chapter twelve: confession

"just stay by my side, that's my confession."   

"We're off in twenty minutes, Jonathan. Have you packed your stuff yet?" Suho asks as he paces around the room, constantly checking on the things they've brought along.

Jonathan could only respond with a weak nod. It was obvious that the young man was feeling down due to them failing to bring along Sehun with them. Well, they couldn't blame the latter, he was hurt after all.  Perhaps for now, nothing can mend back his broken heart. Nothing nor no one might fix his broken, fragile heart that had been shattered into pieces years ago.

They were so near, yet so far, as if an inivisible mirror were separating them. It pained Jonathan that he couldn't reach out Sehun despite standing in front of him.

The pain of not being able to reach out into him anymore made his heart wrench.

"Jonathan?" the voice of Baekhyun snaps the young male back into reality, hopefully, he secretly tries to blink back the tears. "Hey, what's up with you this morning? You sure you're good?" a worried Baekhyun questioned as he eyed Jonathan directly into the eyes. Jonathan tried to avert his eyes away, alas, he failed and was left with no choice but to look at Baekhyun straight to the eye. 

"I'm good." he tried to smile before he nods his head. "I'm really fine, I promise."

"Doesn't seem like it." Baekhyun laughed before he ruffled Jonathan's hair, messing it up ocne more. "Look at those teary eyes! Are those the eyes of a perfectly 'fine' person?"

"T-they're not tears. I'm just, well, still sleepy. I've been yawning for a few minutes now—"

"Jo, we've raised you for quite some time. We witnessed how you kind of grew up for quite some years." Suho frowned before he paced towards the younger. "We kind of know you now. You can't lie to us. Besides, you slept rather early last night. It's impossible for you to still be sleepy. You're not even the type to get sleepy!" he retorted.

"So, better speak up the truth, kiddo." Baekhyun stated out before he crosses his arms. "Come on, we're in all ears to listen. Speak up."

Jonathan can only frown and avert away before Suho learns what's bothering the younger' head. "It's Sehun, isn't it?"

"Great guess you've got." Jonathan smiled sadly before he nods. "Yes. It's... him."

"Jonathan, we've discussed this already, haven't we?" Baekhyun sighed before he pursed his lips out into a cute pout. "We tried. We failed. We can't force him through. If he doesn't want to, then he doesn't want to. We can't force him again. ... Sehun's been through a lot already and, well, as 'brothers', we can't hurt him once more, can we now?"

"I know that." Jonathan breathed out heavily. "But still, EXO isn't 'EXO' with one missing member, whoever it may be. Hyerin-noona wished for the complete package and if I fail this one, then I fail to grant her death wish too."

"But come on, Jonathan," Suho tried to counter before he runs his fingers through his hair. "Sehun has a girlfriend now. Daeun needs him too. He's got his own steady life now. Don't tell me you want to crash in his life and forcefully drag him away from it. Do you want that?"

"No."

"Do you want Sehun to get hurt again?"

"No."

"Then you've gotta understand." Suho explained before he pats the younger's back. "If Sehun wants to join us, then he will find a way to reunite with us. If he doesn't, then let's accept that. He's been hurt and he's learned so. He's surely not going to repeat the same mistakes again."

Jonathan heavily breathed out as he watched the two walk off and grab their belongings. Just as when Baekhyun was about to step out, his weak voice croaked out. "Then, if we can't bring Sehun-appa along with us, at least permit me to stay here for a bit longer. Let me be permitted to have one last talk with him before we head off."

A deep sigh escaped Suho. "Jonathan, come on, we've been through this now, haven't we "

"I'm not going to force him." Jonathan promised before he eyes the two eagerly. "One last talk. A farewell one. Just like that. Let me see him and talk to him for one last time before we completely head off and never see him again."

"Jonathan—"

"He was still my father. A son still has the right to say his farewell message to his dad, right?"

There was a brief moment of silence as Baekhyun and Suho exchanged looks. They were rather unsure on what to reply to the latter, but eventually, the deep sigh escaping Suho answered Jonathan's long-awaited question. "Alright. We'll stay here up until noon. We'll let you go off to Sehun and talk to him. But! You promise us first that there will be no forcing done. Sehun... deserves peace from now on. Understood?"

"Roger that." Jonathan happily smiled before he tackled the two into a tight hug. "Thank you so much!"

"Hey, anything for our son, right?" Baekhyun smiled before he ruffles Jonathan's hair again.

Jonathan can remember it all so clearly.

As he strolled down the streets, memories of them began to flash before his very eeys. Memories that took place years ago when they were still this so called "family". Memories of laughter, of joy, of nothing but a happy, carefree life. Memories when they worried about nothing at all. Memories when all they thought about was each other. Those times when their bond was stronger than anything else. Those times... when they were still "one".

He could clearly remember Huiying's birthday party their twelve "fathers" had specially prepared for the back-then little girl of the family. The effort was grand, the party was everything Huiying had imagined it to be. It was rather the best birthday party any little girl can dream. A party that made her feel like a real princess she had always dreamed she would be. Jonathan can still remember how wide her smile was.

Her party was on the same building Jonathan was staring at. It's been renovated, but still, he can see how the picture when it was still nothing but a simple-looking building covered in their hand-made banners and self-blown balloons that were tinted in various colors. On the center was a long table filled with dishes he could recall Suho and three more members had prepared themselves, along with Hyerin's help of course. He could recall the cake that Huiying had wished for appear in front of her with brightly lit candles on it. 

He could somewhat hear their cheery "happy birthday" song they had sung to Huiying back then.

He could still feel the light breeze that brushed through his and their faces when Kris had opened the back door to let the wind in.

He could still feel the warmth of their embrace when they gathered for a lovely family hug.

He could still see the flash of the camera in front of him when they took that family picture.

Jonathan smiled faintly before he dug in his back pockets, grabbing his wallet and opening it in a special pocket hidden well in the said object. In it was a rather old-looking picture— all wrinkled up and slightly torn on the corners— resting quietly in it.

That same family picture with EXO. Jonathan chuckled softly as he recalled how he treated the said picture as a "good-luck charm". He carried it when he became an official SM Entertainment trainee. The picture was with him when they made their debut. He carried it along when Pandora Street garnered their first win. He had it when they climbed up the MAMA Stage to receive a world-wide award. It was with him in the happiest moments of his life.

But now, it was nothing but a wrinkled-up picture of fifteen people walking in different paths, surely away from one another. It was painful to think about it, but as they say, the truth hurts badly.

Jonathan, when he couldn't bear the pain anymore, brought back the picture in his wallet and placed the wallet back in his back pocket. 

He had to approach Sehun.

The last time he saw him was yesterday, with Daeun— his girlfriend— in the restaurant he's in now. There were no signs of Sehun nor Daeun there so he decided to leave the place hurriedly.

There's still three hours until noon. He had to hurry.

Now.

Luckily, being an ex-EXO member, Sehun still has some high popularity stats. EXO was a popular boy-group once and was once Korea's hottest trend. They were literally everywhere in the country, and even outside! How popular is that? And with that known, Sehun has a high popularity-ranking up until this day, despite being nothing but a mere commoneer right now.

Jonathan decided to ask around, and luckily, a woman around four or five years older than him noticed Sehun around the place and even pointed to where she thinks he and Daeun are staying for the time being. With great hurry, Jonathan sprinted off.

He hurried to this mini-hotel that woman had pointed out where the couple were staying.

And he was right, since he saw Daeun heading over that place.

"Daeun-noona!" he called out, grabbing the female's attention easily. Unfortunately, the way Daeun's face wrinkled up into an expression of annoyance wasn't a good sign.

"I thought we've made it clear yesterday?" Daeun coldly answers as she eyes Jonathan with annoyance. "Sehun isn't going with you guys. I won't let my man get hurt again by you heartless people again!"

"I'm not hear to discuss that, noona. I—"

"You what? Want to trick him again? I know you. You're that member of this popular group and I've heard lots of rumors of you being good with words. However, Sehun is smarter than you think. He won't fall in this trap you've set."

"That's not it. I just came here to talk with him. Me and my, erm, hyungs are going off three hours from now. I just want to say... goodbye to him." Jonathan softly explained.

"'Goodbye'? Haven't your long done that already? You've long said your farewell to him! It's better if you don't show yourself to Sehun by this time. He's more likely to go mad."

"But—"

"Go already! I've had enough of you hurting Sehun—"

"Daeun, what's going on?" Sehun, who had decided to come out of their place, asks as he had overheard the sudden shouts of his girlfriend. Seeing Daeun confronted by Jonathan, Sehun hurriedly grabs her and tries to protect her. "What's going on here? Why are you here again, Jonathan?" he glared as he holds Daeun close.

"He's interrupting us again, that's what it is." Daeun frowned before she eyes Jonathan with anger. "Sehun, whatever happens, don't listen to him. He's going to hurt you again, I swear—"

"I'm not going to convince him to go with us!" Jonathan retorted, hopelessly trying to redeem himself. "I just want to talk."

"Liar!"

"Daeun," Sehun softly speaks up as he eyes his girlfriend. "Go inside. I'll handle this, okay?"

"But, Sehun—"

"I promise I'll come inside in a few minutes, okay? I just need to handle this."

"... Alright." And with that, Daeun slowly makes her way back into their place. Once she was gone, Sehun's eyes were instantly locked at Jonathan, annoyance flashing bright in his black orbs.

"Now, care to explain why you are here, Jonathan?" he questions as he crosses his arms. "If you're here to make a scene, then leave already as early as now. I swear, you've seen me angry once, right? You wouldn't like it. And I don't want to be mad at you neither."

"I... just want to say that me and the hyungs are off." he softly replies. Weakly replies, to be exact. His voice was quiverring as he tries to form out the words to reply to Sehun. "And, well, I just wanted to say goodbye."

The softness in Sehun's eyes were noticeable. 

Hearing that one, painful word made his eyes water.

"It's sad, you know." he hears Jonathan speak again. "I thought... we can be a family once more. Unfortunately, everything will just be nothing but a mere children's fantasy. Everything won't happen according to one's special want. Things happen for a reason, and with a valid explanation. And here, you not coming along and that unmeasurable hatred growing towards us now has an explanation, right?"

Sehun wanted to cry.

"You were hurt. The twelve of you were." Jonathan sadly smiled. "And I'm sorry that you were. But here's one explanation too, to explain ourselves on why we badly want you back."

He wanted to cry and fall on his knees.

"But here's why we want you back so bad. On why we want EXO back so bad." Jonathan breathed in before he tries to gather all his courage and eye Sehun. "Our Hyerin-noona. She's.... sick with brain tumor."

"What?" Sehun's eyes grew twice larger than usual before he choked on his own spit. "You... you're not serious, are you?"

"Does it look like I'm joking?" Jonathan leered before he places both his hands in his jeans' pockets. "I wish I were joking about her condition, but I'm not. She's diagnosed with a severe case of brain tumor and her days are counted down. We aren't sure when she'll go... and at least then, we hope to fulfill her wishes."

"Wishes?"

"To bring the twelve of you back. To be able to feel that family again. To be happy like how we were once before." 

"... That was her wish?"

"Is her wish. And I'm afraid we won't be able to fulfill that anymore." he sighed before he smiles assuringly to Sehun. "But don't worry. I suppose noona would consider your absence. She'd understand."

"Well then, good bye, Sehun-appa."

Sehun was broken all over again.

His wanted to cry more. Unfortunately, there were no more tears to be shed.

"Sehun," he hears his beloved Daeun call out to him as she neared herself to him, carrying his favorite bubble tea she herself had personally made for him. "Here. This might cheer you up a bit." she says, smiling softly at him before she sits beside her beloved. Sehun silently takes it and lifelessly, takes a sip. After one or two sips, he stops and places it on the table, growing uninterested on the drink. "What's wrong? Did that Jonathan bother you again? Did he threaten you?"

"He didn't, Daeun." Sehun shakes his head. "He just... told me something."

"Like?"

There was nothing but silence for quite a few minutes before Sehun finally spoke up again. "He told me that... someone in our family is sick."

"Huh?! Who? Your brother? Mother? Father—"

"My daughter. Our eldest daughter."

"Daughter? Sehun, you don't—"

"Remember those three kids I used to tell you before, Daeun?" Sehun asks as he eyes his girlfriend. "The three orphans we took in long ago. The eldest among them, Kim Hyerin, she's sick." 

"Hyerin? You mean that girl from Pandora Street? Are they the same person?" Daeun, who was now confused, asked. 

"Yes. Her. She... is one of EXO's daughter." Sehun weakly replies before he stands up. "And she's terribly ill, Daeun."

"Sick with what?"

"B... brain tumor. A severe case of brain tumor that's making her days wither faster than ever." 

Daeun felt the pain coarsing through Sehun's veins. She watched as his eyes watered and soon, tears fell from the rim of his eyes, rolling down his cheeks. "I'm worried sick for her, Daeun. I want... to see her. I want to make her wishes come true. It's been years since I've seen Hyerin and now that she's dying... it makes me feel bad." she watched Sehun fall onto his knees and weep again. "What kind of father am I, Daeun? I abandoned my family and my brothers! I made the agony and hatred get the best of me!"

Daeun was now weeping too.

"Tell me, Daeun. Tell me." he begs as if he was dying inside as well. "Tell me, what am I supposed to do now? What am I going to do with Hyerin dying? I don't.. I don't want her to go without seeing me. But I've hurt and had been hurt by my brothers. I'm nothing by a broken slob now!"

Daeun was in a state of mental breakdown, like Sehun.

"What am I going to do?!"

Daeun can only hug Sehun before she breathed out shakily. "Well, my father used to endure anything just to make me happy. He lied and bottled everything up, and never complained." she began as she held tightly onto Sehun. "That's because he and mom loved me dearly. They loved their family ever so dearly, and that, Sehun, is what makes up a family. The love and the sacrifices they do for their offsprings. You, as you had said, are a father of three. What do you suppose your father will do if you were in the same situation, huh, Sehun?" she questioned before she met Sehun's teary eyes.

"He'd... come and see me. He'd weep in front of me and try to make up for all the time we had lost for each other."

"Then do that." Daeun smiled. "I'll wait for you. You go and see your family. Rid of the hatred. Rid of the agony. Do this for your family." she advices before she holds his hand. "I know you're strong, Oh Sehun. I know you were and always will be strong. You're a tough guy, and that's basically why I fell in love with you in the first place, right? Because you stood up for me out of everyone who could've. Now, go. Hyerin— no, your family needs you."

Sehun could only smile before he nods, darting off their place.

He ran. 

And ran more.

Just like how he did back then.

When he was chasing for his dear dreams. He ran and ran and didn't stop until he grabbed hold of them.

And at the same time, he's doing the same thing.

Chasing after his new "dreams".

Tears were flowing down his tears uncontrollably as he went through the groups of people. He was letting his long, strong legs carry him as fast as they could. He hoped secretly that he can catch up, though it seemed possible. But when he thinks of it, being an idol before seemed impossible too, yet he was able to gain that dream of his. 

So why can't he do it for the second time?

"Jonathan!" he cried out on the top of his lungs as he darted forward, finally seeing the familiar trio walking a few meters away from him. But thanks to the crowd in between him and the trio, Sehun wasn't granted ease in calling out to the three.

"Jonathan! Jonathan, wait up!" he cried out as he squeezed through.

"Please, don't leave ma all alone again!"

"Jonathan!"

His tears were pooling on the rims of his eyes again.

"Jonathan! Don't leave me all alone again! Please!"

He had enough of the torture.

"Sehun?—"

"Suho-hyung!" Sehun exclaimed out as he lunged himself towards Suho, collapsing in his arms. Despite being taller than Suho, Sehun was nothing but a baby towards the older. Tears were rolling down his cheeks, and yes, he is a grown man.

But emotions chose no age.

The younger was crying loudly as he was embraced by the former leader while Baekhyun makes his way to hug the younger. Jonathan was there too, witnessing how Sehun was reunited with his brothers. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I've been immature! I'm sorry, you were right! You didn't mean any of those things to happen, yet I didn not listen. I've been a terrible brother to you." Sehun uncontrollably sobbed as the three collapsed on the floor.

"Sehun, you've got no reason to apologize. All of us committed a mistake." Suho mumbled as he patted the younger's back. "There, there, it's okay. Right, Baekhyun? Jonathan?" 

"It's great you went back to us, Sehun." Baekhyun smiled as tears welled up around his eyes as well. "Welcome back, brother."

Jonathan joined in, crying along with his three "fathers".