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Color ring

The song starts slowly, the first notes filling up the silence of the room eerily. Mino begins rapping neatly and then Seunghoon joins him, adding a tone of eagerness and power that  echo through the next stanza, sung by Jinwoo. When the refrain starts, Seungyoon allows himself to watch s.

This is the first time they’re listening to the song – and finally, he must say, the complete and ready one. Color ring. Seungyoon can’t hold his excitement.

Jinwoo is half-smiling, his doe eyes closed as he listens to Color Ring, his fingers twitching, following the rhythm of the music. On his face, Seungyoon can read the happiness Jinwoo feels, not worried anymore of the possible failure of this song – Seungyoon knows what Jinwoo thinks about burdens and regrets, about goals you can’t just accomplish with effort. Even if he tries to remember Jinwoo that he’s never not enough, he can’t stop him practicing. Jinwoo trains until he gets everything perfectly, or even more – until his feet are bleeding and his limbs are aching way too much – until he can say “I did everything possible”.  And the perfect performance is ready. And there is nothing left to criticize.

Then, Jinwoo is allowed to smile.

As the song flows, Seungyoon sees the same smile on his face.

Mino is jamming, following the rhythm with his whole body. Seungyoon almost laughs because Mino doesn’t seem to be able to stop, even for sad songs like Color ring, and he’s like that himself, so he can’t really blame Mino. Seungyoon must not, because he’s glad to see the cheering emotion raising in his body, as his head bobs back and forth and he soundlessly mouths the lyrics known by heart. As the rapper expresses himself like this, Seungyoon is grateful Mino is there to jam to the music they did together in those last months. He can finally put down the weariness he had wrapped all around him like a consistent and painful film, stinging him till this song was finished. Now, he feels his heart at ease.

Seunghoon is the most cryptic, as usual. He doesn’t really move, his eyes fixed on his shoes. Seungyoon can’t read him, not that well, but he knows he’s liking what he hears – it’s just a sensation, because Seunghoon doesn’t show any emotion, but it’s still there. Seungyoon observes him for a little, his smile still on his lips as Seunghoon raises his eyes and looks at him, nodding to the leader in agreement. Seungyoon knows this is all he’ll get for now.

Then he looks at Taehyun and everything stops – or, at least, the music in his ears, because Seungyoon can’t feel anything besides his worry for the maknae. Taehyun is there, a hand on his mouth as he silently cries. Seungyoon knows those are real tears and not just the face he always makes when he’s acting in front of a mirror. Now he doesn’t crease all his face like how he does when he pretends, instead the tears keep rolling down his cheeks as he tries to focus his eyes on something, without really succeeding. His gaze wanders, lost, until he fixes Seungyoon in the eyes. Seungyoon can see that he’s tempted to avoid him, thinking that maybe he’ll be able to conceal those tears and sorrow, but then he doesn’t hesitate anymore. As the tears keep flowing and the song ends, he watches Seungyoon and slowly calms down.

Mino breaks the spell, hooraying for the song they finally completed and how perfectly it sounds, and Taehyun snaps out of his trance. Seungyoon wavers, trapped in the feelings Taehyun gave him, but tries to come back to his role and finally starts to talk. He has to congratulate the members and himself for the beauty of Color ring, the official version.

Later, when they are at the dorm and their belly is full of Chinese food, Seungyoon follows the maknae into his room. He doesn’t really talk and Taehyun is not a guy of many words anyway, so he just seats next to him on his bed for a while, in silence.

Seungyoon doesn’t know how to bring up what happened that afternoon in the studio, but he thinks he must say something, because there is an insane, torturing worry eating him inside, and he can’t really go to sleep with it.

“So”, he attempts but the words die before reaching his mouth. He’s a bundle of feelings he doesn’t really know how to express.

Taehyun looks at him and, as usual, his eyes telling more than he wants to. There are so many things in there and Seungyoon loses himself in Taehyun.

First, the understanding Taehyun has: he knows why the leader is there and he doesn’t dislike him for that, actually he’s quite content with the concern Seungyoon shows for him. Second, the story behind his tears: the song reminded him of a past experience, Seungyoon can see that, it was too personal and he really didn’t know how to hold back – but, third, it’s just past, he doesn’t really hurt anymore, what he felt today was a reflex of the old pain. Forth, he truly is happy. Happy of the emotion he could feel because of one of their songs and grateful to the main composer, Seungyoon, for bringing up feelings he has hidden for a long time. And then, a last thing Seungyoon can’t really read.

There is a single, undecipherable uncertainty beneath the mess of all those emotions, between gratitude and sorrow, covered by sympathy and melancholia. It’s something Seungyoon can’t understand, and that’s a first, because no words were needed between them until now.

“What?”, he finally speaks. “Are you hiding something from me?”, he grins and hugs his back with one of his arm. Taehyun suddenly stiffens, pursing his lips as he looks away.

Seungyoon can feel the warmth of his body against his, the certain presence under his arm – Taehyun is something undeniable, but the feeling he can’t understand is way more subtle. Still real, Seungyoon thinks.

“Won’t you tell me?”, he says and Taehyun looks into his eyes once again and there is a world, just for him, right there. All the possible interpretations, and just one is right.

“I’m waiting for you to tell me”, Taehyun replies.

Seungyoon doesn’t really know what to say, then. He rambles, starting to talk to fill up a silence he was usually comfortable with, but now he feels he needs to avoid. Taehyun lets him do so, nodding as he listens to him.

When Seungyoon goes to sleep, finally safe from Taehyun’s eyes, he can’t forget his tears or the feeling he couldn’t decipher. He can’t stop thinking about the maknae and maybe that’s just a condition he has to get used to. He reassures himself, it’ll be like when he had to learn guitar – at first his fingers hurt, but after a while he didn’t feel anything, not anymore.

He tries to tell himself it’s because of Color ring and the effect it had on Taehyun. But he knows he won’t be able to put it aside until he’ll know the truth, as he’s someone who can’t really stop thinking when he has an idea, too curious to let it go.

And maybe it’s because of the maknae. Just because of him.

*

A/N: Taehyun said he cried the first time he listened to Color ring (or so I remember).

I want to dedicate this to my Kangnam circle and Xin (because I know how much she loves this song). I want to thank all the readers and subscribers, too, and even more who comments (because you're precious!) ♥ that's it.