“Junsu, is he ok?” asked Jaejoong.

Yoochun was collapsed in front of Junsu’s house while waiting the man to come home.  After the little fight at the café, Yoochun feels guilty and he try to reach Junsu but the man didn’t answer his call so he waited in front of Junsu’s apartment.  After Junsu left, Yoochun always skipped his meal especially his lunch. He always ate Junsu’s cooking during lunch that when he try to eat other’s his stomach disagree with it.  Sometimes he just had a breakfast for a day and that is one of the reasons why he suddenly collapse while waiting for Junsu. 

“Doctor said he just needs to rest and eat. Thanks for coming. I have to go now. Please take care of him.”

“No!” Jaejoong grabbed Junsu hand to prevent him from leaving the room. “Don’t you miss him at all?” asked Jaejoong as he stare deep into Junsu’s eyes.

Junsu silent for a while then took a deep breath before he say “Of course I miss him Jae, I miss him so much. I listen to the video that you sent me every night before I go to sleep. But.. does it matter? He didn’t miss me at all. He said he needs me but he left me. He doesn’t even bother to call me or text me or do anything to get me back. I’m just your replacement, Jae.  He even yelled at me because of you.” Junsu tried as much as he can to hold his tears.

“Junsu....” Jaejoong doesn’t know what to say to comfort Junsu.

 “If he really wants me in his life, put me there I shouldn't have to fight for a spot.”

“Junsu, maybe he is afraid that you will reject him.”

“You reject him too…but he still be nice to you, care about you. He is not in love with me, it’s just that I used to be by his side all this time and he just feels different when I’m not around. He will get used to it in no time.”

“But…”

“No but, Jaejoong.  He didn’t fight for me… at all. I’m not worth fighting for.” Junsu voice start cracking and the tears already in the brim of his eyes waiting to drop any moment so he need to go as he doesn’t want anyone to see his crying for the same person again. The pain in his heart is unbearable anymore thinking he is worth nothing in Yoochun’s eyes.  “I really need to go.”

Suddenly a hand grab his hand and made Junsu and Jaejoong suprised. Yoochun is awake since the beginning but pretend to sleep to hear their conversation.  Junsu stare at Yoochun’s hand that grabbed his hand before turn his head to face Yoochun’s eyes. They stare for a while before Yoochun give Jaejoong a  ‘please-leave-us-alone’ look. Jaejoong who understand the situation excused himself and closed the door. Now it left just the two of them.

Hearing Junsu’s words make Yoochun want to punch himself for being selfish. He just think about himself without even consider Junsu’s feeling.

“Su, please.”  Yoochun begged Junsu to stay and sit beside him. He tries to wake up from the bed but he really incapable to do it right now as his body feel weak.  Seeing Yoochun struggle like that, Junsu give in and sit next to the bed.

 “I’m really sorry for being a selfish and stupid. I just think about myself. When you ignore me back then, I just think I don’t want to be treated like that again. I don’t want to chase someone and got rejected again.  It hurt.”

Junsu is facing the floor while hearing Yoochun’s talk.

“But I forgot that I treated you worse than that. I can’t imagine how much you have been hurt by me.  I always yell at you, ignore you but you are still there by my side.  Now I think I can understand why you want to move on. The pain is unbearable.” Yoochun know how hurt it can be after get rejected, but he is lucky enough because Jaejoong doesn’t treat him bad, but it is a different story with him and Junsu. Maybe he takes things for granted and only realize when its’ gone.

“Junsu…” continued Yoochun while lift up Junsu’s face so it will face him. “The truth is, I thought I already forget about you, I thought I didn’t care about you, I thought I already move on but when I see you at the cafe, I really want to kiss and hug you, but my ego and jealousy made me do otherwise.  Seeing you look happy with the man make me angry.  Seeing the picture for the first time my heart really wants to call and yell at you asking who the hell he is but my ego said ‘why should I care about you anymore’”.

*-Flashback-*

“What are you guys looking at? asked Yoochun while having lunch with YunJae couple. This couple is amazing. They always try to find time to have lunch together. Sometimes Jaejoong will go to Yunho’s office and vice versa like today.

YunJae surprised seeing Yoochun already here.

“You said the meeting is finish late.”

“Well… all of them are hungry and bored so we just take a break but it will continue after lunch.” explained Yoochun. “What are you guys looking at before?” Yoochun remember his question is still not answered.

“Nothing.” lied Jaejoong.

“You are an angel Jaejoong, you don’t know how to lie.  Please show me.”

“You eat first then I’ll show it.” Jaejoong know Yoochun will lose his appetite after seeing the picture. He knows sooner or later Yoochun will see it. He thinks it better if he knew it from them rather than someone else.”

“Done! Show me!”  Yoochun eats as fat as he can because he can’t wait to know what is it all about.

“Please calm yourself first and don’t mad at him.”

“What?” Yoochun really don’t understand why Jaejoong asked him to do that but he does it anyway.

“Here.” Jaejoong slowly give the magazine to Yoochun. It‘s a story about a famous Japan’s man model is dating a cute guy and they spotted them had lunch in a fancy restaurant together. “ Yoochun, I already asked Junsu and he say they are just friend.”

“I’m late for my meeting, see you guys later.” Yoochun said but with a voice that nearly an angry voice.

Jaejoong just shook his head while seeing the page of the magazine is already crumple done by Yoochun.

*- End of flashback-*

Why did i love angst?

Please bear with me my reader..OTL