XI

Something about us

Seungyoon had never thought that one day he would end up like in one of those stupid situations you always see in a drama: dragged by his friend to finally have a social life – because “you can’t stay another day in that room or mold will grow out on your body” – and actually going through the classic make-over scene.

He had tried to stop Mino, many times to be honest, as his best friend (now declassed to annoying fly) kept fussing and studying him from side to side, throwing tops, tanks, leather jackets and trousers to him and completely ignoring the complaints coming from the younger. He had tried to say that he didn’t need anything like that, that this was too out of character even for him, if he truly needed to go out than he could head off to the book club or maybe to that lovely movie club he actually had intention to go... but everything was background nonsense to Song Mino, his self-proclaimed PR, who had dressed him up while he wore a broad smile and a lot of feigned ignorance.

So now Seungyoon was indeed the main lead of a drama, all dolled up for their outing. He looked at his reflection on a window shop, sighing: with those tight black leather pants and a loose white tee, a ton of silver bracelets around his wrists and a similar thick necklace around his neck, he wasn’t really himself. He missed his glasses and his comfy green sweater, his large faded jeans and their well-known safe ordinariness.

“Come on, man, we don’t have all night”, Mino shook him by his arm, a smile of pure confidence flashing on his tanned face.

“Actually we have, you told me it opened at 1 am, we’re even too on time”.

“You Kangnag”, Mino mouthed, without losing his smile. “The first we are there, the first I’m gonna get you laid”.

“Hey, we never planned something like that”, Seungyoon complained.

Mino wiggled his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders. “Well, it’s actually up to you, I can’t pay people to get out with you... but it would be nice if it happened, right?”

Seungyoon winced, feeling the exasperation spreading through his body. He had to calm himself or Min- annoying fly could end up dead in a sec and he didn’t really need a murder charge at the moment. “First, I’m not getting there to get laid. Second, I didn’t even want to come. Third”, he looked at the queue already out of the disco, his heart sank a tad more in his chest as desperation rose inside him, “don’t tell me this is only electronic stuff, you know what I think about it. It. Is. Not. Music”.

Mino’s smile broadened. “You’re so cute even when you nag, Seungyoon, dressed up like this... tonight you really have a chance. Don’t waste it”.

“Are you even listening to me?!”, he cried out.

“I’ve learnt to ignore you a long time ago, my dear friend”, Mino placed his hands on his shoulder and led him to the queue. Seungyoon sighed deeply, unsettled.

The problem was that he wasn’t in a drama, so even if the promises were perfect, his night would be a hell in earth and not at all as Mino thought it could be. Resigned to his doom, Seungyoon waited for his turn to enter into that stupid place he already hated with all his heart.

Seungyoon couldn’t really hold his liquor, so he decided to just drink one cocktail and then settle down on one of the few free couches at the side of the big hall. This was gonna be one of those nights he hated so much, when he couldn’t really fit in or do anything, as he was quite a lousy dancer; and with the worst music he could imagine to torture him.

Mino hugged him with an arm. “Come on, it’s time to go and dance”.

“ off”, he hissed. Then he turned and looked at him. “Have fun for me too, dear friend”, he gloomily added.

“So grumpy”, Mino chuckled. “Don’t you see? I even brought you to an LGTB-friendly disco, I couldn’t pick a gay one for tonight, I need my share of fun too, but you should really try and dance a bit”.

Seungyoon had to admit that his friend had tried hard for him, but what to do, he wasn’t this kind of guy. He labelled himself in the nerdy crew, lover of the 60’s and devoted to acoustic guitars. He just didn’t fit there, he didn’t at all: those weren’t his clothes and he knew no one in there, and even if the possibility of meeting a guy was tempting, he preferred to fall in love in the romantic way he had already planned a long time before: they would meet casually at a party, because they were friends of friends, and he would laugh at his silly jokes; they would discuss of how beautiful the night was and how they just loved Xavier Dolan a little too much and how he liked Keats’ poetry but Seungyoon preferred Rimbaud, and then they would have ended up kissing and promising to see each other again and again – their love growing and blossoming like roses and lilies in a wild garden.

But how to explain all of that in a short sentence, so that Mino would listen to him, and not upset his friend? That was why Seungyoon sighed once more and nodded. “Ok, you’re right. I’ll try and have...fun”.

So Seungyoon got up and, cursing himself internally, he just lost himself in the dancing crowd. Closing his eyes, he wished he could just forget how to think.

It wasn’t easy as he thought, his mind buzzing him the whole time, nasty comments running wild in there – “Kang Seungyoon, you can’t really dance, you know” “I hate this track so much I wish I could just shut up this entire place” and lastly “how to approach people while dancing”. Even worse, his body didn’t seem to coordinate that well and he just jumped around, trying to be a small part of that wave of bodies in sync.

As the track changed and the beat grew faster, Seungyoon looked up at where everyone was pointing: the DJ was mixing up two bases, adding some bass to a song Seungyoon already knew. He looked away for a sec, as someone elbowed him without noticing, but a need he didn’t really understand brought his eyes back to the DJ.

He was holding a mic and singing along some of the lines, pulling off the high notes without hesitation, his mellow powerful voice colouring that song in an unique way, and he was... beautiful.

A smug smile was lightening his face; he had his eyes closed, while he danced along the music and rose his hands up to make the crowd follow his lead. He ran a hand through his hair, casually, and Seungyoon felt his heart clutching in a knot he couldn’t really untie.

Damnit – that was the only word he could think about, as he gravitated to the DJ place, ignoring the people who were still dancing around, pressing him from every side in a sweaty mess.

The DJ smiled again, moving around as his body perfectly followed the crazy beat of the song, and Seungyoon was done: he knew he couldn’t have him, not at all, not in that universe, but he couldn’t stop watching. There was something so y in the way he knew that everyone liked what they were seeing and such a powerful, bewildering confidence in him as he enjoyed what he was doing with every fibre of his being.

He wasn’t like Seungyoon, unfitting, annoyed and unsatisfied – an entire failure at enjoying that moment and that kind of place. He was the king of the disco and he knew that.

Seungyoon found himself drinking a bit more, chatting with the bartender – his name was Jinwoo and he had the nicest pair of eyes he had ever seen in his entire life – about broken hearts and hopeless dreams.

“I wish I could dance at least a bit and show off on that dancefloor instead of complaining like I usually do”.

Jinwoo giggled, his long eyelashes sparkling with glittered mascara as he bended towards Seungyoon. “So, you want to impress someone right here and right now, don’t you?”, he gave him another glass of rum and placed his chin on his hand, looking at Seungyoon. “You’re pretty cute but not in a girly way, I guess you’re his type after all”.

Seungyoon stared at him, surprised. “What did you say?”

“Besides, those lips are to die for”, Jinwoo nodded, still talking and weighing every possibility. “I think you have a chance”.

“Who are we talking about?”, Seungyoon asked in the end, downing his rum to forget his existential problems and the romantic idyllic fantasy he had portrayed all this life. There was nothing romantic in that DJ, they could never talk about poetry and the alienation of the humans in a digital world.

Jinwoo chuckled, his eyes sparkling like he knew something Seungyoon couldn’t even think about. “Oh, really, it’s obvious. Nam Taehyun, the DJ”.

“How did you kno- how did you just-“

“This is your first time, right? Not mine. I’ve seen tons of you”, Jinwoo’s smile toned down a bit, now. “And I think you’re his type”.

Seungyoon’s hopes rose up, now. “Are you serious?”

Jinwoo nodded. “If you want, you can. But…” he faltered. “Don’t be too heartbroken after tonight”.

Seungyoon cocked up an eyebrow, unsure. “Why?”

“Don’t expect something more than this night, it would be bad for you. There is no need to delude yourself”.

Seungyoon shrugged. This wasn’t exactly his plan, he knew he was basically acting against all his rules, but there was something in that man that he couldn’t really give up on, not so easily. He had never seen such a stunning person in his life, so charming to make him forget who or where he was; even if it was something he would regret tomorrow, he didn’t want to walk away. He really couldn’t.

“So… do you have any tip for me?”, he smiled at Jinwoo, wishing he could be strong enough to not get hurt and enjoy that night casually, like every normal person in the world. As his smile died on his face, though, he remembered that there was nothing like that for him, because he always felt way too much.

Seungyoon drank a bit more and then went to dance, letting his body follow the beat. Jinwoo had said that no one really cared, no one in particular was looking at him and he just had to feel the music; “be yourself, shrug off that awkward façade you always use to never get too much involved and dance”.

Seungyoon did so. At first he was embarrassing as hell, but as he jumped around he could feel his own muscles flexing in the rhythm the music set, and at one point he started shaking his head, a smile tugging the corners of his mouth up as he began to chuckle and threw his head back, sweat running on his temples and cheeks and blood pumping in his veins. He felt alive and he wished at least Mino could see him and be proud of him. He was probably already busy, though, knowing him.

“Keep dancing”, Jinwoo had said too. “Enjoy your time, but don’t be too far from his place, so he can notice you. He loves people having fun and even more people liking his DJ-ing”.

Seungyoon did so. When someone tried to dance with him – a nice guy with very long legs and small eyes – he just let him do so, but when he tried to pull him in a kiss, Seungyoon smiled and backed off. He could have fun, but he just wanted Nam Taehyun that night.

“He will come to you, not the other way around”.

Seungyoon raised his hands and let out a small scream of joy, dancing his music. He was totally wasted, he knew it, and this was totally not him, but he just felt as he had finally understood what Mino found in this kind of things. There was something totally free and liberating in just not caring – about what he liked and who he was and what he thought. There was something completely natural and wild in that beat and in his dance.

When the DJ changed, after an hour, and pure electronic music filled up that hall, Seungyoon couldn’t help but smile as Taehyun walked towards him. He must really have been his type, he guessed, and for once he liked it that way. He had to thank Mino for the clothes and make up – later.

Taehyun was even better at close: sweat or water through his hair, now slicked back to uncover his face, he had such a heart-warming smile that could kill him and probably make flowers blossom. He slid a hand on his back and he leaned forward, to ask him if he wanted to dance with him.

Seungyoon nodded, unable to not smile again, and he noticed how Taehyun’s eyes sparkled at him for that. Well, if there was something Seungyoon was confident about, that was his smile and his body (when still); he grinned once more.

He rushed a hand on Taehyun’s chest, settling it on his shoulder, as he felt his heart bumping in his ears; he looked up and met his eyes and there it was, such a devouring urge that Taehyun didn’t hide at all. He wanted him. And Seungyoon wanted him, too.

Taehyun started moving, leading him, his hands on his small back as he pushed him on his body; he pressed his cheek on Seungyoon’s, his lips few inches apart from his ear. That was devastating, too much for Seungyoon’s heart – he just gripped his black shirt, holding on his back as he followed his movements and breathed him in.

He had never felt anything like this.

Nam Taehyun was so much – so much more, and too much for him –and he could easily see himself losing everything for him. All his sanity and his pride.

He was like a flame embracing him, burning all his oxygen as he brightened up a little more.

Seungyoon couldn’t stand that. He grabbed his nape, tugging his hair with his fingers and making him turn his head a bit. Just a little more to get access to his lips.

As he kissed him, everything changed. Hunger took control of his body: he pushed his groin to meet his and he cupped his face with both his hands, to steady himself. His lips were soft and wet, and his tongue was fighting back, twirling around his one and delving inside his mouth desperately. His hands grabbed his , pushing him all over him.

Seungyoon found himself nipping his bottom lip. He grew restless, kiss after kiss, his hands groping his back as his mouth tasted his. He didn’t need anything else in the world – there was nothing more than he and Taehyun, now, and his perfectly kissable lips and his tickling tongue, outlining his mouth and then following his jawline – nothing more, Seungyoon thought as Taehyun bit his neck and his skin in a way it made him moan.

The music rhythm was quicker now and Seungyoon’s body reacted to it, as he swirled them on the dancefloor and his hands rose again to his head. He looked in his eyes, his whole body pulsing for the music, the crazy beat his heart had fell into and his obvious excitation; his hands caressing his cheeks, he left himself enjoy his messy beauty. Taehyun grinned and broke that moment, his lust more important than any possible moment of pure, adoring contemplation.

He found Seungyoon’s lips again and one of his hands slipped between them, palming his growing . He grabbed him, his as his lips ghosted down to his ear.

“Let’s just go... to the bath”, he said to Seungyoon, nipping his earlobe. He felt Seungyoon nod against him and he chuckled, satisfied.

They ran in there. It was chiller in the bath and the music was not as loud as before. Taehyun pinned him on the wall, his hands all over him as he pressed one leg between his. Seungyoon let out another moan, his mind still dizzy to completely grasp everything that was happening to him.

Taehyun kissed his collarbone, his teeth scratching lightly his skin, following his bone till he reached his neck once again. Seungyoon just dug his hands in his hair and threw his head back, his eyes looking at the ceiling as Taehyun tasted him hungrily. He groaned when his hand went down, sliding inside the tight pants and finding his hot, hard . There was so much friction, stuck as he was, that tight fabric around him and his fingers seizing strongly – Seungyoon needed more air and gasped, a whimper caught in his throat.

As Taehyun explored his abdomen with his mouth, his lips contouring his abs, however, Seungyoon found himself uncomfortable. Maybe there was something off, something he couldn’t pinpoint – the wall was cold on his skin and he was scared someone might enter and find them like this; the loud music and the sultry warmth of the hall weren’t clouding his judgment anymore and he felt out of place.

This wasn’t him.

He looked down at Taehyun, his beautiful face studying his big bulge, his hand still his inside his pants; Seungyoon could read on his face how he was choosing to bare him and take in his mouth. He was still beautiful, like before, but Seungyoon was now totally detached.

“Stop”, he whispered. When Taehyun pretended to not have heard him, he clenched his hand on his shoulder and pushed him lightly. Taehyun looked at him, inquiring. “Stop, please”.

“What?”, he was bewildered, and Seungyoon guessed he had never known what a refusal was. Not with his face, his body and his aura. He asked himself how he could be the one refusing him, now, but he guessed there was something totally wrong in him and his undying romantic soul. The project of roses and lilies growing in a wild garden was still his.

“I’m sorry- I must have been – I don’t have excuses”, he said, taking his hand from his pants and placing it on his side. “So, I guess you can hate me now. But I don’t want this anymore”.

Taehyun just stood there, frozen. Seungyoon shrugged, unsettled but now sure he just wanted to run away. He did so.

“Are you telling me you just left him there?”, Mino’s voice was so loud now and Seungyoon really wanted to shut him up with a slipper right in his mouth, but he was still his best frie- annoying fly.

“Yes, that’s what I did”.

“Are you kidding me? You just left him, an apparently handsome guy who just wanted to your-“

“Shut up”, Seungyoon covered his mouth and then slapped it hardly.

“You know what I mean”.

“Yes, I know”, he looked into his eyes. “And, to be very honest, I think I regret it too. But I just couldn’t be there, not anymore. He just – we were having fun, both of us, but this is not me, Mino”.

“You said you regret it, though?”, Mino sneaked one of his hand right on Seungyoon’s plat and stole one of his pancakes. “Why?”

Seungyoon sighed and tried to collect himself. How to explain this in a short sentence. “Promise me you will listen to me even if I might ramble”, he looked at him and Mino was focused on his pancake. “MINO”.

“Yes, ok, I promise I will”.

Seungyoon pinched the bridge of his nose. “I never seen someone like him or felt anything like that... I guess I miss it”, he looked away, afar. “I seriously can’t forget his touch, his lips over mine, his hands around my body – even if I try to not think about it, my body remembers. It was so intense, I could feel as I was slipping through my own fingers, losing myself in him – I just was – it might be scary, I guess, but I liked it, I guess I did. And I liked how confident he was, there on his stage”, Seungyoon giggled, “I mean, he’s so charming. I might regret that too, him as a whole thing. He’s probably worthy and I just didn’t see that”.

Mino’s mouth was now forming an ‘o’ and Seungyoon wondered if he had been too much. “What?”

“Wow, dude. You just refused someone you like this much! You might not know him well enough, but look at you, all crumbled down for such an unforgettable crush. You ed up”, he grinned and pinched his cheek. “You know what adults do in this kind of situations? Put aside your pride and go to him. If you don’t get his heart, get his body at least one, then get drunk once again and forget it. You’ll die if you don’t try, I assure you. Humans can’t live without closure”.

That night, Seungyoon was there again. This time he just wore his pair of jeans and one of his best t-shirt.

He didn’t feel enough confident to just go to him – a shiver ran through his body as he saw him there once again, DJ-ing, his smile shining as before, moving his body along the music – he was glowing of his own light and he was even more beautiful than he remembered – so he just went to the bar and gladly found Jinwoo there.

“A mojito, dirty”.

“What are you doing here?”, Jinwoo asked, serving him. He didn’t look pleased.

“I’m here to make up for my mistake”.

Jinwoo shook his head, unhappy. “This is the first time I see someone like you. You must be totally crazy or unsure of what you want, I don’t know. But it’s no good anyway”.

“Is it this bad? I don’t have any chance, then?”

Jinwoo shrugged his shoulders. “Well…”

Taehyun was dancing with a pretty boy with too much eyeliner on his small eyes and hungry hands. Seungyoon didn’t care – he needed closure, he told himself as he walked to him and slid a hand on his back, holding his hip with his fingers. He got closer to his ear and asked: “Do you wanna dance with me?”

Taehyun raised his eyes and looked at him, stunned. “Go to off”, he yelled.

Seungyoon chuckled, then, and he was pleased to see how Taehyun’s body reacted to that, his lips pulling up in a smile he couldn’t really hide. But it was just a moment and then he got back to his angry expression. “I don’t see why I should”, Taehyun said, leaning on him, “I’m not someone who gives second chances. Never”.

Seungyoon nodded, his hand still gripping his hip. Taehyun didn’t back off and he just pulled him closer, circling his waist with his arms. He moved their bodies, leading them in a slow dance, in a rhythm completely different to the one of the song now playing.

He grinned at the pretty boy and shooed him away with a hand. Taehyun was there, between his arms and this time he won’t back away.

“So, never?”, he said in his ear, struggling for the loud music.

Taehyun looked into his eyes, a wince on his face as he nodded. “You should really leave me alone, now”.

Seungyoon chuckled. “Really? I’m sorry, you must be too much for my brain to function, it appears I always make mistakes with you. Even if I couldn’t stop thinking about you and how wrongly I behaved last time, I should leave you now”, he loosened his grasp on him and Taehyun’s body naturally clenched on his, not letting him go. Seungyoon tilted his head, confused.

“You’re always giving up so easily”, he bit his ear, nastily.

Seungyoon embraced it: his warmth, his arms around him, his lips on his earlobe, the mystery that was Nam Taehyun. He just wanted more. There was something romantic in this too, in his brightly flame that was now trying to engulf him once again.

“I heard you tried to look for me. You asked Jinwoo and the other workers, but no one knew me. I was no one”, he kissed his cheek as he talked, hoping Taehyun could hear him and the happiness of his words.

By the way Taehyun pouted, his eyes darting away, not able to hold his stare, Seungyoon knew he had. That was all true.

“You couldn’t forget me”, his hands were now on his cheeks, his thumbs the smooth skin lightly, and he made Taehyun look at him. Seungyoon tried to be earnest – after all, this was his drama and he was the main lead. He needed a good line to make all the hearts swoop – but mostly his. “Neither did I. I just couldn’t stop thinking about you. I’ve never believed – I never expected to experience such a thing, so randomly, so it must be you. There is something about us... I just couldn’t forget how it was to be with you, how it was nice to lose myself if it was with you – so, please, Nam Taehyun, would go out with me?”, he paused. “And I’m Kang Seungyoon, anyway. So this time you’ll have a name to curse”.

Taehyun giggled and then ended up laughing, his whole body shaking.

“Are you laughing at me?”

“You… try hard… you”, he snickered, hugging his whole body with his arms and his laughter. “Yes, yes. Sure. I mean, I don’t usually do this but I guess it can’t be helped”, he kissed him, just a peck on his lips. “I really can’t stop thinking about you, not when you left me so upset”.

This was the right time for kisses and a happy ending, Seungyoon thought as he leaned on him and covered his mouth with his. Actually, it was just the beginning and he felt thrilled it was withTaehyun.

*

So, this is all Renee's fault. For real. And my wild imagination too, of course. 
I want to thank you all my lovely tlist friends for sending me the right music for this fic and especially Ajun! The title of this fic (Something about us) is the name of a song by Daft Punk and it was Ajun who sent me this one. And then, the song Taehyun was singing is Titanium and that's thanks to Jiani and her tweet about how Taehyun could sing it along, while DJ-ing. Basically thank you all ♥

I want to spam my new long fic here (now that I can), it's called Bad Blood and it's KangNam too. It's more complicate than my usual fics andway longer...

Thank you for all the subscribers, upvotes, comments, love, cookies and everything else. <33