Sometimes Luhan thinks Jongdae is impervious to it all.

Luhan sighs, resting his head on his folded arms. He can’t stand to look at the comments any longer. He knows he really shouldn’t be doing this and that it’s only hurting himself but he can’t help it. His urge to know outweighs his rationality.  

He hears a soft knock at the door but doesn’t move, knowing if it’s important, whoever it is will come in. He’s just tired today, just too tired.

The door cracks open and Jongdae sticks his head in, seeing his hyung resting at the desk in front of the computer.

“Are you asleep hyung?” He speaks in a whisper but Luhan doesn’t move, merely answering in a muffled voice.

“Not yet.”

Jongdae comes closer, frowning when he sees the open tab up on the computer. It’s for their newest music video and while most are supporting and encouraging, Jongdae knows that there are still some hate comments that are posted. He’s learned to shrug them off by now but judging by Luhan’s state, he hasn’t.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, you know. Watching our video.”

“Why? Haven’t you seen it enough?”

“Just…to see.”

Jongdae snorts as he settles himself in the other rolling chair, pulling it closer to his hyung. “And I suppose all the comments aren’t bothering you either?”

“They’re very nice.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes. His hyung must think he’s completely oblivious. “You don’t have to pretend hyung. I know you read most of them.”

He doesn’t know why though. Luhan is always the first to pull up an article on them or turn the TV on when it’s showing one of their performances. He’s also the first to get upset about seeing himself but also wanting to see himself.

Jongdae hates it. He hates how Luhan builds himself up only to totally tear himself down a second later and become completely wrecked by it.

“I can’t help it.” Luhan turns his head over, meeting Jongdae’s gaze. How can he not be affected by it? Luhan has learned to take everything to heart and personally. He thinks that’s the only way he’ll get better.

Of course, it probably adds to the fact that it’s a reflection on all of them. He’s the second oldest and expected to care for the rest of EXO. If his flaws continue to be pointed out over and over, how is he then fit to look out for the others?

“You could, you know, do something else.”

Luhan glares at the younger who raises his hands up in surrender. “Okay, fine. Not a time to be funny, I get it. But seriously hyung, why do you let it get to you so much? You don’t even know them. Their opinions don’t matter, especially because the good far outweighs the bad.” He gestures to the screen where there are pages and pages of love and support, with only the occasional bad comment.

“I know, I know, but still.” Luhan runs a hand through his hair in frustration as he leans back in the chair. “I can’t help it. It’s hard not to want to read about yourself. Does that make me conceited?”

“No more than usual,” jokes Jongdae and Luhan scowls at him. “I’m kidding hyung. I understand what you mean though. You want to know what people think of you.”

“Exactly! And if I’m doing something wrong, I want to know about it.”

Jongdae reaches over for the mouse, clicking out of the video so Luhan won’t have to stare at the comments any longer. The elder lets him, dragging a hand down his face as he huffs a drawn-out sigh.

“It’s stupid, I know. It just so hard not to let it get to you, you know?”

“I know.”

“But you’re always so…so calm about it.” Luhan meets eyes with the other, disbelief coloring his tone. “I don’t understand it. You take criticism so well. Not that you get it a lot in the first place, but still. It doesn’t seem to bother you.”

Jongdae shrugs. “It doesn’t.”

“How?”

“I don’t let it. As long as you guys are with me, my family and friends, the fans, it doesn’t matter what a few people have to say about me. Right?”

“You’re just so sure about it.”

Luhan doesn’t understand. Whenever Jongdae is criticized or judged or anything, he merely takes it in stride and then moves on. He never dwells on any of the bad stuff and Luhan envies that, because that’s what keeps him up at night the most.

Jongdae just brushes off things that have Luhan questioning himself for days. He doesn’t know what it is about the younger but he receives feedback amazingly and even cleverly makes haters look foolish.

Luhan wishes he were that impervious.

Things bounce off Jongdae like bubbles and he pops every one on the way down.

“I just don’t show that I’m not,” explains Jongdae. “If I don’t show that it hurts, it doesn’t. A mind trick sort of. It works too.”

“Huh.”

“Hyung, you don’t really have anything to be insecure about anyway.” Jongdae pats Luhan on the thigh, smiling widely and laughing a little when the deer’s cheeks blush slightly.

“Thanks Jongdae-ah.”

“Just let them bounce off you. And if it actually does get to you, I’m, you know.” Jongdae turns suddenly sheepish. Luhan looks at him, interested as to why he stopped talking.

“You’re what?”

“I’m, you know.” Jongdae stumbles slightly over his words. For someone that’s so usually good at articulating what he’s feeling, Jongdae’s a little hesitant now. “Here. I’m here. You know, for you.”

A/N: The ending's not the best but I actually really like this one. Maybe because bias.

By the way, I got a tumblr. It's not too interesting but you can chek it out if you like: http://henseumyehet.tumblr.com/

Until next time darlings