[CONTENTID1] CHAPTER FORTY FIVE - HELPLESSNESS [/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]

All I feel is pain. Strong, deep, excruciating pain that is spread throughout my entire body. I’ve never felt so much agony in my entire life — and that’s saying something, considering all the I’ve been through. I try to open my eyes but they feel like they’re glued shut. Panic starts to bubble inside me and I try to move other body parts but to no avail. 

I’m paralysed.

Oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God, Oh my ing God! Wake up, Hyerim, wake the up. No, no, no, no, no.

I’m filled with fear so intense it steals my breath. I struggle to breathe for a few moments before I realise that there’s something in my mouth doing it for me anyway. I so desperately want to open my eyes but something is preventing me from doing so.

Am I in a coma? Oh my ing God, am I in a coma!?

Then, something incredible happens. I do not open my eyes but, instead, the lids become transparent, allowing me to see through them. I look around but see nothing but blackness. I hear footsteps and they stop right next to me. My heart begins to race with fear but that fear is soon replaced with relief.

“Oh, my precious angel,” Eomma gasps, cupping my face and peppering kisses all over it. I want to smile but my muscles are too stiff. It’s as if someone has injected ten doses of Botox into my face. “What the hell happened to you?”

“Eomma,” I whimper though I don’t even feel my lips move. After all, I still have something — a tube, perhaps? — stuck in my throat. “Eomma, help me.”

“Oh, baby, I want to,” she whispers, her eyes filling with tears. “I want to but I can’t. I can’t do anything except encourage you to fight, baby girl. Fight for yourself, fight for me. Fight for Hyomi, for Appa.”

“How can I fight if I don’t even know if I’m alive right now?” I ask her, my eyes also glistening with unshed tears despite the fact that they’re still closed. “Eomma, I’m scared.”

“That’s okay, baby. That’s okay,” she assures me, kissing my forehead over and over ahead. “It’s okay to be scared so long as you don’t let your fear control you. Fear will only get you so far. Do you understand?”

“Don’t leave me again,” I plead, wishing I could reach out and hug her with everything in me. “Please don’t leave me again. I miss you too much.”

“I miss you too,” she sighs, holding my tightly. “And I love you so, so much. You have no idea what I’d do to be able to have you in my arms again. I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Don’t leave me,” I whimper, mentally shaking my head. Physically, I’m still completely immobile. She pulls away and tearfully smiles down at me. I take a moment to study her face, memorising every feature of it. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to envision her this clearly and detailed. “I love you, Eomma.”

“Someone’s coming,” she blurts out and my heart stops. “Fight, Hyerim.” And just like that, she disappears into thin air. I want to scream and call out to her. I want to reach out and grab her. I want to do something, anything. But I can’t. Despite all my might, I can’t.

And that’s worse than any physical pain I have ever and could ever feel.

“She’s awake,” I hear someone say. “She’s so beautiful. Jesus Christ, I think I’m in love.”

“Hyung, you’re a psycho,” a second voice comes in. “She’s in a coma.”

“No, she’s not. She was dreaming but now she’s awake…eh…I should probably unstitch her eyes, right?”

“Y-you stitched her eyes closed!?” 

I hear the clattering of metal and utensils. Panic rises within me and I feel my body begin to excrete excessive amounts of sweat. I feel all too hot and all too cold at the same time. I don’t know what to do — no, that’s wrong. I know what to do, I just can’t do it in this state.

“If she’s awake, why isn’t she moving?”

“I injected her with succinylcholine which is a paralytic drug. It doesn’t last very long though since the body breaks it down at a rapid rate. I’ve had to constantly inject her.”

“Is that bad for her?”

There’s a pause.

“I have no ing idea!”

Cue hysterical laughter. The fear I felt is given a dose of rage and I feel myself start to regain feeling in my muscles. First, it’s my face. I grit my teeth but don’t try to open my eyes. What kind of psychopath stitches people’s eyes closed?

“You really are crazy, Minki.”

“Ne, but at least I’m handsome.”

“What? What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“Has anyone ever told you, you speak too much?” I feel something touch my arm and feel the urge to scream but my body is still unresponsive. Then, I feel pressure on my eyes and pain shoots through me. All I can do is wince and mentally curse at the pain. “Ah, there we go, beautiful.” 

My eyes hurt too much but still, I flicker them open. Brightness momentarily blinds me until the light above me is turned away. I close my eyes briefly before opening them again. Everything is blurry and my vision is not clearing no matter how many times I blink. A blurred face comes into view above me. All I can tell is that the person is male and has crazy, short black hair and big, black-rimmed eyes.

“Wah…she has pretty eyes,” he says. Then, another person comes into view though they’re equally as blurry. I can only make out their bright orange hair. “Do we have to take them? I could stare into them all day.” Terror explodes in every part of my brain. I hear loud beeping. “Oh no, her heart rate spiked. She’s scared.”

“Can she hear us?”

“Are you dumb? Of course she can hear us.” The black haired one my face and I feel vomit rise in my throat. “So pretty. I seriously think I’m in love with her. We’re perfect for each other.”

“Hyung. You don’t even know her…and look at the situation. No way in hell are you two suited for each other.”

“Fate has a funny way of doing things, Taehyung.” The black-haired male grabs something lower down my face and I feel the object in my mouth being pulled out. I was right in thinking it was a breathing tube. As soon as it’s out, I start gasping for air. I have control of some of myself again. “There we go, my precious.”

Tears pool in my eyes but I will them not to fall. The last thing I want to do in this situation is give them the satisfaction of seeing my cry. He my cheek again while the orange-haired male behind him watches me with an odd expression.

“So beautiful. Aigoo…now I feel bad for hurting her,” the one touching me says with a tut and a pout. "At least I also saved her. That bullet in her neck almost killed her! We're lucky she'll even be able to speak now."

"She got shot in the neck? Poor girl...if she were lucky, she would've died."

A beat of silence.

“Yah, Taehyung-ah. Write in the report that…due to medical complications, we were unable to remove her eyes.”

“You want to lie?” the orange-haired male, Taehyung, questions incredulously. “But hyung—”

“I’m in love, Tae. I can’t hurt her more than I already have.”

Taehyung groans and rolls his eyes. He fists his hair before tugging it harshly and grabbing something from the table behind him. He walks over to my other side and hands the other male a clipboard. The taller male scribbles something down before handing it back to Taehyung.

“You’re really crazy.”

“Crazy in love.”

Taehyung scoffs. “Yeah, right. You’re not in love, you’re just crazy and infatuated with her beauty.”

“No, I really love her. Over the past few weeks, I’ve really gotten to know her, Tae,” the black-haired male insists. My heart stops at his words. Past few weeks!? Just how long have I been in this state, in this godforsaken place? I start to panic all over again and hear the heart monitor beep frantically. “, don’t be scared, jagi. I’m here for you.”

“Doctor Lee, Taehyung-ah. You’re needed in the other operation room,” a new voice interjects. The two males above me groan and step away, though the black-haired one keeps his hand on my face. “It’s urgent.”

“, this is why we need Seokjin,” Taehyung mutters, obvious sadness in his voice. “I wish he was still here.”

“Let’s not dwell on the past,” Doctor Lee — he’s a doctor!? — tells him whilst walking away. “Come on, let’s go see what’s going on next door.” Silence fills the room — apart from the beeping of machinery — as they leave me alone. I know without a second thought that this is my chance, possibly the first and last.

I start fighting against the fading drug in my body. To my amazement, I start regaining feeling in other parts of my body including my toes and fingers. After several minutes, I manage to raise my hand. However, it sticks when I get to a certain point.

Am…strapped down?

I grit my teeth together and force my head to one side, then to the other. My neck aches but I ignore it as I look around for whatever is binding me to this table-like bed. My eyes zero in on black leather straps around my wrists and ankles.

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