A/N: five small drabbles I wrote for my baby Xin during these months of friendship and LINE talks.

VIII

Baby talk

At one point he fears to go to sleep.

Because he’ll dream about him and his tight hugs, the sweet nothings he told him every time they were together, his warm hands in his ones; he’ll think that everything is alright, perfectly in place as he left it, and when he’ll open his eyes he’ll know it was just an illusion.

He thinks his heart can’t take this anymore. He knows so.

So he goes to run, to drink, to club, to walk, he does everything he can do to not fall asleep. His eyes are bloodshot and his body shivers for every small nothing, but he clenches his fists and struggles a bit more, to not see him in his dreams.

He lives a bright happy life – an empty lie he allows himself to believe, as he fills every gap of his schedule with something to do, someone to meet, somewhere to go; but not talking to anyone, not for real, the days passes becoming months and the hollow sensation inside his chest grows wider.

He misses Taehyun.

*

Taehyun knows it’s ed up when he calls Seungyoon. He knows he shouldn’t. He feels it inside, an annoying itch in his chest as he lets Seungyoon touch him. He knows but doesn’t care, as Seungyoon warms him up.

Only when the dawn gets closer, the sky turning pale slowly, and Taehyun lies on the bed, alone and cold, only then he regrets. For Seungyoon is already gone back home, to his family, and he’s the one left behind.

*

Seungyoon is deadly tired lately. He drags himself from the dorm to the studio, from the studio to the dorm, back and forth, feeling as he’s walking in a daydream – he can’t focus on details and he can’t really hear what other people try to tell him. In his head there is a melody he can’t finish, in his heart a weariness he can’t erase.

It’s the fourth day he’s like this when Taehyun decides to stop him. He hugs the leader and forces him to lie back, on his bed. He makes him stay there, telling him he will pester him unless he gets some rest. Seungyoon gives in, knowing that no one can win against the maknae.

Taehyun, then, smiles. “Good child”, he says. He sings for him until Seungyoon’s eyelids are heavy and he finally sleeps.

Taehyun will say that he did such a thing for Winner’s sake, because the leader must be strong for them all, but he’ll always know it wasn’t for that. Not really.

*

Taehyun checked the baby in his small bed, sleeping peacefully, his hands fisted and his cute pink mouth opened as he breathed silently. He chuckled when he felt Seungyoon hugging him from behind, placing his hands on his belly and his chin on his shoulder.

“Taehyun-ah, come to sleep”, he pleaded with his husky and warm voice, his breath tickling his ear. Taehyun smiled widely and nodded.

When they finally were on their bed, Seungyoon cuddling him with his arms, Taehyun raised a hand to ruffle his soft air. “Mh, I like them a little messier”, he said as he kept running his fingers on his head. Seungyoon laughed. “Just sleep”.

Taehyun complied. His arms around his husband, he felt like there wasn’t a safer place in the world.

*

There is something inside him that has no name and no shape, a kind of silly worry that sours his days and nights. He’s on the edge, feeling the dizziness of the void under his feet. Or he’s crumbling for the pressure of a non-existent duty he has to fulfil. Sometimes, he’s just a salty mess, a frantic stupid ready to get mad at the world, to cover up his lack of certainties and his gruesome feelings.

But he can always count on him. That makes him smile; that and how his calloused fingertips caress his hand, and how their intertwined fingers oddly fit. He can’t help but be happy of the beauty he acquires by being with him – the beauty they have together.

Where Taehyun ends, Seungyoon starts.

*

A/N: You might see that some drabbles resembles some things I've wrote in other longer fics (I actually didn't include some I wrote and reminded me of Fade to Black)... well that's probably because I was drafting them when I wrote these drabbles/my mind follows the same patterns. Each one of these drabbles was written during a different time (i.e: the husband/child one was written before The babysitter, but in the same period) ^^; 

I know they are small but they are precious to me and I wanted to share some with you, because who knows, maybe you could enjoy them too! :) 

(To my Xin baby: don't worry, I'll spam you even more)