!" Wow, I never realized how great of a liar I am. I should win an award for being such a really great liar."Yeah, sorry mom, but I was helping Bomi with her homework, t-that's," Chill out Namjoo, you're not making this look any better on yourself, talk calmly." That's why I'm now just getting home, sorry."

"Bomi? You sure are with her alot." Mom says giving me a suspicious look. Great, here comes her being paranoid again. I am seriously getting tired of this, of all the questioning, the way she looks at me, just everything! I've never regretted something more then I did when I told her that day. Worse thing I ever did.

"Mom, she's my best friend. Im always with her and Chorong." I'm lucky my mom let me keep them as friends, I don't think I could have gotten through all this without them.

"No, you're always with that Bomi girl more then the other one. Is there something you're not telling me, Namjoo?" Seriously? Bomi? Really mom, Bomi? I would never like her that way, because if I ever even did, Chorong would kill me.

"No mom. We're just friends." I calmly say, but the next words I say leave me feeling like my insides were pulled out from me, god it made me feel so sick to say this. "Besides, you fixed me, remember?" Fixed me... Right, because I was broken, because I was a 'disgusting, revolting, sickening parson' who needed to be fixed...

"Right, silly me, what was I thinking?" My mom says and let's out one of the most fakest giggles you could ever hear. Silly you, more like shame on you. "You should go change and come down for dinner."

"No thanks, I don't feel like eating right now." I've completely lost my appetite, there's no way I could even think about eating right now.

"Namjoo, go change. When you're done come down and have dinner with me." Why do I even bother anymore? There's no winning against her, it's a useless fight.

"Fine." I go to my room, change and decide to lay on my bed for a couple minutes, that will be until my mom starts calling me asking what's taking so long.

I'm beginning to not like being alone. Whenever I'm by myself, I only have my thoughts as my company. And I'm beginning to really not like what my thoughts have me thinking of here lately.

I use to only think of one thing, and that was of her. Of Irene, I couldn't not think of her. She left me having so many questions to ask, and answers that I wonder if I truly wanted to hear. But nonetheless there are still so many things that demand to be said. Such as things like, 'Where did you go? Do you ever think about me? You've ruined me. Are you okay?' But of course, I can't say any of that, for you're not here to hear them.

Let go, Bomi and Chorong tell me this often, to just let go, of you. They talk about letting someone go as if it's the easiest thing. Unfurl your fingers one by one until your hand is open. Right? Wrong. It's way harder then it may seem or how people explain it. Or maybe it's just me, maybe it's just me who finds it hard, but I have a reason for not letting go. A very good reason.

[Flashback, One year ago]

"Why are you looking at me like that? Why do you always look at me like that?" Irene asks as we lay together on my bed, she's looking up at the ceiling but she could still tell that I was looking at her.

"I can't help it." I reply, I can't, honestly.

"And why not?"

"You're incredibly beautiful," I told her, because she was, I thought it would be an especially nice compliment, and I was also hoping she would understand my true meaning behind it. "When you find something incredibly beautiful, it's kinda hard not to look."

"Whatever. You're just being weird again." She finally stops looking at the ceiling and lands her gaze on me, she's smiling at me.

"If being weird means being right, you might as well just start calling me weirdo." I must have the biggest smile on my face. Having her smile at me like that, makes me feel all types of things, for sure one of them is happiness. She makes me happy.

"Well, weirdo, if people saw the way you're looking at me now, they might think you've fallen for these looks of mine." I already have.

"Oh really?"

"Really." The smirk she has on her face as she says that, drives me crazy. I suddenly get some confidence and try my luck. I quickly move from my laying position and place myself on top of Irene while I straddled her hips, I lean down and peck her lips, she's the least bit surprise for I do this offen, as much as she will let me that is. She won't let me go any further than just a simple peck on the lips, why she won't let me? I don't know, but I wish she would.

"You really like kissing me, huh?" Irene says as I stay where I am. What kind of question is that? It's more like she's just stating the facts. 

"Do you even have to ask?" I simply reply as I continue to give her light pecks here and there, until she suddenly stops me by holding my shoulders. She surprises me with the next few words she says.

"Why don't you kiss me some more then?" I froze, just sitting there trying to comprehend what she said to me. She gives me no time to respond as she rolled her eyes at me and took my left hand into hers. 

"My god you're," She began, and I waited, heart throbbing in my throat. "Such a pain." She concluded.

"Sorry?" I asked, confused by what she meant. But once again she gives me no time to respond as her head swooped in and touched mine. I tried to speak, but one of Irene hands held the back of my head, she had me completely laying down on top of her, she kept her lips pressed against mine, kissing me softly but aggressively at the same time.

Oh wow, I thought distractedly. My god, Irene and me, we're kissing, really kissing. Just as I thought this couldn't get any better, Irene tilted her head to kiss me more deeply, and I felt totally light headed. Then I remembered to breathe through my nose, and the fog cleared a tiny bit. She had our bodies completely pressed together, while having her arms around me, her hands flat against my back. It was incredible. I loved it. I loved her.

"Namjoo!"

It was a total disaster.

Gasping, I pulled back from kissing Irene. "I, m-m-mom," I began oh so coherently, I jumped up, trying to get off of Irene quickly.

There she stood. My mother.

She's giving me this look, a look of disgust.

"Namjoo, w-what i-is, this!" My mother angrily shouted at me, pointing back and forth between me and Irene.

"Mom I can explain! I-it's, I-it's," I've never been more scared than I am this very moment, the way my mother is looking at me, as if she could kill me, her own daughter. Is terrifying.

"Mrs Kim, it's not what it looks like," Irene says, standing up from the bed but taking a few steps away from me. She looks at me, giving me a bitter smile. Why is she looking at me like that? Why does she look like, she's sorry? That look went forgotten after hearing the next few words she says, leaving me completely speechless. "Mrs Kim, I told Namjoo to stop, but she wouldn't get off of me! She held me down and she forcefully kept kissing me!" What? W-what is she d-doing?

After I blinked for a few times and processed what I just heard, I felt like a knife just stabbed me right through the heart as I felt a stinging pain of betrayal all over my chest. I wasn't feeling sad, or hurt, or even fooled. Betrayal was what I felt, my heart broken not just by a girl I was in love with, but also by, as I believed, a true friend. How could she do this to me?

"Mom that's, t-that's n-not," I couldn't even speak anymore for I was just so scared. What do I do? Do I tell my mother the truth? How would she take it? Learning that her daughter likes girls, how would she take it? "Mom, I... I like girls." I blurted out before I could stop myself. Only to learn that was the biggest mistake I could have ever made.

"No! You're not l-like t-that!!' My mother shouts as she moved to where I was in a blink of an eye. She lands a slap to my right cheek, sending me flying to the floor. As I lay on the ground, I put my hand to the cheek my mother had just hit, just to pull away and see blood on it. She had hit me so hard to the point I was even bleeding. The bleeding was most likely caused because of her nails.

"Namjoo," My mother calls out, her voice broke as she spoke. She grabs me by the coller of my shirt trying to make me look at her, but I kept my head down. "Namjoo, you're not like that, like one of those disgusting, revolting, sickening people, okay? Don't worry, I'll fix this, I'll fix you."

I looked up at my mom, just breaking down in tears the moment I did. Fix me, fix me,